Roses in Winter
by PrintDust
Summary: Sara and Grissom have been through a lot. Could this be their last adventure?
1. Chapter 1

September 02, 2012

I am trying to finish this story, but unfortunately it has been so long that I actually don't remember the details. So I have to go back and reread the entire thing. In this process I have noticed that I wasn't a very careful writer when I began this story. I have decided to edit it and make some changes. Bare with me through this process. Sorry for any inconvenience.

Cheers.

* * *

The smell of decomposing flesh was sickeningly strong in the lab air. The room almost felt weighted and suffocating, threatening anyone inexperienced who dared enter. Unfortunately for her, Mandy was its unexpected victim as she breezed through the door. Immediately choking gasping sounds erupted from her small frame, and she clamped her slender hand over her mouth and nose.

"Oh, gross," she squealed, the sound muffled against her palm.

"You get used to it," Sara looked up from where she was crouched over the bucket that seemed to be the origin of the smell. "It helps if you breathe through your mouth. Something I can do for you?"

"Well, I was going to say men suck and do you want to get a drink with me but now you have Mr. Goopy there," the print tech spoke between the cracks of her fingers.

"Though she is the right consistency? I wasn't planning on drinking her," Sara said, tipping the bucket towards Mandy to give her a better view of the human liquid inside.

"That-" Mandy moaned, her unoccupied hand sneaking down to hold her stomach, "is not even funny."

"If you're going to puke step outside or you'll push me over the edge," Sara winced at the greenish hue seeped into Mandy's olive complexion.

Swallowing, the disgusted tech thanked God for the millionth time that she didn't have to work in the field. Taking a few exaggerated breaths through her mouth, she set her brow determinately, "I'm not going to puke. Will you come?"

Putting down the sieve that she had improvised to strain the remains with Sara peered into the bucket. "I doubt you are going to want to be within 200 feet of me by the time I finish with Mrs. Lindelmann here."

"I'll get you a bag of lemons," Many looked hopeful. "Talk around the lab is that's the cure…"

"Thanks Mandy, but I'm going to decline. I just want to go home and go for a run or something," Sara picked up the sieve again and began dragging it through the contents of the bucket, occasionally pulling it out to look for solid masses.

"Some other time then," the tech shrugged, barely concealing the disappointment in her voice.

Feeling guilty Sara lifted her eyes again. She didn't have many friends, and though she did appreciate her introverted lifestyle, she knew that it was nice to have company around too. "You could come by later," she said before she could change her mind again. "I have tomorrow night off and was thinking about coming in anyway," she looked back down at the ooze dripping through the mesh back into the bucket in long slow droplets. "I guess it wouldn't kill me to take the night off and spend it with someone-"

"It's a date,'" Mandy cut her off. "See ya tonight."

Reaching up a hand to wave it wasn't until she was hit in the side of the face with slick room temperature goo that Sara realized her gloves were covered in decomp. Gagging she leaned over the trash can she kept close by and emptied her stomach, thankful that Mandy had closed the door behind her and that she had opted to just have coffee for lunch.

XXXX

Sara looked down in time to get a full face of dog breath as Hank yawned widely. "You're worse than Gil," she informed the boxer tapping his nose with her index finger. "I'll have you know 'Steele Magnolias' is an excellent film if you give it a chance. Everything will be boring to you if you assume it is before trying it out."

In response the dog laid his head back down on her stomach and shut his eyes.

"Men," Sara muttered.

The lanky brunette was currently pinned to the couch by her 40 pound boxer watching one of her favourite movies in her pajamas and munching on high fat, over buttered and over salted popcorn. Hearing the lock on the front door snap as it was unbolted and then the door swing open behind her, Sara glanced over her shoulder to find Mandy letting herself in. Nothing was said until her newly arrived friend had shuffled across the room and plonked down on the couch at Sara's feet.

Sara greeted her by holding out the bowl of popcorn.

"Hey," Mandy nodded, taking the bowl from Sara and scooping a handful of popcorn directly into her mouth.

Sara paused the movie and turned to give her full attention to her friend. "How was the drive over? Heard traffic sucks."

A half laugh erupted from Mandy's pink buttery lips. "Doesn't life in general?" She asked, swinging her legs underneath her.

"I guess that's why we have beer," Sara empathized pushing Hank off her legs and getting up. Heading toward the kitchen she glanced out of the corner of her eye to see the large dog lay his head on Mandy's lap apparently feeling sorry for himself for having had his nap disrupted. "Suck up." She muttered to him as his new lap began petting his ears.

After retrieving two beers Sara sat back down on the couch, "So…. You alright?" She asked.

"Men suck, but yes."

Sara nodded watching Mandy drop her head back heavily against the couch. "How are you doing?"

Shrugging and muttering a solid 'fine', Sara looked down at her hands in avoidance. She twisted the simple white gold band on her ring finger, thinking that it could use a good cleaning and polishing. The once flawless surface had become dull with the daily abuse of her work and her own constant handling of the piece. She would often, more so lately than ever, find herself absent mindedly spinning the ring around her finger and tracing its shape.

Mandy's eyes, like Sara's, were on her long thin fingers fingering the band. "You talk to him?"

Brown eyes met brown for a second before Sara broke contact and frowned, shaking her head. "I don't have a contact number."

"He called you?"

"Nope."

"He'll be back," Mandy assured her, giving Sara's knee a gentle squeeze.

"I know," Sara offered a smile that barely turned the corners of her mouth upwards. And she did know. This was not the first time Gil had taken an unexpected and extended leave of absence from work, or even from her. But, that didn't make the distance any easier, the empty bed any smaller or less cold, or the ache in her heart and stomach any less painful. In fact, knowing that they had come so little a way since their marriage four months before tugged at her heart and unsettled her in a way she couldn't describe. She looked up at Mandy who was sifting through the popcorn in the bowl trying to find a suitable piece.

"Men really suck," the tech repeated.

"What did Henry do this time?" Sara asked pushing thoughts of her absent husband to the back of her mind where she knew they wouldn't stay for long. All she got from Mandy was an exaggerated shrug. "You don't know?" Sara prodded, reaching for the bowl.

"He skipped our anniversary dinner to go to a comic book convention… I don't know if I feel better or worse assuming he just forgot and didn't deliberately skip out for some stupid… cartoon," the print tech said explained glumly, feeding Hank some popcorn.

"Ouch, sorry," was all Sara offered at first. "Did you talk to him?" She asked after she received only a nod from Mandy.

"He texted me," the words came out with a sigh. "He's not home from the convention yet. Should I let him off?"

Shrugging Sara contemplated her answer. "I know this is not excuse? But in one of Henry's more enlightened moments, which come few and far between, by the way," she smiled a little when Mandy rolled her eyes and nodded her head vigorously in agreement, "he told me that the last time, when he forgot Valentines Day and you were fuming, it wasn't because he doesn't care but because everyday he is with you it is special to him and he doesn't need a specific day to appreciate you or celebrate."

Mandy's brow furrowed in disbelief, "He said that? To you?"

"When he was in the dog house and not getting laid well into March," Sara confirmed.

"So what should I tell him?"

Sara lifted one shoulder. "That has to be up to you. You are the only one who knows what works in your relationship."

Nodding Mandy sipped her beer. "Why does this matter so much? I mean, I'm happy with him, really happy. But sometimes I just want more."

Pulling her knees up to her chest Sara shrugged her shoulders. "Sometimes it's nice to feel important." She watched as Mandy dropped the now empty bowl, save for a few unpopped kernels, to the table with a clang and climbed further onto the couch closer to Sara. Shifting to accommodate her new position on the sofa, Mandy wrapped one arm around Sara's shoulder and smiled sweetly at her.

"Well, you're important to me."

"Thanks," Sara said sullenly, tilting her head back as Mandy tugged on her ponytail.

"How longs he been gone?"

"Two weeks, four days," she answered, resting her cheek on her knees feeling an ache start to settle in her stomach. Thinking about Gil's absence made her feel loneliness so strong it became a physical pain in her gut making her feel queasy. She hated the idea that she could be this hurt by him, or anyone, for that matter. But Gil had become her family, her only family. His absence has irritated ancient injuries caused by neglect and abandonment.

Mandy began rubbing slow soothing circles on her back. "Did he say anything?"

"About?"

"Why."

Reaching forward, Sara picked up the large post-it note that had been in the same place on the table since she had discovered it after work one day. "Sara," she read aloud. "I got an offer to study the African Pentatomid Bug- I am assuming that's somewhere in Africa," she added sarcastically. "I will call you as soon as I get a chance, Love Gil."

"Africa?"

Sara shrugged, "I called his association. They said he did register for a trip and a grant. Both of which were approved, so I guess."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"I'm fine," Sara smiled tightly.

"I know that smile, Sara. And I know we haven't been friends very long, but I like to think that we have grown close quickly. I hope that you know you can trust me to care and to listen."

"I don't have anything to say."

Mandy nodded, "And that is perfectly okay too." She squeezed Sara's arm. "Scream, cry, throw stuff, or we can sit here in silence… Whatever makes you feel better. Though, I will admit, I'm partial to the screaming and throwing things part myself."

Sara shrugged one shoulder. "I don't think I will feel better until Griss comes home."

XXXX

A glob of 'Summer Sky' blue paint dropped onto the counter, drawing a curse from Mandy. Looking around frantically she settled on using her finger as a squeegee. Holding the roller carefully she tried to avoid any additional spillage as she used a rag to clean the new installed cabinets. Sighing at the blue streaks on the wood, she wondered why she hadn't gone with her initial instinct and had them installed after all the painting and tile was complete. The kitchen renovation was taking much longer than she had planned, mostly because it had become a one-man show since Henry had been forced to take up some extra shifts at the lab. Hearing the door open she turned around to find him struggling to carry two large boxes, which she assumed held the contents of his comic collection.

"Guess what I got you?" He said excitedly as soon as he had placed the boxes on the floor.

Putting her roller down Mandy took a seat on a kitchen stool, the painters plastic crinkling under her butt as she got comfortable. The entire kitchen had been covered in tarps, old shower curtains, and plastic because she apparently couldn't paint without splattering paint everywhere. Using her hands to push her short hair behind her ears she scrunched her face up when she felt the cool paint streak across her cheek.

"Wash your hands first," Henry instructed crouching down beside one of the boxes on the floor.

Climbing to her feet Mandy turned on the faucet and did as she was told. She scrubbed around her fingernails and up to her wrists dutifully, wondering what she would say to him. She knew they needed to talk, but she had never been good with confrontation. By the time she turned around her husband was directly behind her holding a bag out to her.

Holding back a sigh she accepted the bag from him. Holding a grudge was another thing she had never been very good at. "I missed you," she told him as she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Open it!" He encouraged her, bouncing a little on his heels, his large dark eyes gleaming, the blush creeping into his ears giving away his enthusiasm.

Mandy slid the bag down to reveal large, red, bolded letters.

"All Stars number eight!" Henry underlined the words with his finger, "December, 1941." He exclaimed excitedly tapping the top of the sealed comic book. "The first appearance of Wonder Woman. I have been talking to his guy in Phoenix for months trying to convince him to sell it to me and agreed to meet me at the convention this weekend so we could make a deal. I had to trade him one of my 'Spiderman' comics but he finally agreed. I knew you had to have it."

Taking his hand in hers Mandy gave a gentle squeeze. "Thank you."

"Still in its original package and everything," Henry continued.

Nodding along, Mandy took a deep breath and placed the comic back in the bag and rested it on the counter. "Sara told me. About what you said the last time you forgot about Valentines Day," she ventured, jumping back a little as his hands darted out to snatch the comic off the counter and out of danger of the paint.

"What do you mean?" Henry asked crouching down beside the boxes he had come in with.

"How every day you spend with me is special. Did you mean that?" She asked trying to sound casual as her husband pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it through the archway onto the living room floor.

"I said that?" He picked up a roller. "Whoa, that was romantic, wicked."

"So do you?" She asked, entertaining the idea that maybe Sara had made the whole thing up to make her feel better.

"Do I what?"

Sighing Mandy forced a tight-lipped smile and picked up her roller, dripping paint down her jeans onto her running shoes. "Never mind," she rolled her eyes and resolved herself to letting the whole thing go. Henry was… Henry; sometimes thoughtless, always a nerd, but genuine and adorably awkward, and she loved him. After painting for a few minutes in silence she looked over at him. "Can you do something for me?"

"Sure- I mean I can try," Henry nodded, inspecting the splattered cupboards with a frown.

"When you were in Africa, the monkey project, you had a contact number for the embassy? Well, Grissom is there studying the… uhhhh, the… some bug, somewhere… I'm not sure which country... Can you maybe give me the contact number, maybe I can find out where he is."

"I might still have a couple numbers but that was a long time ago Mandy. And the lines there aren't really reliable. Not to mention Africa is a big continent, if you don't even know what country he is in, it's pretty impossible for me to do much."

She shook her head, "Anything. Please. Sara needs it."

"I can try Mandy but no promises," he shrugged.

Simply nodding she went back to painting the walls, giving up on avoiding dripping and splattering.


	2. Chapter 2

September 02, 2012

This chapter definitely needed a good re-write. In reading over it I wasn't happy with any of the Catherine/Sara interaction.

I also felt like I needed to give Sara a little of her spunk back. Wish I could give her more, but unfortunately it wouldn't fit in with the tone of the story.

Next Chapter Will be up soon. Perhaps tomorrow.

* * *

The layout room was quiet, just the way that Sara liked it lately. She looked forward to these moments where she could close out the rest of the lab and work alone. The solitude gave her time to herself where she could relax the walls that she had been carefully reinforcing around herself for several weeks. She knew that her coworkers were coming from a good place when they prodded her and tried to draw her out, but it was exhausting. And if there was one thing she didn't need right now, it was more exhausting things in her life.

Crouched over the illuminated table in the otherwise dimly lit room she could just relax and get lost in work method and procedure.

Using the sleeve of her lab coat she rubbed her eyes tiredly and continued to carefully examine the bloodied jacked that had been discovered behind the washing machine at the primary crime scene of her most recent case. She had been searching the green and blue windbreaker for longer than she really needed to, anything to have an excuse to hide away for a bit. But, she was definitely ready to wrap it up. Sara had never been particularly interested in fashion, but even she knew that the jacket was ugly as hell.

Speaking of fashion, Sara sighed at distinct sound of 4" heels making there was down the hall. There was only one person in the lab who wore shoes like that in the lab, and Sara did not really feel like dealing with that individual. It wasn't anything personal; Sara and Catherine had actually developed a more-than civilized relationship over their years as colleagues. They had occasionally even drifted into what Sara would carefully classify as friends. But lately, they were far from friend territory.

Leaning further over the table, Sara attempted to look lost in her work, not even looking up when the door opened and Catherine's shapely figure slipped in.

"Hey, Sara," Catherine breezed around the table to peer over Sara's shoulder. She nodded toward the jacket. "You wrapping up in here?"

Fighting the urge to be rude and scrunch her nose, Sara turned her face away to take a gulp of fresh air. Breathing through her mouth, she wondered if Catherine's perfume was stronger than usual or if it was just the bug she had caught making her feel nauseated again.

When she didn't get a reply from the brunette, Catherine stepped back to stand on the other side of the table, a few feet away. "Finished your report yet?" She asked, picking up an unused swab. Reaching forward she swiped a blood stain on the collar of the jacket.

"I already took a sample," Sara objected; she didn't like it when people messed with her system. "And no, if I had it would be on Grissom's desk."

"Oh, I haven't been in my office yet," the temporary nightshift supervisor labeled the swab. "I just got in, Lindsay went to a sleepover and got into some trouble with her friend's parent's liquor cabinet. I like to think she wasn't the instigator, but either way I had to go pick her up."

Sara shrugged, shaking her head slightly.

"So, can you finish it up?"

"I have three active cases right now. I'll finish it when I get a chance."

"That one's important, Sar," Catherine informed her pushing her hair behind her ear.

"They are all important… And I will get it to you as soon as I get a chance."

Catherine raised an eyebrow, and her voice followed, "Do I have to give you a deadline?" she asked, sliding a packet of gum out of her pocket and pulling out a piece from the foil wrapper.

Sara watched carefully as Catherine slipped the mint stick between her teeth and began chewing it. "I don't think that will be necessary," she felt her eyebrows crease.

"Well, I need it by the end of shift."

"Well," Sara copied the brunette's tone, "we'll see what happens." Sara turned away from Catherine. She was starting to get a headache from the combination of mint and perfume smells coming from the blonde. That or it was her attitude, Sara wasn't sure. She knew that she was pushing her supervisor's patience, but she couldn't seem to reign herself in. After weeks of being closed off it felt nice to just let some of her frustration out.

Catherine popped her gum. "This isn't a negotiation, Sara."

Setting her jaw Sara chose not to respond.

"Have it on my desk by the end of shift," Catherine continued, setting her hands on her hips.

"I have an interview with a witness, then one with the victim. I don't have time before the end of shift," Sara shook her head. "And I would really like to get out on time for once this week."

"Someone else can do the interviews. Sign off the case if you can't handle it."

"I can handle everything fine. The victim already trusts me. I'm not going to just pass her off to someone else; she's vulnerable right now," Sara crossed her arms and slid off the stool to stand in front of Catherine.

"Give it to Nick," Catherine told her cocking one hip, drumming her manicured fingers against her waist.

"No," Sara frowned, her brow pulling down.

"Sara, that's an order," Catherine's voice had climbed another octave and she began chewing her gum at a quicker more aggressive speed.

"It's nice that you can hand them out without the authority to back them up," Sara turned away from her to pack up her tools and the evidence she had collected from the jacket.

"As acting supervisor of the night shift I do have the authority," Catherine scoffed, clearly run out of patience.

"I'm not giving up my case," Sara's words were final as she picked up her evidence box and started for the door stepping around a fuming Catherine.

"You are or you're suspended."

Sara gripped the corners of the box she was carrying but held her composure. Spinning around to face Catherine she tilted her chin defiantly.

"Sign off the case or you're suspended," Catherine offered the ultimatum with a small shake of her head. "Really, Sara, I don't know what has gotten into you lately. You're cold with the rest of the team; you're never anywhere to be found when I need you. You don't get your work done and you're unfocussed… I have tried to be patient in light of your current circumstances but I have a job to do and a lab to run. If you can't keep it together…" Reaching out, Catherine rested her hand on Sara's forearm.

Taking a step back Sara swallowed hard. She knew the look in Catherine's eyes and she felt her eyes begin to burn with something other than exhaustion. She had learned at a young age that human emotion was virtually universal. It didn't matter if it was Catherine now or the latest social worker to pull her case as a teenager, the look was the same.

_It isn't working out with the family Sara, we're going to have to transfer you to a different foster family. I'm sure this will be a better match. _

It was pity and it made Sara feel pathetic. She felt her hands and knees tremble and she felt completely void of any fight. The battle of wills had drained was little energy she had left. "You aren't suspending me," she said with a conviction she did not feel, a strength that had been badly corroded each day she waited for her husband to come home and show her that she was worth more than just being tossed aside.

"I am, Sara. I can't tolerate this insubordination. Do you realize how hard it is for me to maintain the respect of the team? Of my superiors. What will they think if I constantly let you undermine me."

Sara nodded, swallowing hard again. "Forget it, I quit," she said dropping the box heavily to the floor at her feet nearly jumping at the sound it made when it connected with the tile. The room was sickeningly quiet as she turned to walk out.

Finally the silence was broken by the sound of Catherine's surprised laugh.

Sara knew that the sound was made more in disbelief then malice but it hurt anyway. Whipping her face around to look at the blonde Sara felt her eyes moisten with tears that seemed to come far too easily these days.

"Sara, just go home. Take a few days. Pull yourself together and then we will talk."

"I'll submit my yellow form by the end of the night. It's lab policy and since you're so hell bent on deadlines…" Sara sneered walking from the room towards her locker.

Catherine followed quickly and caught her arm. "Don't do this Sara. You're going to regret it when you cool off. We both know how your temper works."

Sara pulled her arm free the brunette continued walking down the hall.

"Sara, stop," Catherine called after her.

"Leave me alone," Sara growled finding strength in her anger.

"He'll… Sara, he will be back. Do you really think he will want to come home-" Catherine's voice faded and then was cut off completely when Sara closed the locker door behind her.

In the locker room Sara pulled everything out of her locker, dumping the few items: a couple pictures, a novel and her 'ipod' into her bag of fresh clothes and left the lab, not allowing a single tear to fall until she arrived home and began packing her suitcase.

XXXX

Six weeks after he had left for Zambia Grissom pushed open the door to the house he shared with his wife and their dog. Carefully he stepped around a large pile of mail that had built up on the inside of the door beneath the letter slot. Balancing his bag on his shoulder he picked up the stack of letters and flyers and carried them into the kitchen. Tossing them down on the counter, he let his bag slide off his shoulder to land on the floor next to an over anxious Hank who had followed him into the kitchen. Scratching his pet's ears happily Gil looked around his home. All the lights were out and the house was silent besides Hank's heavy panting and the sound of the dog's tail thumping wildly against the hardwood.

Stepping around the dog Gil whistled to invite Hank to follow him as he climbed the stairs up to the second level. Feeling his way down the dark hallway he found the bedroom door knob by memory and pushed open the door to see inside the bedroom; it, like the rest of the house, was cast in shadow. His eyes adjusted and he spotted Sara on the bed, curled up in the center, the blanket pulled up to her ears.

"Sara," Gil whispered walking slowly into the room. Hank answered him with a low bark and sat down at his master's side. Giving the dog's head another quick scratch Grissom sat down on the edge of the bed.

Without turning around to look at her husband Sara opened her eyes, not answering him when he greeted her, his voice low and deep. Her eyes fluttered closed at the feeling of his hand gently landing on her bare arm. Her skin responded by tightening and goosebumps rose on her flesh. Heavy tears slid down her cheeks and she bit her lower to lip to keep her throat locked.

Grissom's weight shifted on the bed and he leaned over her to take in her profile, including her fluttering lashes soaked with salty tears. Supporting himself with one arm he reached out slowly and wiped them away, frowning when she turned her face into the pillow.

"Sara," his surprised voice was startling and loud in the silence of the room that hung in the room as thickly as the shadows.

Sara sniffed once and turned her face up to look at him, waiting patiently for him to continue. When he whispered, "Why are you crying?" her tears only flowed faster.

"Sweetheart," he felt his heart heave in his chest and begin hammering, searching her for the source of her pain and only seeing his own reflection in her glassy, tear filled eyes.

"I, um…" She swallowed and cleared her throat. Her voice was deep and low. "I was moving out," her dark eyes glanced momentarily at the half filled suitcase open on the dresser. "And then I stopped, and I, uh, started moving you out." The laugh that escaped her throat was quick and humorless and cut off by an involuntary whimper.

Gil swallowed heavily. He appeared calm when he spoke but his mind was racing and his eyes gave away his desperation and confusion. "Do you want me to go, Sara?" He looked over at his drawers, the contents half on the floor and half in another suitcase, a wedding gift from the lab.

When she took a shuddering breath his eyes turned back to look at her, "And then," she continued, as though he had never spoken at all, "everything was spinning, right out of control. Everything. So, I um, laid down. And I couldn't…" Sara trailed off, her eyes darkening. Her next words her spoken as though her mind was not in them, "I was too tired to start again."

Grissom let his eyes wander over her body and then the nightstand for any evidence that she had been drinking.

"Do you know what it's like? To… have a home, and a husband and a dog and then go to work one day and come back to a house and two of those things are missing?" She didn't seem to be talking to him at all anymore. "I kept thinking that… that maybe something had happened. That you didn't…" Finally her eyes turned back to him and focused on his face. Another strange laugh curled her lips up but she was not smiling. "I really think I hate you, right now. And that scares me, Grissom." She shivered and curled up tighter, wrapping her arms around her middle.

Shifting back and off the bed Grissom stood up and covered her with the blanket again.

"But you know what they say. You can't hate someone until you have loved them…"

Tucking the blanket tightly around her he stepped back and watched her eyes slide shut. Deciding they both needed some time he left the room, followed loyally by Hank who began to slobber at his feet when Grissom opened the food cupboard. Filling the dog's half-empty bowl he watched the dog dive into the kibble for a few minutes before going back upstairs and silently entering the bedroom.

Taking a seat in the chair in the corner of the room he watched his wife's still form on the bed. Slowly he dragged a hand down his face. She remained unmoving for several minutes before getting out of bed and going over to the suitcase on the dresser. She pulled out a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt and disappeared into the bathroom. He listened to the water running and watched her shadow moving under the door, cast by the light streaming through the crack. When she reemerged her hair had been tied back into a loose ponytail and her clothes bad been changed. She walked towards him and for a moment he wondered if she was going to hug him or slap him. Instead she slid down the wall beside the chair, her knees pulled up to her chin.

"If it makes you feel better, I'm not happy with me right now, either," Gil told her getting up from the chair and sitting down beside her on the floor.

"How could that possibly make me feel any better," she asked him, looking over at him. When he didn't answer turned her head and rested her cheek on her knees. He reached out and tucked a stray curl behind her ear, allowing himself to feel its softness between his fingers.

"I had this plan," she began, her voice stiff. The sadness had been replaced by a hard anger. "That when you came back I would have my hair done and my makeup and be wearing a fabulous outfit and that I would show you that I didn't need you anyway."

"I need you," he answered quietly.

Shaking her head she held up a hand to silence him, "But then my straightener wouldn't work. And I forgot my makeup bag in my locker at work and none of my clothes would fit…" She traced circles on her knees. "Wouldn't you fucking know it, huh?"

Drawing his eyebrows together in inspected her more closely in the bathroom light. His mouth opened a little and his eyes widened at her wrists and face; she looked like she had lost s significant amount of weight. "Sar…" He reached out to take her hand.

She slapped his hand away. "I need some water," Sara pushed herself to her feet.

"I'll get it for you," Grissom offered getting up too, much less gracefully.

"I can do it myself," Sara was already heading out the door. "Contrary to how things look at the moment I am capable of looking after myself."

"I know, let me."

"I said I can do it myself," Sara snapped as she entered the kitchen, Gil following closely behind. Hank looked up at them from where he was laying on the floor beside his now empty dish, his eyes shifting between Grissom leaning against the counter and Sara lifting a bottle of water out of the fridge. She brushed past him on the way back into the living room. "Your bugs are probably all dead. I didn't take care of them."

"I don't care about the bugs, Sara," he answered her though he secretly hoped she was at least half wrong.

"I haven't looked at the mail. There are probably some bills overdue. And I'm assuming you have heard from the lab."

"I'll get you your job back," He told her. He had already been informed of Sara's quitting via email and phone message.

"I don't want it," she tipped the bottle back up and took another long drink.

"You do."

The bottle was lowered back down against her almost concave stomach and her long thin fingers played with the cap, "Unlike you Grissom? I know what I want. And I don't throw things away when I mean to keep them."

"I didn't throw anything away, Sara. Not intentionally." He sat down on the couch.

"Fuck you." Her voice was a hoarse and low and Grissom could see the satisfaction on her face. The look of relief, though it only lasted a second, when she could lash out at him.

Hank lifted his head and anxious brown eyes looked between them. Sara headed for the stairs and he got to his feet, following her up, nails clicking on the hardwood all the way to the bedroom.

Grissom flinched with the door slammed loudly behind her. Getting up from the couch he went to his office and sat down at the computer. Taking his time, he combed through his email methodically and mentally organized his emails, only taking the time to respond to the most urgent emails. When he was finished and sufficiently cooled off he went back upstairs.

Entering the bedroom he found Sara climbing back into bed. "What do you want from me?" She asked making room for Hank.

"Sara," was all he managed.

"What?"

"That's what I want."

"And for six weeks when I wanted you? For however long it was before you left when I wasn't enough to keep you from taking off to places unknown?"

"I'm sorry," Grissom opened him palms to her in surrender.

"Me too. I'm sorry I wasn't more important to you than an 'African whatever-the-hell Bug'," she rolled her eyes at the name and flopped onto her side, flinging one arm over Hank.

"Sara, you're the most important thing in my world. I… got excited and ahead of myself when the offer came through. I'm sorry for that. But please know, I missed you ever single moment that I was away." With that he turned and left the room and headed down to the basement. He figured Sara would find him when she needed to lash out again.

Reaching for the phone Sara dialed Mandy's number. "Mandy?" She asked when the phone picked up.

"Yeah, hey," her friend answered.

"Hey. Can I stay with you for a couple days?" Sara was already climbing out of bed and tossing some items into the half packed suitcase in the room.

"Yeah, sure. What's wrong sweetheart? You sound off."

"I just need somewhere to go." The words came with a rush of tears that made their way into her throat.

"Be there in a few to pick you up."

The line went dead and Sara tossed the phone onto the bed beside her boxer. Leaning over she dropped a kiss on his head and promised she would be back before picking up her bag and lugging it down the stairs. Sitting on the curb, out of breath, Sara waited for Mandy.


	3. Chapter 3

September 03, 2012

I didn't change much in this chapter. I personally don't care much for it, but whatever. Call it filler. *smiles*

I will work on more tomorrow. I hope to get this editing process over ASAP so that I can get to posting new content for those of you who are interested.

Hopefully there aren't too many errors. I don't currently have a go-to beta or extra set of eyes. If you are interested in the job PM to let me know.

Cheers.

* * *

"Sorry that I didn't return your calls," Sara told Mandy as she entered her friend's house. The car ride had been silent, not uncomfortably so, but Sara could tell that Mandy was brimming with questions. "I kind of dropped out for a while there…"

"It's okay sweetheart. We all need a break sometimes. Why don't we get you set up in a room. Do you have a preference?" Mandy closed the door behind them and tossed her keys onto the table in the hallway.

Sara, who had entered the house first paused in the doorway that led to a bright blue kitchen. The colour reminded her a little bit of the lab, but she kept the thought to herself. Turning back to Mandy she pulled her bag closer to her side. She always felt awkward staying over at people's houses. The experience often left her feeling out of place and uncomfortable. "The couch is fine."

"I meant which bedroom," Mandy took her bag and indicated that she should follow. "There's the room with two twin beds if you want company or you can have the other guest room."

"I don't really have a preference," Sara followed Mandy up a narrow staircase. Her eyes drifted over framed photos that had been mounted to the walls. They were mostly family photos, some of which Sara recognized from a display at Mandy's wedding. She paused at a staff picture from the labs Christmas party a few years before. Her eyes instantly gravitated to herself, crushed under the weight of both Nick and Greg's arms. She felt pang of longing; she missed them. She inspected her face, the large grin and the flush in her cheeks, probably embarrassment at her friend's affections.

Mandy had stopped too, a few steps ahead of her. "I would have taken it down. I didn't think, sorry."

"Huh?" Sara asked, looking up at her then back at the picture. "Oh," she whispered when she located Grissom, just behind her. She could still feel the weight of his hand where he had discreetly placed it on the small of her back, the gesture lost in the commotion. She frowned, maybe she hadn't been blushing at Nick and Greg's antics after all.

Mandy started down the hall, leading her to the first bedroom. "Come on," she encouraged. "I'll keep you company. Misery needs company right?"

Putting her bag down Sara sat on the edge of the bed. "Thanks for letting me stay."

Mandy smiled and pulled the blanket back on the bed for Sara, "No problem."

Standing, Sara walked over the window to look out into the backyard; it was much smaller than her own. Grissom had insisted they buy a house with a big yard so he could keep his bees out there.

"You want to talk?"

Sara ignored her question. "I could really use a shower."

"Of course, the bathroom is right across the hall. I'll show you."

"Do you have a towel I can borrow? I didn't- didn't think that…" Her words died in her mouth and she was left standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

Offering her a reassuring smile Mandy opened a small cupboard tucked behind the door and lifted out two soft green towels and a washcloth. Sara took them from her awkwardly balancing them and her toothbrush and shampoo. She thanked Mandy who nodded and told her to shout if she needed anything before leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

XXXX

Freshly showered and wrapped in a towel Sara pulled open to bathroom door. Crossing the hall back into the guestroom she heard Mandy tap on the doorframe. "Feeling better? Or at least more human?"

Sara nodded and wrapped her arms around herself more tightly.

"Come on, let me get you something to eat."

"I'm not really hungry," Sara whispered feeling sick at the thought of eating food.

"You need to eat, Sara," Mandy's eyes swept over her friend's hollowed cheeks and stomach, both of which had once had a healthy fullness to them.

"I'm not hungry." Her words were firm this time as she pulled out a pair of pajama bottoms and a shirt. It was true, Sara hadn't had much of an appetite for weeks. It wasn't that she was avoiding food, or intentionally not eating, she simply didn't feel any motivation to. Sometimes though, just the smell of a neighbours barbeque was enough to have her gagging for hours.

Mandy turned her back to give Sara some privacy as she changed. "What would you like to do?"

Sara shrugged in response and pulled the drawstring on her too loose pants tight.

Mandy had to bite back a frustrated sigh. Instead she suggested Sara get some sleep.

"Okay," the tall thin brunette agreed stopping to dig out a bottle of pills from her bag before sliding into bed. Opening the childproof lid she swallowed two and put the rest on the bedside table. Turning over her pulled her knees up tightly against her chest and closed her eyes.

"Do you want me to stay?" Mandy asked, hanging Sara's towel on the hook on the back of the door.

With the pillow muffling her response Sara shrugged, "you don't have to. I'm okay alone."

Tilting her head Mandy watched her friend, curled up tightly on the bed, wondering if Sara knew how not okay she really was. Taking a seat on the bed pushed up against the opposite wall Mandy watched the tension in her friend's neck slowly ease as she drifted off into a heavy, medicated sleep.

XXXX

Mandy heard Henry before she saw him. She looked up at the soft tapping on the doorframe, tearing her eyes away from Sara who had only been sleeping for a few minutes. She offered him a gentle smile and got up from the bed, and crossed over to him. Taking his hand in hers she led him down the hallway and he followed obediently, confusion in his eyes.

"What's up Mandy?" He asked when she had stopped walking and leaned lazily against the wall, letting go of his hand.

"Grissom's home."

His eyebrows climbed a little on his forehead and she reached out to smooth the lines that appeared. His expression relaxed under her hand. "That's good, right?" When she didn't answer him he added again, "Right?"

Mandy's lips pursed as she considered her answer. "I thought it would be." She lifted a shoulder. "But then she called me and asked if she could stay here for a few days."

"Did they get in a fight?" Henry's nosier side asked though he knew he probably shouldn't know such intimate details about his boss' life. He was the first to admit that he was terrible at keeping secrets.

"I don't know. We haven't really talked about it. She's mostly just slept since she got here."

"Oh." He wasn't sure how to answer her, or what the right questions to ask were. "Well, I brought home Chinese. Probably enough for four."

Mandy offered him a quick smile. "She could probably use a good meal. She's like a bag of bones, Hen." She glanced down the hall to make sure Sara was still sleeping. "I don't even know when she ate last. And whatever it was probably wasn't much."

Henry watched his wife chew her index fingernail worriedly and he reached out to pull her hand away from her mouth. "Why don't I go to the kitchen, serve up dinner and you can invite her to join us. Maybe I will make her up one of those vegetable vitamin cocktails you have been so fond of lately."

Mandy nodded her head in agreement. "So you don't mind her staying here?"

"Of course not. At least the guest bedrooms you insisted on having will go to use." He was already heading down the hall as he spoke, his voice fading as he turned to corner to go to the kitchen.

When he was gone from sight Mandy returned to the guest room to find Sara sitting up in bed rubbing sleep from her eyes.

"Hey there. How are you feeling?"

"Better. Thanks."

"You didn't sleep very long," Mandy commented.

Sara shrugged, "It's all I have been doing for weeks."

"Henry brought home some Chinese. Thought you might like to join us." She heard the blender start grinding in the kitchen.

"I'm not h-"

Mandy cut her off, "Please come have dinner Sara."

XXXX

Sara pushed the food around on her plate, occasionally picking at the steaming rice and stir-fry. Keeping her head down she glanced at Mandy who was devouring her own food while Henry looked on amused. Lowering her eyes back to her plate Sara picked up the glass of vegetable cocktail Henry had made for her and sipped it then put the glass back down. Standing she moved to clear her plate.

"I got it Sar," Mandy told her taking the plate off her. "Why don't you finish your drink?"

Sitting back down again Sara picked up her glass. Sipping the contents she watched Henry get to his feet and start throwing out empty containers.

When she put the glass back down and showed no signs of finishing her drink Mandy took it from the table to rinse it. "How are you feeling?" She asked putting the glass into the dishwasher upside down.

"Fine. Thanks."

"Want to go watch a movie?" Mandy asked her standing beside Henry who was wiping the table in long sweeps.

Sara shook her head, "I'm just… really in the mood to be alone," she whispered.

"Okay, sweetheart."

"Thanks for dinner," Sara stood up. "It was really good." She ignored Henry's doubtful eyes on her. "I'm just going to go to bed." With that the brunette left the room.

Mandy turned to look at Henry who was watching her closely. "At least she ate something."

"Yeah," Henry said. "Half a stem off a piece of broccoli. She's practically emaciated."

"I'm going to go sit with her. Okay?" Mandy was already halfway out the room.

He raised his eyebrows, "But she said she wants to be alone."

"I just want to check on her."

Henry looked doubtful. "I don't know… you know, Sara. She's kind of…" he paused at his wife's warning look. "I'll make us popcorn and root beer floats. It's Matrix Night." He reminded her getting the ice cream out of the freezer.

"Coke." She told him sticking her tongue out.

"Heathen." Henry muttered. "Root beer kicks Coke's ass." He barely caught her flipping him off as she headed down the hall to check on their guest.

Sara was just taking another sleeping pill when Mandy entered the bedroom, an extra blanket in hand. "It can get pretty cold in here at night."

"Thanks," Sara put the bottle of pills down and curled up.

Covering her with the blanket Mandy tucked Sara's hair behind her ear. "Get some good rest, okay?" She whispered. "I'll be just down the hall if you need anything."

Sara's answer was a sleepy whisper into her pillow, "It's pathetic, but… I need Grissom."

Nodding Mandy excused herself from the room. Picking up the phone she placed a call.

Grissom had arrived in less than ten minutes and carried his sleeping wife and her bag out to the car. When they had driven out of site Mandy closed the front door and sat down on the couch next to Henry, plastering herself to his side. Resting her cheek on his shoulder she drank her partially melted coke float and ate popcorn wondering how Sara would feel about waking up in her own bed with Grissom waiting to talk. She alos wondered how Henry could stand watching 'The Matrix' once a week and not feel like burning the DVD's much like she did right now.


	4. Chapter 4

September 03, 2012

Nothing much to say about this chapter. I did change a lot. In fact it was basically a complete re-write and overhaul. I didn't like the way that Sara and Grissom behaved in the previous version. I realized that my writing set Sara up to be quite the Mary Sue, which is unacceptable to me. Hopefully this is better.

Let me know what you think if you have a moment.

Thanks.

* * *

That night was not a restful one for Grissom. He spent most of the night alternating between the chair in the bedroom and the edge of the bed, where Sara slept soundly. Sara, who generally wasn't a very heavy sleeper, had barely stirred all night. Grissom's suspicions had been confirmed when he unpacked her bag and found a prescription bottle for sleeping pills. He felt disappointment, as it had been years since Sara had required the prescription to help her sleep.

Reaching forward to stroke her hair, he pushed a scattering of brown curls off her forehead. Leaning in he pressed a kiss to her brown then rested his forehead against hers, their noses touching. He withdrew quickly when he felt her nose scrunch and he watched her turn over suddenly and fling one arm over Hank, who had been gladly occupying Grissom's side of the bed.

Sighing, he moved back over to the chair and settled into it, using his hand to prop up his head. He was tired and jet-lagged but he couldn't seem to shut down. He wondered what he would do if Sara decided that she had had enough and moved out.

He knew he had made a mistake, a terrible one. He didn't regret his time in Zambia, he couldn't; it had been a life changing experience. But he did regret what it had done to Sara. His strong and self determined wife had faded away in his absence and guilt tore at his heart. Scratching the stubble on his jaw-line, he squinted. But, it didn't feel right to him. Although he didn't blame her for her current state, he knew that the person on the bed didn't feel like his wife at all.

Sara had always, in the past, responded to emotionally trying situations with fire in her eyes. She had never been one to give in, but rather she pushed back. He wondered if something else had happened to push her over the edge or if his leaving had just been the last straw.

Having been in an intimate relationship with Sara for years, Gil was well aware of her past. He knew every hurt, ever cut, every bruise, every setback. He scoffed in disgust with himself. As her husband he had considered it his responsibility to be on her team, to be her friend and her lover. To never be another part of her past that left her vulnerable and darkened. To never be another reason for a brick in the wall she put up between herself and world.

He was startled out of his thoughts by the dog pawing at the door. Focusing his eyes he glanced at the clock to find that a few hours had passed.

"Shhhhhh," Sara hushed Hank as she rolled over, successfully managing to take up the entire bed. Stretching her long limbs out towards the four corners of the mattress she settled back down quickly.

Hearing her respond to his pawing Hank tilted his head at her curiously and let out a high-pitched bark.

"Hank!" Grissom scolded as Sara startled awake, eyes flying open. Getting up he let the anxious dog out he looked back at Sara who was sitting up and looking around the room.

"Gil? What's going on?" Her eyes were glassy as she looked at him, blinking slowly. "How did I get here?"

"I brought you home."

Her eyebrows drew together in confusion, "Why?"

"Mandy called."

"Why?"

"She said you needed me."

Sara's eyes widened a little and he saw her body stiffen, "I didn't. And I don't." Was all she could come up with, cringing inwardly, wondering who she was kidding if not herself.

Lowering his head Grissom nodded, "I'll let you get some more rest."

Sparing her one last glance he watched her pull her legs up to her chest and wrap her arms around them.

"Can I get you anything?" When she didn't respond he moved closer to her. "Sar?"

Her voice was thick and forced when she spoke. "What did I do?" She asked, wrapped her arms around her knees.

"What do you mean?" He took at seat on the mattress beside her.

"What did I do wrong?" She asked again turning to look him in the eyes.

Grissom moved a little closer, "You did nothing wrong Sara. I'm the one who was wrong, and thoughtless." He touched the back of her hand and gently took her fingers in his.

"Then why did you leave?"

"Honey…"

"I was alone. I didn't have anyone," Sara wiped her nose and sniffled. She offered him a watery frown and then turned her gaze to look at their entwined fingers.

Squeezing her fingers tightly Grissom watched her features tighten as she fought to remain in control of her emotions. "Sara, I will do whatever I can to make it up to you," he moved a little closer to her and leaned against the headboard so they were sitting side by side. He was surprised when she leaned into him, her body still rigid, but seeking his in comfort. Letting go of her hand, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, watching her face to make sure she consented to the action. When she didn't protest he shut his eyes in relief. He pressed a kiss to her temple and guided her slowly toward his chest, giving her time to adjust her body to the new position. He felt amazed all over again at how well her body fit against his and how soft her hair was against his lips. "I'm so sorry, honey," he whispered into her ear and pressed a kiss there too.

Sara nodded against him, "I think I'm going to be hurt and angry, for a little while still. But I want to move past this, Gil. But I need to know that you won't ever do this again."

"I promise, Sara. How can I start making it up to you?"

She shook her head, "I don't know that you can. We will need time, to rebuild trust and… a feeling of respect."

Placing his hand under her chin he tilted her face up slowly to look her in the eyes. Face to face he stroked her cheek and the wiped away the wetness that had gathered in the corners of her eyes and lips. "I want to kiss you," he told her, his blue orbs tracing her features.

When she nodded her consent he leaned in slowly and pressed his lips against hers, tasting salty tears and a sweetness that was only Sara. She did not respond at first but when she began to kiss him back he had never felt more relieved or in love. His own tears stung his eyes as he kept them open, watching her closed lids flutter subtly like butterfly wings, long lashes fanned out over rose coloured cheeks. He did not pull back until his lungs ached for oxygen and even then he cursed them for it.

Keeping her eyes closed Sara slid her arms around his back and tucked her chin back into his throat.

"I missed you so much, Sara. And I promise I will never do that to you or us again."

She nodded, "Thank you."

"I love you," he kissed her again. "Will we be okay honey?"

"Yeah, we'll be okay."

Gil smiled a little and squeezed her tighter, holding onto her, promising he would never let her go again, well, until she wiggled away and moved off his lap. "Where are you going?" He asked reaching for her.

"I'm suddenly sick of this bed," Sara informed him, kneeling on the bed before him.

"Well, it does smell like the sheets haven't been washed in weeks," he agreed, looking them over.

Sara laughed, and nailed him in the side of the head with a pillow. "I washed the sheets," she insisted, her mouth opened lightly in offense.

Grissom felt a smile tug at the corner of her lips, it was nice to see her smile and hear her laugh again. He hoped his next statement would serve to lighten her mood further. "I have something for you."

Her eyes narrowed slightly. "You aren't going to go find something in the living room and tell me you bought it for me?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Not this time." Grissom got off the bed and started out of the room.

"Wait, you've done that before?" She was on her feet in seconds following him downstairs.

He chose not to answer that question.

"Grissom? Did you re-gift me?" He turned around and winked at her. "You did. You son-of-a-bitch. You re-gifted me! It was that hideous elephant statue you "bought" me for Christmas, wasn't it?"

"No, I actually bought that for you. You told me you loved that statue."

Pursing her lips she tilted her head thoughtfully.

Narrowing his eyes at her he smiled and turned around to start digging through his bag.

Sara sat down on the couch, one leg tucked beneath her. "It isn't like a bug or anything, is it?" She scrunched up her nose. "Because just because I tolerate them doesn't mean I like them." Her husband shook his head. "Then what is it?"

Finally he straightened up and sat beside her on the couch handing her a velvet box. He watched Sara's face as she opened the box. Her eyes lit up as she lifted a silver chain with a single ruby drop on the bottom out. "Gil, it's beautiful. Thank you… is it ethical?" She asked, holding the stone up to the light.

"Of course, honey. And I have something else that I got you today," he stood up again.

"You do?" Sara raised an eyebrow watching him walk into the kitchen and return with a small box that appeared to have air holes punched in the side. "Gilbert, if that has more than four legs…"

"It doesn't."

"Or scales-" she tried again.

"It doesn't." He placed the box on her lap.

"Or anything else extremely or mildly creepy, gross, or-" Sara warned, leaning back into the couch and away from the box warily.

"It doesn't and it isn't, open it."

Hesitating with her hands over the flaps holding the box closed Sara eyed him suspiciously.

"Oh, for Christ's sake Sara, open the box."

Sara opened the flaps slowly and tilted the box on a slight angle tipping the contents out onto the couch. It took a flash of ginger hair and hearing a confused 'mew' before she was able to register what she was looking at. Reaching out slowly she scooped up a tiny ginger kitten and held it up for inspection, a giant grin spreading across her face.

"I went by the SPCA today to donate a bag of dog food and I saw her. I knew she deserved a good home and couldn't think of a better one than with you." Gil slid his hands into his pockets as he spoke, watching Sara cuddle the kitten to her chest.

"Gil, I love her," Sara sat the kitten on her hand and held her out for inspection. Tiny blue eyes searched her surroundings lazily. "Thank you. What's her name?"

"The ladies at the SPCA called her Jenny. But I'm sure you can cha-"

"Jenny." Sara cut him off smiling softly at the small squirming lump of fur in her hand. "I like it. How old is she?"

"Almost 3 months, they estimate."

Sara stroked the kitten's head with her pinky, moving over a little when Gil took a seat beside her on the couch. She couldn't bring herself to peel her eyes off her new pet until Grissom made a suggestion. "Sara, lets go somewhere."

Looking up confused she asked, "Where?"

"I don't care, anywhere. Let's just take Hank and Jenny and go somewhere together."

Biting her lip Sara looked at him, unsure. Although she felt guilty about it, there was still some distrust left in her heart that made her doubt him and his commitment to her.

Seeing this in her eyes he looked down, "Sorry."

"No. I just-," Taking a deep breath, Sara nodded. "Okay… It might be nice to get away from here for a bit."

Gil raised his eyes again to meet hers, "You want to?" She nodded. "Where do you want to go?" Sara shrugged. "I'll take you anywhere." She shrugged again. "Europe?" He suggested.

"We can't take the pets and I'm not working…" She trailed off.

"According to the two hundred messages I listened to yesterday you still have a job, whenever you want it."

Sara shook her head negatively and he wrapped his arms around her being careful of Jenny.

"Can we go west?" She peered up at him through long dark lashes. "I miss the beach."

Grissom nodded, "California? Or do you want to go to a Northern beach?" He searched his mind for a destination.

"Anywhere."

Grissom smiled when his mind settled on a location, "I know the perfect place. You'll love it."

"Can we drive?" Sara stiffened a little at the thought of getting in a plane. She had developed mild claustrophobia since her kidnapping. Spending several hours pinned to the desert floor, tasting sand and nearly drowning had left her anxious when confined. In no way did being trapped in a plane for several hours appeal to her. At least in a car she had the option of getting out and stretching her legs if she needed to.

"Do you want to?" Gil rubbed the lengths of her arms smoothing the muscles that had clenched beneath her skin.

"I don't want to go on a plane."

Grissom nodded, "We'll drive." He kissed her cheek and then pecked her mouth. "I'll pack a bag."

Sara followed Grissom up the stairs to the bedroom holding Jenny close to her protectively. Once in the bedroom she placed the kitten in the middle of the bed and walked to the dresser. Her husband had already emptied the two suitcases she had packed several weeks before and had begun neatly packing clothing for each of them as well as toiletries and other needed items. Crossing to the dresser she knew he was watching her out of the corner of his eye. Ignoring this, Sara picked out a clean shirt for herself and pulled the one she was wearing off. She turned her eyes away from the full length mirror before her so she wouldn't have to see her pronounced rib cage and sternum.

Grissom however was not content to look away. Turning his full body towards her his eyes scanned over her torso and arms and legs. "Sara…" He whispered.

Sighing, her turned to face him.

"You haven't been eating?" Finished packing, he closed the lid on one of the suitcases and zipped it not taking his eyes off her.

Sara pulled her shirt over her head, "You know I'm not a great cook," she attempted to joke.

"I'm going to go make you something," he offered, lifting the bags of the bed by their handles.

She shook her head, "I'm not hungry."

"Sara…" He stopped at the warning look she gave him, her dark eyes pointed, brow and lips turns down slightly.

Putting up his hands in surrender he carried their bags from the room and started packing the car. Sara quickly finished getting ready and pulled her hair back into a ponytail. Scooping up Jenny she carried the kitten downstairs and put her back into her box. Grissom has already taken care of packing food for the pets and so all that was left for her to do was get Hank and Jenny into the back seat.

Sara was already in the passenger seat by the time Grissom had finished his call with their neighbour, asking her to keep an eye on their house. He climbed in behind the wheel and took another quick look around making sure they hadn't forgotten anything. Deciding they were good to go he backed out of the driveway and headed towards Puget Sound, Washington.

Her fingers were warm when he took them in his and rubbed her knuckles with his thumb. He was so distracted by their softness that he didn't notice their bareness at first. Upon doing so he glanced down, away from the road at their hands entwined between them. He realized upon his closer inspection that he had been correct; Sara's finger was bare where she had once worn her wedding ring.

He wondered if this trip or anything else he did would ever be enough to make her put it back on.


	5. Chapter 5

September 03, 2012

Is anyone alive out there? lol. Maybe a bad weekend to be posting or something? :)

Please sent me a quick note to let me know what you think. Thanks to those of you who have been so sweet to send me some comments. It's much appreciated.

* * *

Sara woke to the strange sensation of floating. No, she was bobbing. Cracking her eyes open a little she realized that she was being carried down a long carpeted hallway. Looking up she saw that it was Grissom carrying her and she slid her arms around his neck to hold on, her body slow and her mind fuzzy with sleep. She started to wake up a little more when he juggled her and tried to open a door marked 147 at the same time. Tightening her hold on his neck she tucked her head against his chest and tucked her feet in for fear of having either banged against the doorframe.

Finally getting the door open Grissom carried her across the room and laid her down on the bed, a little less gracefully than he would have liked but his back and knees were already regretting the walk from the parking lot. "What are we doing?" Sara asked, propping herself up on her elbows, looking around, her brown eyes large and almost black in the darkness of the room.

"We're in Idaho," he informed her. "We have a few hours left to drive tomorrow."

"I could have taken over."

"You fell asleep in Elko. I didn't want to wake you."

Sara turned onto her side enjoying being able to stretch out on the mattress. "I'm awake now."

Grissom smiled watching her over his shoulder as he let Jenny out of her box and put her on a towel on the floor. Just as he was putting some food down for the pets Sara got out of bed and wandered across the room to the window to look out at the darkness beyond the glass. He sat down on the edge of the bed watching her, feeling a shift in the room's mood. "Sara?"

She turned around slowly, to look at him, "Yeah?"

"Are you happy?"

Her back was to him again by the time she answered, "I'm not unhappy."

"Is there anything I can do to make it better?"

"Did you know that Idaho is the thirteenth largest state?" She asked his reflection in the window.

"No, I didn't."

"And it produces seventy-two types of precious and semi-precious stones. Some of which can't be found anywhere else in the world. That's why it's called the GemState…" Grissom smiled at her back as she spoke. "And I've never eaten a potato in Idaho."

"Would you like to?"

"Maybe," she paused thoughtfully. "Did you know that Idaho law forbids one citizen from giving another citizen a box of candy that weighs more than 50 pounds?" Sara lowered herself to the floor and crossed her legs, leaning against the window. "Who needs that much candy anyway?"

Moving off the bed Grissom wondered why she always opted for sitting on the floor. Getting to his knees he joined her, leaning against the window. "Well, that's a silly law." Sara nodded. "Do you know any more?"

"Any more what?"

"Laws, facts, just talk about anything. I missed it."

"In Eureka, Nevada, men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women."

"Seriously?"

Sara nodded, "And in Wilbur, Washington, it's illegal to ride an ugly horse."

"What constitutes an ugly horse?" Grissom's eyebrows rose and Sara shrugged. "Where did you learn all these?"

"My dad had a book he liked to read. He bought it off his barber for two dollars. He was really proud of it. He used to make me read it to him almost every night." Her eyes took on a distant look, a remembering look.

"How old were you?"

"Four or Five. I couldn't pronounce half the words. But I managed better than he could. He never learned to read; I think he was ashamed of that."

Grissom slipped an arm around Sara's shoulders as she spoke and gave her a gentle squeeze. "My sweet Sara…" He kissed her cheek, nearly getting clocked in the chin by a bony shoulder as she shrugged. "You are," he whispered insistently, kissing her again. He watched her bury her face into her knees and his hand slid down her spine to caress the soft exposed skin of her back where her pants and shirt failed to meet.

They sat in silence for several minutes, Sara counting her breaths and Grissom tracing invisible words on her back with thick but gentle fingers.

"Kick me," she guessed what he was writing, turning her face towards him, her cheek resting on her knees.

"Kiss me."

She didn't move. His attention was drawn behind her again to her back which he continued to explore with his hands.

"People look at you and me to see what they are supposed to be," she whispered. "And if we don't disappoint them, maybe, just maybe, they won't disappoint us."

"Walt Disney," Grissom nodded considering her words as she nodded in turn. He knew who had disappointed her, and he wondered if she felt as though she had deserved it. He hesitated before speaking. "Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it." Sara's lips turned up into a half smile. "I love you more than anyone. But I did something horrible to our relationship that we're not going to be able to fix over night." Sara shrugged. "Sara even if you're giving up on us I am not going to stand for you giving up on yourself. You have far too much to offer to do that."

Pushing herself up suddenly Sara freed herself from his grasp and paced to the other side of the room, clasping her hands at the base of her neck. "I don't want to talk about this." She kept her back to him and sat down on the bed.

Getting to his own feet, much slower and less agilely than she, he followed her across the room then passed her, heading into the bathroom. He started pulling out his travel shaving kit and wasn't aware of her until he felt her arms slide around his waist and her body plastered against his back. Stepping back a little she loosened her hold on him and he turned around to face her, his arms weaving around her to pull her against him. He smiled a little when she pressed her cheek into his chest and closed her eyes, slowly he began rubbing her back in a soothing circular motion.

"I'm being moody. It isn't fair to you. You don't deserve the emotional whiplash," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"I'm going to go to bed now," Sara pressed her body harder against him.

"Do you want me to too?"

She nodded.

He guided her back into the other room and pulled back the bed for her. Once she had slid onto the mattress he pulled them over her shoulders and tucked her in before getting into bed beside her.

Hearing a brief rattle he looked over to find her swallowing two pills from a bottle she had taken out of her purse. When the bottle was placed on the nightstand she moved closer to him and rested her head on his chest, ducking under his arm.

"I didn't realize you had packed them," he commented.

"Something to help me sleep," her eyes slid shut.

"Do you need them anymore?" His fingers stroked her hair.

"I do now."

"Why?" He traced her cheekbone.

"Because I can't sleep," Sara's words were becoming thick and slurred.

"Let me help you," Sara's lashes were bristly under his thumb as he traced the shape of her eye.

"They help me," she spoke through a breath of air.

"I'll help," but she was already asleep. He joined her shortly after.

XXXX

Sara woke to the sound of her husband snoring beside her, pinned to the mattress by his arm. She lay in bed for a long time, listening to his deep grumbling breaths before getting up slowly and crawling out from underneath him. Once showered and dressed she crept out of the room and shut the door behind her, placing one hand over the wood to ensure its silence.

Arriving back at the hotel door she realized that she didn't have a key and pressed her ear against it hoping to hear Grissom moving around. She heard him on the phone and assumed he was calling the front desk to enquire about her. Tapping on the door she only needed to wait long enough for her to lower her hand before it was pulled open in a rush of heat and she found herself face to face with a sleepy Grissom. "Sara," he breathed her name.

"Breakfast," she announced holding up two white take-out containers, warm and steaming in her hands. Her stomach growled at the smell of pancakes and scrambled eggs.

"Thank you." Gil moved to the side and she went into the room. Sara placed the containers on the foot of the bed and opened a clear disposable bag that contained everything they needed to have their impromptu picnic. Knowing Grissom would prefer to sit at the desk Sara placed his share of the items on top of his takeout container and held it out to him.

Accepting it Grissom sat in the chair by the desk and turned it around to face the spot where she had taken a seat on the bed, her legs crossed. Opening her own meal Sara added ketchup to her eggs and nibbled a little.

"How are you feeling?" Grissom asked.

She answered him around a triangular slice of toast. "Fine, did you sleep okay?"

Grissom nodded, "When did you wake up?"

Sara shrugged, "Three or four hours ago." She took his fingers in hers when he offered his hand and began mindlessly playing with his thumb. A couple more bites were swallowed before she got up and pushed her foam container towards him, "Have some," she offered and got up to feed Hank and Jenny.

"Are you doing better?

"Not doing worse," Sara answered vaguely sitting on the floor beside Hank who was wolfing down his food. Putting out a gentle hand she tried to encourage a timid Jenny to eat.

After watching for a few minutes Grissom searched through one of the bags piled up by the door, and then the fridge and came back with an eyedropper and cream. "She doesn't want to."

"She needs to," Grissom sat down in the chair to watch.

"She wont," Sara lifted the small kitten onto her lap and used her pinky to open her mouth. Placing the dropper in she squeezed some cream into Jenny's mouth. Reluctantly the mouthful was swallowed by the kitten who quickly began searching for its source.

When the kitten was finished Sara put her back in her carrier and got to her feet accepting a bottle of grape juice from Grissom, ignoring him when he slipped a second bottle of apple juice into her bag. "I can drive," she offered.

"You want to?" He asked picking up their bags as she took Jenny in her carrier and Hank on his leash. She nodded and he handed her the keys.

Once the car was packed up they both climbed in, Sara behind the wheel, and a still tired looking Grissom beside her in the passenger seat. "Do you know where to go?"

She answered with a shrug, "I know the general direction."

It didn't take him long to fall asleep in the car with Hank leaning over his seat to see out the window, slobbering all over Grissom's shirt and lap. Sara didn't push the dog back or try to wake her sleeping husband as she let a small, mischievous smile tug her lips up


	6. Chapter 6

September 03, 2012

This is the last one for today. It may be a couple of days before I can post again, but I will work on it in the meantime.

This will give you all an opportunity to catch up and send me a review or two. ;)

* * *

Sara drove until her stomach's growling was almost as loud as her husband and Hank's snoring. Pulling over at the next exit she found a diner and quietly took Hank out of the back seat and walked him around the surrounding brush to give the dog an opportunity to relieve himself. By the time she returned Grissom was awake and out of the car, leaning against the hood and using a wetwipe to clean drool off his arm and shirt. His face broke into a smile when he looked up to see her approaching with Hank.

Once the dog was secured in the cab of the car and watered the couple made their way into the restaurant and sat in a booth by the window. Grissom ordered a chicken garlic salad when he spotted a healthy garden fenced in by the back of the building. Sara opted for vegetable soup and some fresh bread.

He watched her hands, distracted as she traced the rim of her water glass. "You're not wearing your ring," he pointed out.

She nodded, "It, umm," Sara cleared her throat. "It doesn't fit. It kept falling off, I was afraid I would lose it." Reaching up she pulled out a chain from around her neck and let it dangle. On the end of it, swinging like a pendulum was her ring.

Grissom allowed himself a quick smile and they sat in silence until their food was placed on the table before them. "So what are we going to do?"

"About?" Sara stirred her soup.

"Us." She lifted a shoulder and Grissom held back a frustrated sigh. "You haven't given up, have you?"

"Do you think I have?"

"I think you're upset and let down and disappointed," Grissom told her as he speared a cherry tomato.

"I'll get over it."

"I'm sorry I did this to you," he tilted his head.

"Just forget about it. I did it to myself." Getting up she pushed her half eaten soup across the table and tossed him the keys. "See you at the car."

He watched her walk away and sighed, hanging his head as she finished eating and paid the bill.

XXXX

They had been on the road for some time before either spoke again. "So what did you do in Africa?"

"The first 4 weeks, as you know, I studied the Pentatomid, and I spent the rest of the time trying to get out. It wasn't easy with the political situation there..." When she didn't respond Grissom wondered if she had even been listening. Pulling his eyes off the road he only had to spot the stillness of her features and the crease in her brow to know she was thinking. "I was only going to stay for thirty days Sara."

"I thought you were punishing me."

Her response took him back a step and he tilted his head, "Never Sara. They wouldn't let us leave..."

"I thought you left because I left last year, and you wanted to show me what it's like..." He shook his head but she didn't seem to notice, "Because if that's the reason- I understand."

"I tried telling myself that wasn't the reason." He answered honestly, keeping his eyes on the road. "And Sara, I only planned on being gone for four weeks."

"That's a long time when you need someone." The look she gave him held no anger or malice, only a deep hurt that tore at his heart.

"Sara, I know that."

"I used to think you did."

He made the appropriate turn and guided the car off the main road, down an unpaved one. "Sara, I couldn't function while you were away. I missed you every minute and thought about you more than that..." She turned her face away from him to look out the window. "But I know why you had to go." He slowed the car and stopped outside a darkened cabin and reached over to take one of her hands. "I shouldn't have left the way I did Sara."

"But you did," she answered pulling her hand away from him and opening the car door. Sliding out she opened the back door to release an anxiously excited Hank.

"I was selfish," Gil was out of the car too now.

"I told you I get it."

"I don't."

Sara crossed her arms over her chest and look at him over the top of the car, "What do you want me to say?"

"I just want to make this better Sara."

"But you never do," her eyes watched him intently. "You never get anything if it isn't a bug or a piece of evidence or…" her head fell forward and she switched her gaze to the mud splatter on the back of the car. "You just never get it."

"I'm an idiot," he said picking up one bag and placing the strap over his shoulder. Using his free hand he found his keys and lifted the second bag. "But I do know that there is no point in going back and forth like this. If you need to be angry I want you to just be angry. It's the only way you are going to work through it."

Sara nodded in response to his statement and collected their pets. Following him up to the door she waited until he unlocked it and kicked it open before stepping inside the main area of the cabin. It had obviously seen some lonely seasons, drapes and surfaces thick with dust, the smell of staleness and mothballs hanging heavily in the air. Gil watched Sara explore the kitchenette and living room with Hank hot on her heels, opening windows as she went. When he was convinced she wouldn't leave if he let her out of his sight he went back outside and collected the rest of their essentials and returned, locking the car and the cabin door behind him.

The larger bedroom in the cabin was still small and was accessed through a door just off of the living room. Unrolling a couple sleeping bags he decided to worry about finding sheets when it was brighter out. Sitting down on the bed he could still see Sara in the kitchenette putting away the groceries they had picked up along the way. Her brow was pinched and her lips were pursed and he knew she was thinking again. He watched her freeze in the middle of straightening up and was about to open his mouth to ask if she was okay when she placed the jar of jam on the counter and walked towards him.

Sara stopped in the doorway to the bedroom and leaned against the frame, hands folded in front of her. "I killed your grasshopper on purpose," she confessed. He nodded. "And then I fed it to Hank. He was always giving it that look."

"It's good protein for him."

She couldn't help but smile a little. "So we're even, okay?" Grissom nodded again, and so she continued. "And then he threw it up on your side of the bed, and I had to clean it."

"They're an acquired taste."

With large dark eyes she watched him closely as he moved across the room stiffly to look out the window. The lake was invisible for all the trees.

"Which side of the bed do you want?"

"My usual side," she winked, "the middle."

"Do you want me to sleep on the couch?"

"Why would I want that?"

He shrugged and turned around to face her, the moonlight streaming through the window highlighting the features of his face, "Because I'm an idiot."

"Well, I knew that when I married you, so I must be one too. Besides, I'm just as stubborn and uncooperative." She lifted a shoulder, "I'm over it."

He watched her for a moment, trying to think of something to say, he settled on, "Are you ready for bed?"

"Are you tired?"

"A little," he said flicking off the light in the living room leaving the cabin in complete darkness. Sara stayed still, alone in the bedroom, listening to the sound of the lake somewhere beyond the thick forest, waiting for him to come back. Her eyes adjusted slowly to the darkness as she watched him re-enter the room, the bare skin of his chest and shoulders tanned and glowing in the scarce moonbeams. He had shed his shirt somewhere in the other room and was currently working on his pants. She waited until he had slid into his sleeping bag before searching for and finding her bag blindly. Closing her hands around the pill bottle on the bottom of the bag she stripped and joined him in the bed, unzipping both their sleeping bags then attaching them. Shimmying into their now double sized pouch Sara enjoyed the warmth of his body and the feel of his bare hip against hers. She was just about to open the bottle of sleeping pills when she heard him whisper, "Don't. I don't want you to fall asleep yet."

"Why?"

Grissom shrugged and she curled up, her back to him, holding the bottle of pills to her chest.

"I'm not making things better, am I?" He asked the darkness of the room. "Who am I to ask you not to take one?"

Sara could feel his eyes on her back and she rolled her own and let out a frustrated growl. "I need them to sleep. What else am I supposed to do?"

"It's okay."

Hot tears welled up in her eyes and she blinked them back, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat, "Then why bother saying anything and making me feel bad about it?" She felt the mattress shift and his arm brush against hers as he entered her personal space and took the bottle from her hands.

Opening it he shook two pills into his palm and put them in her hand before closing the bottle and leaving it on her bedside table, his body pressed heavily against her.

Sniffling, she dry swallowed the pills and curled up against him. His chin rested on top of her head and his arms were wrapped tightly around her waist. She was just drifting off when she felt his lips press against her ear, lingering there, whispering warm silent words to her.

"Are you mad?" She asked him.

His lips stilled for a few beats, "No."

"Oh, good. Me neither."

"We'll talk when you wake up," he hugged her closer.

"We can talk now," she took a deep breath and forced her eyes open.

"You're falling asleep honey." She nodded sluggishly and let her eyes closed, smiling a little when he kissed behind her ear, brushing her hair off her forehead.


	7. Chapter 7

September 06, 2012

You guys have no idea what it took for me to make time to edit and post this. I'm working insane hours since it's the first week back at school.

So I was thinking... I made time for you guys, so it would be nice if you could take the time to leave a little review for me. :) No pressure. But seriously, it would be really nice to hear from some of you lurkers. I promise I don't bite.

Thanks to those of you who did leave me a review. I really do appreciate it.

Will post ASAP. Hopefully will have some time on the weekend on relax and edit a few more chapter so we can move forward with some new content.

Thanks!

* * *

Sara was alone in bed when she woke up the next morning. At some point in her sleep she had managed to wrap the entire double sleeping bag around her body and pin it underneath herself. Looking around the sunny room, Sara, for the first time since their arrival, was able to appreciate the honey stained wood of the walls, ceiling, and floor and the intricate carvings around the baseboard. It had been too dark the night before to see any of it.

Getting out of bed she shivered and followed the sound of groaning, underused water pipes bathroom door that was cracked open and releasing steam into the bedroom. She slipped through the gap into a large bathroom with a wood vanity on one corner under the window. Grissom's naked silhouette was distorted by the glass shower door and Sara took her time undressing before squeezing inside, making sure not to let the cold air in. Her eyes adjusted slowly and she peered through the steam, reaching for Grissom.

Her hand connected with the flesh on his back and she felt her way closer to him, running her hands over his back, up and over his shoulders. Tilting her head to the side she peered closer, "Griss?" Sara whispered tracing a long tear from one shoulder down to the center of his back, "Griss? What happened?"

"Things are different there, Sara. Our group was-" he stopped speaking when she slid down the wall to the floor of the shower, resting her forehead against her knees. "Sara," he whispered crouching down.

"I can't stand what people do to each other, Grissom. My god, are you okay? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry Honey."

"I'm so sick of violence and murder and hatred… I'm sick of having it shoved in my face every single day. And I'm so tired."

"I'm tired too, Sara," Gil pushed her hair back off her forehead and tucked it behind her ear.

Sara pulled her legs closer to her chest, hugging them tighter, "I think… I'm losing my mind."

"Sara, you're feeling tired because you're perfectly sane." It took him several minutes of searching her eyes to realize she wasn't seeing him anymore. Giving her some time to process and think things through Grissom waited patiently, stroking her hand. When her eyes didn't refocus he began to feel nervous, "Sara, can you come back now sweetheart?"

Her eyes snapped to his face when he spoke and he saw some colour seep back into her cheeks. "I need to get dressed," she was on her feet in seconds and stepping out of the shower. Turning off the water Grissom followed her closely, taking time to wrap a towel around his waist.

Sara had already dried herself and there was a wet towel tossed onto the bed by the time he entered the bedroom. She was searching through her bag for a bra, her bottom already dressed in a pair of jeans.

Finding his own clothes he pulled them on, watching her out the corner of his eye.

"I'm sorry," she finally spoke, turning around to face him. "Here you are, having experienced this horrible… ordeal, and I'm making it about me." She sighed and sat down on the bed, her arms wrapped around herself.

"It's okay, Sara. You're going through a lot. The last couple of years have been more than a little challenging," Grissom assured her as he sat down on the bed beside her. "You're a strong person, Sara, but no one can be that strong."

Reaching over to her he stroked her soft cheek. Her eyes fluttered closed and she turned her face into his cheek. "I'm okay, Sara. It sounds worse than it was, and we got out. That's all that matters now."

"How?" Sara's lip quivered and quickly looked down at her lap, swallowing hard. "Every time we turn around or let our guards down something else happens to one of us. If it isn't me, it you or our friends. I just want to feel safe, Gil. But even here, in this beautiful place, it follows us. It never goes away." As she spoke her hand, knotted into a tight ball, pushed itself into her abdomen. She curled around it and a soft whimper escaped from her lips.

Gil reached out to her and pulled her to him, he had always hated to see her cry. "Oh, honey," he muttered into her hair, rubbing her back. He tried to think of something to say, to comfort her, but the words didn't come. He had never seen Sara so defeated, not even in the months after her kidnapping. Panic spread through his chest and he wondered how to fix things.

Sara seemed to have stopped crying, but she hadn't released her hold on him. Eventually she leaned back and gave him a watery smile. "Thanks," she kissed his cheek. "I needed that."

XXXX

When they both were dressed Grissom headed into the kitchen area to make breakfast. Searching through the cupboards and dry storage he found what he needed to make crepes. Following him, Sara stepped around him and pulled herself up onto a counter to watch him cook, letting her feet dangle against the cupboard door. After a few minutes of going unacknowledged she grew impatient and reached over, poking him in the side with her toe.

"Yes?" His eyebrows rose as he flipped on a burner on the stove.

Smiling, Sara avoided looking at him.

Grinning, Grissom continued cooking, pouring batter into a heated pan, he looked over again when he felt a gentle jab in the same spot on his side. His wife was still sitting on the counter, pretending to be interested in a chopping board hanging on a nail on the far wall. Reaching over he lifted her shirt to expose the soft skin of her side, rubbing gently he tickled her.

A half squeak caught in her throat and she moved away from his hand, smiling wildly, the dimples on her cheeks making an appearance.

"Ticklish," he teased. Sara shook her head vigorously and he repeated his action, this time only receiving an intense stare, right into his eyes. He could tell she was struggling with mind over matter and allowed his hand to drift towards her face, running a thumb over where her dimples had smoothed out. "Extra cinnamon?"

She raised her eyes to think about her answer, and then nodded.

Adding an extra dash Grissom added the cream cheese filling and some strawberries with some icing sugar on top. Placing the plate on her lap he gave her a lingering kiss. "Enjoy."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, dear," he began preparing his own, watching her eat a strawberry. Leaving out the icing sugar Grissom rested against the counter, eating his breakfast. He smiled inwardly, enjoying the view of Sara licking icing sugar off her fingers. "It's okay?"

She nodded and they ate together, chatting a little.

When Sara had consumed a little less than half her portion she put her plate to the side and climbed down.

"Can you eat a little more?"

She shook her head, brown curls moving against her cheeks as she poured herself a glass of water. Tilting her head back she drank deeply.

"You're… beautiful."

Tilting her head she gave him a strange look and he shrugged, taking another bite.

Dumping out the rest of her water Sara smiled when she felt his arms slide around her waist and then he tugged her back against his chest. Turning around she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned up to kiss him.

"I love you," he whispered.

She stiffened a little in his arms then slowly stepped back. "Thanks for breakfast," she finally whispered.

Disappointment washed over him as he nodded and laced his fingers through hers, "Anytime sweetie."

Her head dropped down and she looked at their hands. "When do you have to go back to work?"

"If you're not, I'm not."

"Griss…"

"Sara, my life is with you; wherever you are. Doing whatever you're doing."

"You love your job."

"The love I have for you is the only real love."

"You don't have to give up your job." She was looking at him now, her brown eyes sincere.

"We'll see what happens, Sara."

"When do you have to be back?"

He sighed, "Two weeks." Sara nodded, "But Sara, you're right; about being tired of having death shoved in your face."

"You think I'm a coward?"

"If you are, then that makes me one too."

"It's just that, every time Catherine is in charge she gets this fucking attitude and I can't deal with it anymore. I shouldn't have to." She let go of his hand to run an exasperated one through her hair.

"You're right, Sara. I'm sorry for doing that."

But Sara wasn't finished yet, "Ecklie raves about what a great supervisor she is but she's just like him. She is good at administration and politics but she doesn't know shit about being a leader; about making a team…I need something new."

Grissom rubbed her cheek, "Do you want to stay in Vegas?" He led her over to the couch on the far side of the room.

Sara nodded, "I would miss Nick and Greg and Warrick… and even Catherine." He nodded again. "But what about money? I need to work."

"We don't need to worry about money right now." She raised a curious eyebrow. "They're going to publish my book."

A smile crept across her face, "Congratulations." Her arms slipped around his neck and she climbed onto his lap, hugging him tightly.

Grissom wrapped his own arms around her back and kissed her shoulder, "Thank you, I couldn't have done it without you."

"Yes, you could have."

"No," he shook his head. "I tried writing that thing for years. It wasn't until we started seeing each other that I had any success with it."

She hugged him again, "You would have figured it out."

"I love you Sara…" He told her tentatively.

Her throat tightened and she nodded, feeling tears burn her eyes and emotions rush over her, "I- I love you too, Gil." A smile tugged at his lips.


	8. Chapter 8

September 06, 2012

Decided to stay up a little longer and edit one more chapter.

Cheers.

* * *

"Have you thought more about teaching again?" Sara moved off Grissom's lap but stayed tucked into his side, holding his fingers.

He nodded.

"It might be nice to spend some time investing in the living, rather than the… non-living."

"I like that, Sara."

"So you like kids?" She asked hopefully and he nodded, thoughtfully.

"I'd like to teach high-school students."

"Really?" She lifted her head off of his shoulder and looked up at him, surprised. "I could see that," she added. They sat in silence before she spoke up again, "so you like younger kids too?"

Grissom pursed his lips and nodded.

"Like how much?"

"What do you mean? How much? How young?"

Sara shrugged, "You know… toddlers. Younger maybe… babies…"

"Oh, they're great," his blue eyes crinkled with a smile. "There is something so intriguing about a fresh mind."

"Oh, okay, good," her head returned to its resting spot on his arm.

"Do you?"

Her shoulders shrugged passively, "You know… I guess they're okay to have around."

Grissom smiled, "I would love to see you with one."

"You met my brother's kids…"

"I did. And I thought you were amazing with them."

"What about one of my own? Our own," Sara chewed her lip between her teeth and wiped her palms over the material of her pants.

Taking her hand in his own he kissed her palm, "I want to have a baby with you, Sara."

His eyes bore into hers so intensely that she felt hot tears rush to hers. "You really do?"

"I really do, Sara."

"Now?"

"Well, not for at least nine months. Give me time to paint a room or something," he chuckled, kissing her.

"I can't believe we're having this conversation," she laughed nervously.

He took Sara's hands in his, his mood shifting to one of seriousness. "Honey," he hesitated, rubbing her arm, choosing his words carefully, "Please don't misunderstand me here," Gil licked his lips. "But, you've lost a lot of weight, honey. Too much. It's important that you put it back on so that you can support a baby and yourself…"

Sara rested her chin on his shoulder and nodded. "I'm not that thin," she mumbled.

"Sweetheart, you are."

Tilting her nose up Sara shook her head stubbornly. "You're exaggerating the issue."

Kissing her cheek Grissom shrugged, not about to upset the peace they had created. After a few moments of silence Sara backed down a little. "I'll make an appointment with my doctor, okay?"

"I'd like to come."

"Why?"

"Because I want to be there with you."

She shrugged and nodded. "Okay." They smiled at each other, each amazed at the others stubbornness. "So let me get this straight, you're quitting the lab to teach high-school and we're going to have a baby."

Her husband nodded his eyes shining with amusement. "Who are we?"

"What do you mean?"

"This is all just very…. Un-us: communicating, planning things beyond what's for dinner, sharing."

"I like it," his smile grew.

"You like being un-us?" one finely plucked eyebrow rose higher onto her forehead.

"We're still us; we're still Gil and Sara. But I like this change."

"Me too, a lot."

Snuggling closer to him they sat in a comfortable silence, each contemplating the transition their lives would go through. Fearing but anticipating the changes that would come.

It was Grissom who finally spoke, "So, do you think I can get my students to call me Dr. Grissom?"

"Do you want them to?" She laughed softly, imagining it.

"I don't know," he pondered. "I suppose I am used to Griss or Grissom now, or in your case: Gilbert."

"Mr. Grissom?"

"That sounds weird. I haven't been given a title for a long time. I guess I just got used to it."

A pleased smile parted Sara's lips and her cheeks blushed slightly, "What about daddy?"

"That one I love. And for you mama?"

Sara's nose wrinkled, "Mom."

"Mommy?" He asked hopefully.

"I guess I could do that," Sara dropped a kiss onto his lips and let out a surprised yelp as he lifted her, carrying her towards the bedroom, his mouth still attached to hers.

XXXX

Sara stretched out on her belly all arms and miles of legs stretched across a red and white checkered table cloth, the sun slowly browning the side of her face and back of her neck. She looked up from Jenny, who was on her back chewing on Sara's finger, to her husband, red faced, cursing under his breath as he struggled to open a bag of fruit.

"I told you," she sang softly. "You always tie the knots too tight."

He chose to simply ignore her and tear into the side of the bag, then dump the fresh strawberries into a bowl. Sara smiled and went back to teasing the orange kitten.

"Are you ready to eat, dear?" Grissom asked once their feast was set up between them on the cloth.

"Just a little longer," she requested tickling Jenny's belly.

"Would you like the dropper for her?"

"She already ate," Sara informed him sitting up and placing the kitten in her box.

"A ball of yarn?"

"Don't give her any ideas," she crossed her legs in front of her. "This is beautiful," she observed the bluffs and sound surrounding them.

"Yes, you are."

Sara smirked into a slice of peach, "You're really corny, Gilbert," she told him as she laid back down and stretched out on her stomach, folding her arms in front of her. Laying her cheek down on her arms she closed her eyes, relaxing under Grissom's touch as he moved closer to her and rubbed her back. Arching into him with a feline instinct she moaned throatily and happily.

"Are you going to start purring?"

She nodded happily, "It's hot."

"Then why are you wearing all these clothes, Mrs. Grissom?" He asked tugging on the hem of her sweatshirt.

Shrugging, she pulled her shirt over her head and slid her jeans off, leaving her covered only by her two piece bathing suit. Grinning he used his pinky to lift the string where it tied.

Rolling over onto her back Sara shook her head and used one hand to shield her eyes from the sun, "Don't even think about it bud."

Offering her a sheepish smile he picked up his hat from beside him and placed it over her eyes.

"Mmm," the bare brunette moaned, sliding the hat down over her face cowboy style and settling comfortably on her back, "Smells like you."

Grissom pulled his shirt over his head and lay down on his side close to her, propping his head up on his hand. Using his free hand he traced the freckles on her stomach, enjoying the warmth and softness of her skin under his fingers.

"Why is it that I live in the desert yet I am still pale," she remarked, her words muffled a little by his hat.

He responded first by kissing her shoulder, then, "I think you're beautiful, creamy." Smiling when she squirmed under his touch he asked, "Are you ticklish?"

Sara shook her head and raised the hat a little to peer at him from under the brim, her eyes sparkling in the slants of sunlight that peeked through the straw weave. "Horny."

Leaning over her he kissing her slowly, his mouth tasting as much of hers has his tongue could reach, exploring its depth deeply. She allowed his slow pace for just long enough to please him before give into her own hunger and assaulting his mouth hard and fast.

When they finally broke apart, both gasping for breath, Grissom rolled onto his back, pulling her with him.

Sara landed on his chest, her soft sun baked skin making contact with him fully, unrestrained, the very force of gravity bringing them together. Her head found her favorite spot, tucked under his chin and she felt his Adam's Apple bob every time he swallowed.

"Are you happy?" He asked her, playing with her hair.

She nodded.

"Me too."

"Can't we just stay here forever?"

"We could, if you wanted. I would go anywhere with you. Live anywhere."

Sara nodded again, kissing his collar bone.

"Then it's a good thing I own that cabin," he chuckled, his laugh rumbling against her ear.

"You never told me about it before," Sara moved further on top of him, pinning him to the table cloth and the ground beneath it.

"It was in my aunt's will, she left it to us."

Kissing his Adam's Apple she snuggled into him and yawned, "Fresh air always makes me sleepy."

"Sleep," he suggested, his hand moving to rest on her hip.

Sara smiled against his throat and shook her head.

"Why not?"

"Because I know for a fact that you have cake you haven't offered me yet."

"Would you like cake, dear?" He asked, pulling the table cloth to drag the picnic basket closer.

"What I nice surprise," Sara feigned. "I would love some cake."

Lifting out the container awkwardly, as his arm was still half pinned to the ground, Grissom expertly lifted off the lid to reveal two triangular slices of cake. Sara reached excitedly for the container, frowning when he pulled it away, teasing her,

"What, I can't smush it in your face like you did to me at our wedding?"

"You were asking for it," she informed him, still eyeing the chocolate, cherry cake that was topped with chocolate icing. "But you can feed it to me nicely."

Breaking off a piece he held it to her lips then pushing it into her mouth when she opened it.

Sara's eyes drifted closed as she chewed slowly letting out a sensual moan. Her eyes however snapped open when she felt his finger slide down her nose leaving a trail of icing.

"Hey! Mean!" she yelled, rubbing it off his the back of her hand.

"I was going to eat that."

Sara scrunched up her nose at him and then licked her lips when he lifted her hand and sucked the icing off her fingers. Her own tongue darted out to moisten her own lips as though she could taste the icing he was savouring. Her body squirmed again his. His mouth lingered on one finger as he watched her body react to him.

"Turned on yet?" He asked huskily.

Her cheeks flushed and her eyes fluttered closed as she nodded. "Gil," she moaned as one hand cupped the back of her head, tangling his fingers in her hair, drawing her down for a kiss.


	9. Chapter 9

September 30, 2012

Hi everyone,

Sorry for the long delay between updates. I consolidated a couple of chapters here, so this is pretty long. Hope not too long. :) Will try to get a whole bunch done today so that I can post throughout the week.

Let me know what you think.

Cheers.

* * *

Sara sat cross-legged on the floor, fumbling with an old Coleman lantern she had found in the basement earlier that day. Across the cabin Grissom puttered around in the kitchen and Sara turned her nose towards the smell of popcorn that was wafting towards her. Turning back to the lantern her brow pinched as she fiddled with the mantle. She heard a rustle as her husband slid down the wall behind her and he settled with his legs on either side of her. Sara tilted her head to the side to accommodate the kiss that Grissom pressed to the spot under her ear. "What are you doing?" He asked, his lips humming against her skin.

"Creating light; do we have any fuel?"

"Why yes dear, I do," he was gone again before she could respond, leaving her back to chill in the night air in his wake.

He stood beside her when he got back and held the small green canister out to her. Sara filled the lantern easily then cleaned up the fuel on the floor. Leading him outside by one hand she hung the lantern on a hook on the porch. She concentrated on trying to figure out how to light the rusty lantern, having never done so before.

A spark caught her eye and she turned to see Grissom lighting a match. Stepping back to let him do it, then watched intrigued as he easily brought the burner to life. Pleased, she smiled, admiring the light source burning bravely, illuminating the darkened woods around them.

"Pretty, huh?" her husband asked, wrapping his arms around her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder. "Just like you," he added.

Smiling, Sara snuggled into his chest and he tightened his hold on her.

Swaying in his arms, Sara tilted her head back to rest on his shoulder. The lantern heated her skin and she breathed in the woods around her. The night was silent around them and Sara suddenly felt the urge to delve into it.

Pushing off Grissom's chest, Sara ignored the surprised "Oof" sound as he gasped. She moved quickly and gracefully down the steps and was almost out of the lanterns glow before she finally turned around. Looking over her shoulder, she invited him to follow. He accepted the invitation and started after her, not nearly as quickly, but twice as determined.

Halfway down the path, her husband hot on her heels she suddenly skidded to a stop, her head flung back, looking up at the clearing in the trees. He nearly crashed into her, stopping just in time.

"Sara?" He asked.

"Look," she pointed skyward, "A satellite."

He nodded, following her finger to the small pulsing light, moving across the sky.

"Do you believe in aliens?" She asked, not taking her eyes off the beyond stretching out above them. A wicked grin lifted her features.

Grissom pondered the question, his blue eyes trained on the light in the sky. "I don't know," he answered honestly.

"Why not?"

"Well, I like to think there is something else out there, but my Catholic upbringing always plays in the back of my mind too."

He looked down to her in time to catch the look of intrigue that flickered across her pretty features. "Do you believe in aliens Sara?"

She smiled, her head movement lost somewhere between a noncommittal nod and definite shake. "I'm a scientist, I reserve judgment until there is sufficient evidence," she explained, sliding her arms around his neck and kissing him. A few beats passed before she lifted her legs easily and wrapped them around his waist, feeling his hand slide under her rear to hold her up, pulling her close.

"Do you believe in ghosts?" She asked leaning her head on his shoulder as he began a slow walk back towards their cabin.

"I do."

"Ever seen one?" Sara asked warily. He nodded she lifted her head, raising an eyebrow, "Really?"

"The day after my dad died."

"Were you scared?"

"No," he shook his head. "It made me feel safer."

"Why?"

Grissom shrugged as best he could with her arms draped over his shoulders, "It made me feel better to know he was still here."

Resting her head on his shoulder she contemplated, "I would have been terrified had I seen my father after he died." She shifted in his arms, "I think something is biting me."

He pulled one hand out from under her and picked up the mosquito attached to the back of her neck, sucking greedily, and crushed it between his fingers then placed his hand back in its original position to support her better.

"You killed him?" She tightened her hold on him, "I think I'm flattered."

"I would do anything for you."

"Me too," she vowed, yawning into his neck.

He carried her the rest of the way home and turned off the lantern before heading inside. Undressing her then himself they slipped into bed, Sara curled up into his side, entwining their feet.

"Cold feet," he muttered. "I missed them."

"I missed them being warmed," she snuggled closer, lifting his arm, and sliding underneath it.

Stroking her hair he kissed her forehead, "Love you."

"You too, Gil."

He fell asleep shortly after, his words repeating over and over in his head, steady as the tide, covering a sandy beach. When he awoke again, the moon still high in the sky, he found her staring at the ceiling. Concern pulled his eyebrows together in thought and dragged his mouth into a tight line. Careful not to startle or crush her, he moved slowly in the dark and reached over her to the pill bottle perched on the edge of her dresser. Emptying two into his palm he slipped them into her hand, surprised when she shook her head.

"It's okay," she whispered, casting her eyes towards him.

"You need sleep honey," his voice was low as he answered her.

"I just need some more time, just give me some more time." Grissom traced patterns on her arm, and she turned her face into his, eyes closed, mouth moving, forming a distinguished pattern, "One-hundred, ninety-nine, ninety-eight…"

Eventually her lips stilled and the sound of counting turned into deep steady breaths as she slipped into unconsciousness, holding his hand tightly.

XXXXX

Sara woke the next morning to the smell of soap and the comforting repeated motion of someone stroking her cheek. Opening her eyes she was greeted by her husband, freshly showered, hair damp, his cheeks and chin cleanly shaven. "Wake up honey," he called, tracing her brow.

Mumbling she pushed his hand away and turned over, her back to him.

"Sara-"

"Is there a fire?"

"No…."

"Then leave me the hell alone," she used her elbow to push him away, almost off the side of the bed.

"Sweetie, we need to reset your natural clock-"

She cut him off, "Do I look a fucking coffee maker to you?"

"No, b-"

"An alarm clock?"

A small smile played on his lips he had grown accustomed to and no longer felt intimidated by her terrible temper. Sara hated being woken up. In the early months of their relationship he had insisted Sara seek help with her insomnia. After several months of using sleep charts and a few stays at the sleep lab she had been diagnosed with Circadian Rhythm Sleep Disorder. It had taken months for them get her into a healthy routine.

"Sweetie, we've done this before. You know that in order to correct your rhythm you need to force yourself to conform to an appropriate sleeping schedule," his hand slid underneath her shirt and up her spine.

"Uh uh."

"Uh huh," he encouraged, planting a kiss on her shoulder.

A grumble escaped her mouth, starting in her throat, "No."

"I'll make waffles."

"Not worth it."

"I'll give you love?"

Unable to make herself respond vocally she let out a hum.

"Worth it?"

Her head shook, "You'll give it to me anyway even if I don't get up."

"I'll give you more and I will even shower with you," her husband bargained, wagging his eyebrows at her. He pulled his hand out from underneath her to avoid being trapped as she rolled over to face him, looking up at him with sleepy brown eyes, fogged over. "Shower?"

Her lips turned down into a full pout, coupling it with a whine as he scooped her up and started towards the bathroom. "Why?"

"Because I like you wet and naked."

"I'm really tired, Gil."

"I know honey, but it won't get better until you make it better by for-"

"-cing myself to conform to an appropriate sleeping schedule, blah, blah, I know," she shook her head, "but I am really tired Gil," she stressed the 'really'.

Stopping mid stride he looked down at her pale face and the dark purple circles under her eyes. Nodding he carried her back to the bed and placed her down. Moving into the spot beside her he accepted her into his arms as she curled into him. "M'sorry," she mumbled, rubbing her nose against his shirt.

"It's okay, Sara."

Her eyes opened again and she took a deep breath, "I'll try to stay awake, maybe we can go for a walk."

"You want to?"

"No," Sara answered honestly. "But you're right, I need to. We can go."

Struggling to climb off him with aching exhausted limbs Sara stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

XXXXX

Hank barked excitedly and rushed to Sara when he saw her untangling his leash by the front door. Weaving around her legs, tongue wagging, he pawed at her shins making her laugh.

"We're going to leave Jenny without a companion?" Grissom asked from where he was sitting on the couch tying his shoes.

The leash made a small click when she Sara fastened it to the ring on Hank's collar, "He needs a good walk."

"That's why I love you," a kiss was placed on the corner of her brow, "always taking care of people." Grissom looked down at the dog, sitting patiently at their feet, ears twitching, knowing he was being spoken about, "or wannabe people."

XXXXX

The trail Sara picked was of a medium difficulty and it led them down a steep path towards the beach. Hank, having been released from his leash, was several feet in front of them weaving around fallen trees and foliage, his nose leading the way. He was the first to reach the sandy shore of the beach, immediately dropping onto his back and rolling in the sand, kicking it up at his people who arrived shortly after.

Giving the dog a tap with her toe, Sara encouraged him to keep moving then picked her way towards the water, inhaling the fresh scent of the bay. The shore was damp and hard beneath her feet.

"Take off your shoes and walk in the water," Grissom suggested, picking up a stick and tossing it into the waves, an amused smile on his face when Hank immediately charged at full speed towards it.

Sara scrunched up her nose and shook her head.

"Why not?"

"Because there could be glass, or anything in there," her eyes swept the broken surface of the water, as though searching for the dangers lurking on the bottom.

"So you never swim in the water at the beach?"

"I didn't say that. I actually enjoy the beach more than a pool, but only in designated swimming areas where the bottom is combed."

He nodded, his blue eyes crinkling as he smiled, taking her hand in his own.

The couple strolled up the beach, balancing along the invisible line where the waves stopped and rushed back into the bay. Eventually Sara's head came to rest on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around her back, making their walk awkward, but the closeness made it worth it. The sounds of the bay filled their ears; shrieking gulls, lapping water, boats, so far out they were tiny specks blending into the distance. "When we have a baby, what will we name it?" Grissom asked, his eyes tracing the mountains towering into the sky around them.

"Haven't really thought about it," she shrugged. "We don't know if it will be a boy or a girl."

"We could pick several of both… or go unisex," Grissom suggested, tilting his chin to look down at her face.

She had closed her eyes and was being led blindly by him, judging her steps surely by his. "But I don't know what they will be like. How can I name them?"

"Well, we can't just call them baby boy or baby girl until we learn their personalities, can we?"

"In some cultures, like the Ancient Native Americans, babies weren't named until they were grown," she waited for his nod before continuing. "They believed that the spirit or personality living in the body was identified by the name, and that spirit took time to develop." Sara lifted her head to see him more clearly. "And so, the child would be given a temporary name until the Elders were able to determine what name suited the child's abilities or strengths. Once the Elders had chosen the name they would hold a naming ceremony in which they would tell stories about the child that led to the name being chosen."

"In other cultures parents name the baby based on what the name means, because they hope that's what their child will be like. For instance, Sara means princess, or Gilbert means bright pledge."

His face flickered at the use of his full name. "Don't you think they deserve a name?"

She rolled her eyes, "They don't even exist the slightest yet, Gil- bert."

Poking her side he stopped walking and turned to stand in front of her. "They exist in there," he pressed two fingers against her chest, over her heart.

"Deep," she grinned teasing him.

His eyes widened, "Mean Mrs. Grissom. I'll just have to stop saying heartfelt things."

Kissing the corner of his mouth she moved around him, and continued walking along the beach, following Hank's pawprints in the sand, her eyes trained on the boxer digging furiously. She whipped around surprised when she felt his hand slip into her back pocket and squeeze the flesh of her ass.

"Pervert."

"I'm your husband." His hand found its way out of her pocket and around her side again, pulling her against him.

"And that means you can molest me in public?" At the insecure look that crossed his features she quickly added, "I'm kidding."

"Well, for that-" He rubbed her side tickling her ribs until she squirmed away and took several long strides backwards into the water, drowning her legs up her mid calf.

"No tickling," Sara held one finger out when be moved towards her.

"But I enjoy it."

Sticking her tongue out at him a mischievous glint lit up her eyes right before her leg was thrust forward, soaking his pants and spraying his shirt. His face seemed to register the new feeling of being drenched before his mind did and he stood there, dripping for a few beats. And then he was on top of her, dragging her under the water, pinning her down, nuzzling her neck.

Hank, who was watching from inside his hole ran towards them, intent on joining in the action, running in circles around them as best he could considering the depth of the water. "This isn't a designated swimming area!" Sara shrieked.

XXXXX

"I want to eat," Sara announced from her side of the couch, looking at Gil over her book. The brunette was stretched across two of the three cushions with her feet on her husband's lap, enjoying his hands that administering a gentle massage to her arches.

"What do you want to eat?" He asked, pouring some more lotion into his palm before getting back to work.

"Everything, anything."

Getting off the couch he put her legs down and kissed her head, "Good girl." In the kitchen he began searching through the pantry and fridge, stepping to the side when she followed him in.

Pulling herself onto the counter she crossed her legs and opened a cupboard. "Chips," she announced as a bag was pulled from a shelf and opened.

"I'll make you a grilled cheese sandwich," he offered turning on the stove.

"No grilled cheese."

"Then what would you like?"

Her teeth crunched into another chip.

"More than chips, dear," he took the bag from her and folded over the top, putting it away.

"Oh, how about tacos," Sara suggested hopping off the counter and opening the fridge. "Think they sell tofu around here anywhere?"

"I think we could find some."

"You do that, I'll start making everything else. And we need shells," she pulled out a white cutting board and a knife and put them both under the faucet to wash them.

Picking up his keys he nodded and left calling out, "I'll be back in a bit," over his shoulder.

XXXXX

Pushing the door open with his foot Grissom balanced several grocery bags as he staggered into the house. Grinning at the site before him he put the groceries down quietly and toed his shoes off. Moving towards the kitchen he took in the sight of his wife, standing, her upper body stretched out across the counter, fast asleep. Moving into position behind her he gently laid a hand on her back, startling her. Catching her as she stumbled backwards her held her up as she found her bearings and looked around the room confused. "Hi," he whispered.

Finding her feet she stood up and rubbed her hands over her face.

"Good nap?" he asked picking a bag up off the floor. "You have lettuce in your hair.

Working quickly she dragged her fingers through her curls, pulling the greens leaves out and dropping them in the garbage.

"I thought it was kind of cute," he remarked sorting through his purchases.

"Hmm, you would… because it attracts bugs."

Grinning he pulled another green chunk of chopped lettuce free from her brown locks when she turned around to get back to work, dicing tomatoes. "It took me forever to find tofu, I guess there aren't a lot of vegetarians around here."

"Sorry," she shrugged sheepishly, "you can add it to the base I already made; in the pan on the stove."

Once the tofu was cut up and dumped into the pan Sara moved to the spot beside him, wooden spoon in hand, and started stirring, her eyebrows pinched, her eyes dull. Grissom's hand came to rest on her shoulder and her head drifted towards its warmth, her cheek rubbing against his fingers.

"Go take a nap," his thumb stroked her ear. "I'll finish dinner."

"No, you don't have to. It's okay."

"Please?"

Wordlessly she nodded and handed him the spoon and left the kitchen. Climbing into the sleeping bag she curled up, and closed her eyes, watching the sun create a show of red and orange on the inside of her eyelids until she fell asleep.

XXXXX

She felt his presence in the room before she heard him. Too lazy and relaxed to open her eyes she listened to him as the boards creaked under his feet and he approached the bed. The mattress dipped beneath him as he sat down beside her. "Sara," Grissom whispered rubbing her shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"Dinner's ready, sweetheart."

"But I'm warm and comfy," she croaked, taking his hand and tugging on it, trying lamely to pull him into the bed with her.

"I know, honey," he resisted her, kissing her fingers. "But you'll like it better warm."

Sighing she nodded and sat up then forced her body to move. Getting out of bed she fixed her hair, cringing as she felt some major bed head under her hands. She started walking when Grissom pressed a hand to the small of her back and guided her into the main room of the cabin. A small gasp escaped her lips when she saw the table, draped in a green table cloth, a large bouquet of summer wildflowers in the center, candles on both sides.

"Nice," she smiled at her husband, looking at her expectantly. Dropping a kiss on his cheek she crossed the room to the table and lifted a tiger lily out of the bunch. Taking a moment to smell it, she closed her eyes, and then tucked the orange flower behind her ear.


	10. Chapter 10

October 06, 2012

Hi everyone,

So I was super disappointed with how few people reviewed the last chapter. Was it too long? I won't know unless you guys give me some feedback so I know what to change. This is shorter chapter. Let me know works better for you. Thanks.

Hope to hear from more of you this time.

Cheers.

* * *

Grissom cleared the table, humming softly under his breath, just loud enough for Sara to hear from where she sat cross-legged on the couch picking the thorns off one of the roses she'd plucked from the bouquet. The rose had seemed out of place amongst the other spring flowers but it made it more beautiful to her. Listening to Grissom with a smile she admired its perfect yellow petals, shaped widely, curving upwards to the center. Layers of yellow; fragrant and soft under her fingers, each petal stunning and elegant on its own but complete when together, connected to make a whole shape, cradled in her palm.

Her husband eventually took a seat beside her, smelling of fresh lemons. Sara knew that later, his hands would be extra soft and smooth as they moved over her body, loving her as no one had ever loved her before.

Sara's eyes caught his amused stare as his watched her hands pulling the roses stem free of it's thorns.

When she was finished she brought the head of the flower to her nose and inhaled it's scent again then placed a soft kiss on the petals that were cool and silky against her lips.

Grissom's hand slid up her arm to her shoulder, where it rested there, his thumb and index finger lightly stroking her earlobe. "It's supposed to stimulate." Though his voice was serious his eyes held a glint of amusement, and passion reserved only for her.

Sara's smile was hidden behind the rose but he knew her feelings when she moved onto his lap, her flower clutched in her hand.

"I picked up a cheesecake too, for later." Her eyebrows rose and he elaborated, "Chocolate and strawberry, with chocolate drizzle." A kiss was dropped onto the top of her head to punctuate his description when she tucked her face under his chin. Her body shifted as did the mood in the room and he wondered what he had said wrong. The thoughts were however pushed aside when she spoke.

"I don't know what's wrong with me…" She sighed. "It's like I," she paused for a moment to think. "I can't stop this darkness," she spoke slowly, choosing her words carefully. "I feel happy right now, and I know I should, but these dark thoughts keep creeping up," she shook her head. "Why do you think people hurt other people?" Sara's question held an innocence he hadn't heard from her, or anyone, in far too long.

His heart longed to come up with an answer that would satisfy her but his mind was unable to produce one, "They're insecure about themselves… they have mental illnesses… they're jealous," he settled on his hand drifting up and down her back, tracing her spine. He kept his concerns about her disclosure about her mood instability to himself. That was a conversation that they would explore later.

"I wish that… sometimes they just wouldn't," a soft laugh died on her lips and hung inappropriately in the air. "That sounded flippant."

"Me too, Sara."

"I guess you would be out of a job," she lifted her head and dark eyes settled on his face.

"Well, I am going to be changing career paths. Perhaps we could let everyone know that my livelihood will be secure without them and they will stop," he jokes, attempting to lighten the mood.

"I think it's a good change," Sara nodded. "I think we could both do with less suffering in our lives. I guess we'll see," her fingers played with hem of his shirt, and she slowly worked it up over his chest. She eyed his chest, her eyes squinting playfully. "So what's the plan?" She asked.

"You eat cheesecake, and then I want to make love to you, then we live happily ever after; as I understand that's how it works."

"Or we eat cheesecake while we have sex," her grin was wicked as she climbed off him, taking her shirt with him.

"Whipped cream?"

"Meet you in the bedroom," the bounce in her step was unmistakable as she headed through the door arch. "Better find the camera," Sara called over her shoulder, her hair flicking as she laughed.

He was dazed for a moment by the sudden change in her mood. "You're into porn now?" He was already searching for the camera; finding it on the bookshelf he headed into the kitchen, his pants growing tighter as he neared the bedroom, his arms laden.

"You and me porn? Totally." Sara mumbled.

XXXX

Sara did a final sweep of the cabin to make sure everything was in order. Finding her panties on the floor behind the door she picked them up and tossed them in her open suitcase on the bed, laughing when they landed on Jenny's head.

"I think someone found a new home," Grissom commented entering the room behind her with the cat carrier.

"In the case with our dirty clothes? Not a very good choice," she handed him the kitten and zipped the case closed. She groaned as she lifted it off the bed with both hands.

Grissom took the case from her and handed her the carrier. "So, do you want to come back her sometime?"

"I really would," she told him locking the door and heading to the car where an anxious Hank hung halfway out the back window, tail wagging in anticipation. Sara put the cat in the back on the floor space between the front and back seats then got into the passenger side and buckled in.

Grissom climbed behind the wheel minutes later after making sure the cabin was secured. Once he was settled he looked over at her, a smile spreading across his face as he watched the sun highlight the hair that had come loose from her ponytail, curling around her ears and at the base of her neck. "You look good," he told her. "Beautiful," he corrected, taking her hand running his thumb over her knuckles.

"I don't feel so bad either," she grinned, slipping her sunglasses on, the black of the lenses contrasting against her skin, bringing out the freckles dusting the bridge of her nose. "So are we stopping in Idaho? I feel like a potato."

Grissom's laugh was deep, happiness beginning in his chest, lifting his heart. "Sounds great," he started the car and pulled away from the cabin and guided the car down the long stretch of tree lined road, back to Nevada where their old life would come to a close and their new one would begin.

XXXX

Sara had fallen asleep somewhere between Washington and Idaho. Her head had fallen to the side to rest against the glass on her door, her hand, still tucked inside his, limp and dangling loosely through his fingers.

"Sara, honey," Grissom called her, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "We're at the hotel, let's go inside and get a comfortable night's sleep." He released her hand and traced the curve of her wrist, up her bare forearm, over the valley of the inside of her elbow to her bicep. Rubbing his hand over her shoulder and bicep he called her gently, slowly rousing her from sleep.

Sara's eyes opened almost in slow motion and she blinked heavily to bring everything into focus. They were parked outside the same hotel they had stayed in on the trip to the cabin. Getting out they ambled into the lobby, taking nothing but the pets, and booked a room.

Sara climbed into the large king sized bed as soon as Grissom opened the door and curled up in the middle, falling asleep when her husband joined her shortly after.

XXXX

The room was still cast in shadow when Sara woke, tucked safely underneath Grissom, the weight of him warm and comforting in the unfamiliar room. She looked around, her eyes settling on the balcony doors, covered by heavy dark curtains that failed to keep out the light peaking in around the edges and the gap in the middle where the separate sheets of material didn't quite meet. Sliding out from under him she climbed out of bed and went to the other side of the room, looking over her shoulder at her husband snoring into his pillow. Tugging on the curtains she tried to overlap them to block out the sun.

When she realized her efforts were in vain she shrugged and lowered herself onto the couch, pulling her legs up to tuck her knees under her chin. Her long arms wrapped around her calves and hugged them close to her body. She had woken to an uneasy feeling she couldn't seem to place. It seemed to settle in her gut and creep into her chest making it feel as though she had to force herself to keep breathing.

Trying to distract herself she peered through the gap between the blinds, her eyes sweeping over a tree speckled hill reaching high over the horizon towards the sky, brown and green patched.

"Idaho's beautiful, isn't it?" Grissom's gravelly voice asked her.

Dropping the curtain she turned to see him sitting on the edge of the mattress, disheveled and shaking sleep from his limbs.

"It is."

"You doing okay?" He seemed to find his feet and got to them then shuffled across the room to join her on the sofa.

"Yeah, you should go back to sleep."

"I'm awake," he rubbed a hand over his lower face a stifled a yawn.

"You know that feeling when it feels like something's wrong?" Sara asked, watching shadows stretch across his features and his face changed to contemplate her question. The light peeking through the blinds highlighted the gold flecks in his eyes that seemed to only come out in the early morning.

"What are you feeling honey?"

Sara lifted a shoulder then let it drop again gracelessly. "I don't know," she answered honestly, letting her hand rest over the spot on her abdomen when a heavy rock seemed to have settled, hard and crushing. "Probably just a side affect of my insomnia," she tried to brush it off.

One of Grissom's arms slipped around her slender shoulders and pulled him into her side where her head came to rest against him.

Turning her face into his side she tried to steady her breathing. "I love you, Grissom."

She could hear the smile in his voice, "I love you too, Sara."

"Want to get going?" She asked getting to her feet several minutes later. "I can drive you so you can get some more sleep."

"You still need your Idaho potato," he reminded her.

"We'll stop on the way," she tossed him his shirt and pulled her own over her head, then slid into her pants.

"Okay, but I'm driving and we're talking."

Sara froze and avoided his eyes, her head dropping a little, "Okay."

"Sara, relax," Grissom got to his feet. "Not that kind of talk." His fingers slid under her chin and tilted her face up to look at him. Finding her lips with his own he kissed her deeply, hoping to somehow comfort her and reassure her that everything was fine.

And for the first time in a long time he was completely confident that it was.


	11. Chapter 11

November 04, 2012

I totally thought I uploaded this two weeks ago! My bad. Sorry about that guys. I already have the next one ready so it will go up this week.

Cheers.

* * *

Twenty minutes later Gil and Sara found themselves on the road again barreling down the highway towards Nevada. Sara opened her window and grinned at Grissom from where she sat in the driver seat.

"You look like Medusa," he commented catching a stray lock of brown hair in his hand and pushing it behind her ear. "This was great. I really enjoyed myself, Sara."

"Oh," her mouth curved upwards, "The sex. The vacation sex?" she asked, laughing softly.

"That certainly was an outstanding feature… but I enjoy sex at home too, don't you?"

"There is no cheesecake in the home sex," she shrugged, offering him a teasing grin.

"There can be…" Grissom suggested taking her hand.

"I'll hold you to that."

"…and anything else you want," he added.

Sara sighed, "I want everything that we talked about to actually happen. You career change, our communication, the family part."

"Me too," Grissom nodded. "We'll have one, two… ten."

She laughed, "Alright. I'll have the first two and you can have the other eight."

Grissom laughed too, squeezing her hand.

"I wonder what we will have. Do you have a preference?" She asked taking her eyes off the road to look at him.

"Anything as long as it comes from you," his hand let go of hers and found it's way to her stomach where he caressed it lovingly, allowing himself to imagine a time when it would be heavily swollen with his child. When his mind drifted back to the present, to the reality of its true shape, concave under his hand he almost sighed. "What do you say we pick up those potatoes?" he asked hopefully.

"Good idea. I'm starving," Sara made a sharp left and pulled into a family restaurant. Unbuckling her seatbelt she opened her door and slid out of the car for him to follow.

XXXX

"I'll have the baked potato, loaded, without the bacon, and a glass of Milk," Sara ordered handing her menu back to an unimpressed looking waitress who looked as though she hadn't smiled in decades. "Please," Sara added, offering a smile of her own.

The older woman wrapped in a lilac coloured apron adorned with lace merely rolled her eyes and turned to Grissom who ordered the same with bacon. When the waitress was gone Sara grinned at her husband barely holding back a laugh. Picking up her water she crosses her legs and slipped one of her flats off, using the opportunity to run one bare foot up the length of Grissom's calf.

She watched under heavy lids as his lip twitched, the only sign of his arousal. Tracing his shin back down Sara used her big toe to lift the hem of Grissom's pant leg.

"Sara," he hummed, his voice low, warning her to stop though his eyes begged the opposite.

Pretending to be ignorant of her affect on him Sara's toe traced upwards again along the inside of his thigh.

"Sara," he hissed, going hard beneath the table. He grabbed for a napkin and dropped it onto his lap.

She slid out of the booth. "I have to go to the bathroom," her words were punctuated with a wink, turning away from him she walked towards the bathroom, throwing a sway into her hips for good measure. When he didn't follow she stopped at the bathroom door and motioned for him. He shook his head and she grinned at the sweat building up at his hairline and the redness creeping up his throat as he pointed to his lap.

Her grin widened and she motioned again, stepping to the side as he rushed past her into the bathroom muttering something that included the words _evil _and _vixen_.

Laughing she followed him in, banging the door shut behind her and flipping the lock. Pouncing on top of him she attacked his mouth, sliding her tongue easily into his mouth. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she cried out when he slammed her against the wall but didn't protest though the edge of the towel bar dug deeply into her back. It was completely forgotten when his fingers slipped under the waistband of her pants.

xxxxx

"You're a tease and you're still turning me on," Grissom told her around a mouthful of potato after they had cleaned up and made their way back to the table. He nodded to the vacant spot beside him on his side of the booth.

Looking at him a little surprised Sara uncrossed her legs and slid in beside him, pressing herself as close to his side. '_We're practically defying the Pauli Exclusion Principle'_, she thought, then almost laughed at the thought. Crossing her legs again she slid her plate across the table towards her.

When they both had finished their dinner Sara sat absentmindedly playing with the salt shaker, sipping her milk. Her thoughts were interrupted when Grissom leaned in, looking up she realized the grumpy waitress had returned and was standing over their table. "What? Pardon?"

"I asked if you wanted some cheesecake."

Sara eyes opened slightly and she clamped her mouth shut, clearing her throat, looking down at her lap she tried to hide the furious blush she could feel heating her face.

Grissom smiled amusedly and thanked the waitress, passing on the dessert. When she was gone he laughed, "Drawing some associations dear?"

When she had enough control over herself Sara leaned in close, pressing her lips against his ear, "Get some to go, there is a rest stop about an hour away and I think I might need a fu- snack." Climbing out of the booth Sara slid her sunglasses down over eyes and wandered outside mumbling about potato's in Idaho being awesome.

XXXX

Sara's eyes were definitely becoming blurry. Grissom had taken up camp in the back seat, his head resting against one door, his feet propped up on the other. Hank and Jenny had been banished to the far back where they too had gone to sleep. Her snoozing family left Sara alone with her thoughts and the darkness that overcame the car in the long distances between street lights and the headlights of oncoming cars. Yawning again she wiped her eyes and cracked her window, hoping some fresh air would wake her up. The unease that she had felt earlier had settled in her stomach again. Trying to figure out where it could be coming from she narrowed her eyes against the darkness that was shadowing everything around her.

She hadn't realized the sound the road rushing beneath them had faded away until she was jerked to alertness by tires squealing and the weight of Grissom draped over her shoulder, steadying the wheel.

"Please hit the breaks," he instructed guiding the car off the road when she slowed. "Put the car in park."

Pushing her hair off her face with a shaking hand she looked over at Grissom who had gotten out the car and opened her door. "Get in the back Sara."

Nodding, she swung her legs out and stood, feeling as though they had turned to jello. Making sure she was tucked in Grissom slammed the door and got in behind the wheel. He sat in silence for several moments before starting the car and driving.

"Did you sleep okay?" She asked when she found her voice, though her hands still shook violently. Wrapping her arms around her stomach she pressed her hands trying to stop the ache there.

"Yes, rather rude awakening though," he glanced at her in the rear view mirror.

"Sorry," Sara mumbled.

"Don't do it again."

Nodding the brunette curled up further around her abdomen and tucked her head down against her chin, biting her lip.

"I love you, honey," Grissom told her feeling guilty for acting so sharply when she was obviously in shock.

"I tried to wake you but you didn't wake up so I figured you were really tired. You're upset."

"Of course not."

She nodded, feeling relief rush over her, however, it was short lived when her stomach cramped again beneath her hand. Whimpering into the seat padding she closed her eyes and willed for sleep to come- soon after, it did.

xxxxx

When they arrived home Grissom lifted his still sleeping wife out of the back seat. Though his knees protested he carried her inside and up to their bedroom. He tucked her in and adjusted the house temperature before getting the pets and bags. Once everything was secure he joined her in bed, welcoming her when she slid towards him then under him as far as she could get. Smiling at their little routine Gil rubbed her arm soothingly, enjoying her softness.

The moment was interrupted prematurely when Grissom's phone on the bedside table began to vibrate. Picking it up before whoever it was calling had a chance to disturb Sara he flipped it open, "Grissom."

Paling slightly as the caller informed him about and filled him in on the details Gil pushed his hair back and puffed his cheeks, breathing out, "Is he okay?" he interjected when Catherine paused to take a breath.

Nodding he finished the call and looked down at Sara wrapped up in slumber. It seemed that their lives had somehow been caught up in a cycle of one unfortunate incident after another and he could only hope that by quitting the lab that they would be able to break away from it. Shaking Sara's shoulder lightly he called her name. It wasn't until she had elicited an unhappy grumble and rolled over that he spoke, "Sweetheart…. I have some bad news."

When she didn't respond right away he tried again, "Sara, I-"

"What happened?" Sara demanded sitting up and pulling herself off the mattress. She stood beside the bed waiting, her arms crossed over her stomach, pale in the mid morning sun.

"Nick was shot a few days ago at his crime scene."

Pain erupted from her abdomen as though someone had punched her and Sara was surprised she had remained upright. Eyes widening she looked at Grissom for more answers, sputtering an, "Is he okay." Desperate for the answer to be affirmative.

"He's still at the hospital. The bullet got his hip and shattered it, he's stable though and doing okay."

"I want to see him," Sara was already changing clothes.

Grissom nodded. "I'll take you to the hospital… are you okay?"

Sara didn't answer as she left the room and started down the hall.

They didn't speak again until Grissom had joined her in the car and they were halfway to the hospital. He had kept a steady watch on her out of the corner of his eye as she worried her bottom lip and played the hem of her shirt.

"What happened?"

Looking over at her again to make sure she had actually spoken Grissom found her brown eyes looking at him intensely. "A suspect returned to the scene and shot him," he wracked his brain, sure they had gone over this.

"When?"

"Four days ago, Sara. He's doing pretty well now, according to Catherine, but they haven't done replacement surgery yet."

"When will they?"

"I don't know, a few days probably."

Her arms wrapped themselves around her protectively and his ached to hold her.

They arrived at the hospital a few short minutes later and Grissom stopped outside the ambulance bay to let Sara out. She found out Nick's information quickly and texted it to Grissom then found her way to the Texan's room.

Tapping on the doorframe she let herself in, forcing a smile at her friend who was propped up on a hospital bed, a book open on his lap.

"Hey!" He greeted when he saw her. Grinning Nick put a hand out to her to encourage her further into the room.

"How are you doing?" Sara asked taking his hand and lowering herself onto the chair beside his bed. Sweeping her eyes over him she noted the i.v and the morphine pump, which meant he was in pain, at least some of the time.

"Better now that you're here." He closed his book.

"What happened, Nicky," the brunette eyed the sheet where she knew his shattered hip lay beneath the blanket.

"I got shot."

"No shit."

Nick's handsome face spread into an all too cheery grin, "Eloquent, Mrs. Grissom."

"Gil said you need a hip replacement…. When?" She asked when her friend nodded.

"A few days… although judging by the way you're walking you might need one too. How much sex have you had the last couple days?"

Sara rolled her eyes, "I need to get some less observant friends… can I get you anything?"

"Nope," Nick grinned.

"Has someone called your family?"

He nodded, "….Sara…."

"Are the nurses taking care of you? Have people been visiting?"

"Sara, shush," she opened her mouth to speak again and he shook his head. Slamming it shut she rolled her eyes. "How have you been?"

"Better than you."

"Where'd you go? What'd you do?"

Deciding he looked genuinely curious Sara decided to humour him. "Washington, we did nothing… everything... everywhere…." Her mouth curved into a half smile.

Nick grinned and the wrinkles on her forehead deepened. Reaching across him she fiddled with his iv wires, trying to straighten them.

"Sara, stop fussing. I'm fine," one large hand wrapped around her wrist and pushed her hand away.

"You're hurt," the female argued.

"So are you, judging by the way you're walking."

Brown eyes rolled, "Not the same thing. Do you need anything to drink? Or eat?"

"No, I just want to chat with my favourite girl."

Sara's smile crossed her face again, this time more real and relaxed. "Are you in any pain?" When he didn't answer she dropped her head. When she finally raised it again it was to look him square in the eyes. "I'm sorry I wasn't here."

"I'm glad you weren't. I'm glad you were off doing everything everywhere with your husband and not here to see this."

"I wish I had been here to help you…"

"Don't start that, Sara," Nick shook his head. "Don't you dare feel any guilt."

Sara tilted her head. "I'll be here to help you now, okay? You can stay with Gil and me if you want."

"Are your rooms soundproof?"

Sara shook her head, blushing.

"That's a good shade on you Sara," he teased.

"I'm serious, Nick. You're welcome to stay with us. In fact, I would insist on it."

The Texan nodded a thank you, "So when are you coming back to the lab?"

Sara shook her head, "I'm not."


	12. Chapter 12

November 05, 2012

I'm sick. So I decided to take advantage off my time off and post some more of the story. Plus I am pretty depressed about Lori on The Walking Dead so looking for a distraction.

Cheers.

* * *

Sadness briefly passed over Nick's features and Sara was tempted to slip in a 'kidding' before her friend nodded, understanding filling his eyes, though some hurt still settled there. Sara tried telling herself that it was his injuries and not her revelation that had caused it but she knew that wouldn't be the truth. Nick had always valued their team above anything and now she was breaking that commitment and she knew that he would never fully understand.

"Grissom's not either," he finally stated.

Sara shook her head no.

"What are you going to do?"

"We're talking about starting a family."

Nick smiled at this, "Make sure you and the Grissom Spawn come and visit a lot then."

Sara nodded, making a cross over her heart with her index finger, trying to fight back the tightness that was swelling her throat and stinging her eyes. It had been easy to make plans about leaving the lab and starting new careers when she hadn't been staring the best part of that old life in the eyes. "Grissom is going to starts teaching."

"I can see both of you doing that."

She shrugged, "We'll see, I haven't really thought about it yet."

"I bet the boys would kill to have a teacher like you,"

Sara grinned. "We'll, it's a shame for them. I am a married woman."

"I love that smile," Nick watched her carefully, as though memorizing her features, like they were already saying goodbye. Shaking it off, Sara began fussing with his blankets again. "Sara, if you don't stop fus-"

Nick was interrupted when the door opened behind them.

"Hey Nick," Catherine entered the room, scanning it, her eyes stopping on Sara. The blonde paused for several minutes before speaking, "May I see you in the hall?"

Nodding Sara got to her feet. "I'll be back in a minute," she spoke quietly to Nick, leaning in to give his shoulder a light squeeze before leaving the room.

Catherine followed her out closely and pulled the door closed behind her, "What are you doing here?"

A little surprised by the blonde's strong words Sara shifted uncomfortably, "I, um…visiting Nick."

"You know, Sara," Catherine took a step into her personal space. "You left us in a very bad position. There haven't been enough CSIs for anyone to have back up."

"Don't you dare put that on me. I told you to back off."

Catherine's blue eyes narrowed, freezing the brunette. "And I did, hoping you would come back. But you didn't, leaving us two CSIs down."

"No, I didn't. Last time I checked I'm only one person," Sara stepped sideways to move around Catherine who quickly moved back in front of her, blocking her escape.

"You did, since Grissom wasn't there."

"What do you want me to say?" Sara's hands rested on her hips defiantly and she fought to keep her voice down. The two were already attracting some unwanted attention from the nurses at the desk down the hall.

"What can you say? Just be thankful Nick wasn't killed."

"I am thankful that he wasn't but it isn't my fault that he's hurt. You're letting your loyalty rule your reason."

"At least I have some…"

Sara frowned, sinking her teeth into her lower lip, balling her fists to stop herself from using them. "You could have called in someone from days. Besides, the officer is supposed to clear the scene-"

Catherine's voice broke through her, filled with so much anger that Sara took a step back. "Stop making excuses."

"And stop blaming me for something that isn't my fault!" Brushing past the blonde Sara reached for the handle to open the door to Nick's room.

Catherine caught her arm quickly and pulled her back. "Can you just listen to me for a minute? Please?"

Pulling her arm free Sara turned around to face the older woman, crossing her arms. "You have one minute, I'm listening."

"Sara, I'm tired," the blonde ran a well manicured hand through her hair. "We all are. The four of us have been working nonstop for six weeks. I haven't seen Lindsay at all… I understand why you quit, and I understand why Gil handed in his letter of resignation."

Nodding, Sara swallowed hard and opened her mouth to respond. Standing mute for what felt like forever she gave up and nodded before turning around and slipping into Nick's room, leaving Catherine alone in the hall.

"What was that about?" The man on the bed asked when she approached him.

Sara sighed deeply. "Nothing. You doing okay?"

"Tired," his eyes slipped shut.

"Get some sleep," Sara lowered his bed slowly and fixed his bedding.

"Night, Sar," Nick's voice came slurred, his mind already slipping into slumber.

Leaning against his bedrail Sara felt hot tears slide down her cheeks. "Night," she whispered, trying to control her voice to hide that she was crying. Turning her face towards the end of the bed she concentrated on the shape of his feet under the blanket, trying to stop the tears from flowing.

"Lean down," he had opened his eyes again. When she didn't respond he tried again. "Lean over, Sara. I can't reach you."

Obliging him, Sara lowered her upper body to rest on her forearms on the bedrail. Gently Nick wiped the tears that had fallen off her cheeks.

"Don't cry; everything's alright."

Nodding, Sara straightened up and stroked his cheek then turned and left, passing Catherine on the way out.

"Sara," the older woman called out getting to her feet.

Holding up her hand to stop the blonde, Sara kept walking and didn't slow until Grissom fell into step with her as they neared the elevator. Pressing the call button Sara turned to face him. Slipping her fingers into his palm her brown eyes dropped to look at their hands entwined in the space between them. Moving her whole body into the gap Sara rested her cheek against him and closed her eyes.

"Let's go home," his chest rumbled against her ear. The metal doors slid open with a ding, and when Sara didn't move he encouraged her gently. "Come on honey. We can sleep."

Finally sighing and nodding Sara released him and stepped into the car, pressing the button for the ground floor.

Once they were settled in the car Sara turned to Grissom. "Did you talk to Catherine?"

"She accepted my resignation," he said vaguely.

Snorting, Sara answered bitterly, "I wasn't aware that was her place." The brunette resisted throwing in an eye roll and crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes trained on Grissom's profile as he drove.

"She'll be submitting it to Ecklie for me, with a couple of recommendations."

"Gladly, I'm sure."

"Sara…" Grissom began rubbing his free hand over his face as he slowed the car for a red light.

Not wanting to hear any excuses for the blonde Sara shook her head. "Whatever, Grissom," she breathed.

Feeling a small pang of guilt when his brow furrowed and his mouth turned down into a frown she dropped her head forward to avoid seeing the hurt she knew was in his eyes. Truthfully, she knew she was acting wrongly taking her frustration out on him, and after everything they had worked on while in Washington, but she so frustrated with Catherine that she couldn't bear to hear him try to justify the older woman's actions.

She got out of the car and raced to the front door as soon as he had pulled into the driveway, barely waiting for the car to come to a complete stop. Unlocking the main bolt she waited just long enough to hold it open for Grissom before kicking off her shoes and walking into the living room. Sitting down on the couch Sara curled her feet under her and watched Grissom.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked when he followed her into the room, dropping his jacket over the armchair.

"I'm hungry…"

"What would you like?"

"I can get something," Sara got to her feet and approached him. Sliding her fingers around the back of his neck she kissed him slowly, in apology, for earlier.

Accepting it easily Grissom offered, "I can make you something. I don't mind."

Sara dropped her face down and watched his bare feet for several moments, the way they rested on the hard wood. "Catherine said its my fault," she raised her eyes to meet his feeling a blush creep into her cheeks and tears fight their way into her eyes, clawing their way up through her raw throat.

"She's wrong," Grissom cupped her cheek, his thumb running over her cheekbone.

"Is she?"

"Very."

Sara shrugged wringing her hands together. Looking down he took one of her hands in his and led her into the kitchen and guided her onto a stool. Keeping her eyes focused on him she waited for him to continue, to offer some kind of a reason or explanation. She realized when he began searching through the fridge for something to cook that he wasn't going to elaborate at all. Sighing she tried to push down the disappointment climbing up from her chest. Closing her eyes she forced it down further and further until it was a lump it her stomach, and she kept it there.

"How's Nick?" Grissom finally asked, stirring tofu in a pan on the stove.

"Okay," he added chili powder to the pan. "I told him he could stay with us after he gets released," Sara added nervously.

Grissom nodded, "That's a good idea."

Sara watched the tiles on the counter intently, as though trying to commit them to memory. Pushing her hair behind her ears she hadn't realized her hands were shaking until they refused to hold the hair, to follow her command.

Grissom spotted the shaking instantly and went to her side. Taking her hands in his he kissed her forehead then wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to his chest, hard, but comfortingly. Holding her tightly he rocked her gently and peppered her hair with kisses, his hands rubbing her arms, warming her.

Sara whimpered in pain as the guilt she had suppressed broke free and escaped her mouth in a sob, hammering in her chest against her ribs.

"Sara, you did nothing wrong. Nick's okay, and I know he is so happy for you sweetie. He wants you to be happy, and I want to make you happy."

Sara shook her head against him, her nose rubbing against the material of his shirt, coarse against her sensitive skin. "If I hadn't quit... If I had been there they wouldn't have been so overworked and understaffed. He should have had backup…" Hot tears streamed down her cheeks and she clung to him.

"He had the cop on scene. There's nothing you could have done there other than gotten shot yourself, and that would have solved nothing." Kissing her again he released his hold on her and crouched down, taking her arms in his. "I love you so much, sweetheart."

Nodding, Sara wiped tears off her cheeks and sniffled then lifted her head to meet his eyes. "I love you too. And I'm sorry."

Grissom's confusion met her with a smile, "You have nothing to be sorry for."

Sara smiled tightly, "I just… I don't know." She shrugged to prove her point and wiped her eyes again, feeling moderately better for having released the pent up emotion. "I'm really glad he's okay."

"Me too."

"So… you're officially resigned?"

"I am."

"When are you going to look into schools?"

"I already have, there's and opening for an anatomy teacher at Grafton. I have an interview tomorrow."

"I know you're going to get it," Sara smiled, leaning her elbow on the counter.

"I hope so," he said as he crossed the room and picked up a package off the table wrapped in brown paper. Taking it over to her he put it down on the counter and stood back, watching her.

Sara straightened up and picked up the parcel, surprised by its weight, "What is it?"

"Open it," Grissom bounced a little on the balls of his feet and Sara quirked an eyebrow at him surprised to see him acting so strangely.

"All right… but if it's another cat…" Slipping her thumb under the tape on the back Sara pulled back the paper. Flipping it over in her hands she peeled back the front to reveal her husband's name in expensive gold print embedded into a leather bound binding. "Gilbert Grissom?" Freeing the book from the rest of the paper Sara grinned, "Forensic Entomology: A Scholars Edition," she read aloud, "By Dr. Gilbert Grissom."

Reaching forward Grissom opened the front cover, enjoying the sound of the cracking new book and it's stiffness under his fingers. "This one is a little fancier than the ones that will be mass printed, but I wanted a special edition for you and the team."

"You didn't tell me it was already in print," Sara skimmed the first page, smiling at the Authors Appreciation and Dedication page, feeling herself blush a little as her name was mentioned several times.

"I wanted to surprise you. Surprise."

Getting to her feet Sara wrapped her arms around him, "Thank you, and congratulations… I love you too." Slipping her hand into his she led him over to the bookshelf in the living room and slipped the book in under 'G'.

"So you approve, my dear?" His arms slid around her waist and his chin came to rest on her shoulder as they stood looking at his book resting on the shelf.

"It's amazing, Gilbert Grissom." Sara smiled reaching out to trace the letters again.

"You're amazing."

Sara was distracted from the moment when a strong odor hit her nose. Scrunching it up she looked in the direction of the kitchen just in time for the alarm to go off and for smoke to begin filling the room. "I think something's burning."

"Shit," letting her go Grissom skidded to a stop in front of the stove and turned off the burner, lifting the pan he swore again at the heat and dropped it. Sara quickly went to his rescue and turned on the fan and opened the window. Moment's later they stood side by side looking down at the charred remains of what would have been a delicious quesadilla. "Umm… take out?" Grissom suggested raising his eyebrows.

"I'll get my coat."


	13. Chapter 13

November 06, 2012

I had to fix some major plotholes in this, but I think it cleaned up nicely.

If you watch The Walking Dead please check out my poem that I recently posted in that forum. I would love to know what you think. It's been a long time since I composed any poetry.

Hope y'all are doing well.

* * *

Grissom's eyes roamed over several framed pictures mounted on soft green walls; portraits of silhouetted nude pregnant women caressing large bellies, tiny Mona Lisa like smiles playing on their lips. Looking over at Sara -her nose planted in a magazine- Grissom wondered what she would look like heavily swollen with their child, her belly rounded with life.

"Mrs. Grissom?" Sara's eyes shot up to meet those of the medical receptionist. "Doctor Jennet is ready for you now. You can step into exam room three."

Sara nodded, tossed the magazine onto the table, and got to her feet. Followed closely by Grissom she found her way to the small room and they both went inside. Climbing onto a small step she took a seat on the exam table while Grissom opted for one of the two chairs in the corner of the room. Sitting in an awkward silence Sara cleared her throat and watched Grissom out of the corner of her eye, perfectly aware that he was watching her too. She resisted breathing a sigh of relief when the door opened and Dr. Jennet entered the room with a clip board in hand and a warm smile on her face.

Taking a seat on a stool the doctor rolled closer to the couple, "Sara, how are you doing?"

Nodding Sara mumbled an 'okay', throwing a glance at her husband.

"Excellent. What brings you by?" Pulling a pen out of her white coat pocket the doctor clicked it and posed it over Sara's chart.

"Well… we were… I mean, yes, we were –are- thinking about maybe trying to… trying to have a baby," Sara's fingers burned from how hard she was wringing them in her lap, the skin turning an unattractive red. She wondered if was the same colour had crept into her cheeks as they became hot.

"Alright," Dr. Jennet's smile widened a little, relaxing Sara a bit. "How long have you been trying?"

"We haven't really been. Well, not yet…" She trailed off, feeling her embarrassment heighten to a higher level. Her eyes unconsciously looked for a hole in the floor to swallow her up.

"Sara's lost some weight recently," Grissom explained easily, not taking his eyes off his wife. "We understand that being underweight can make it difficult to conceive and carry a baby."

Dr. Jennet nodded, "Definitely. Sara, why don't you take your shoes off and step up onto the scale." The wheels on the stool squeaked as she moved back to give her patient room to get off the bed.

Sara toed her shoes off and slid off the table. Standing on the scale she kept her eyes on the floor self-consciously as the doctor adjusted the weights. Concentrating hard she pressed down with her toes and the balls off her feet. Glancing at the scale she tried to determine if her efforts had made a difference in the reading.

"One Hundred and Nine," the doctor's tone was purely factual. Sara wondered what she was really thinking as she sat back down on her stool and began writing in the chart. "What is the reason for your recent weight loss?"

Sara climbed back onto the examination table, "I wasn't feeling well."

"What kind of 'not well', Sara?"

"Depression, but I'm better now," she added quickly. "There were just some things, private things, going on," she offered a small smile to Grissom. "But they're being worked out."

"Alright," Dr. Jennet nodded. "I'd like to send you to a dietician Sara. A good friend of mine, Jose Ramirez. I'll have Colleen prepare the referral."

"That's all?" Sara asked slipping her shoes back on.

"Well, we're going to do some blood tests, and it would also probably be a good idea to look at some prenatal vitamins to help your body prepare. Let me get some literature together and you can call me after you have met with Dr. Ramirez." As the doctor spoke she tied Sara's arm and searched for a vein. "Hmm, let us try this," lifting her patient's hand she inspected it then inserted a needle then drew several vials of blood.

Once she was finished Sara got to her feet and felt Grissom's arm slip around her waist to support her. Tucking the envelope the doctor gave her under her arm the couple made their way to the car, stopping long enough to get Dr. Ramirez's information.

"You okay, honey?" Grissom asked when they were seated in the car.

"Fine."

"What's wrong?" He took her hand in his and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles.

"Nothing," Sara offered him a tentative smile. "Just a little overwhelmed."

"I know," he sympathized. "Let me take you to lunch," Grissom offered kissing her knuckles.

"I'd like to visit Nick," Sara shook her head.

"And then I'll feed you." He wasn't about to argue about her visiting the Texan.

"Okay," she agreed. "I'd like to talk to his doctor to get some information so we can prepare for when he comes home with us."

"How about I talk to the doctor while you keep him company?"

Sara nodded, laying her head back against her chair, enjoying the ride. Sliding out of the car when Grissom pulled up outside of the hospital she took the elevator to Nick's floor and tapped on the doorframe as she entered his room. "Nicky?" She called gently when he didn't look up from where his fingers danced over his morphine drip.

He released it when he looked up to find her at the foot of his bed.

"Hey," she smiled and handed him a bag containing some snacks and magazines to occupy his time.

"I think I'm falling in love," Nick teased looking inside the bag then putting it on the raised table beside him. "Thanks sugar."

Nodding Sara sat down on the bed beside him. Tapping his blanket covered knee with the brown envelope she received from the doctor she asked, "Did you sleep okay?"

"Very well, thank you. Morphine likes me at night."

Sara's eyebrows rose amusedly, "I remember fondly. Do you need anything? Some water?"

"Water?" Nick scoffed. "Soda por favor."

"It's not good for you. It deprives your body of oxygen and destroys calcium."

"And tastes good while it's doing it."

Rolling her eyes Sara got to her feet, "Fine". Leaving the room she found the closest vending machine, next to the elevator and bought him a diet soda. Handing it to him she sat down again, this time beside his bed in the chair.

"I told you, I'm falling in love."

Without a word Sara flashed her wedding ring at him, still clasped around her neck on a silver chain.

"So…?"

Sara's eyebrows rose.

"What's up?"

"Grissom officially resigned."

"I heard. Congratulations."

"And he has a job interview. Tomorrow."

"Where?"

Sara filled him in on the school and the position and some of the plans they had made. "I know he'll have a forensic club running in no time," she grinned, getting more excited about what was to come as she talked about it.

"Well, I might just have to check that out. Maybe you could help him with it."

"I'll need something to do," she nodded.

"You'll find something," Nick said encouragingly, taking her hand in his own. "Thank you for being here, Sara."

"Where else would I be?" Sara moved out of her chair and sat down on the bed, being careful not to jar him.

"Having sex," he grinned, squeezing her bicep and offering her an outrageous wink.

"Yeah… it's a little creepy when you mention my sex life." She paused for several moments, looking at the mattress in the space between them. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Promise?" Sara felt hot tears begin to build up in her eyes and she couldn't bring herself to raise them to meet his, lest she lose complete control.

She could feel the mattress shift beneath her as Nick placed his arms over her shoulders and guided her towards his chest. "Aw, Sar, don't cry." His words were a rumble against her ear. His fingers gently played over her hair, pushing it back behind her ears.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"It's okay. We're okay."

Sara nodded, wiping away the fat tears that had rolled down her cheeks.

"It's just that bad things keep happening to us and I don't understand why," fresh tears broke lose to replace the predecessors high on her cheekbones.

"Everything happens for a reason," Nick's voice was as gentle and reassuring as his arms around her.

"That's pretty fucking sick," she shook her head, sitting up to look at him again.

"I get to stay with you though."

"Good, because I need to know someone is taking care of you."

"Oh, so you mean Grissom."

Sara smiled, slipping her fingers into his again, finally able to look the Texan in the eye, "Well, hopefully he'll be busy teaching by then."

"He will be."

"And then it's just you and me…think you can take me?"

"Think YOU can take ME?" Nick's brown eyes crinkled in the corners as he grinned at her, tilting his chin down teasingly.

Nodding Sara smiled in return. "Alright, I'm going to let you sleep. I'll be back tomorrow before your surgery."

"See you then," he was already drifting off by the time she collected her things and made it to the door. Flicking off the light she let herself out.

Grissom was waiting in the hall outside the door, his hand pressed against the small of her back to get her attention.

"Hey," she smiled warmly, turning to face him. "What did the doctor say?"

"We'll talk over lunch," Gil kissed the corner of her mouth and guided her out.


	14. Chapter 14

November 07, 2012

Wow, I am impressed. I am kind of rockin' this actually updating thing. lol.

Let me know what y'all are thinking. I feel like I'm listening to radio silence sometimes. :) I mean that endearingly. Thank you to those of you whom I have heard from.

I have a new multi-chapter over in The Walking Dead forum if you are interested in checking it out.

Cheers!

* * *

"We're going to blow all the money you made from your book on eating out," Sara commented, sitting down on the chair Grissom pulled out for her.

"Well, that's why I am writing another one," he told her dropping a kiss onto her ear as he slid her chair closer to the table before moving around to slide into the bench seat opposite her. "I need to support you in the life to which you would like to become accustomed."

Pushing her chair back she slid into the booth beside him, nudging him over a little, "Any life with you is one I would like to become accustomed too."

"Oh, are we doing this again?" Gil teased sliding one hand around her back and pulling her closer.

Sara slipped an icy hand into his free one, "I don't think you want me touching you there."

"Well, the cold can be stimulating," a kiss was placed on her cheek and Grissom rubbed her fingers in his to warm them. "Okay, I talked to his doctor and they're going to do a full hip replacement tomorrow. He'll have to stay in the hospital for two weeks post op."

"That long?"

Grissom nodded.

"Can we get him home any sooner? That place sucks. I could take better care of him," Sara complained moving closer to him.

"I know you could. We'll see how tomorrow goes."

Sara nodded and the couple placed their orders for broccoli soup and hot chocolate, and coffee for Grissom. "Were you disappointed today? With what my doctor said?" She asked after several long moments of silence.

"I knew you needed to gain weight…"

"And?"

"And we'll do it healthily," His fingers found their way around hers again. "And then we'll have a healthy baby."

Sara's lips quirked into a tiny smile, "I thought you would be upset…." She paused for a moment, her smile fading. "With me." She moved back as their food was placed before them.

"Never."

"Never say never," she smiled. "I can piss you off pretty good sometimes."

"As can I you," he nudged her shoulder. "Now eat."

XXXX

"I think you should wear the black suit with the blue tie," Sara told him, her lips pressed against his ear, her arms draped over his shoulders, her stomach and breasts pressed flush against his back.

"I wasn't going to go for the lawyer look."

"But I think it's sexy," she let her hands slide over his chest and back up to his shoulders where they came to rest feeling muscle and bone, hard beneath her palms and fingers.

"Alright, you pick. I trust you won't lead me astray," Gil's arm slid around her waist and guided her to his chest. Using his hands to explore her back he pressed his lips against hers once quickly, then again much slower and softer, tasting her cherry Chap Stick and mint chocolate. "You've been into the Christmas stash," his lips met with her teeth as her mouth widened into a grin.

"I'm going to go to the hospital early tomorrow to see Nick before his surgery."

"What does that have to do with the Christmas stash?"

Stepping out of his arms Sara pulled Grissom's grey suit out of the closet and hung it on the door. "Grey," she nodded and went in search for a shirt and tie. "Hmmm, maybe we should skip the tie," she pondered, checking out his collection. "You don't want to seem stuffy."

Her husband nodded. "I'll drop you off at the hospital tomorrow before my interview." He flicked his thumb over her cheek. "You have to promise me you will eat. I know you'll be worried, but you need to eat."

"I promise," Sara insisted, picking up the suit and tossing it over her forearm with a light blue shirt. Changing her mind at the last minute she picked out a dark blue-ish grey tie with a subtle white pattern on it. Tossing him a grin to seal the deal and show him she would keep her word Sara bounced down the stairs to the main level, then down another set to the basement. Passing through Grissom's Insect room she stopped momentarily to inspect the remains of his collection. Too many tanks sat empty and a pang of guilt rushed over her, recalling her neglect. Fighting back tears at the thought of what the deceased insects must have suffered because of her pettiness she pulled out the ironing board.

Once the suit was pressed to her satisfaction she carried the outfit back upstairs to the bedroom and hung it up in the bathroom. Stripping her own clothes off Sara let her pony tail down and turned on the taps, adjusting the temperature to run herself a bath.

She felt his eyes on her before she turned around to find him leaning against the doorframe, large thick hands working his shirt buttons out of their holes. Blue pools traced the curve of her spine, all the way to her hair tangled at the nape of her neck. Freckles like schooling fish swirled across her shoulders matching the ones he knew dusted her nose that she tried so hard to cover with makeup. He watched her fingers rake through her dark brown hair and he admired the red and blonde highlights that shimmered in the light when she left it grow out into its natural colour. "Mind if I join you?" He was behind her now, his lips brushing the soft skin where her shoulders hollowed into her neck.

Sara hummed a yes and helped him remove the rest of his clothes. They both slid into the bath as smoothly as gold medal bobsledders, Grissom in the rear, his legs hugging Sara's sides snuggly.

"I love you," Sara breathed happily, leaning against him heavily. They sat in a comfortable silence for a long time before she finally spoke again."I am crashing," she commented, her eyes closed, her voice thickening with sleep.

"So I noticed," Grissom wrapped his arms around her, cradling her. "Try to stay up for a few more hours and you'll sleep really well tonight."

"Okay. I am going to bake cookies for Nick for tomorrow. I doubt that he will want them but he can use them to buy the nurses off. I hear junk food is their common currency."

"I'm sure your cookies will be appreciated," Gil dropped a kiss onto the back of her head and caught the cloth hanging over a porcelain bar between his middle and pointer finger tips. Soaking the material he began washing her back and shoulders, following in the wake of the cloth with his lips, her skin moist and sweet against him mouth.

"Should probably call Mandy too; I haven't spoken to her since we got back."

"She'll be glad to hear from you."

Sara leaned her head back to rest on Gil shoulder. Letting her eyes drift shut she smiled.


	15. Chapter 15

November 23, 2012

Sorry about the delay, guys.

Having the worst week of my life. On Sunday I broke my toe, on Tuesday my house got robbed, and yesterday my mom had to have emergency surgery and almost died. I've been a little... occupied. But now I need a distraction. So here is the next chapter. Will have another up ASAP.

Cheers!

* * *

Sprawled out across the bed in a pair of Grissom's boxers and a tank top that rode halfway up her back Sara, dialed Mandy's phone number by memory, the digit sequence familiar beneath her finger tips. As she listened to the phone ring she inhaled the smell of triple chocolate mint cookies wafting up the stairs from the kitchen, still warm and gooey inside the oven. Looking over her shoulder she watched Hank nudge the door open with strong muscular shoulders then cross the room. The big dog jumped up onto the bed and circled a few times before finding a comfortable spot at Sara's feet. He was close enough that she could feel his fur between his toes. She was suddenly distracted from her company by the ringing in her ear being cut off by a click then a feminine _y-hello_.

"Hey, it's Sara."

"Well, hello stranger." Mandy switched ears and flicked on the kettle. "How are things?"

"Things are good," Sara smiled. "And your things?"

"Great!" Sara could hear Mandy's tone lift as excitement bubbled into her voice. "Henry just finished painting the nursery."

"The what?"

"The nursery," the print tech repeated.

"Plant nursery?" Sara shifted on the bed trying to shake off the tightness in her muscles that was creeping up from her toes and spreading up her calves.

"People nursery." Mandy chuckled. "Baby nursery."

The information seemed to be travelling over the line in the slow motion, washing over Sara in waves. Just as she began to wrap her head around it, it would drift away again, leaving her grasping for understanding. The silence that fell between the two friends pushed the waves harder towards her until it felt like a tidal wave crashing against her. Sara wasn't sure she wouldn't have been knocked over had she not been sitting down. Her hand drifted to the barely covered skin of her belly, warm against her palm. Warm and empty. Finding her way back to the shore of the conversation she realized Mandy had been talking all along and that Sara didn't really know how much she had actually missed out on while she struggled to just keep breathing.

"So you're not even going to ask?"

"Ask what?" Sara panicked.

"What it is."

"Oh," She struggled as a deep pulsing ache began to tighten in her stomach beneath her hand that was still pressed tightly against her abdomen- so tightly that her knuckles had turned white. "I thought it was a baby."

Mandy laughed again and Sara wanted to pummel her with her fisted hand holding onto something that wasn't even there.

"It's a boy."

"Congratulations," Sara forced the word out surprised it even fit through the tight ball of her throat, the stone that had seemed to settle too large to breathe.

"Thank you." Mandy continued to talk about the baby and other things Sara couldn't bear to hear. Sara looked down at her hands to see if a person could actually go green with envy. She wondered silently if being jealous made her a bad friend, or even worse, a bad person. If the pain that she felt thumping in her heart at the thought of Mandy's belly rounded with life and things Sara could only dream about would actually destroy her. She pictured Mandy, her feet dancing on the tiled kitchen floor with excitement as she spoke about the baby, her free hand resting on her belly. Sara tried to focus on remember how far along Mandy said she was but couldn't find the detail, lost among a million other thoughts fighting for room inside her head.

_'Shut up, shut up shut up'_ she wanted to scream and block out mentionings of blue knitted blankets and baby showers, instead she forced out a mild, "Mandy I have to go. I have cookies in the oven." Her words cut off the print tech mid sentence.

"Oh, okay," Mandy seemed surprised momentarily. "We should get together soon to catch up."

"Okay. Talk to you later." Hanging up the phone Sara sat unmoving for several minutes, listening to Hank snoring loudly at her feet. When she heard the timer on the stove go off she get up and went downstairs.

In the kitchen Gil was sitting at the table hunched over a crossword table. Despite common belief at the lab he couldn't simply do the puzzle in pen with ease. The truth was that he often had a dictionary close by and Google open on his desk top. He didn't know all the answers. "How is Mandy?"

"Fine… I should make her some cookies too," Sara lifted the pan out of the oven, her stomach turned over at the smell that had once been so comforting.

"What for?" Grissom asked tossing the completed newsprint crossword to the side.

Sara swallowed hard and plastered a smile on her face while she pretended to be busy mixing more cookie dough. She knew if she looked at him her resolve would crumble and he would know the truth. "She's pregnant."

Gil nodded. "Tell her I said congratulations."

"You call tell her yourself when you drop these off at her place for me on your way to the hospital after your interview."

His chair scraped as he got to his feet and made his way over to her. "You don't want to take them by?"

"No, I'm going to stay with Nick."

"Sara, are you okay? You're looking a little green around the gills," Grissom swept a thumb over her cheek and tilted her face up so their eyes would meet. "Is it your stomach again?" He gave her flat abdomen a soothing rub.

Casually Sara brushed his hand away and moved around him to slip another tray into the oven. "I'll make some for us too."

"Sara…" Grissom's eyes watched her carefully. He eyed the way she held her body, a little too rigid. "Are you alright honey?"

"I'm fine, Gil," she shrugged. "Just a little nervous about tomorrow. I'm going to finish some baking, maybe read for a little bit, have some tea and then I'll be fine."

"Alright," He kissed her cheek. "Don't stay up too late."

Sara nodded distractedly trying to remember her mother's recipe for banana bread.

"Good night. I love you," Grissom paused in the doorway.

"Love you too," Sara whispered offering him a small smile before getting back to her distraction.


	16. Chapter 16

November 25, 2012.

Grissom woke to the alarm two hours before his interview. Reaching over for Sara his arm fell over her cold and empty side of the bed. Climbing out of bed he showered quickly and dressed in the pants and blue shirt Sara had ironed for him. Leaving the jacket and tie for later he went in search of his wife. He found her in the basement sitting in the arm chair. He crouched down in front of her, keeping his eyes from straying to the journal open on her lap. "What are you doing sweetie?" He asked, taking in the deep purple smudges beneath her eyes and the way her hand trembled from holding the pen so tightly.

Sara shrugged lightly. "I haven't been keeping up with my journal so I figured I should write an entry."

"What about?" He asked, unsure of whether she would be willing to share.

"You know, the usual…" she answered vaguely shutting the leather covers together and getting to get feet, careful not to knock him over. "I made breakfast."

Accepting her invitation to drop whatever was bothering her, for now, Grissom followed her upstairs and into the kitchen. "You were busy," he commented, upon entering what used to be his kitchen that could now easily be confused as a bakery. His eyes swept over bags and containers of baked goods all labeled with _Sharpie_ in Sara's barely legible scrawl.

He accepted the scone and cup of coffee Sara offered him. She joined him at the table with her own cup of green tea and what appeared to be a carrot muffin. "You showered without me," Sara observed inhaling the smell of his shampoo.

"I'll just have to make it up to you. After my interview and Nick's surgery and after you get some sleep."

Nodding in agreement Sara took a bite of her muffin.

XXXX

Sara felt guilty when she arrive at the hospital to be told that Nick had already been taken into pre op. Leaving a bag of baked goods with the nurse at the nurses station she took a seat in Nick's room and pulled her legs up. The room felt colder without any company and she wondered if he felt the same thing when all the visitors went home for the night and the nursing staff thinned out to only a handful of people- not enough to keep him company if he should get lonely or was unable to sleep.

Her eyes drifted around the room, taking in the ugly but clean green tiles on the floor, the off white paint on the wall, the metal bars suspended from the ceiling above the bed. She remembered being nine years old, her leg encased in a large cast, up in traction, suspended from bars identical to the ones above the empty spot where Nick's bed belonged.

Sara wasn't sure how long exactly she had been staring at a scrape in the wax on the tile but her eyes stung and her neck ached by the time she was pulled out of her trance by the sound of Nick being wheeled back into the room. Getting to her feet she stayed close to his bed but out of the way as the nurses hooked him up to the assorted machines built into the wall.

"How is he?" She found herself asking when no one volunteered her any information.

A man she recognized as Nick's surgeon answered her. "He's doing well. The surgery was a success, his vitals are stable. The anesthetic should be wearing off soon."

"How long until he can come home?" Sara moved out of the way of the nurses who were vacating the room, leaving her alone with the doctor and Nick.

"A few days. Maybe two or three."

Sara nodded, taking her seat next to Nick again. When the doctor left she looked around the room at the monitors hooked up to her friend, his blanket draped over his legs. She wondered what his incision would look like, if it would cause him much pain. Glancing at the container of cookies Sara had brought for Nick her stomach growled loudly against her palm. She hadn't even realized her hand had moved to rest on her abdomen. Sara wondered how often her body did things against her will, without her knowledge. Reaching over she slid her finger tips under the container lid and popped it open pulling a cookie out with her other hand.

"Stealing is bad," a groggy voice startled her. Looking down at Nick she found the Texan struggling to open his eyes.

"You would have given it to me had I asked."

"Yeah," his eyes fluttered again then opened.

Sara put her cookie down and moved closer into his line of sight. "How are you feeling?"

"High."

"So good then," she slid her fingers through his hair smiling. Nick seemed to be struggling to form words and Sara wasn't sure whether it was his mouth or his brain not cooperating.

"Nope. I… unlike you, don't enjoy it."

"Go back to sleep," she whispered smiling at his failed attempt to tease her.

"You're here…"

Sara suppressed a yawn. "Not all of me."

"You should sleep then, so then I can without feeling guilty." Nodding Sara rested her elbows on his mattress, careful to avoid jarring him. "I meant at home darlin'," Nick clarified. When he was met with silence he looked down to find her already asleep, her hand tucked under her pale face, her lips parted just enough to pass breath. Smiling a little Nick shut his eyes, feeling his body rise and fall in waves, the medication seemingly altering the weight and density of his body. He was just beginning to delve into the darkness tugging on him when he heard the scrape of the metal hooks on the rail descending from the ceiling supporting a green and blue floor to ceiling length curtain.

Opening his eyes he took in the familiar shape of Grissom moving around the side of the bed. He cleared his throat, unsure if it would co operating in forming actual words. "We were just napping," he explained to Grissom who stood awkwardly at the end of the raised bed.

"That's good to hear," his former boss whispered. "How are you feeling?"

"Well, thank you."

"What do you need?" Sara mumbled turning her face into the mattress away from the light shining dimly in the room above Nick's head.

"Nothing, Sara. Go back to sleep," Nick answered smiling at Grissom. "You should take her home."

Grissom nodded, sliding his arms under Sara's knees and around her back. Lifting her he bit back a groan when he back and knees protested her weight, as slight as it was. She nestled easily into his arms, resting against his chest, her face tucked into his throat. "Rest well, Nick. We'll be back soon enough."

The Texan had already drifted off into a medicated sleep.

Carrying Sara down the hall, carefully avoiding the commotion in the halls Grissom pressed the elevator call button.

"I can walk, you know," Sara mumbled against his throat, her words hot and moist against his Adams Apple.

Stepping into the elevator when the doors parted Grissom turned back around, "Good to know." Instead of putting her down though he tightened his hold on her protectively.

"Where are we going?"

"Home, sweetheart. So you can get some proper sleep."

Sara nodded in agreement. "How was your interview?"

"I start on Monday." Grissom let her slide down when they got to the car and he opened the door for her, guiding her back to avoid a collision.

"Congratulations," she gave him a quick squeeze and a peck on the lips then climbed into the car.

"I guess I'll have to get some pocket protectors and sweater vests," he grinned, tugging on her seatbelt then handing it to her to buckle in.

A snort caught in Sara's nose, "I'm sure your regular clothes will be fine, baby."

"Good idea," he slammed her door and walked around the front of the car to get in beside her behind the wheel, his hand immediately finding its way to hers, his thick fingers wrapping tight around her smaller ones.

Sara's smile was interrupted by a wide yawn escaping her mouth. "I want to go home and sleep." She rested her cheek against the seatbelt strap, using it as a mini hammock to hold up her head. Enjoying the feel of the tether on her cheek she closed her eyes.

Grissom nodded guiding the car out of its parking spot and around a pillar to the exit ramp. "We're having dinner with Mandy and Henry later. I invited them over as a congratulations on their new baby. But you should sleep until then."

"We are?" Sara ignored the second part of his statement. Her husband simply nodded again as he paid for their parking and pulled out onto the street and began the trip home. "When?"

"At six."

She glanced down at the clock to find a glowing digital 2:00p.m. staring back at her. "How does she look?" She asked after a long pause.

"Five months pregnant," Grissom shrugged easily tracing her knuckle with his forefinger. "She said she was shocked she was so far along... but apparently it happens."

"And what are we having?"

"What do you want me to make?'

"Poison for me," she muttered under her breath, turning to aim the words at her reflection in the window.

"What was that honey?"

"Nothing, uh, lasagna."

Grissom pulled the car into the driveway, parked, and unlocked the doors. Sara rushed out of the car and to the front door. Jamming her key into the lock she pushed it open and took a breath of fresh, synthetically cold air. She heard Gil enter behind her and close the door. "I'll wake you in a few hours," he offered dropping his keys into the ceramic dish on the table in the front hall.

Nodding Sara trudged upstairs and crawled into bed fully clothed. She wondered what it would be like seeing Mandy again- and pregnant. If she would be able to contain the jealousy and hurt coursing through her body, making her tremble despite the thickness of the blanket wrapped around her.


	17. Chapter 17

November 25, 2012.

* * *

Although Gil had tried to convince her on many occasion that baking cakes was a science she still showed little talent for it. She could do cookies and muffins, but anything else was touch and go. Standing in the kitchen, half leaning on the counter, still exhausted despite her nap Sara half heartedly iced the lop sided cake that she had spent an hour making. Discouraged by her results she tossed the spatula into the sink and started decorating the top, attempting to balance its disfigurement with extra nuts on one side. She was so engrossed in trying to work magic that she didn't hear Mandy and Henry arrive or Gil let them in. She's wasn't aware of the two presences in the house at all until she felt Mandy's hand gently tap her on the shoulder startling her out of her thoughts.

"Hey," the print tech smiled pulling her hand back and stepping to the side to give Sara room to greet her.

Sara hesitated before turning around, taking the time to prepare herself by pretending to wash her hands. When she finally did and gave Mandy a once over she was surprised to find her friends belly less pronounced than she had imagined it. Feeling a little more at ease she offered her a small smile, "Hey. How's it going?"

"Great!" The pregnant woman exclaimed eyes lighting up behind her thick framed glasses. "And you?"

"I'm fine," Sara shrugged. "Thanks."

Looking over her shoulder Mandy spotted the nut and cherry decorated cake. "Oh Cake! That look so good, Sara." Before Sara could respond Mandy was on her, arms wrapped around her, belly pressed against her stomach, full and warm.

Pulling back quickly Sara tried to forget the feeling of her friends baby pressed tightly against where she desperately wanted her own to rest. Awkwardly she tried to busy herself with cleaning up the loose powder that had drifted over the edge of the counter, clinging to the grain of the cupboard doors. "Did Grissom give you the stuff I baked last night?" Subconsciously her fingers made their way to the back of the neck. Turning the shorter curly hair around her index finger she wrapped her free arm around herself in case Mandy decided to spontaneously hug her again.

Mandy nodded eagerly. "It was great! You have the gift of desserts. Thanks Sara," she leaned against the counter her hands caressing the slight curve of her belly.

"Did you…" Sara tried to focus her eyes on anything other than Mandy's hands. Her eyes slowly drifted around the room trying to think of something to say. Any words would do as long as they filled the empty silence that seemed to be drifting forever between the two women.

"Hmmm?"

"Can I get you anything to drink?"

"Water would be great."

Nodding, grateful to have something to do Sara got a glass out of the cupboard and turned on the water filter. Pulling the freezer door open she shivered involuntarily and got the ice tray. Her hands were trembling as she bent the tray back to release the cubes of frozen water. Dropping a few into the glass she let the freezer door close, grateful to close off the frigid air. Handing Mandy the glass Sara simply nodded her thanks and turned off the water.

"So how was your vacation?" Mandy asked after taking a long drink.

Sara shrugged. "Good. Relaxing."

Mandy nodded smiling. "Good. You look great."

Looking down at herself Sara muttered a _thanks_ and did her best to refrain from rolling her eyes. "You too," she tacked on the end, meaning it, and on one level, hating it. She knew that she should be happy for Mandy and did feel guilty for her conflicting emotions but she simply couldn't help it.

"I feel great."

The silence returned again. Mandy watched Sara closely while Sara tried to look anywhere except her face that had rounded beautifully and seemed to glow brightly, the pregnant woman's cheeks a natural pink. Sara thought of her reflection in the bathroom mirror that she had inspected closely after her nap. Her cheeks that had hollowed skeletal look. The dark circles beneath her eyes and the waxy paleness of her complexion added to the effect.

"Do you want to see the ultrasound pictures?"

Nodding dumbly Sara answered with a hum in her throat, not trusting her voice to speak. She watched Mandy look through her bag on the kitchen table then accepted the small white backed piece of paper being offered.

"Look at him," Mandy grinned pointing to the blurry image that seemed fuzzy but what was the unmistakable profile of a baby and the outline of a hand held close to it's face.

"Nice," Sara managed, taking in the image, fighting back tears that had begun to prickle behind her eyes.

"He's perfect."

"When's it due?" She handed the still picture back.

"December 28th." Sara nodded. "He's going to love his Aunt Sara."

Jumping a little when the timer on the oven went off Sara almost sighed in gratitude and began going through the motions of removing the dish from the oven.

"Anything I can do?"

Sara shook her head. "I've got it. Go ahead and sit down. The table is set already." She watched Mandy leave the kitchen through the archway leading into the dining room. Sighing again she closed the oven door and counted to ten, preparing herself for the next leg of the evening.

XXXXXX

Adding in her own two cents at the polite and appropriate time, Sara pushed the lasagna around on her plate and listened to Grissom, Mandy, and Henry talk about the lab and Grissom's new job and whatever else came up. Smiling, she thanked Grissom when he refilled her wine glass and slipped her hand into his under the table.

"This is great Grissom," Mandy commented swallowing another bite of her dinner and covering her mouth with her hand.

Grissom squeezed Sara's fingers. "Glad you like it, thank you. By the way, the nursery looks great." He turned to face Sara who had her eyes trained carefully on her plate. "They have a monkey theme."

"That's nice," she looked up just long enough to meet everyone's eyes then dropped her own again.

"How did you decide on monkeys?"

"They're Henry's favourite animal so it seemed like the natural choice. And since we're having a boy…"

"Mandy humored me," Henry spoke up, giving his wife's hand a discreet squeeze.

Grissom smiled and nodded. "When did you find out the gender?" He flashed Sara a concerned look that she ignored in favour of forcing herself to take another bite. They were right, the lasagna was perfect, but for some reason every bite she took seemed to make her feel increasingly more nauseated. Deciding she would lose the small amount that she had managed to consume if she tried to eat anymore, Sara put her knife and fork together and slid her plate towards the center of the table a few inches.

"Last week," Mandy finished the last of her dinner and wiped her mouth. Smiling sheepishly when Henry offered her the breadbasket she accepted a couple of slices. "I'm just starving," she gushed, colour creeping into her cheeks. "The cookies you brought over yesterday completely hit the spot."

"Though it took half a dozen," Henry teased her then released her hand to rest his on the curve of her belly.

Sara tightened her fingers around the wine glass stem she had been fingering and lifted it to her mouth taking a long sip, enjoying the dry flavour as it washed over her tongue and swept down her throat. "Glad you liked them," she managed after a long swallow.

"I loved them."

Sara hid an eye-roll by looking down to retrieve her fork again.

"Would you mind if I helped myself to more lasagna?" Mandy got to her feet and was then quickly guided back into her seat by Henry's hand on her shoulder.

"I got it," the dark haired man smiled and lifted the pan. Bringing it closer to himself he used the spatula as a knife to slice her a square.

Grinning widely Mandy thanked him and began eating again.

Having seen enough Sara pushed her chair back and got to her feet. Lifting her plate she excused herself in a quiet mutter and retreated to the kitchen where she popped the cork on the second wine bottle and poured herself a glass. Draining it as though the liquid might disappear she picked up the closest knife and sliced the cake in half before beginning to portion the triangles onto smaller plates.

Grissom's voice floated into the kitchen as he took a polite leave from the table and followed her into the kitchen. Sara felt some of the tension slip from her body as his strong arms slid around her from behind. Closing her eyes she rested on his solid form, enjoying the feel of him pressed flush against her back. "You doing okay?" His voice came as a rumble against her spine and a breath of hot air in her ear.

"Of course," Sara nodded wishing they could hide out in the kitchen for the rest of the evening. "Want to take the cake through?" She almost sighed reminding herself that it would be another hour tops.

"Okay, honey." Her husband's large hands drifted over her center. "You will look so beautiful pregnant," he whispered presses his lips against her shoulder. And then he was gone.

Sara missed his warmth the second he pulled away from her. Leaning against the counter she listened to Mandy comment on the cake again, her bubbly voice piercing through the wall and sending a thud through Sara's skull as she turned to go back into the dining room. Pressing her fingers against her temples she paused to massage gently hoping to push back the pressure building behind her eyes. Deciding to take the easy way out she popped a couple of pills and made her way back into the dining room carrying the last two dessert plates.

In the dining room Grissom was topping off his wine glass. His eyes met hers with a joyful sparkle reminding her of the blue faeries glittering in _Pinocchio_. Taking her seat beside him she placed his plate in front of him and tried to ignore Mandy's laughter as Henry whispered into her ear. Trying hard to control her emotions she kept her eyes glued to her plate and wondered if Grissom was getting as annoyed as she was. Usually he was not a fan of public displays of affection. Lifting her eyes she was shocked and a little disappointed to find him smiling at their guests.

"This is delicious," Henry commented getting an enthusiastic nod from Mandy whose mouth was full.

"Thanks, a little bit of buttermilk and almond shavings on top…" She began to relax a little.

Mandy swallowed. "Creative, I love it."

Somewhat enjoying herself for the first time since Grissom's news about their dinner guests Sara swallowed a mouthful of cake; it has turned out perfect.

"We're going to a baby show tomorrow. We'll hopefully pick up a stroller there. Did you guys want to come?"

Feeling her mood darken again Sara forced herself to swallow the cake in her mouth. "You should probably ask someone who's having a baby," she said.

Ignoring the look on Mandy's face she used her fork to cut her cake slice in half.

"Sara?" Grissom asked tilting his head down to see her face.

"I'm not feeling well. I'm going to head up to bed." Getting to her feet Sara pressed her hand to her stomach to keep from doubling over from an intense pain tearing through her abdomen. Taking a moment to stabilize herself she straightened up. "Thanks for coming over."

"Thanks for having us…" Mandy trailed off watching Sara worriedly as she rounded the table as made quick work of escaping the stifling room. "Hope you feel better."

Sara was already halfway up the stairs.

In her bedroom Sara stripped and changed into her comfiest pajama bottoms and a tank top. Climbing into bed she opened her book and started to read hoping the activity would help to slow the pounding of her heart in her chest and her ears and quell the shaking off the hands. "Thank God that's over," she commented when she heard the door open half an hour later. Looking up she was surprised to see Mandy instead of Grissom standing in the doorway. Biting the inside of her cheek Sara groaned inwardly.

"Hey," Mandy whispered giving no indication that she had heard Sara. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Sara muttered feeling heat rise into her cheeks.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fine," she said forcefully, feeling her embarrassment fade into resentment again.

"Sara…" Mandy waited for a response. Upon not receiving one she continued. "You look upset…"

Looking down at her book Sara pressed her finger against the page edge and felt her skin give way to form a small paper cut. She bit the inside of her cheek. "I'm just worried about Nick. He had surgery today."

"I know. I went by to see him before we came over. He's doing great. He says he's coming to stay with you." Mandy's eyes swept over Sara again. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Sara nodded feeling her eyes glaze over with tears. '_Why wont you leave me alone?' _

"Just need some sleep," she forced around the balloon that seemed to be inflating in the back of her throat.

"Do you maybe want to come over tomorrow?"

"I should get ready for Nick coming home."

"I can come over and help you," Mandy offered raising her eyebrows hopefully.

"You have you ba- thing tomorrow."

"Well, I'm not going to be there all day…"

Sara shook her head, "I'm going to have to move furniture and clear out the office…. Don't worry about it."

"Oh," Mandy shrugged. "Okay."

Sara rolled her eyes feeling guilt tug at her. After a long pause she took a deep breath and pushed a jumbled invitation out of her mouth asking Mandy to come over once she was finished working.

Mandy nodded. "Just give me a call."

Bobbing her head back slightly Sara watched Mandy leave then returned to her book and watched the blood dry on the corner of the page until Grissom darkened the house and joined her upstairs.

"How are you feeling?" he asked joining her in bed and stretching out along side her. Taking her book he tossed it on her beside table and pulled her into his arms while catching the chain on her lamp in a single motion, plunging the room into darkness.

"Okay," she whispered settling into his arms and closing her eyes, counting his breaths.

"So what do you think?" Gil asked his voice disappearing into the shadows around them yet somehow finding it's way blindly to her.

"About?"

"Them having a baby."

Sara shrugged and turned over, her back to him. "Good for them."

"Sara?"

"Good night Grissom."

"… goodnight Sara…" It was a long time until she heard his breathing even out, and even longer until she joined him.


	18. Chapter 18

November 27, 2012

* * *

When he woke the next morning Grissom found that Sara had buried herself underneath him during the night. Shifting, careful not to wake her he found his feet tangled up in her icy ones, their legs knotted together. Untangling himself from her limbs he climbed out of bed and pulled on his bath robe. On his way downstairs he paused outside of the guest room, surprised to find the bed gone. Looking back through the half closed bathroom door, he studied Sara's limp, sprawled form and wondered when she had slipped out of bed without his knowledge.

Downstairs a quick look in the office confirmed that Sara had indeed spent the night moving furniture. The absent bed from upstairs had been disassembled then reassembled against the far wall of the small office and the television placed on the desk.

Shaking his head he made his way to the kitchen following the thick smell of coffee brewing. He filled his generous mug to the brim and made his way into the living room, stopping briefly to pick up the paper from the front door step. Taking a seat in the armchair, the crossword in the last section was his final destination.

XXXXX

By the time Sara finally woke up the sun was already quite high and had warmed the room significantly. She took her time getting out of bed and enjoyed watching the red and orange colour show dancing on her closed eyelids. She could smell coffee downstairs and she stretched out her legs feeling the muscles tighten and a sleepy smile drifted across her face.

As much as she enjoyed waking up with Gil, these quiet moments alone made her feel happy and refreshed too. She loved waking up slowly, taking her time to feel the stillness in the room, the cotton sheets soft against her bare skin.

Slowly rolling over Sara glanced at the clock. Feeling satisfied with the number of hours she had managed to sleep she climbed out of bed and wandered across the room then downstairs in search of her husband. Wiping sleep out of her eyes she found him in the living room the paper folded on his lap and Hank asleep at his feet, the dogs head resting on his large paws.

"Hey sleepy," Grissom whispered as she stepped over the dog and sank down on his lap, her head tucked into the curve under his chin.

"Morning," Sara mumbled, her voice cracking a little. She smiled when he felt his palm rest against the back of her head. His fingers slowly began to comb their way through her hair, smoothing the tangles that had formed overnight. Plucking his half finished, cold coffee off the side table she took a long sip. "You're not supposed to drink this much coffee. It's not good for your blood pressure," she commented softly.

"I know."

"Good." Lifting her head back to avoid hitting his chin she pressed a kiss against his cheek.

"Rigoletto's forte," Grissom read out to her. "Four words. One down."

"Jest," Sara answered swiftly getting to her feet. "And number one across is JAWS."

Wandering into the kitchen she poured herself a cup of coffee and sniffed it. Cringing at the burned aroma she shrugged and added extra cream and sugar. Her next stop was the cookie jar.

"You didn't tell me you were redecorating," her husband called through the open doorway to her, his voice a forced casual.

"Well, Nick won't be up for stairs for a while so I figured…" leaning against the doorframe three peanut butter cookies in one hand, coffee mug in the other she observed him.

"Let me rephrase. You didn't tell me you would be redecorating in the middle of the night. Alone." He raised a thick eyebrow over his glasses giving him a comical look.

Sara shrugged. "Couldn't sleep," she explained simply, taking a bite from one moon shaped cookie.

Nodding Grissom put his paper to the side. "Maybe next time you can let me know?"

Nodding back she moved across the room and sat down on the couch across from him, her knees pulled op, her legs crossed over at the ankle. "Okay…"

Dropping the subject he played with the handle on his coffee mug absent-mindedly. "It's my first day tomorrow."

Perking up again Sara grinned. "Excited? Nervous?"

"Very. To both. Are you going to bring me lunch?" He teased moving over to sit beside her on the couch.

"What time?"

"11:40, if I'm remembering the schedule correctly."

"Alright, I'll see what I can do," Sara told him, leaning forward and plucking the newspaper from his fingers easily, ignoring his protest. "Pen please," she held her hand out expectantly. Once the thin plastic tube had been placed in her hand she scanned over the remaining clues. "Of or relating to the external sex organs, seven letters." Mouth turning up her raised one eyebrow suggestively.

XXXXXX

"Finally," Sara mumbled as she pulled her car into a spot after her third time around the packed hospital lot. Sliding out from behind the wheel she glanced over her shoulder to make sure she hadn't left anything too tempting from her shopping trip exposed in the back seat. Deciding that everyone would be able to resist the mint green sheets and Western Movie packs she had picked up for Nick's stay, she locked the doors and headed for the closest entrance to the hospital.

She had to search around for Nick when she found his room empty. When she finally spotted him at the other end of the hall she was half concerned and half amused by the scowl on his face and sneers he was tossing in his accompanying nurses direction. Walking over to them her eyes travelled over his bloodless knuckles gripping the steel walker that he was currently using to support himself.

"Hey Sara," the hospital gown clad man grunted, shuffling another few steps in her direction.

"Hey, should I come back later?" She motioned over her shoulder with a thumb, her keys still dangling off her fingers.

"No, we're all done here," Nick said pointedly towards the nurse beside him who scribbled something on the clipboard she was holding before shaking her head and walking away.

Sara and Nick made the long trip back to his room in a comfortable silence. When they arrived Sara helped him back into bed, careful of his injuries. "How are you doing Nicky?"

"Great…"

Offering him a tiny smile Sara held out a cup of water to him as though it were any consolation for the obviously trying physiotherapy session he had just endured.

"So how are you doing?" Nick took the glass and tilted it back, draining it's contents in two gulps.

"Good, thanks. I'm not here for long, I need to get back and finish putting together your room at home." She took the cup from him and refilled it, this time leaving it on the table beside the bed.

"Break me out! Please!"

"Tomorrow, I promise. Just one more day."

"They're trying to kill me…" Nick mumbled glancing out into the hall at the nurses station.

"You'll live."

"Painfully."

XXXXXX

By the time Sara arrived home from the hospital she was exhausted. Carrying in the shopping bags, she dropped them by the front door and went in search of her husband. Finding him in the kitchen, sitting at the table, laptop opened before him a smile spread across her face. She wrapped her arms around him from behind she pressed a kiss against his ear, knocking his glasses down his nose.

"Ooh," Gil mumbled, leaning back as much as her hold on him would allow. "Hi." He placed on hand over hers on his chest and pressed a kiss to her cheek before letting her go to correct the position of his glasses.

"Hey," Sara moved around him and picked up the groceries she had purchased. "Want some food?"

"Food sounds great. What have you got?"

"The makings of a stir-fry? Carrots, asparagus, tofu, green beans, snow peas…"

Smiling at her enthusiasm Grissom turned back to the computer and continued typing. "How'd I get such a great wife?"

Offering him a smile Sara began prepping. "So what are you up to?"

"Writing my first lesson plan."

"What's the plan?"

Grissom shrugged. "Tell them about my background. I'm teaching five fifty minute classes so we can just go over that tomorrow." At her nod he continued. "Any ideas for good cases to tell about?"

"Hmm, remember the fake Japanese artifacts?"

"Yeah. But I mostly remember you being pissed at me."

"I wasn't pissed…"

"Hurt, offended, upset…" Getting to his feet he made his way over to her as he spoke and wrapped his arms around her from behind.

"I just remember being with you…" She whispered as his chin came to rest on her shoulder.

Grissom's thoughts gave way to a long pause before he asked. "So, what should I tell them?"

"Probably the least gruesome case you ever worked."

"They are high school seniors, I'm sure they have seen worse on TV."

Sara shrugged. "Well, no need to gross them out on the first day…. Or creep them out."

"It might excite them though."

"Up to you."

"Here, eat." Sara held a plate out to him.

The couple sat down at the table side by side. Halfway through the meal Sara felt a nudge against her foot under the table. Looking up she caught Grissom's playful smile out of the corner of her eye. "What?"

"Do I get a back to school present?"

"Well, I could put on that schoolgirl outfit you like so much but I would be concerned you wouldn't be able to wipe the grin off your face by tomorrow."

She let out an amused laugh as he nearly choked on a piece of carrot

XXXXX

"I think Sara hates me," Mandy said shifting uncomfortably on the carpet of the living room floor.

"Why do you think that?" Henry asked looking up from the puzzle they were currently piecing together. "Hand me that piece?" He pointed to the one she held between her fingers.

Handing it over Mandy watched him press it into place. "She doesn't seem happy about the baby. She's jealous."

"Why would she be jealous?"

"Because it's something she wants, apparently, and can't have right now."

Shrugging Henry ate another pretzel and let his eyes sweep over the puzzle. "She'll get over it. Besides, we're happy about the baby and that's what counts, right?"

Nodding Mandy reached forward and let her fingers trace over his knuckles. "Remind me of how I got pregnant again?"

Looking up Henry's expressive eyes went wide. "I, well, we- and then…" he stammered his face and ears changing to bright red.

"Better yet, show me," she spelled out for him.

"Mandy, you're, and the," he pointed to her stomach sitting up.

"It's not going to hurt the baby. And consider it the ultimate birth control."

Henry shook his head. "I don't think it's a good idea. It's weird."

Sighing Mandy looked down. "Hand me that piece over there will ya?" Once he had done so she pressed the piece into the correct space completing the second half of an elephants face. They continued to build the image until Mandy thought she would loose it in the uncomfortable silence.

"I'm gonna go up to bed," she informed him getting to her feet.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Will you be up soon?"

"As soon as I get this cleaned up." Moving to his feet he picked up the board and placed it on the dining room table while Mandy made her way upstairs, turning out lights as she went. It didn't take long before Henry joined her in the bed.

"Do I annoy you? I mean, am I annoying?" She asked him, watching him set the alarm clock for work.

"Umm," Henry considered. "No?"

Nodding at his presumed hesitation Mandy conceded. "I am."

"No, you aren't. The question just caught me off guard."

"I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Like, I'm pissing people off. What's wrong with me?"

"Mandy, I don't know what you're talking about," Henry answered honestly, blinking at her in the dark, starting to feel sleep roll over him.

"With Sara the other night, she just seemed so irritated with me."

Henry shrugged. "I didn't notice anything. Besides, like you said, she's jealous. That's not your fault, that's on her. So just relax, everything is fine." His hand slipped around hers and squeezed gently.

"Goodnight Henry." She smiled softly.

He was already asleep.

XXXX

When Grissom woke up the next morning he wasn't surprised to find that Sara had buried herself underneath him in the middle of the night, her face tucked into his side. Careful not to disturb her he shut off the alarm that was due to go off in ten minutes and climbed out of bed. Heading into the bathroom he started the shower.

Sara felt cold when she woke up and quickly realized that Grissom had vacated his side off the bed. Taking the blanket with her she got out of bed and followed the sounds of him getting ready in the bathroom. "Hey Mr. Grissom," she greeted, pushing the bathroom door open to get a look at him. Blinking rapidly she was suddenly blinded by the bathroom light.

"Morning! You're up." He sounded surprised.

Sara yawned widely, her hand barely making it to her mouth to cover it. "Just wanted to go over the plan for today. I'll make us lunch, meet you at 11:40 then go to the hospital to pick up Nick. Okay?"

"Sounds like a plan," he nodded, fixing his shirt collar.

"I'll go make you breakfast," she yawned again, snuggling her nose into the blanket that was wrapped around her cape-style.

"Tomorrow," Gil winked. "Go back to sleep."

"You sure?"

He nodded.

Nodding in return she crossed the room and climbed back into bed, right into the center. It didn't take long before she was fast asleep, she didn't even hear Grissom leave.

When she finally woke it was to an anxious Hank waiting impatiently at the bottom of the bed, whining miserable. Getting up she apologized to him for sleeping so late and missing his morning walk. Taking him downstairs she let him out into the backyard and fed him and Jenny. By the time she was dressed and had made lunch she had just enough time to drive to the school and figure out where to find Grissom. When she arrived at the classroom she stood back in the doorway watching amusedly as Grissom answered questions from a few eager students who had stayed back after class. It didn't take long for Grissom to sense her and look up, a smile warming his serious face.

They held each others eyes for a moment, long enough for the young girls to take the subtle hint and excuse themselves.

"Who is that?" A thin brunette asked, her voice a pathetic attempt at a conspiratorial whisper.

"You think that's his wife? What was her name? Shauna? Something?"

Sara couldn't hear the rest of the conversation as it faded into the distance. Pushing off the doorframe she entered the room. "Talking about me, huh?"

"You are my favourite subject." He pressed a quick kiss to her cheek when he got close enough.

"So this is your classroom?" Sara took a seat on one of the barstool style seats in the front row and traced a heart with some initials carved into the desk before her. "When I was a kid only the kids in the back row vandalized school property."

"Well, kids are a lot bolder than they were back then. They're amazing though. So eager to learn, soak up anything I have to offer, well, that includes blood or guts, some of them anyway."

"That hasn't changed then. You already have fans," she noted, going over to him then pulling herself up on the counter beside him.

"You know, the last time I had a student come up to me after class I married her."

"Is that a warning?"

"Nope. I'm still quite content with that last one." He accepted the sandwich she offered him.

"Good, although, it would be fine with me if you liked one. It would be a decade or two before you'd ever do anything about it anyway." She stuck her tongue out at him and pulled her own lunch out.

Ignoring her comment he swallowed. "How was your day?"

"I just got up." Narrowing her eyes at his laugh she spoke seriously. "I've been so tired."

"I know, honey," Grissom sympathized, rubbing her back in soothing circles.

Sighing she slide off the counter. "I should go, class starts in 15 and Nick is waiting for me. He's afraid of his nurse." She held the second half of her sandwich out to him.

"Alright. I'll see you at home. Take it easy, both of you."

"We will." Sara pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. "I love you."


	19. Chapter 19

November 28, 2012

* * *

By the time Sara arrived at the hospital she was close to an hour late for picking up Nick. Feeling guilty, she rushed up to his floor only to stop dead in front of the door when she heard two voices in the room. One was distinctly Nick's while the other took her a second. Sighing she took a deep breath before entering the room to see Nick dressed, sitting in a wheelchair by the window. Across from him Mandy was red faced and laughing at whatever the Texan was telling her. Forcing a smile Sara placed the empty suitcase she was carrying on the bed.

"Hey," she greeted unzipping the bag. "Sorry I'm late, Nicky." She kept her eyes trained on Nick, surprised by his pale complexion in the natural light streaming through the window. Sara offered Mandy a quick smile that turned curiously as the other woman pulled her jacket closed. Looking back at the man she shook her head. "Ready to get going?"

"I'll go," Mandy stood and looped her purse over her shoulder.

Sighing inwardly Sara swallowed deeply before speaking. "Listen, umm, if you want to you can come by tomorrow. We'll rent a movie, order some pizza or something, if Nick's up to it."

"I'd like that," Mandy whispered, hanging in the doorway.

Nodding, Sara turned back to Nick. "I'll call you." She didn't say anything more until she heard Mandy leave, and then took the seat across from him. "How are you feeling today?"

"Good, not liking watching my two favourite girls being awkward around each other."

"Awkward? Who's being awkward?" Sara feigned ignorance.

"Mandy and you."

"We are not being awkward," Sara started to push herself to her feet then stopped, feeling a familiar pain rip through her stomach. Laying back into her seat she placed her hand over the spot, hoping to will it away.

"She's walking on eggshells around you," Nick continued, following her with his eyes as she got to her feet and started packing up his things.

Sara shrugged. "I don't know what to tell you about that. Besides, she's coming by tomorrow. Would I have invited her if there was a problem?"

"You'll call her?"

"Why wouldn't I?" She asked, starting to feel defensive about his questioning.

"I know you…"

Sara was opening her mouth to form a sarcastic response when she was the pain again, this time searing deeper and more intensely than before. Bracing herself against the bed she leaned forward and pressed her hand against her abdomen as hard as she could. "Sara are you okay?" She heard Nick's voice questioning when the pain began to subside and her other senses seemed to start to function again. Ignoring the question she straightened slowly then continued packing, stopping briefly to wipe a bead of sweat that had worked it's way from her temple to her mid cheek. "Want me to push you?" She zipped the bag closed and draped the strap over her shoulder.

"Nope, I'm a pro at this," he started to wheel himself towards the door.

Grinning behind him Sara picked up his second bag and followed him out. "Let's see you try to coordinate the door…"

XXXXX

"When did your place become a mansion?" Nick grunted depositing more weight on Sara as he took the final steps towards the front door.

Sara mumbled an inaudible response from underneath him, tightening her hold around his waist. Once they were clear of the front steps and inside she helped him back into his chair and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thanks," he said, out of breath.

"'Welcome. No problem. Can I get you anything?"

Nick only looked up at her taking in the sweat gleaming on her brow to the slight trembling in her legs and arms. "No. Can I get _you_ anything?" He voiced his concern.

"Nope. You should have something to drink though… tea, water, juice… milk? Oh, milk is good for the bones," with that she had disappeared into the kitchen. When Nick finally managed to navigate his chair around the front hall table and through the doorway she had already cleared a chair at the table for him. Wheeling himself into the spot he watched her.

"Thank you for doing this, Sara."

"Of course. I live for this," she smiled warmly and put a large glass of milk on the table for him and a plate of cookies. After pouring herself a glass, she joined him at the table and scooped a couple of the chocolate chip cookies. After a few minutes she glanced at the time. "Gil will be home in a few hours."

"How was lunch?"

"It was good. We ate in his classroom."

"What's it like?" He asked, taking another cookie.

"Big, classroom-like. Lot's of desks."

"Is he enjoying it?"

Sara smiled. "He really is. I haven't seen him smile like that for a long time."

"I'm really happy for you guys."

"Me too. Thank you." She rubbed his shoulder as she stood up and went to the freezer to pull out something for dinner. "I made a meal schedule. It's on the fridge. I hope everything is okay with you. We aren't too big on meat around here but I tried to fit some in. Just let me know if you don't like something, I can make something else."

"Thank you."

XXXX

_The number is going down, _Sara thought. _Why the hell is the number going down? _Stepping off the scale she tried to resist the urge to pick it up and smash it. She was following the diet plan she had been given, she was eating everything she was supposed to. She even choked down 2 of the Nutritional Shakes Grissom insisted she ingest every day. Sitting down on the tub she picked up her weight journal and looked over the numbers. _110, 109, 107_… _111_ She wrote before she could stop herself. Sitting quietly, looking at her lie, guilt rolled over her but it was not enough to make her scratch it out. _I need to do this. He has to know I'm trying. He has to know that I want this to work. We need to have our baby. _

XXXX

Grissom grinned when he entered the bedroom to find Sara stretched out across the bed, her journal open in front of her, pen flying across the page. Putting his briefcase down he climbed onto the bed beside her unable to resist sliding his hand across the exposed skin of her back. He kept his eyes focused on the freckles sprinkled across her skin as she finished writing and closed her book before looking over her shoulder to him, offering her attention.

"Hey," Sara whispered turning over so she could see him properly.

Moving closer he wrapped his arms around her waist and tugged her closer to relax against the pillows with him. Humming his own greeting into her shoulder her inhaled the scent of her coconut and vanilla body butter. "You smell so much better than teenage boys."

"What are you doing smelling your students, babe?" Her hands made there way around his back as she snuggled to his chest, her ear pressed over his heart. A grin spread across her face as confusion ebbed it's way across his.

"I don't-"

"How is Nick?"

Relaxing a little Gil played with one of her curls absentmindedly. "Good, downstairs watching football."

Nodding, Sara moved over to her side of the bed. "Mind if I turn in now? It was a pretty long day and I'm wiped."

"Night, honey." Getting up Grissom pulled the blanket out from under her then laid it over her being sure to cover her shoulders.

"Thanks. Will you help Nick out?"

"I will. Sleep tight," Grissom kissed her gently then flicked off the light and headed downstairs.

XXXX

Grissom found Nick downstairs in the living room watching t.v, his legs propped up on the couch, his wheelchair placed close by for easy access. Getting himself a cold beer from the fridge he took a seat beside the younger man and the two sat in silence for a few minutes watching the game. Turning away from the t.v. Grissom's thick fingers traced the edge of the label on his bottle. "How are you feeling?" he asked Nick, feeling mostly awkward himself.

"I'm doing fine. Adjusting to sleeping in a bed that's actually comfortable," the Texan joked lightly.

Grissom nodded in agreement.

"I wanted to talk to you about Sara…" Nick leaned closer, his voice lowering in volume, unsure of his position and of how Grissom would react to what he had to say. When Gil didn't respond he took that as a cue to continue. "She doesn't look so good boss-"

"I'm not your boss," Grissom interjected smoothly, paused, then continued. "And you're right. She doesn't." The older man finished with a sigh.

"Is this a bad time for me to be staying here?"

Gil shook his head. "No. I think it's good for her to have you here. So she knows you're being taken care of properly."

"Alright. I'll be easy on her. Do you think it's just stress?"

"Hopefully. A lot has changed recently and she hasn't found her place in all of it. She could be feeling unsettled," Grissom mused, his blue eyes squinting a little at the thought. He had never been an expert of others but he liked to think that he could read Sara at least a little better than anyone else. Or that she would open herself up enough for him to have an insight in on her behavior. "She's putting some weight back on, with her modified diet, so that's good," he said, more to himself than the Texan sitting beside him.

Concern etched it's way across Nick's face. "You mean she was thinner than she is now?"

"When I came home. She was, I don't know, maybe a little over a hundred pounds."

"What?" Nick's voice rose as he forgot himself in his surprise. Seeing Grissom's head perk up for any sounds that Sara had been disturbed he offered a head tilt in apology then cleared his throat before continuing more quietly. "I tried to call her. Left messages, especially after Catherine said that she quit. I should have tried harder to get a hold of her. I'm sorry Grissom."

"Don't blame yourself Nick. It wasn't your fault. It was a lot of things but none of which are any of your responsibility-," He was cut off by the sound of the stairs creaking as Sara tip toed down them and entered the living room wrapped in a throw, her arms wrapped around her stomach. Nick had to bite his tongue before he could make a sound as she entered the room, her face deathly pale in the glow of the television, her brown eyes wide and heavy with tears.

Grissom was on his feet immediately. He crossed the room and was by her side before she could say anything; his hands wrapped around her forearms, "Honey, what's wrong?" He asked, inspecting her.

"I don't feel well," her voice was wispy in the room as though she had no control over it. She closed her eyes and felt tears slide down her cheeks as Gil pressed the back of his hand to her clammy forehead.

"Honey, you have a fever," he guided her across the room and helped her into the closest chair before kneeling down at her feet. "What hurts Sara?"

"My stomach. The beds wet," she whispered wiping the fallen tears off her cheeks.

Grissom's brow turned downward. "Cramps? Or upset?"

"Just hurts. I think I'm going to throw up."

Getting to his feet Grissom went into the kitchen and came back with a bucket. Placing it on her lap he waited until her arms wrapped around it then swept her hair up into a ponytail. He glanced at Nick and they exchanged concerned glances as Sara brought her head down to rest on the rim of the bucket, taking deep breaths as she tried to control her churning stomach. They stayed like that for a long time, Grissom holding her hair up, rubbing her back, all still and silent in the room.

Eventually Sara lifted her head up, colour creeping back into her cheeks slowly. "I'm okay," she whispered, putting the bucket to the side.

"What happened?" Gil asked, continuing to rub her back in large slow circles.

"I don't know. I was sleeping and I started to feel really hot. I woke up and my pillow and sheets were soaked right through, my pajamas too. My stomach was hurting so much, I couldn't catch my breath. That's when I came down… I think maybe it was something I ate."

Accepting that answer for now Grissom nodded. She looked so exhausted that he didn't want to argue with her or upset her by asking questions. "I'm going to change the sheets. Do you want to try sleeping again?"

Sara nodded.

"Alright, stay here while I change the bed." Kissing her forehead Grissom headed upstairs.

Nick turned the t.v. off. "Sara are you okay?" Gritting his teeth he moved closer to her.

She nodded, pulling the blanket tighter around her. "Course. Are you?"

"Your stomach; It's been bothering you for a while now," Nick broached the subject gently while he reached forward to take her hand in his.

"Just some cramps Nicky. I'm okay." Neither said anything until Sara heard Grissom upstairs in the bathroom running the tap, presumably filling up the water glass she kept on her bedside table. "Are you tired?"

"No, I'm enjoying the game."

"I'll leave you to it then. I'm going to head up. I'll see you in the morning." Sara got to her feet slowly and unwrapped the blanket from around her shoulders. Draping it over Nick's lap she left the room and headed upstairs to find her husband adjusting the temperature in the bedroom. Sitting on her side of the bed she slowly changed into the fresh pajamas he had laid out for her. Leaving her clothes in the pile on the floor she crawled under the sheets and curled up. She felt the bed dip as Grissom took a seat beside her.

"How are you feeling?" He smoothed the blanket over her side and pulled it up further to cover her shoulders.

"Okay. Just tired."

"Alright, get some rest." He opened his mouth as if to continue then closed it. Pausing in thought for a moment he watched her face relax as she began to doze off. "Love you."

"Love you too."

Grissom smiled as he placed a kiss on her shoulder and stood. He flicked off the light on her bedside table and left the room, leaving the door open just enough for Hank to shoulder his way in if he chose to.

Nick was climbing into bed when he finally got back downstairs. He tidied up the living room in order to give the younger man some privacy then tapped on the doorframe. "Nick?"

He turned her head at the sound of his former boss in the doorway; half perched on the bed, struggling to get in. Without a word Grissom let himself into the room and helped him lift his legs onto the mattress.

"She's gone back to bed," Gil informed him focused on helping Nick. "Will you keep an eye on her tomorrow? While I'm at work? Call the school if anything seems wrong."

"Sure, of course," Nick looked away trying to pretend he was anywhere but here, being tucked into bed by Grissom, the man he had come to respect more than anyone in the world. Trying to be somewhat independent he tried to pull the blanket out from under his legs by himself only to be stopped by the pain of his incision pulling. Gasping he tightened his fist around the material.

"Here, let me get that," Grissom gently eased the blanket out and pulled it over him.

Nick wasn't sure was worse, the pain from his surgery or the humiliation he was sure he would never live down. It must have shown on his face because Grissom was quick to reassure him.

"Nothing to be embarrassed about, Nick."

Closing his eyes against the room Nick nodded, feeling himself relax a little with this side of Grissom he had never seen before. As though he was an entirely different man. "Thanks, Grissom. Goodnight." When he didn't hear a response he opened his eyes to find that Gil had slipped out of the room unbeknownst to him. "I guess some things don't change," he said to himself and allowed his body to succumb to sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

November 29, 2012

Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I really appreciate hearing from you. :) I'm so sorry I haven't done any personal review replies! I hope you still know how much I love your feedback, though.

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Her bed was so cozy the next morning when Sara finally woke up that she didn't want to get up. Reaching over to Grissom's side of the bed the cold sheets against her palm were enough to wake her. Looking around the room she waited for her eyes to adjust before glancing at the clock to find that 10 o'clock had already passed. Feeling much better than she had the night before Sara pulled her legs out from under Hank and spoke softly to him as she climbed out of bed. She pulled her robe around her before securing it with the tie. When she was ready the pair made their way downstairs to the kitchen. Peeking her head into Nick's doorway on her way past she found him still asleep, Jenny curled up on the pillow beside him. A smile spread across her face as she sauntered into the kitchen and began preparing breakfast. By the time she heard Nick he had already gotten himself into his chair and wheeled into the kitchen behind her. She turned around just as he deposited Jenny in the corner where Sara had already laid out a small bowl of food for her.

"Good morning," Nick greeted, maneuvering his chair back to the table, mindful of the kitten on the floor.

"Hey," Sara greeted. "How are you doing? Sleep okay?"

He nodded in response then raised his eyebrows at her.

Sara rolled her eyes. "I'm fine Nick. I'm making you bacon and eggs."

"You're a doll," he smiled widely in appreciation.

When breakfast was ready she carried his plate over and put it down on the table in front of him then placed a knife and fork on either side. She disappeared again only to return seconds later with a glass of orange juice. "We'll have to change your bandages after breakfast. Then I'll give Mandy a call." She took the seat beside his, some dry toast wrapped in a napkin before her.

"I can change them, Sara," Nick insisted, picking up her fork.

"I would feel better if I did it," she shook her head. "The incision needs to be cleaned thoroughly."

He gave her a look of indignation. "Sara, it's in a private area."

"Like I haven't seen it before…" A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips, she raised an eyebrow and waited for him to argue. She was pleased when he mumbled a _fine_ and started eating his breakfast. "Don't worry. I wont' look… too hard," she teased. Getting to her feet she crossed the room and tossed the second half of her toast into the garbage and picked up her protein shake. Taking the final gulps she rinsed the glass. "I'll go get everything ready. Meet me in the bedroom when you're finished eating."

Heading down the hall she filled a basin with warm water in the bathroom and set up on the desk in Nick's room. By the time she had organized herself Nick was ready to get started. Standing back she watched him carefully as he transferred himself onto the bed. She crossed over to him when he was settled and slowly worked his pants down, careful not to cause him any discomfort. Keeping her eyes locked on the surgical site she professionally cleaned the area and checked the incision, looking for any signs of infection. When she had finished bandaging the area she tossed him the cloth and moved the basin closer.

"Is it okay?" He asked awkwardly to her back as she cleaned up the desk.

Sara nodded. "It looks fine." She looked through his drawers and found him a clean pair of sweats and a t-shirt. "Do you want to watch some t.v.?" She kneeled before him again and helped him ease his pants off giving him time to cover himself with the blanket. She slid his feet into the clean ones and pulled them up just far enough until he could reach then backed off.

"You're going to call Mandy now?"

"I already said I would."

"Just checking," he shrugged and got back into his chair. "I'm sure there is a game on or something that I can check out."

Once Sara had helped Nick get settled in front of the t.v. in the living room she headed into the kitchen, taking the phone with her. Dialing the number by heart she waited out the rings until she heard the phone click as someone picked up. With arrangements made she went back into the kitchen and took a seat on the couch. "She'll be here in an hour," Sara informed Nick before he could ask. She didn't know why but she was feeling defensive about his interference between her and Mandy. She didn't like that it was so obvious that she was having a problem, and she wasn't used to there being someone perceptive enough around to pick up on it. Gil was definitely good at predicting behavior patterns in criminals but for some reason he was totally clueless about his wife. Not that she was at all complaining, she kind of liked being able to do things without being analyzed all of the time. Especially since she had a great deal of quirks that she had developed as a child in her parent's home and also in the foster care system. Enough of them in fact to make any therapist shudder.

XXXX

Mandy had not intended on taking so long to arrive but it was getting harder to find clothes that would fit her and she really didn't want to move into maternity clothes already. She had been shocked to find out she was pregnant, and even more so when she had been confirmed to be so far along. Her doctor had assured her that it wasn't that unusual for a woman to not know. Apparently so women carried to term even without knowing.

Usually an old t-shirt and low rise jeans were good enough but with Sara being sketchy about her pregnancy, for whatever reason, she didn't want to wear something that accentuated her belly as much, hence why she had been compelled to raid Henry's side of the closet to find a sweater that still looked somewhat flattering on her. Ringing the doorbell for a second time she adjusted the bag on her shoulder.

It didn't take much longer for Sara to open the door, a bucket of soapy water in one hand. "Sorry about that," she said quickly stepping back to let Mandy in, "was just cleaning the bathroom; want to make sure things are sterile for Nick. I won't take your jacket. Bleach." She babbled shutting the door behind her newly arrived guest.

"No problem," Many nodded in understanding and hung her jacket over the closet knob as she had done in the past.

"Nicks asleep on the couch, I'm just about to help him into bed." She snapped her yellow rubber gloves off and tossed them over the rim of the bucket that had been placed on the hall floor. "Remind me to get that will ya? Don't want the dog drinking it or anything." With that Sara had disappeared through the doorway that led into the living room.

"I can help with Nick," Mandy offered, following Sara. "He's pretty heavy for one person."

"No, he's heavy," Sara answered pushing the sleeping man in his wheelchair around the coffee table.

"That's what I jus-"

"You'll hurt yourself or… something."

Sighing Mandy looked around the living room. Although it seemed clean enough it was definitely more cluttered than normal. Sara and Grissom did have an amazing amount of "stuff," from little frames with bugs in them to science journals dating back to before she graduated college, but usually it was all neatly organized. Now it seemed that with the extra person in the house things had gotten a little out of control. Attempting to make herself useful Mandy began straightening the couch cushions and tidying the coffee table. By the time Sara came back she had managed to put things back into some kind of order. Nodding at a job well done she turned to Sara who had taken a seat across the room.

Sucking in her lower lip, Mandy chewed it to avoid blurting out something along the lines of 'you look awful' or 'are you okay' because Sara did and clearly she wasn't. Mandy sat down on the edge of the couch cushion and took in the sight of her friend's trembling hands and face, glistening with a thin sheen of sweat.

Getting to her feet she hustled into the kitchen and poured Sara a glass of water. Returning to the other woman she secured the glass into her hand and encouraged her to drink with a nod. "Sara-"

"Thanks for the water," Sara cut Mandy off. "Can I get you anything?" When Mandy shook her head Sara offered her to take a seat.

Sitting down beside her, the pregnant woman played nervously with the sleeves on her sweater, wondering how this visit was going to go. She wasn't a fan of any kind of confrontation, though she had been known to hold her own. "Are you okay Sara?" She sat back a little surprised when Sara suddenly sprang to her feet and pushed her way around the couch nearly knocking a lamp off the end table. Before Mandy could say anything more Sara and rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind her.


	21. Chapter 21

November 30, 2012

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Sara squeezed her eyes shut as she leaned over the bathroom sink feeling miserable as bile worked its way up her esophagus to mix with the running water swirling down the drain. Cupping water into her mouth, she tried unsuccessfully to wash the taste of acid out of her mouth. When she finally opened her eyes she felt as though her heart skipped a beat at the sight of blood speckling the porcelain sink. She jumped when she heard an insistent rapping on the bathroom door.

"What?!" she barked, quickly washing away the red spray that had begun to bleed into larger, thinned pools and they mixed with water.

"Are you okay?" Mandy asked through the wood. "What's wrong?"

Sara pinched her nose for a second taking a deep breath and a wondering when the questions had turned from 'is there something wrong' to 'what's wrong.'

"Nothing, Mandy," she forced, slipping an antacid roll out of the medicine cabinet. Chewing one, she checked to make sure the evidence of her being sick had all been washed down the drain. Chewing her lip she remembered that water would not wash away all the evidence, something would remain, the right person just needed to be looking for it. She pulled the door open to find Mandy on the other side, her arms crossed over the beginnings of her pregnancy bump.

"You threw up," Mandy accused trying to sound firm.

Sara almost rolled her eyes and asked when she became the vomit police but instead forced a smile. She did not need to pick a fight with Mandy today, at the very least for Nick's sake. "I'm fine. I think I might be coming down with something," she said easily and even pressed the back of her hand against her forehead for good measure. "Come on, let's go watch a movie."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Mandy asked skeptically, holding her ground, blocking Sara into the bathroom.

Sara nodded, lips pursed. "Want popcorn?" She watched as the other woman's resolve swayed then crumbled all together.

"Sure. Popcorn sounds good."

Downstairs, Sara made herself busy in the kitchen making a large bowl of popcorn for Mandy and Nick if he wanted some. She hoped that she would be able to have some too, if her stomach would co-operate for once. "Any weird craving I need to satisfy?" She paused. "Do you have those? Cravings I mean," Sara clarified.

"Nope. Not right now anyway. Ask me again at 3a.m. though."

Biting back a snide remark about hoping Mandy wouldn't be staying THAT long Sara shook her head. She did feel guilty about being short with her friend but it was taking everything in her to control her jealous feelings about the other woman's pregnancy. She had been so excited when she and Gil had decided that it was time for them to start a family. Now it seemed like it was never going to happen. Her mind drifted back to her weight journal in the master-bathroom cabinet drawers. She felt guilty about lying to Grissom about her progress but she really didn't see what other option she had. How could she tell him that she was… defective? That there was something wrong with her that not only ruined her plans but dashed his dreams of becoming a father?

She couldn't bring him into it, she knew that. Love was complicated enough, theirs especially, it seemed. She didn't need to do anything to compromise the peace they had come to find together. Whatever was wrong with her was something that she would have to figure out on her own. Soon, she realized as a pain shot through his abdomen making her bend over a little in hope of easing it.

"Did you die in here?" Mandy suddenly appeared in the doorway. "Or are you keeping the popcorn to yourself?"

"Right, the popcorn," Sara blinked and glanced at the microwave that had stopped counting down, who knew how long ago. How had she missed that? It beeped again to remind her that its job was finished. She pressed the button to pop the door and glanced over at Mandy who was watching her carefully. Deciding to break the awkward silence Sara began to offer Mandy a drink when she was cut off by a sudden wave of lightheadedness. She closed her eyes trying to ground herself and fight the strangeness of feeling like the top of her head was somehow detaching and trying to drift away. Taking a deep breath she waited to it to pass before trying again. "Would you like something to drink?"

Thankfully Mandy had been too busy checking out an old picture of her and Gil to notice her little episode. "Water please. When was this taken?" She ran a finger around the perimeter of the plastic card.

"A long time ago, in San Francisco," Sara answered vaguely.

"I gathered that from the bridge in the background. It is kind of a famous landmark."

Ignoring her sarcastic remark Sara poured them each a tall glass of water then handed one to Mandy. Without another word and without answering the print tech's question she headed into the living room and dropped the bowl of popcorn onto the couch. Taking a seat she waited until the other end of the couch was occupied.

'Movies on Demand' didn't have a great selection to offer, or at least not anything Sara was interested in. "See anything you're into?"

Mandy shook her head. "You own any DVDs?"

"No. We live in the dark ages, couldn't you guess?" Sara got up and opened the side of the wall unit where she and Grissom separated their movies. Hers on top organized alphabetically, his on the bottom organized chronologically, a system that had never made any sense to her. The few movies that they owned jointly were in the middle in no particular order. "You can pick," Sara told her waiting patiently. "I like all of them from here up."

Choosing one randomly Mandy handed it to Sara then sat back down on the couch heavily.

XXXX

Sara's knees were pulled up to under her chin by the time the movie had reached its climax. She had managed to nibble on a few pieces of popcorn and she was feeling quite pleased with herself. Glancing over at Mandy she realized it wasn't only because of the little food she was managing to keep down: she was getting along peacefully with Mandy despite everything and that left her feeling good. Looking the other woman over she realized that her hair seemed much thicker and healthier. Not that thick, shiny, healthy hair had ever been a worry for the lab tech. Sara had read once that healthy luscious hair was one of the better side effects of being pregnant. Along with the bigger boobs Mandy seemed to be sporting under her sweater. Looking down at her own chest self consciously Sara felt her curls with her fingers. She'd always hated her hair.

One of the many drawbacks of growing up in a small town was that everyone knew everyone. She hadn't been able to go anywhere without someone complimenting her on how much she looked like her father. She had his eyes, his boxy shoulders, his brown curls. As a young child she would burst into tears and deny that she was anything like him. As though being similar to him in appearance could somehow mean that she also had inherited his mean streak, his impatience, his cruelty towards anything that wasn't perfect. People had chuckled amusedly at her, assuring her that her father was a very handsome man. After he died, and her private home life because public knowledge, people didn't say that anymore. In fact, after the shock and novelty of her family's tragedy had worn off people didn't talk about them at all. They had become TamalesBay's dirty little secret. The thing they didn't talk about as though admitting the truth of the events would force them to take responsibility for their own inaction.

Shaking her head Sara dragged herself back to the present and glanced over at Mandy again. "Aren't you hot with that sweater on?"

"A little, I'm fine," Mandy shrugged.

"You can take it off you know, if you want." Picking up another piece of popcorn Sara turned back to the t.v, watching as Mandy pulled her sweater over her head then drop it in her lap. Moving slowly onto her side Sara kept her legs pulled tight against her, wishing she hadn't pushed her luck with that last piece of popcorn. "When are you going on maternity leave?" She asked, trying to distract herself from the rolling waves of nausea overwhelming her body, however, before Mandy could even open her mouth to respond Sara started to wonder if discussing anything baby related could be any worse than puking for the rest of her life.

"Ten more week."

"In 18 weeks?" Sara asked curious about why the answer had been so specific.

Mandy nodded. "Couple weeks before my due date."

"Oh," Sara answered dumbly, pretending to watch the movie. "Does it move yet?" She found her mouth asking, apparently without her brain's permission.

Turning towards her and away from the t.v. Mandy gave her her full attention. "Do you want to feel? You can try if you want to. You might be able to. It's really light though… I can barely feel it myself."

Looking over at her briefly Sara realized that Mandy look entirely too excited about this. Wondering what the hell she had been thinking she politely shook her head and declined, feeling very uncomfortable with where this was headed, yet, a small part of her remained insistent. She was curious about what it would feel like to have another human being growing inside of you. Weird, was the only word she could imagine would fit. Despite her curiosity though Sara's hands remained where they were, tucked under her chin and draped over her side.

"Come on," Mandy insisted reaching out to take Sara's hand. When she continued to resist she pulled herself into a kneeling position and moved closer.

"Mandy, I really don't-," before she could stop her Mandy had pulled her into a sitting position.

"He won't bite you."

"I know that," Sara bit out pulling her legs up under her chin. Why the hell did Mandy have to be so insistent with this? It's not like Sara even cared about… it, she carefully avoided the word him. Sighing she realized that wasn't doing a very good job with keeping the peace, and surely she would have to shoulder the blame if an argument broke out. Setting her jaw she reached out slowly, unwinding the tight fist she hadn't realized had formed. Hesitating a few inches from Mandy's stomach she wondered what the hell she was thinking. Why was she sitting three inches away from what could be complete devastation when all she wanted to do was run?

Having had enough Mandy playfully huffed and grabbed Sara's hand, mercilessly pressing both their palms against her swollen abdomen. "Can you feel that?" She asked, eyes lighting up, her eyebrows raised excitedly.

Sara was about to shake her head no when she felt a strange flutter against her palm. Retreating quickly she wrapped her arms around her legs. "I didn't feel anything," with that she turned back to the movie, as if she had any interest in what was happening. The room was silent for a few moments and Sara was glad that Mandy seemed to be done torturing her finally, even if she had brought it upon herself.

"You doing okay?" The silence was interrupted.

Sara offered her a nod in response and took up the task of reading the end credits. The tension had returned to the room and Sara hoped to God that one of them would say something soon that would ease it. Her wish was granted when Mandy pushed herself to her feet and headed for the bathroom. Sighing, Sara looked over at the vacated section of the couch and spotted Mandy's sweater half tucked into the back of the cushion. Reaching over she tugged on the material, warm from having been sat on. The material was amazingly soft in her hands as she opened it up to look at it. The middle section that had been pulled taught around Mandy's middle looked wide enough to wrap around Sara twice.

Hearing the door open she quickly tossed the sweater back onto the couch just as Mandy entered the room. "Ugh, it's like he's sitting on my bladder," she muttered, taking a seat beside Sara.

"It's like the size of an avocado," Sara ground out, wondering how bad it could really be. In her opinion Mandy was simply using her situation for attention, not that Sara had any evidence to substantiate her claim.

"Yeah," Mandy smiled warmly giving her bump a gentle rub, missing the annoyance in Sara's voice, or choosing to ignore it.

Sara flipped the t.v. over to the cable and started flipping through the channels avoiding looking at Mandy who was getting comfortable against the couch arm. It didn't take long for Mandy to get to her feet again and head for the bathroom. When she heard the door shut Sara got up and peeked her head into Nick's room. She was relieved to see him sitting in bed reading. Slipping inside she closed the door behind her. "Can I come in for a bit?"

"Sure. Is Mandy still here?" Nick closed his magazine and put it on the bedside table.

"She's in the bathroom. Again." Sara took a seat beside him on the bed careful not to cause him any pain.

"I hear that happens…"

Sara shrugged as nonchalantly as she could. "I guess." Within seconds Nick's strong arms had closed around her and pulled her against him. Resisting only for a second Sara hadn't realized how much she needed a hug until she was safely secured in one. Moving slowly she lay down along the length of him and rested her cheek against his chest, closing her eyes against the rest of the world.

"What's wrong, Sugar?" Nick's deep voice rumbled in his chest against her ear.

Shaking her head Sara felt tears stinging her eyes. She squeezed them tighter, refusing to cry. "I'm just tired," she whispered.

"Why don't you send Mandy home and get some rest, Sar?" Nick rubbed her back soothingly.

Sara shook her head no, saying nothing else while his fingers played over her curls. After a short while, long after she heard Mandy exit the bathroom, Sara finally spoke. "Can I get you anything Nicky?"

"No, I'm fine. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded a small, genuine smile crossing her lips. "Let me know if you need anything."

Getting up slowly she fixed his covers. "Thanks for the hug, Nick."

"Anytime," he said seriously.

"I'll have some lunch for you soon. I picked up some roast beef. I'll make you one of those dip things Grissom likes." At his nod of approval she headed back into the living room to find it empty except Hank who was making a game of pinning Mandy's sweater under his paws and pulling on the collar with his teeth. Making a move to pull it off him she suddenly paused and watched his white canines pulling the threads apart. A small amount of satisfaction worked its way up her chest as she turned away and went into the kitchen. Maybe that is exactly what Mandy deserved for her show earlier, forcing Sara to feel her stomach. Gloating about how awesome it was to have such a perfect life.

She was in the middle of making Nick's lunch when she heard the back door open and close when Mandy finished up a call. A feeling of guilt washed over her when she heard the other woman call out to Hank as she wrestled her sweater off him.

When she entered the kitchen she was inspecting the damage that Hank had done.

"Hey," Sara greeted, "I'm just making lunch for Nick. Can I make you something too?"

"No thanks. Do you have a sewing kit?"

"Somewhere. I'll get it for you. Why?" She feigned ignorance then turned around. "Oh! Your sweater! What happened?"

Mandy sighed and stuck her finger through the hole where the collar had come away, "Hank got a hold of it." She shrugged, smiling now. "I can fix it."

"Hank, that's a bad boy," Sara scolded, the guilt she was feeling growing steadily more intense as she led him by his collar to the back door. Letting him outside she swallowed back the feeling and headed back into the kitchen, grabbing the sewing kit on her way through. "Sorry about that, he doesn't usually…"

"It's alright, Sara," Mandy accepted the tin and sat down at the kitchen counter, making a 'tsk' sound as she started searching for a thread to match.

"If it's that big a deal I will replace it," Sara offered as she reentered the kitchen after delivering Nick's lunch. She looked over the sweater. It wasn't even that nice. Faded from the wash and already a little frayed around the edges it wasn't like it was brand new.

"You can't. Henry got it in England, his mother lives there. We went to visit her two summers ago after his dad died and she moved back."

"I didn't know that," Sara said lamely, wondering what Mandy was expecting her to say about it.

A chuckle escaped the lab rat's mouth. "Yeah, most people don't. It's not like it was a top story on the news. 'Mandy and Henry Visit England'…." She joked in a fake newscaster voice. "Although that sounds like it could be a good sitcom. Don't steal my idea," she joked throwing Sara a wink.

Licking her lips Sara nodded, awkwardly offering Mandy a smile for her effort. She watched Mandy make a few stitches while she battled a wave of lightheadedness that had struck her suddenly. When it didn't pass she blinked slowly. "Mandy, I'm sorry but I think I need to lay down for a bit."

"Of course. Everything okay? You look pale, Sara," concern flooded Mandy's voice and she stood up.

Holding her hand up to stop her Sara shook her head, regretting the movement instantly. "I'm okay. I'm just going to get Nick some dessert and let him know that I am going to take a nap." She got the ice cream out of the freezer and added some calcium powder to the scoops she put in his bowl. "You should visit with him for a bit."

"Sure, Sara…"


	22. Chapter 22

December 01, 2012

If you haven't already, I recomment putting this story on your alert list. I'm going to work on posting a couple of times a day, so if you want in ensure that you don't miss a chapter, that is the best way to do it.

Cheers.

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"Look who's finally up," Nick rolled into the kitchen a few hours later just as Sara was getting dinner started.

"Hey, sorry about that Nicky. I only meant to sleep for an hour," she apologized. "Did Mandy keep you company?"

"For a bit. Then I spent some time channel surfing," at her guilty look he quickly added, "It's alright, Sara. It was nice to have some time to feel independent again."

Sara nodded thoughtfully. "I guess I am kind of coddling you, huh… too much?"

"A little bit."

"I'll try to work on that," she vowed putting mixed vegetables into the steamer. "Do you need anything? Dinner will be ready soon, around five. Griss should be home around then too if he gets stuck in traffic."

"How are you feeling? Other than domestic?" Nick teased putting the plates from the counter onto his lap then wheeling over to the table to set it.

Sara was about to protest when she remembered her promise to let him do more things on his own. "I'm feeling fine. Thanks. We'll change your bandages after dinner. And no, I can't let you do those on your own." She explained hoping that he wouldn't think she was being controlling. Hopes that were quickly dashed when he muttered a "lucky me", his voice laced with sarcasm.

"An infection would be bad," she learned over the counter to peer at him. "I can have Griss do it."

"No!"

When her face split into a teasing grin he let out a low chuckle.

The two spent the rest of their time together chatting about anything that came to their minds. Their conversation lead them from one stray thought to another: memories of Greg's antics to deeper discussions about their childhoods. Sara enjoyed the feeling of normalcy that had settled over them while they waited for Grissom to get home

When the door finally opened and Grissom came through it Sara was just putting dinner on the table.

"Hi Honey," he greeted, putting his brief case down in the front hall. Following the smell of dinner into the kitchen he found Nick sitting at the table and Sara over by the fridge pouring drinks, her back to him. Sliding his arms around her small frame from behind Grissom pressed a kiss to her shoulder. His lips met hers briefly when she craned her neck around to take a look at him. Sweeping his eyes over the dust of freckles on her nose it struck him how much they stood out against her pale complexion. Pulling back he turned her in his arms to take a good look at her. "Sa-"

The worry he was feeling must have become clear in his eyes because she cut him off with a shake of her head. Sighing, he nodded, deciding that he would be sure to have a very serious conversation with her later when Nick wasn't watching them so closely.

"Dinner is ready," Sara informed him, giving him a sweet kiss before ducking out from under his arm, two glasses of juice in her hands.

Picking up the third glass Grissom followed her over to the table. "How are you doing, Nick?" He asked politely opening his napkin on his lap, his eyes trailing Sara who was lifting something out of the oven.

"I'm well today, thank you," the Texan replied, his eyes finding the same destination as Grissom's. "How was your day Griss?"

Sara took a seat across from them and allowed Grissom to serve everyone.

"It was great. I gave my first pop quiz today."

"On the second day?" Sara raised an eyebrow.

Grissom's brow furrowed. "Yes… Why not?"

"You know, I had a teacher like you once…" Nick spoke up, adding salt to his dinner.

Glancing at his wife, Grissom was pleased to see the amused sparkle in her eyes. "I hated teachers like you in high school

"… we put his car on the roof," Nick continued.

Considering the younger man's words, Grissom wondered if there had been a hint of a warning in them. Sighing he defended lightly. "It's a good way for me to see how they are understanding the material." It was a simple fact. How could he add to his students learning if he didn't know what kind of a foundation he was building on? It made perfect sense to him.

"Baby, it's the first week," Sara interrupted his thoughts. "What material?"

"I read last year's text book," he explained. "I wanted to see what we have to review before covering this year's curriculum."

Finally deciding to cut him some slack Sara patted his arm. "I know. You're doing a good job, Gil."

Offering a nod Grissom cleared his throat. "Good. Then you can help me grade them later." He smiled inwardly at her reaction, the dropping of her jaw slightly, enough to expose the sweet gap between her central incisors.

"I compliment you and you give me work?" She shot Nick a mock glare when he laughed from his spot across the table from her. Scrunching her nose at him she laughed a little as she began making slow work of consuming her dinner.

Grissom watched her closely as he ate in silence, listening to her and Nick chat. His eyes followed her fork from her plate, to her mouth. He watched as she chewed, which seemed to be in order. It was the next part of the pattern that made concerned him. As she swallowed her body seemed to cringe, her hand pressing hard against her stomach. Bringing his eyes back up to watch her face he felt his concern deepen and panic start to set in. His mind turned over and over trying to diagnose the situation: weight loss, abdominal pain… who knew what else.

Sara had never been good at sharing with him when something was wrong.

He remembered the first time he had been allowed to see her in the hospital after her abduction. He had asked her how she was feeling, his heart aching at the sight of her battered body. Her hoarsely whispered 'fine' made him pause.

She had looked so fragile in the hospital bed: one arm incased from just under her arm pit to her knuckles in a big, heavy cast. Her skin had been burned from long hours exposed to the desert sun, one side of her face looked particularly bad. She hadn't given him any details about what exactly had happened but he could guess well enough as he watched the nurses pick gravel out of her shredded skin. When he approached her bed that day he could remember swallowing back the tears he had never allowed himself to cry since the day his father died and he became a man. She had been partially awake, her eyelids mostly closed and heavy.

She had not been 'fine' that day, and she was not fine now. Grissom promised himself that he would not accept that answer this time. He would speak to her as soon as they were alone and they would deal with whatever it was together.

After dinner Sara had to physically push Nick, in his chair, to his room to change his bandages. She was amused at first by his protests, then chose to simply ignore them. Leaning against the dresser she watched him move onto the edge of the bed. Closing her eyes she rubbed her stomach uncomfortably as sweat broke out at her temples and on her upper lip. Her queasiness was not helped by the strong scent of Grissom's coffee cake baking in the oven.

"Sara, what's wrong?"

Opening her eyes to Nick, she crossed the room to kneel in front of him. "Nothing," she mumbled, opening the bottle of antibacterial soap. "Shit, I didn't wash my hands." Getting to her feet she rushed out of the room.

The mirror in the bathroom was a cool relief against the burning skin of her forehead. Eyes closed she took deep breaths through her nose to try and quell the nausea that was coming over her in waves.

When she finally felt steady enough, Sara washed her hand thoroughly then made her way back to Nick who eyed her carefully as soon as she entered the room. Feeling self conscious under his scrutiny she didn't meet his eyes as she took her previous position at his feet. Picking up the bottle of soap again she gently began cleaning his incision, being careful not to disturb the scab that was forming.

"Sara, you know that I care a great deal about you. It's probably really cliché to say it but I do think of you as family, and that's the only reason that I'm gonna say this," his accent washed over her as he spoke slowly. "You look like shit, darlin'. And I know you say you're fine and I respect that that's what you want me, and Griss even, to believe, but we don't. Not for a second."

"It's just a touch of the flu, Nicky," she flashed a smile at him. When he didn't return it she looked back down at her hands, drying the area around his incision.

Nick seemed to consider her answer. "Then you should be resting. Not running around after me all day. I can cook, and do some of the cleaning, and I can change my own bandages."

Sara ignored the first half of his proposal altogether. "I would feel better if I did it. And it only takes 10 minutes."

Nick stayed silent the rest of the time it took her to dress and tape over the scar. "There, all done," she said, satisfied as she got to her feet and started cleaning up the dressing kit on the bed.

"Good, now go and get some rest," he ordered taking the box from her hand and tossing it onto the side table.

"Nick, I just woke up from a three hour nap!"

"And you look like you're gonna fall over."

Sighing, Sara nodded. He was right; she was feeling pretty queasy and a little bit faint. Pressing a kiss to his forehead she nodded. "Thanks for your concern Nicky. I'll take you up on your advice. But I really am fine."

"You better be."

Flashing him another smile she abandoned an offer to help him change into his pajamas and headed into the kitchen where she found Grissom working his way through the dishes. "Need any help?" She rubbed a hand over his back.

"No, I've got this here. Why don't you head up and get ready for bed? I have something I want to run by you."

Narrowing her eyes a little Sara knew exactly what he wanted to talk about. Resisting the urge to roll her eyes and snap at him about being tired of people wanting to talk about the flu she had recently come down with she nodded and poured herself a glass of water. "Don't forget the tests."

Sara was sitting up in bed by the time Grissom finished cleaning up the kitchen and went up to join her. Dropping the stack of papers beside her he sat on the edge, looking her over. She had pulled her damp, already curling hair, up into a knot, her eyes were fixed on the novel she was reading. Running a hand over the pajama bottoms covering her legs he pressed a kiss to her knee. Glancing up he caught the gentle smile playing on her lips as she pretended to read.

Taking a mental image of her, the way the bedside lamp warmed the side of her face and shoulder, Grissom felt his heart swell. Sometimes, he couldn't believe his luck. That such a beautiful, smart, wonderful person would want to spend her life with him.

When he didn't say anything for a long time she lifted her face curiously to peer at him, one fine eyebrow rising towards her hairline. "What?" She questioned softly, closing her book.

'_You're so beautiful. So special to me, Sara. Please tell me what's wrong, so I can help you. I want to make it better. Talk to me.'_

"Nothing," he answered, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. Turning her palm over he slipped a red pen into it and curled her fingers around it.

"How romantic," she teased, lifting the first test off the top of the pile. "My very own writing utensil…"

"We're simply marking right or wrong," he shook his head at her. "No pity marks-"

"How about witty marks?" Sara cut him off.

"No witty marks either." He moved the pile of tests to take their place beside her. "Don't be afraid to ask me if you don't know something, the only stupid question is the-"

"… one you don't ask. Got it. But I think I can handle a simple high school science test, Griss."

"I think you'll be surprised by how much you don't know actually." On catching her look he realized he was probably treading on thin ice. "And what I mean by that is that you have replaced it all with knowledge that is far more advanced and sophisticated."

"Ha," she tossed at him. "Good save, Gilbert. I'll be fine though, I'm sure." She tossed the penned test at him and scooped up another. "Perhaps my memory is just better than yours."

"Yes. Perhaps."

They worked in silence for a few minutes.

"Oh, look, your first fail. Gary," she read the name off the top of the paper, "is going to need some remediation I think."

"He slept through class yesterday," Grissom glanced over at the test. "Did you really have to put his 'F' in, what is that, 28 font?"

"I'm making a point. Who's Wendy Sanchez?" She glanced over at the test on his lap that was sporting an 'A' on the top of the page.

Grissom sighed, trying to pick out an image of this particular student amongst several profiles of giggling teenage girls he had stored in his head, finally settling on one he nodded. "Pretty quiet. Doesn't seem to really fit in with the orange girls. Patient, smart, reminds me of you, actually."

"Me patient?"

"Well, stubborn too."

"Orange girls?"

"You know the ones… that spend more time baking their brains in tanning salons than nurturing them. It's kind of hard to tell them apart," he admitted sheepishly. "They all travel in loud high pitched packs… I don't remember that type from my high school days…"

"They were the ones in pinafores," she couldn't resist a jab at his age. "I don't think those kind of girls are a new thing Grissom. They've just… mutated."

Nodding in agreement he turned to face her. "You weren't like that in school," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Uh, no. I was the one they made fun of. Too tall, uncooperative hair, nerdy…"

"Ah, a woman after my own heart," he kissed her softly. He moved over her slowly, extracting the pen from her fingers. "I love your height, all legs," he kisses her throat. "And your hair," he slowly untied the band and tossed it on her bedside table. Snuggling his face into her curls he breathed in her apple scented shampoo. "So soft."

He felt her breath against his cheek, coming more quickly as she explored his chest with her hands. Capturing them with his own, he pinned them over her head. "I want to make you so happy," he kissed her forehead. "I want to make everything up to you: your childhood, those girls, my behaviour, all of it. I want to give you everything you desire, Sara. What can I do?"

"You're headed in the right direction," she moaned. "Just keep doing that."

"Tell me what's wrong, Sara. Let me help." His fingers slid down her stomach and pulled back the band of her pants to allow their further descent. "Tell me and we'll fix it."

She whimpered against his shoulder. "Please."

Meeting her heavy lidded eyes, he nodded. "Okay," he kissed her. _We'll talk about it tomorrow. _"Okay, Honey."


	23. Chapter 23

December 01, 2012

* * *

The next couple of weeks passed rather uneventfully. Grissom had been spending some extra time at school working with the administrators, trying to get a forensics club up and running. Although Sara was very proud of his dedication to his work- he always gave himself one-hundred-percent to everything he was doing- she was getting fed up with his late nights. Between looking after the house, and Nick, and the pets, she was feeling completely run down. This wasn't helped by the now constant pain in her stomach. She knew that she couldn't avoid it any longer and finally broke down and booked an appointment with her doctor. Unfortunately, on the day of her appointment Mandy hadn't shown up watch Nick while she snuck out under the pretense of going grocery shopping.

As she pulled the fresh sheets into place on Nick's bed she thought about how badly she wanted to talk to Grissom about everything that has been going on with her. An irritated grunt sounded in the back of her throat when she realized she put the sheet on the wrong way. Everything seemed to be building up around her and she didn't know what to do about it. As much as she wanted to talk to Gil she knew that she couldn't. She had been lying to him for weeks about her weight gain, telling him the number on the scale was increasing when in truth she was in a constant battle to just keep it from dropping. If she came clean to him he would think she wasn't trying, and that simply wasn't good enough.

Hearing the doorbell ring she quickly tossed the pillows back into place on the bed and rushed to the door so Nick, who had fallen asleep on the couch, wouldn't be disturbed. Pulling open the door she came face to face with Mandy.

"Hey!" Mandy greeted warmly, stepping around Sara and into the front hall.

"Shhh," Sara hushed her, gesturing to Nick's sprawled out form.

Mandy gave Sara a sheepish smile and lowered her voice to a whisper as she pushed her shoes off her feet. "Sorry. How's everything going? Are you feeling better?"

"Everything's fine. I'm just cleaning up a bit. Nick had physio this morning so we've been out. He's doing a lot better. Walking with just a cane and everything so we're really pleased about that… what are you doing here?" She asked trying to sound as casual as possible. If Sara was being honest she would allow herself to admit that she was still upset with Mandy for not showing up to watch Nick while she went to see the doctor.

Mandy looked slightly taken aback. "I just wanted to stop by and see how you and Nick were doing…"

"Well, he's sleeping," Sara grumbled feeling her patience wearing thin. The stress of the last few days and the anxiety she was feeling about her health were making her feel a little unpredictable. She was able to keep it to herself most of the time, stepping out of the room when she needed to vent some frustration. She didn't want Nick to think that he was unwelcome or that he was too much trouble.

"Yeah, I noticed," the print tech said, her voice laced with sarcasm. "What's your problem? What did I do _this_ time?"

"I thought you were going to come by yesterday. So I could go… do some shopping."

Mandy's brows knitted together a little, and then her face went blank as colour seeped into her cheeks. "I know. I'm sorry," she followed Sara into the kitchen. "I had to go see my o.b. I was having some spotting…"

"You could have called. I waited around all day," Sara said harshly, crossing her arms under her breasts stubbornly. At seeing the hurt on Mandy's face she resisted the urge to roll her eyes in frustration with the other woman. Part of her knew that she should be expressing concern for her friend but at the moment she was just so fatigued with having compassion for everyone else that she really couldn't bring herself to show any. "Whatever. Forget it," she compromised deciding that even if she wasn't going to express worry over Mandy's health there was no need to be a total bitch and pick a fight. Especially with Nick sleeping in the other room. "It doesn't matter," she added coolly.

"Do you want to go shopping now? I can stay with Nick…" Mandy offered moving over to lean on the counter beside Sara.

"I already went last night," Sara lied, moving away from Mandy for fear that she would be forced to feel the baby move again or something stupid and totally sentimental and not her at all.

Taking a seat on the nearest stool Mandy's face softened and her eyes glistened. "I am _really_ sorry, Sara," she gushed.

Sighing inwardly Sara caved a little. "You want something to eat or drink… or something?"

Mandy seemed to brighten a little. "Do you have anything sweet? I'm craving some serious chocolate right now."

Getting a tin out of the cupboard, Sara opened the lid and tossed it on the counter in front of Mandy, the chocolate fudge brownies inside getting a little jumbled upon impact with the granite. She watched curiously as Mandy's hand flew to her stomach, still keeping her distance.

"Woah," Mandy looked up at Sara, a small smile playing over her lips. "I'll never get used to that."

"What?" Sara asked cautiously, pouring two glasses of milk, already starting to feel exhausted from Mandy's visit.

"The baby get's scared by loud sounds now. It's kind of cool, but it surprises me sometimes," she scooped out a brownie, taking her time to lick some stray icing off her finger before taking a bite.

Sara placed one of the glasses before Mandy and decided to try eating some brownie herself. Nick had insisted he had to bake her some using Grandma Stokes' famous recipe. She had to admit that they looked absolutely amazing; even good enough to rival her husband's, not that she would ever admit it aloud. Nibbling on the corner of the generous square Sara eyed Mandy. The other woman seemed perfectly fine to her, in fact she seemed more than fine. "So…" she searched for some kind of common ground but instead found her voice hanging between them awkwardly. Mandy looked at her curiously then picked up another brownie. "So everything is fine then? With… everything?" _Very smooth Sara. _

"It's a baby, Sara," Mandy clarified eyes hardening a little. "And _he's _fine. I'm still spotting a little, but it's rust coloured, so the doctor says it's nothing to worry about…"

'_Talk about TMI'… _Sara decided to keep that thought to herself. Looking around the room she pretended not to notice the questioning look on Mandy's face. Sara knew that the tech wanted to continue to talk about this latest development in her pregnancy and Sara knew that any decent friend would be more supportive than she was being… thinking the words Sara felt a pang of guilt.

"Why?" She hid her inquiry behind her brownie square.

"Why what?" Mandy helped herself to a third piece.

"Why is that happening," Sara clarified, annoyed. She hated having to repeat herself. Why was Mandy being so dense all of the sudden? Snapping the lid back on the tin she returned it to the cupboard. She would appreciate having _some _left later to give Nick and Grissom for dessert.

"It just happens. Stress."

Sara bit back a cruel laugh. "Why?"

"Be-cause… life if stressful…" Mandy spoke slowly, reminding Sara of one of those personalities from a kids TV show who enunciates each syllable in hopes of driving some kind of lesson home. It only served to annoy Sara.

What the hell did Mandy have to be stressed about? She had a good job where she wasn't harassed constantly, a good husband who didn't take off to foreign countries on a whim, a nice house, her health, and, Sara glanced down at Mandy's swollen belly. "Sorry your life's _so_ hard," she muttered under her breath.

"What was that?"

"What's there to be stressed about?"

Mandy looked at her strangely and Sara could see that she wasn't the only one who was losing patience quickly. "My body is going through a lot right now and I have a lot on my mind…"

Deciding to drop the subject Sara turned her back to the other woman, but not before slanting her eyes and muttering a disbelieving, "_okay…" _Fishing the cloth out of the drain in the sink she avoided meeting Mandy's eyes.

"What's going on Sara?"

"Nothing. Why?" Closing her eyes Sara felt her stomach lurch, rejecting the brownie she had just consumed. Breathing deeply through her nose she glanced over her shoulder to catch Mandy's shrug out of the corner of her eye. Carefully keeping her back to Mandy she didn't try to suppress the agony that she knew had carved itself into her visage. It wasn't until her mind cleared a bit as the pain eased that she was aware that she had doubled over.

"Sara! What's wrong?" Mandy's alarmed voice intercepted her thoughts.

Straightening slowly she forced her features to smooth. "Nothing. Grissom spills juice all over the damned place when he pours a glass."

"Your stomach…"

"Leave it alone," Sara whispered firmly.

"Sar-" Mandy slid off her stool and slowly made her way across the room. "What's wrong with your stomach?" She tried again when Sara ignored her.

"Leave _me _alone," Sara warned giving up on the counter, deciding that she would need bleach to take out the stain.

Mandy laid what Sara assumed was meant to be a comforting hand on her arm. "Tell me what's wrong?"

Sara shrugged her off. "No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's none of your damn business. You obviously have enough stress with your own… stuff, so just leave it alone," moving around the other woman Sara stalked out of the kitchen, pressing her hand on the spot just over her belly button. Sara made her way past Nick to get the bleach out of the laundry room.

"What can I do, Sara?" Mandy was following her closely.

"Absolutely nothing." Sara glanced over at Nick who was beginning to stir. Stopping suddenly she gripped the side of the wall unit. The floor seemed to be moving under her feet. Looking around the room she blinked slowly, trying to clear the fuzziness that had become of the walls and furniture. Feeling the room tilt she squeezed her eyes shut tightly. _I'm gonna throw up_, she realized with a sudden feeling of panic. Dropping to her knees she wretched violently. Opening her eyes she was greeted by a small spattering of blood on the carpet. Upon drawing in a deep breath she realized her body wasn't finished yet. Heaving again she felt a smooth rush of bile escape her mouth. Panic rose in chest at the sight of what appeared to be pure blood. Sara felt warm hands encircle her bicep and she looked up to meet Mandy's worried eyes. "Get out," her voice was hoarse, her throat aching from vomiting.

"Sara, we need to get you to the hospital," Mandy's horrified eyes darted to look at the stain on the carpet.

Sara wrenched her arm away. "No," she tried to get to her feet.

"Sara, yes. Something is wrong with you!"

"There's _nothing_ wrong with me!" Gripping a wall unit she steadied herself, rising to her full height, her arms wrapped tightly around her middle.

"I mean you're sick, Sara. You need to see a doctor. Now." Mandy was on her feet too. Her hands on her hips, staring at Sara seriously.

Letting go of the wall unit Sara shook her head, feeling her anger rise in her chest. Who did Mandy think she was, coming into _her _home and telling her what to do? How dare she act as though she gave a shit about what was best for her. "Get out of my house."

"You're my friend…"

"Well, you're not mine."

Mandy's face fell. "Good to know."

But Sara wasn't finished. "Friends don't shove their happiness in each other's faces, Mandy. They don't bitch about how bad they have it when they have everything! Absolutely _everything_ that their friend wants." The room tilted around her again and she released her fist in order to take hold of the wall cabinet again.

Mandy's eyes had widened significantly and were swimming with tears. "Well, real friends can at least be a little bit happy for their friends. Heck, even the most despicable selfish person can at least find a little bit of joy for others in their hearts…but you, Sara, are just-"

As Sara slid down the cabinet, Mandy suddenly seemed miles away. It seemed as though she was listening to her yelling from the end of a very long tunnel. Somewhere, she heard Nick's worried voice too, demanding to know what was going on. Opening her mouth to answer, Sara found that she didn't seem to have a voice in this place that was growing darker by the second, until there was nothing at all.


	24. Chapter 24

December 02, 2012

Thank you for your response everyone. I appreciate the feedback. I would like to just make a quick note to remind everyone that this story is listed clearly as being **Angsty**. If you aren't into that sort of thing then perhaps this story isn't meant for you. I don't mean that disrespectfully, I just want to make sure that everyone is happy. If Angst doesn't float your boat then perhaps another story would be more appropriate for you.

Cheers,

Robyn

* * *

Sara was aware of Mandy sitting in the chair beside her as she watched her heart monitor's rhythm. _I'm still alive, I guess that's good. _Avoiding looking over at the other woman she wondered how long she had been sleeping. As best she could tell she was still in the emergency room, in a curtained area that was smaller than her closet. She could hear phones ringing far away and people bustling around on the other side of the partially closed curtain. Looking up she took in the sight of the ceiling tiles and fluorescent light that was suspended above, shared between her and her neighbour.

She had hated hospitals her whole life. In her experience nothing good ever came of them. Most of her childhood memories ended in trips to the hospital, she had lost count before preschool of how many hours she had spent sitting in the uncomfortable plastic chairs of various triage rooms. Sara hated everything about hospitals, from the stuffy air, to the smell of disinfectant and bodily fluids. Hospitals meant one thing to Sara: pain. Whether it was having her own bones set, her face stitched up, or sitting quietly as her mom had been treated for various injuries, listening to her dad explain them away in a flirtatious way that had the nurses flushing pink or signing charts quickly to get away from him. In later years it had been the same way, a foster parent whose temper rivaled her parents, or a suicide attempt by a foster sibling, a victim after she became a CSI. Sara had never enjoyed a trip to the hospital.

Finally braving a glance at Mandy she saw that the other woman had dozed off. Sara wondered if anyone had called Grissom. She was about to press the call button to ask if he had been contacted when the curtain was pulled back suddenly with the scrape of metal on metal.

"Hello Mrs. Grissom," an older man with a receding hairline read her name off the chart in his hand. "How are you feeling now?"

"Did someone call my husband?" She avoided his question, wanting Grissom now more than ever.

The Doctor nodded affirmatively looking over her chart. "They did. I was looking at your x-rays-," Sara hadn't even been aware that they had given her one. "And I saw something unusual. It seems you have a mass in your stomach. I'd like to do an ultrasound and a biopsy as soon as possible." The balding man, Sara glanced at the name sewn onto his white coat, Dr. H. Hardy, M.D., apparently, didn't look at her once the entire time he spoke.

"When will my husband be coming… How long ago was he contacted?"

Finally Dr. Hardy raised his eyes to give her his attention. "I'm not sure. Mrs. Grissom I'm afraid that this could be a serious medical condition. I feel that it would be best if we moved along in-"

He was cut off by Grissom ducking around the curtain and joining them in the already cramped space. "Sara, honey," he moved around the bed and gently cupped her face in his large hands. Holding her face up to meet his eyes, he searched hers carefully, as though looking for some kind of sign that she was alright.

"We're going home," she whispered, turning her cheek into his hand. "Please take me home, Griss."

"Sara, the doctor said you need a biopsy. He said they found-"

"I really must insist that I agree with your husband, Sara," Dr. Hardy cut Gil off briskly, glancing at his watch as though too much of his time had been wasted already.

Sara almost winced at the sound of her first name in his mouth. When had they upgraded their relationship to a first name basis?

"I'll make an appointment. I'll get a referral from my doctor for the tests. I would rather go through her anyway. Griss, please."

"Sara, we need to know what's wrong, honey."

"We will. I'll call my doctor as soon as we get home, okay? I just- I can't be here anymore."

Grissom's thumb slid over her cheek slowly. Pressing a kiss to her forehead he nodded. Turning to Dr. Hardy he slid his arms down over her shoulders and wrapped her up in a hug. "Will she be alright? To leave for the night?"

Anxiety had made its way into his voice and Sara felt a small measure of guilt for being the one to cause it, but she was starting to feel trapped in the small curtained area. At some point Mandy had slipped out of the space but it still felt too tight for so many people.

"It is my medical opinion that she should be hospitalized overnight. But, I also feel that she would be fine to spend the night at home as long as she seeks medical attention as soon as possible…" The Doctor looks positively giddy over freeing up another bed so soon. At hearing no protests he sucked in his cheeks and got to his feet. "Alright then. I'll have a nurse bring you the paperwork. You'll be signing out A.M.A, I hope you understand."

"Whatever it takes," Grissom copied the doctor's tone, making it clear that he knew exactly what the doctor was doing. "Can you believe that guy?" Gil thumbed the direction that Dr. Hardy had gone once they were alone.

Sara shrugged. "Well, he doesn't know who he's talking to. For all he knows we're a couple of loonies trying to make a few bucks by suing the hospital for malpractice…"

Her husband nodded grimly and located her personal items in a bag tied to the rail on her bed. When the nurse returned they signed the paperwork and the various tubes and wires that had been attached to Sara were removed. She kept an eye out for Mandy on their way out but didn't see her. Grissom informed her that she had excused herself and gone home when he arrived. Looking down at her feet as she walked Sara didn't say anything about the matter. If Mandy didn't want to be there that was just fine.

When they arrived home Sara slipped past Nick and went straight upstairs, noticing briefly that the carpet in the living room had been scrubbed clean. She was grateful to Nick for having taken care of the mess, it was the last thing Grissom needed to see or he would be marching her straight back to the hospital.

XXXX

Grissom followed Sara inside, carrying the file of medical papers they were supposed to present to Sara's doctor at her appointment. Placing them down with his briefcase in the front hall he watched her step over a large wet spot on the carpet and disappear upstairs. His instinct was to follow her but he knew she needed time to herself before being questioned, which is why she had avoided Nick upon entering the house. She hadn't said anything on the way home, claiming she was too tired to talk.

He made his way into the kitchen to find Nick hovering over a pot of soup of the stove. The younger man clearly hadn't heard them come in but was made aware of Gil's presence as soon as he entered the room.

"Grissom. Thank God! Did the school reach you about Sara? I've been so worried, Mandy hasn't called. I don't know what happened. I was napping and the next thing I knew Sara was on the floor-"

"Sara's upstairs getting ready for bed Nick," Grissom asserted relieving the Texan of having to tell him the whole story. He was grateful for Nick's concern but he didn't need another second hand story. He needed hear directly from Sara what had happened. "We'll be making an appointment with her doctor for a biopsy soon."

"A biopsy?" Nick ran a thick hand through his short hair. "Man, they think she had can-" He seemed incapable of finishing.

"We don't know anything, yet. They found a mass in her stomach. We won't know until they run the tests and then we'll…. Figure it out. I'm going to go and check on her."

"Yeah, that's a good idea. Listen, I'm real sorry Grissom," Nick's words were thick with emotion. "I should clear out of here. I'm well enough now to get by and she doesn't need me around here stressing her out."

Grissom shook his head. "Stay Nick. She… she responds well to you. She trusts you."

The two men stood in silence together for a few beats, forming a silent pact that they would become her support system. With a simple shared nod Grissom took his leave and headed upstairs.

He found Sara curled up in bed, her bedside light still turned on. Glancing around the room he found several pieces of crumpled and torn paper strewn about, some on the floor, most of it on the bed. Upon closer inspection he found it to be her dietary journal that she had been using to keep track of her nutritional information and weight gain progress.

Moving onto the bed beside her he left the remnants of her meticulous recording where they lay and carefully slipped an arm around her middle. Pulling her flush against his chest he kissed the fevered spot behind her ear. "Sara, how are you feeling?"

She shrugged against him and he felt her shoulder bob against his chin. Kissing her shoulder he listened to her breathing turn from a controlled rhythm to sporadic intakes of breath as she broke down.

"It's not fair," she whispered, chest heaving dramatically.

"No, it isn't," he agreed, holding her tighter, wishing he knew what words to offer her to make the situation better; to take away the sadness and fear in her eyes. "But I will be here with you every single step of the way. No matter what happens we're going to get it through together."

Nodding slowly she curled herself closer into him. The room was silent except for the sound of her sobs until they too subsided as she drifted into a fitful sleep.

XXXX

Grissom blinked to adjust so he could peer at the clock on the wall only to be disappointed that less that five minutes had past since he last checked the time. Shifting uncomfortably in his chair he yawned and looked back over at Sara who was sleeping peacefully for the first time in days. Squeezing her fingers he gently stroked her pale cheek and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. He had been waiting for her to wake up for over an hour now and he was starting to feel anxious that she didn't seem to be showing any signs of returning to consciousness.

It seemed that time had some to a standstill after the last several days of it rushing past him so fast that he could barely keep his head from spinning. Her doctor's appointment had gone smoothly enough. Dr. Mackenzie had thoroughly agreed with the E.R. doctor that acting swiftly was the best course of action. She had pushed for an early appointment at the hospital to have a biopsy done, putting them on a list for any cancelled time slot that might have come available.

It only took a few days for them to get the call that Sara was scheduled to have her biopsy done. Grissom called in sick to work and with little time to prepare they found themselves at the hospital signing paperwork and changing Sara into a flimsy paper gown.

The procedure had been going as well as could be expected considering the circumstances and the nature of it. Grissom had been forced to wait outside while Sara underwent the biopsy. At less than ten minutes in he was informed by the nurse that Sara, who was to remain conscious while the doctor worked, had suffered a panic attack and had to be sedated. Feeling guilty for leaving her alone when he knew about her dislike for hospitals, Grissom had waited anxiously for the rest of the time, desperate to see her.

He had eventually been allowed to and had been led into a small room where Sara lay covered by the thin sheet, pale and unconscious.

Glancing at the clock again he ran a hand over his face and looked around the room. Curiously he looked over the cart beside her bed and, without letting go of her hand lifted up a heavy black cylindrical tool attached to a very long wire. He carefully explored it, recognizing the camera on the end as something Doc Robbins sometimes used in his autopsies, though the good Doctor did have a preference for cutting. Tilting the tiny camera up towards himself he caught an image of himself in the screen on the monitor. Apparently the machine hadn't been turned off.

He almost dropped the whole thing when he felt Sara's hand twitch in his. Putting it to the side he refocused his attention on her. From looking at the long tube he could see why the nurses warned him that Sara would have a sore throat post procedure. Anyone would after having that threaded down it.

He watched her eyes slowly flutter open then close again. Stroking her cheek to guide her awake slowly and let her know he was there he whispered encouraging words to her. Relief flooded through him when her eyes finally focused on his face. "Hi beautiful," he pressed a kiss to her forehead. She didn't answer right away so he assumed she was still getting her bearings. "They sedated you during the procedure honey. They said you were having a hard time remaining calm… how are you feeling?"

"Sore," she whispered, her hand slowly coming up to rest on her throat. Groggily she looked over at the machine with distain. "That sucked." Licking her lips she glanced at the cup on her bedside table.

"Ice," Gil informed her picking up the cup. Fishing out a chip for her he smoothed it over her lips to moisten them. Her tongue slipped out greedily to absorb the water. He slipped an ice chip into her mouth.

Trying to form words around the ice her throat seemed to feel closed as she rasped something unintelligible. Swallowing some water she tried again, this time managing to form the second half of the word.

Threading his fingers through her hair Grissom released her hand and brought his, fingers all pressed together to the spot right under his ear. Resting his fingertips there for a moment he brought them down to the corner of his mouth. "Home," he whispered, showing her again. "That is the sign for home."

Watching him closely, Sara raised her hand, her insecurity clear upon her face and in the movement of her hand. Copying him she felt hot tears well up in her eyes. '_Home.' _

Nodding, feeling his own eyes stinging with emotion Grissom nodded. "I can do that."


	25. Chapter 25

December 02, 2012

Keep an eye out for one more chapter at some point this evening.

**I have a new Facebook page if you are interested in adding me. The link is on my Profile or you can search me at PrintDust Fanfiction.**

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With a steady fingers Henry held the model wing in one hand while he carefully used the other to add a white ring around the tiny picture he was painting. Although his eyes were trained on his work his mind was elsewhere as he told Mandy the juicy details of the latest development in an ongoing Dungeons and Dragons game he had been playing. "So then, Freik, that's Archie, ties to sneak up on him but he didn't have enough ability! The next thing you know, he's flat on his back at the bottom of the gorge, game over for him-" glancing up at his wife he found her absentmindedly staring into her bowl of 'Alphagetti'. "And then I traded the baby for a new set of die, real nice ones. I didn't think you would mind."

"Mhm," Mandy answered without looking up.

Sighing Henry reached out and knocked on the table beside her bowl.

Startled she snapped to attention and looked up at him. "What?"

"Mandy, what's up?"

She shrugged one shoulder and lifted her spoon out of the bowl then tipped it over to watch the pasta ABC's slip off the edge and land back in the bowl, splashing red sauce onto the table. She stayed silent so long that Henry had nearly given up hope that she would come around and talk to him. He was just about to go back to his work when she confessed. "Nick told me Sara had a biopsy today…"

"I know, you mentioned it yesterday," he reminded her, blowing gently on the completed wing. "Do you know how it went?"

Mandy shook her head negatively. "Not really. What if she has cancer, Hen?"

"Well," his jaw slid from side to side. "Then she has cancer…" he finished simply. "It isn't necessarily the end of the world. Practically everyone has cancer these days. Something like 1,470-something-thousand people are diagnosed with cancer in America every year."

Finally she raised her eyes to look at him long enough to give him a penetrating stare/ "How could you say that? She could die!"

"And it could be a simple treatment and she'll be fine. Try not to get too stressed about it until you know something," returning his attention back to the model he was looking at he could feel his ears burning under the scrutiny of her gaze. It's not that he didn't feel bad for Sara- and Grissom too- he couldn't imagine the kind of hell they were going through, but it wasn't his nature to worry. Whatever was going to happen was going to happen whether he allowed himself to get worked up about it or not. Looking over at Mandy, who had gone back to her food he took in the anxiety that was rolling off her.

"I think she hates me," she whispered giving up on eating. Sitting back she dropped her spoon into her bowl with a clang.

"If I recall correctly you were saying that about her like a week ago," bracing himself for another round of listening to 'girl drama', he longed for Archie's basement, a deck of cards, and a cold one. He loved his wife but her sensitivity to everything was driving him nuts. "Did you mean it?" He reasoned.

Mandy shook her head. "Of course not. I was mad about her attitude towards me and frustrated that she couldn't even get over herself for a second to be happy for me…" She trailed off for a minute then began again. "But then… God, Henry, she was so sick and in so much pain and I didn't even- you should have heard what I said to her." Raising one trembling hand to her eye she wiped away the tears that were building. "I was just so mad Hen… and frustrated and she couldn't even stand up, and she was vomiting blood and she was refusing to let me help her!"

Henry nodded, not really sure what to say to her about the whole thing. "I don't know Mandy, maybe you should just talk to her about it. And go into it without expectations. It's not really fair to hold people responsible because they don't react to things the way you think they should or in the way that you would. I mean, just because maybe you would be able to be happy for someone even though you're jealous doesn't mean everyone is like that. If you're her friend you'll accept that that's not how she is. It doesn't mean you have to like it, but you not liking it doesn't mean you can just change it."

She sat stiffly for a minute, her arms crossed over her chest. He waited for an outburst of anger that didn't come.

"You're ab-absolutely right," she stammered. "Maybe my expectations have been unfair to her. I mean, how would I feel if our roles were reversed… I'm a jerk," she sighed slumping down in her seat.

"You're not a jerk," he shook his head. "You were just happy for yourself. And you're more than allowed to be happy about having a baby, Mandy. It's a… pretty cool thing," he grinned at her. "And I am not telling you that you can let her continue being… upset with you because you don't deserve to be treated unkindly. You guys just need to strike a balance and… whatever, compromise and… shit."

"You alw- sometimes- rarely know what to say," a smile swept over her face. "Thank you."

Henry nodded. "Make up with her soon or make a new friend though because I'm tired of having these complex, meaningful conversations with you."

She giggled and picked up her spoon again. "But you're kind of good at it… why is there a monkey on that plane?" She leaned in to take a closer look at his work.

"I'm going to hang it up in the nursery."

XXXXX

Sara was lying on the couch watching Judge Judy reruns while she waited for Nick and Grissom to get home from the Doctor's. Hearing the doorbell ring she muted the t.v. and headed into the hallway. Pulling open the door she was a little bit surprised to find Mandy nervously waiting on the stoop. She considered closing the door on her but instead stepped back to let her visitor in.

"Hey," Mandy stood awkwardly in the front hall.

Closing the door, Sara nodded a greeting then headed back into the living room to reclaim her spot on the sofa. She pulled her blanket back onto her lap and watched Mandy enter the room too. Reluctantly she moved her legs to make room on the other end of the couch and watched the other woman take a seat there.

"How are you?" Mandy asked, her eyes sweeping over Sara.

Sara shrugged, not really feeling up for talking. Her throat was sore as hell and she was exhausted and really not in the mood for company. She looked at Mandy expectantly, waiting for an explanation for her unexpected visit.

"I came to apologize," Mandy explained from her spot at the very edge of the couch, as though she was getting ready to escape at any given moment. She waited for Sara to say something, when she didn't, she continued. "I should have backed off. You were right. It wasn't my business… Especially after the kind of friend I've been the last little while. I shouldn't have tried to force you to be happy for me, that wasn't fair to you."

Nodding in agreement, Sara crossed her arms over her abdomen.

"Are you feeling… better?"

Sara nodded again and picked up a bottle of pain killers she had been prescribed at the hospital. Putting it back down she picked up her cup of ice cubes. Popping one in her mouth she watched Mandy closely for a few minutes, not really caring how awkward it must have been for the other woman. Finally she swallowed the last drops of water in her mouth and opened it to speak. "I appreciate that," she croaked. Rubbing her throat with her hand she forced herself to continue despite the pain. "I guess we were both kind of unfair to each other. You were happy about something and wanted to share that with me and I hated it because I wanted you to be miserable with me." Her voice cracked and when she tried to speak again it came out as a whisper. "I've been thinking about what you said, and it's a little bit true-"

"It's not," Mandy cut her off. "It's not true at all Sara. You were-"

Sara put up her hand to stop her. "I was… even if it wasn't my intention to come off as selfish, it doesn't mean I didn't hurt you. And your feelings about it are valid too. I wanted to be happy for you but… I was so unhappy for myself though, that I couldn't express it. I'm sorry."

"Can we still be friends?" Mandy's eyes had grown wetter and wetter.

Sara nodded, feeling the corners of her mouth tug upwards into a small smile. Exhausted she laid back and closed her eyes; she needed a minute to rest and regain some of her energy again. When she opened them again Mandy was still wiping tears off her cheeks. Looking around awkwardly she searched for some tissue or something but Grissom hadn't left anything close by. Deciding to just wait it out she averted her eyes to give Mandy an opportunity to pull it together. It didn't take much longer for the tears to stop. They met eyes and Sara smiled a little. Holding out the cup on her lap she offered her friend an ice cube. An embarrassed shrug quickly followed as an explanation that she didn't have anything else and she wasn't feeling strong enough to go into the kitchen to fetch anything.

"Thanks," Mandy popped the cube in her mouth and bit down on it with a crunch.

"Before you told me… Griss and I talked about having a baby… But I guess that isn't going to happen now."

"It will, Sara," Mandy said firmly. "Maybe not as soon as you hoped but it will happen for you if you want it."

"Just because you want something Mandy doesn't mean that you get it. And if you think I'm wrong that's a very naïve outlook on life," Sara told her, not intending for her words to be harsh. But, in reality she was an expert on having things not turn out the way she planned or expected. Her life had been one let down after another and potentially having cancer was simply the icing on the steaming pile of crap that was her life: from abusive parents and a murderous mother, to foster care, to unrequited love, to being cheated on, then a battle with alcoholism, and then back to unrequited love. And then finally when things were working out she found herself alone at nights wondering what Grissom was doing with Heather Kessler. Not long after that she was kidnapped and left to die in the dessert, only to be topped off by Grissom's extended and unexpected trip to Africa. She wasn't one to dwell on her problems, not after her past coping strategies: drinking and then running away. In fact she had come to realize that perhaps the best way to overcome her problems was to simply forget them. But with every kick while she down it was getting harder to get back up again. One more and maybe she wouldn't. Shaking her head to clear it, Sara inwardly scolded herself for thinking that way. Looking over she realized Mandy was still talking. Thinking hard she tried to recollect if she heard anything that the other woman was saying while making a mental list of her life's tragedies. _I should write a book_, she thought dryly. _I'll call it 'Sui-Sidle: A diary of things you don't care about'_. She actually chuckled out loud.

"Sara, are you even listening to me?" Mandy touched Sara's shoulder to get her attention.

"I think I'll go to bed now," she got to her feet. "My throat hurts and I don't feel like talking anymore."

Getting up too Mandy nodded in understand. "Alright," she offered Sara a half hug. "Feel better."

"Thanks," Sara scooped up Jenny and held her in cupped hands. "I'll see you around, Mandy." She headed for the stairs trusting that Mandy would let herself out. Leaving her behind, she went upstairs. As she was trying to go to sleep she thought about Mandy and everything their relationship had been through since her return from the cabin. She knew that she still wanted to be friends with the other woman. She just didn't know how to at the moment.


	26. Chapter 26

December 02, 2012

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Sara had tuned out long before the conversation with her doctor had been over. She had stayed focused on the meeting long enough for the doctor to confirm that the mass in her stomach was indeed cancerous, though she didn't need him to say it. The atmosphere of the room had been grim from the get-go. She had spent the rest of the discussion staring off into space, thinking about her and Grissom, and how much time they had wasted with cryptic messages and outright rejections. She thought about how this could very well be their last adventure together. He was the only person she had ever really loved. Sure she had _loved_ others: friends along the way, from college, coworkers, Jim, Nick, Greg, Warrick, Mandy- even Catherine. And she thought that she had loved Hank, but Grissom was it for her. He was the only one she had ever wanted to hold her, kiss her, cry with, share her heart with, and create a family with.

Looking over at him the room seemed to move in slow motion. One of his hands was tightly wrapped around hers while the other was white knuckling the arm on his chair as he listened intently to everything the doctor was telling him. Watching his lips move around the questions he was asking she felt her throat tighten; though his posture was relaxed his eyes were full of emotion.

Words drifted in and out of her awareness: surgery, removal, chemotherapy, referral, oncologist… How had she become this person that was the topic of a discussion that brought that look to Grissom's eyes?

It seemed like they had just arrived when Grissom got to his feet and shook the doctor's hand. Standing too she looked over at the doctor who had turned to her, his eyes sympathetic. Taking his extended hand she shook it quickly and walked out, Grissom a step behind her. His hand rested gently on the small of her back, guiding her down the long stretch of hallway lined with pictures of random scenes of farmhouses and long fields extending out to nothing. Stopping to inspect one she wondered if these pictures were meant as foreshadowing of what the rest of her life would be: carefully placed scenery that could be destroyed by the simple tremble of a hand, void of any colour, too still to imagine.

"Come on, honey," his gravelly voice whispered in her ear as he pressed a kiss there.

Looking over her shoulder at him her world suddenly exploded with colour; a shock of blue so deep she could imagine it went on forever. Nodding she carried on down the hallway and away from the pictures. They could not be her future, she decided, not if she had Grissom with her. He would stay with her, he would hold everything together, he would be her steady hand. He sat her down in a nearby chair and as he drifted away towards the receptionist's desk she suddenly felt an age old doubt tug at her, _but would he be up to the task. _

XXXX

"Grissom," Sara nudged at her husband across the expanse of their king sized bed. At some point in the night they had drifted apart to their own corners leaving a wide gap of cold mattress between them.

"Griss," she pushed at his leg with her own until he let out a snort to announce his return to consciousness.

Propping himself up on his elbow to get a better view of her he looked delightfully disheveled in the shaft of light coming through the window. "What it is it? What's wrong?"

Sighing, she turned over to face him properly, reached out a hand towards him, then let it drop to the mattress when her fingers were successfully entwined with his. "Nothing," she whispered softly, then wondered who she was worried about disturbing. It was just them alone in the house since Nick had returned to his apartment a few days prior. "I'm just kind of hungry."

Nodding sleepily Grissom slowly slid out of their bed and stretched his muscles. "What would you like," he asked as he pulled on a pair of boxers.

"Some toast would be good," Sara too got out of bed and made her way around to him.

Together the couple made their way downstairs without bothering to turn the lights on. In the couple of weeks that had passed since Sara's diagnoses they had gotten used to navigating around the house in the dark of night. Usually first to satisfy Sara's rare cases of hunger that often fell in the middle of night for whatever reason, and then again later to the bathroom where her body would reject the food into the sink or the toilet, depending how weak she was feeling.

In the kitchen, Sara took her usual stool at the counter while Grissom took care of preparing the toast. "I'd like some jam and peanut butter."

"Can you stomach it, honey?"

She nodded affirmatively. The truth was she didn't know if she could but she figured if she was going to throw up later anyway she may as well enjoy it now. With her plate in front of her she cut off the crusts and offered them to Hank who was waiting politely at her feet, his tail thumping enthusiastically. After wiping off the saliva that had collected on her fingers during the exchange she picked up her knife and continued to cut up her toast into bite sized squares.

"Sara…" The somber tone to Grissom's voice made her look up instantly. "We need to talk honey…" He reached out and pushed a stray curl out of her eyes.

Concern instantly flooded her dark brown eyes. "Are you upset with me?"

"No," he watched her nibble on the corner of one of her toast squares. "No, Sara, I'm not upset. I think we need to discuss our communication, though. It's important that you start telling me the truth. About how you're feeling, what's going on with you."

Her look of concern changed to one of confusion.

"Your weight journal," he offered as an example. "I understand that you're an extremely independent person," he took one of her hands in his when he saw her look of shame. "And I know that it's hard for you to ask for help and admit to people when you're vulnerable, but it's important that you tell me everything now."

Her shoulders sagged as she gave in. "I didn't want you to think I wasn't trying, Grissom."

"I knew you were trying. I saw what you were eating Sara… We could have figured out that something was wrong a month ago…"

"It's not like you were around," fire flashed into her brown orbs and she pulled her hand away from his. "You were busy at work, you didn't even come home on time to help me. How am I supposed to share things with you when you're never available: emotionally or physically." She stared him down at the end of her rant, waiting for his response. It was slow coming. His face remained unchanging for what felt like forever, then slowly it softened and he nodded in agreement.

"You're right, Sara. I-," he sighed. "I could probably be a contender for the worst husband in the world award. I've never done anything to deserve you. Every single good thing I have ever done combined doesn't make me worthy of being your husband. And I know that I can't say anything that will change what has been done… I suppose the sentiment was best put into words by Omar Khayyam when he wrote, "_The moving hand writes; and having writ, Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit,_" Grissom slid his fingers over hers and held them tightly. "_Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it."_

"So what do we do?" Sara felt hot tears filling her eyes as she abandoned her toast and stool and slid over to his lap. Her arms wrapped themselves around his shoulders.

"We take it slow. We communicate and we tell each other if something is happening that we don't like. We don't try to control each other, but we consult one another. I'm… far from an expert on relationships, Sara." His fingers swept over her cheekbone then cupped her face. "I rarely say the right thing-"

"-or anything at all," Sara teased, pressing her cheek further into his palm.

"But," he continued as though she had not spoken. "I want to make you laugh the way Greg does, blush the way Nick does."

"I just need you, Grissom. Because you make me happy in a way that no one else can. And we're complex and both terribly stupid sometimes. And we're jealous and completely imperfect-"

"Is this your kind of pep talk?" Hi eyes twinkled for the first time in days. The sight brought a smile to her face.

"Just be here. Do your job and do the best you can at it, but, please just be here."

Nodding curtly Gil held her as closely as he could, promising himself that he would give everything he had to follow through with her request.

XXXX

A couple of weeks later they spent the morning mostly in silence, lost in their own thoughts. Sara watched him pack her bag from her spot in the middle of the bed, every so often reminding him of things she might need during her brief stay at the hospital after her surgery. She had already gone through the preadmission procedure so all that was left was to show up at least an hour before she was set to have her surgery. Although she was nervous she wasn't overly anxious or panicked over the procedure. Mostly because she knew that Grissom would be there to hold her hand until she went to sleep and then again when she came back into consciousness. Part of her believed that he was right when he whispered into her ear in the dark before going to sleep; they really could get through anything as long as they were together.

"Remember Nick has physio at two thirty," She reminded him, lifting Jenny back onto her chest. The kitten had moved out of her scrawny newborn stage to a full body of fuzzy ginger fur. "And don't let Mandy sit around in the waiting room all day, it's not good for her."

"Sara, let's just worry about you for today, okay?" Grissom held up two pairs of slippers. She pointed at the blue silk ones and he tucked them into her bag while at the same time tossing the other pair onto the chair in the corner of the room.

"I'll feel better if I know those two aren't doing anything stupid or risking themselves for no good reason."

"You're a good reason, Sara."

"That not what I meant," she flipped Jenny onto her back. "It's not like they are going to be able to do anything while I'm in surgery anyway. If I code on the table Nick's not exactly going to have the opportunity to charge into the O.R and demand control while he personally resuscitates me," she broke off into a chuckle at the mental image.

"You're not going to code on the table," Grissom answered her very seriously as he packed her a couple of bras.

"Yes, baby, because I can control that one. Don't forget my book. And my Jenny's treats."

"Why?"

"Well she'll need something to snack on in my bag," Sara stroked the kitten's soft fur from the tip of her nose, along her back to the end of her tail.

Grissom blinked slowly. "Sara, you are not taking the cat to the hospital with you," he instructed severely.

Sara's hands clasped over Jenny's ears. "Shh, she doesn't know that yet."

Rolling his eyes at her he picked up the bag he had been packing and tossed a pair or lounge pants and a shirt at her with a gruff. "Get dressed or we'll be late." He could barely hold back a smile as she screwed up her perfect nose at him in protest and pulled the shirt over her head.

XXXX

Grissom and Sara made the drive to the hospital in silence as neither of them felt up to having a forced or uncomfortable conversation. Rather, each left the other to their own thoughts. Sara sunk as deeply into the seat as she possibly could, her arms crossed over her stomach. She had been experiencing waves of pain and nausea all morning as she had been required to skip her last two doses of her pain medication. She was anxious for the surgery to be over.

When they arrived at the hospital they were able to go directly to the surgical ward, as they had taken the steps to have her pre admitted days prior. Sara felt Grissom's hand press into her lower back and rest there and she deliberately slowed her pace so that she could move more closely to his side. Looking over her shoulder briefly their eyes met and he offered her an encouraging smile. She pursed her lips in response and returned her gaze forward, blinking back tears.

Neither Grissom nor Sara were surprised when they entered the waiting room to find Mandy already there, looking at the clock anxiously. As soon as she spotted the couple heading in her direction the print tech got to her feet and crossed over to them. "Hi," she spoke softly, leaning in to give Sara half hug. "I just wanted to stop by to wish you luck," the dark haired woman's eyes widened behind her square rimmed glasses. "Not that you'll need it… everything is going to go great."

Sara looked over her shoulder again at Grissom who offered Mandy a tight smile. "We appreciate your support. Thank you for coming." He slipped his other arm around Sara's shoulders and held her tightly to his chest.

Mandy's eyes brightened a little and some of the anxiety in them faded, she turned her eyes hopefully to Sara.

"Yeah… thanks for coming," Sara breathed, resting her head back against Grissom. "You shouldn't stay though. You should go home. Grissom will call you as soon as there is anything to report."

"I want to be here, Sara. And I am staying," Mandy said stubbornly, sinking into the nearest chair. "So get on with it."

Biting back a smile Sara nodded and looked back at her husband again. Giving her a gentle squeeze he jutted his chin towards the intake desk and she nodded slowly. Together they made their way over to the desk and the nurse seated behind it.

XXXXXX

"This has got to be the ugliest shade of green I have ever seen in my life," Sara mused to her husband from her seat on the bed. "Who would pick this colour? For anything?"

"I don't think it's that bad," he responded without looking up from the information package he was currently reading through.

Sara shifted her eyes away from the walls to him and focused on his posture. On the outside to anyone who didn't know him he would most likely appear the perfect picture of calm. She, however, could see his anxiety as it presented himself in the constant flexing of his knuckles and how he moistened his lips every couple of seconds. "You're going to dry your lips out, Gilbert." She scolded softly, extending her leg in order to use her toes to push the file on his lap closed.

"Sara, I need to read that," he sighed, wrapping his fingers around her toes and giving her foot a gentle rub.

"You can read it while I'm in surgery. Come keep me warm." She scooted backwards in the bed, biting down on her lip and squeezing her eyes shut to fight the pain biting into her abdomen. His hands were on her in an instant as he guided her back against the pillows. She opened her eyes to find him leaning over her, his hands brushing her hair off her forehead.

"Are you okay?" He asked her, leaning in to rest his cheek on her temple.

"I'll be better when this is all over."

The bed dipped under his weight as he crawled in beside her, his arms folding around her to hold her against him. His lips pressed kisses into her hair. "I love you so much. This will all be better soon. Just focus on that."

"Right now, I am focusing on…" She trailed off.

"What honey?"

"The fact that my ass is hanging out for everyone to see… Think you could do something about that?"

Chuckling softly her husband helped her to slide under the sheets on the bed and get comfortable in his arms.

It wasn't long before a friendly but tired looking nurse bustled into the room with a warm greeting and a promise to be gentle as she inserted Sara's i.v. and prepped her for surgery. Grissom stood by quietly, watching carefully to ensure that his wife was being taken care of properly and remained as comfortable as possible through the process.

When it was time for her to be wheeled out of the room he wrapped her hand tightly in his own and leaned in to kiss her gently.

"I'm…" Sara swallowed hard. Hot tears escaped the corner of her eyes and slid quickly down her temples to be absorbed into her hairline. "I'm scared," she admitted, feeling her body start to tremble lightly.

"I know," his lips pressed against her eyes.

"You'll contaminate me," she released a throaty laugh and sniffled, reaching up to wipe her eyes.

Giving her one last kiss, Gil stepped back from the bed and watched as she was wheeled through the door. The air in his lungs escaped in a sudden burst and he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and looked around the room that suddenly seemed cold. "Christ," he muttered. "These walls _are_ ugly."


	27. Chapter 27

December 03, 2012

**I have a new Facebook page if you are interested in adding me. The link is on my Profile or you can search me at 'PrintDust Fanfiction' on Facebook itself. I'll be posting updates, author's notes, challenges, poles, and I will be accepting prompts and requests for one-shots. It will be fun to build some community, so please join. :)**

**I was also thinking that if there will be more than a week between chapters I will post a SNEAK PEEK for the next chapter on the Facebook community so I don't leave you hanging too long with nothing. **

* * *

The sounds of the waiting room had faded to a dull thud that Grissom had pushed to the back of his mind while he tried to fill in the crossword that Mandy had been kind enough to tear out of the newspaper for him. So far he had managed to successfully complete two words in. Glancing up at the clock to check his progress, he was puzzled to find that nearly half an hour had passed. Looking around, he found that some of the chairs that had been occupied the last time he looked up, empty. Mandy had also managed to nearly complete the scarf she had been knitting furiously.

He cleared his throat, startling his former employee.

"Jeeze Grissom…" she placed a hand over her heart."Way to almost scare me to death."

He opened his mouth to reply, but found himself unsure of his own speech. Closing his mouth again he turned back to face the clock, the crossword left on the seat beside him. _I'm scared to death too_… the thought felt absurd as it crossed his mind. He could only remember a handful of times that he had ever felt true fear- so intense that it seemed to sink deep into his muscles and heart so that they ached with the tension. He swallowed hard and moistened his lips, feeling his chin tilt upward. _Why do you keep trying to take her away from me? _He silently asked a God that he had not known for a long time. His chest shuddered with emotion. _Haven't we been through enough?_

"Grissom?"

Looking over he found Mandy looking at him curiously. "Yes, Mandy," he acknowledged, turning back to the clock before she could add her comment or whatever the hell else she wanted.

"I- do you want a drink or anything? Maybe some coffee?"

"I just want peace and quiet," the words came out in an apologetic sigh. He wanted to continue on with an explanation that would satisfy social rules but instead he looked down at the pen in his hands.

Mandy's head nodded in his periphery and she went back to focusing on her knitting project.

Nothing else was said between the two.

xxxxxx

"Mr. Grissom?"

He was on his feet in a second and approaching the nurse who had entered the room moments before, a clip board in hand. "Yes."

The young woman's face warmed into a small smile as she took a step towards him, meeting him in the middle of the room. "Your wife's surgery was very successful. The doctor is optimistic that the entire mass was removed."

Grissom breathed a sigh of relief. "Am I able to see her now?"

"She'll need to be monitored in post-op until she starts to come out from under the anesthesia. One she is awake we'll move her to a room. You'll be able to see her then."

Glancing at the clock he calculated how long it would take for him to drive Nick to his physiotherapy appointment, and then get back to the hospital. "How long do you think that will be?"

"It depends on the patient," she offered apologetically. "Sometimes anywhere from fifteen to thirty minutes… Could be hours…"

"Okay. Thank you… For the information. Please inform me as soon as I can see her."

With a final nod the nurse turned on her heel and headed back down the hall.

Grissom's head dropped forward and he breathed deeply and graciously. Relief was slow to work it's way through him as his brain processed the information. Sara would be fine. The surgery went well. Muscles in his face and shoulder's that he hadn't even realized were wound in tight cords began to release as he breathed deeply.

XXXX

"You were supposed to get Nick," Sara croaked.

Grissom's head swiveled quickly in her direction. When their eyes met his brightened to a clearer shade of blue while she slid hers closed to rest them for a moment. After a couple of seconds he leaned in close, his breath warm against her cheek as he pressed his lips there. "How are you feeling honey?" He asked softly, letting his mouth rest for a moment longer at the corner of hers.

"Mmm," she groaned softly. "Either really good or really awful, haven't decided yet," she smiled, opening her eyes.

Her husband let out a low sigh as he leaned back in his chair, her hand firmly tucked inside his grasp.

"You were still supposed to get Nick…" She whispered. "Is there water?" She looked around slowly before her eyes settled on a small paper cup beside her bed.

"Of course, honey," he picked up the cup and the ice cubes within it rattled. "Frozen," he explained, fishing a cube out and bringing it to her lips. "Take it slowly, Sara."

Nodding she accepted the cube into her mouth. It felt amazing as the water slid down her throat, soothing the dry fire. "Nick?" She asked, the ice chip crunching in her teeth as she bit down on it.

"He's fine. Mandy took care of it."

Sara quirked an eyebrow, her drowsy eyes narrowing a little.

"You said that she shouldn't be sitting around in the waiting room the whole time. And that it was important that he didn't miss his appointment. It worked out perfectly." He lowered his chin thoughtfully, and his gaze dropped to rest on the blanket lying across the chest. "How could I leave you, Sara?"

Her chocolate eyes melted into pools of liquid. "It's okay, Gil. You're right. Worked out perfectly."

Grissom cleared his throat and met her eyes again. "I forgot. Mandy made this for you." He turned to the bag at his side. "She asked me to give it to you…" he explained, placing blue knitted scarf on her abdomen.

"Wow… that's…" Sara cleared her throat."…Really thoughtful." Her free hand that wasn't secured in her husbands swept carefully over the intricate pattern. "I'd really like to get out of here," she looked up at him hopefully.

"Soon my dear."

XXXX

"Sara, you need to let go if you actually want to-," Grissom's voice was muffled into her shoulder. Careful not to jar her, he gently removed her arms from around his neck. "Home," he finished, guiding her back against her pillows so he could see her face clearly.

She offered him a sheepish smile. "I know. Just happy to finally be getting out of here, I guess," she whispered, letting her eyes settle on the bag he had brought for her. "What did you bring for me to wear?"

"Something comfortable. Easy to get into."

"Thoughtful," Sara hummed and caught the strap of the bag with her fingers. Sliding it up the length of her legs she watched her husband across the room as he packed up an eclectic collection of bouquets and cards. Turning her attention to the contents of the bag that was now settled on her lap she lifted out a soft and well-worn navy cotton shirt from her days at Harvard. The next item was a pair of black loose fitting yoga pants and her bra and panties. Slowly, she maneuvered her legs over the side of the bed, stopping to catch her breath a couple of times during the process. Feeling Gil's eyes on her, Sara looked up.

"Just ask," he reminded her, his hands fisted at his sides, as though he had to physically restrain himself from going to her aid.

Nodding, Sara let out a slow breath and held out her pants to him. Within moments, she was looking at him, with a soft half smile, as he crouched down before her.

XXXXX

Sara felt like a final contestant on _The Amazing Race_ upon arriving at her front door. She was fairly certain that a race around the world would have been less taxing than the trip she had just made from the hospital to her home. Leaning heavily against the door frame she closed her eyes and breathed slowly, then reopened them to watch her husband struggle to balance her bag and get the keys into the lock to let them inside.

_Serves him right,_ she thought sarcastically. _Teach him not to let me carry my_-

By his sudden jump backwards she was sure that Gil was as surprised as she when the door jerked out of his grasp and swung inwards. Peeking around the frame her eyes took in the sight of a sock clad Nick beaming at the newly-arrived-home couple.

"Sara!" He exclaimed happily while reaching forward to take her elbow and guide her inside.

Leaning more heavily on him than she would have liked, Sara was led into the living room area of her home. "Hi, Nick," she whispered as she was pulled into a gentle hug by her ex co worker and good friend.

"How are you doin' sugar?" The Texan tilted her chin up. "Let's get a good look at you."

"I didn't have plastic surgery," Sara joked, unable to keep the fatigue out of her voice.

A grin stretched across Nick's face. "I could tell," he drawled before pulling her into another gentle hug. "You look exhausted," Nick noted into her ear.

"I could nap for a few hours," Sara admitted sheepishly. "Or years."

"That's my hint then," Gil stepped forward and took Sara by the elbow as she stepped back out of Nick's arms. His hand came to rest on the small of her back as he brushed a kiss to her jaw. "Say goodnight to Nick," he instructed gently.

"Night, Nick," Sara yawned, not quite making it to bring her hand up to her mouth to cover it as her senses had been dulled by the pain medication she had been given just prior to leaving the hospital.

Leaving their guest in the living room, husband and wife made their way up the stairs to their bedroom.

XXXXX

"Nice and easy," Grissom soothed as he eased Sara into their bed. By the beads of sweat that had broken out across her hair-line, on her forehead, on her upper lip, and the pallor of her skin, it was easy to determine that she was in a significant amount of pain. "There we go, honey," he whispered as he pulled the covers over her and tucked them around her shoulders.

Sara murmured a quiet 'thanks' under her breath, but her eyes remained closed and her fists had wound themselves tightly into the sheets at her sides. A low moan escaped her lips in a sigh as she fought off the nausea that was rolling over her in waves.

"Sara, what can I do?" Gil asked, swallowing back the alarm that was slowly rising in his chest. He didn't know if watching her suffering was something of which he could be capable. "Honey," he tried again when she didn't respond.

Finally she shook her head before letting it fall to the side, her face towards the window. When she did open her eyes, a large tear escaped and made a slow descent towards the pillow.

Grissom felt his heart lurch. "Oh, Sara." Without another word he undressed and careful not to cause her any more discomfort, he slid into the bed behind her. Freezing at the sound of her whimper he watched her turn onto her side, one thin arm making it's way across her middle. When she had settled he maneuvered himself behind her and lifted her against his chest before settling with his arms around her.

Lying in the blackened room with his wife in his arms he listened to her breathing change as she drifted off to sleep. It was then, and only then, that he allowed the tear that had been pricking his own eye to trace it's own path down to the pillow to join Sara's.

* * *

This will not be the only chapter for today. I will post again after I get home from work.


	28. Chapter 28

December 03, 2012

* * *

"You're worse than a child," Sara observed, snuggling her cheek further into Gil's chest. "In fact, I may never have seen a child as eager to skip school as you are..."

"Most children don't have wives who have recently undergone serious surgery," he replied grumpily, his voice rumbling against her ear. His fingers threaded through her hair then came to play with a curl absentmindedly.

Sara looked up at him, her eyes dark and wide in her pale face. They fluttered closed when his other hand moved upwards to allow his fingers to trace over the freckles on her nose that stood out more harshly due to her pallor. Clearing her throat and opening her eyes she reluctantly ended the moment. "Did the dog eat your homework too?" she teased softly, laying her head back down against him.

"If that would mean I got to stay home…" her husband ventured, not willing to give up so easily.

He smiled when Sara groaned into his chest.

"If you hadn't sent Nick away-"

"I did not _send _Nick anywhere," Grissom clarified, letting out a frustrated sigh. "Sara, he was ready to leave and he didn't want to put any more stress on you. Besides, it was about time…" He froze when her face whipped up to look up at him, her eyes darkening. "… that he got back to his own life. He is mobile and ready to feel independent again."

Sara's eyes narrowed. "As I was saying," she continued as though he hadn't said anything. "If you hadn't sent Nick away, he would have been here to stay with me, and then you wouldn't need to worry."

Sighing, Gil shook his head. "Perhaps Mandy can come by."

"I do not need anyone looking after me Gilbert Grissom," she snapped, her patience wearing thin. Pushing herself off his chest testily she turned onto her side, her back to him.

Undeterred, Gil pressed himself against the length of her and wrapped his arms around her. Pressing a kiss to her ear he let his mouth linger there a moment longer, then whispered. "Not looking after. Company," he clarified, rubbing her arms.

"We'll see," she mumbled. "But she really doesn't need to be looking after anyone."

Grissom nodded and kissed her again. "I'll get you something for the pain before I leave," turning over he climbed off the bed. He was only gone a few moments before he returned with a glass of water and a bottle of Percocet. Helping her sit up he handed her the glass and a couple of pills. Once she had swallowed them he helped her lay back down then drew the blankets up over her. "You going to sleep, honey?"

"Yeah," Sara mumbled, weariness already making its way into her voice. "Love you- Go to work," she added.

"I love you too," Gil told her softly. Once he was sure she had drifted off to sleep he slipped his phone out of his back pocket and left the room.

XXXXX

In the days since her surgery, Sara had been forced to find creative ways to do routine things that would usually be no problem. One of the modifications she had had to make was related to getting out of bed. The once simple task had become the worst part of her day. It seemed that no matter what she did, or how she maneuvered herself, she would put strain on her abdomen, which was not a comfortable sensation, to say the least.

Now, faced with the task without Grissom's help, she bit her lip and let out a muffled grunt as she pushed herself into a sitting position. Sara would never have guessed that she would miss the intensity of the drugs that had been pumped into her intravenously during her stay in the hospital. Pressing her hand to the bandage that covered her incision she slowly swung her legs over the side of the bed then used the momentum to grab the bedpost and push herself to her feet. She would have let out a victorious utterance had it not been for the sudden wooziness that rushed over her.

Gripping the post she squeezed her eyes shut. "Shit," she moaned, taking a long deep breath to stave off the nausea that threatened to overwhelm her. After a few moments she opened her eyes again and looked around the room. "This sucks," she muttered miserably.

Keeping her hand pressed to her stomach she slowly made her way around the bed. She froze when she heard something downstairs. Straining her ears she focused in on the sound of… the fridge opening? Glancing over at the clock she found that it was barely eleven o'clock. Far too early for Grissom to be home. Unless, he hadn't gone to work at all. "That-," she finished her thought with a sigh.

Continuing around the bed she made her slow trek down the hallway towards the stairs and then took them slowly until she was in the living room. "Gilbert, you're supposed to be at work," she called, feeling slightly out of breath as she rounded the corner and crossed through the doorway into the kitchen.

"I'm not _Gilbert_," Mandy clarified, her speech made unclear as she formed the words around a tea spoon. "I stole your ice cream," she admitted self consciously as she started to put the lid back on it.

"No… No, that's fine," Sara shook her head, sinking into the closest chair. "I can't have it anyway."

"Well, that sucks!" Mandy chirped. "What's life without ice cream?" She asked good naturedly, popping the top back off the container.

"Not worth living, I guess," Sara answered darkly, her chin dropping down.

"Oh, God, Sara… Why do I always…"

"So Griss called you, I'm guessing," Sara asked, getting to her feet slowly, using the table to brace herself. Making her way over to the fridge she pulled out a liquid nutritional supplement drink that had been suggested by her doctor. Putting it on the counter she found herself face to face with Mandy who was watching her very carefully. She watched the other woman's eyes drop to look at the label on the bottle curiously.

"It's a supplement," Sara explained, twisting the cap off. A small smile splayed across her mouth as she realized her husband had loosened it before leaving earlier that morning.

Mandy nodded. "So… you take one of those instead of eating meals?"

Sara shrugged. "Technically I am supposed to have small meals every couple of hours but… I'm just so tired, so I usually sleep through it…" Lifting a shoulder she sipped the liquid in the bottle. "It isn't exactly a delicacy, but it's something I guess."

Her friend beamed, clearly pleased with her positivity. "Right? Besides, who wouldn't want a milkshake diet."

Sara offered her a quick smile. "I guess."

The two carried on a light conversation, mostly about what information Henry had shared with his wife about lab gossip and interesting cases that had come up.

It wasn't until she felt her head spin and her knees buckle that Sara realized that something was wrong. Feeling her head lull forward, she was grateful when Mandy's hands closed around her own arms to steady her. Looking over at her friend Sara tried to decode the words that were bombarding her as Mandy spoke to her, panic splayed across her features.

"I just need to sit down," she heard her own voice, though it seemed very far away. Black spots danced before her eyes as she was led over to a chair and guided into it. "Juice?" She asked, dropping her head to rest on the table. The thud that rang through her ears informed her that she had let it fall much harder than she had intended. A pain jolting her skull reinforced what her ears her telling her. A miserable groan escaped her.

She opened her eyes when she felt Mandy touch her shoulder. The print tech swam before her eyes when she opened them. Squinting, she tried to focus. "I can't drink all of those," she informed Mandy, looking at the three glasses of apple juice being presented to her. Reaching out her fingers passed through the nearest glass. "What the-"

"Here we go, sweetie," Mandy whispered, helping her to sit up before guiding the glass to Sara's mouth.

It took a few moments after drinking some of the juice for Sara to feel more grounded. The next time she opened her eyes the room was more clear and stable. Mandy was still kneeling before her, her eyes wide and concerned.

"Dumping," Sara explained softly, feeling heat rise in her face.

"What was that, sweetheart?"

"Dumping… it's a… syndrome…" Sara swallowed. "When food passes into my small bowel… sugar is absorbed. My body reacts by producing insulin which causes by blood pressure to drop. Bad side effect of a liquid diet…" Using the back of her hand, Sara wiped away a cold sweat that had broken out on her upper lip. "I'm okay."

"Can I get you anything?"

Licking her lips Sara nodded. "Yeah, could you help me to the couch? This floor is freezing."

Mandy's eyes flicked to the tiles then back to Sara before speaking reassuringly. "Of course." Using her knee to push herself to her feet, Mandy stabilized herself before helping Sara up leading her into the living room. Once Sara was settled on the couch Mandy picked up the throw blanket from the back of the couch and tossed it over Sara's lap. "That alright?"

"Yeah… Thanks Mandy. Would you mind handing me that too?" Sara pointed to indicate the scarf that Mandy had made for her while she was still in the hospital. Once it was in her hands she wrapped it securely around her neck, desperate to retain her own body heat. "Can't seem to get warm these days," she muttered casually, sliding further down the couch and under the covers.

Sara watched as Mandy made her way into the kitchen. "I'll make you some tea," the pregnant woman called over her shoulder.

"Mandy?" Upon hearing her name the print tech paused in the doorway. "If you could not mention any of this to Gil…"

"I won't," Mandy pursed her lips. "But… Sara… I just think that you should."

Sighing deeply Sara's eyes slid closed.


	29. Chapter 29

December 04, 2012

* * *

"Where are we going?" Sara asked as Mandy turned in the opposite direction of the hospital. Lifting her head from where she had been resting it against the window she glanced around nervously.

"It's a surprise," Mandy grinned happily and turned her head to look at Sara quickly. "You haven't said much. Are you doing okay?"

"Yeah. Not looking forward to this, but I'm okay… are we going to Franks?" She asked, scrunching her nose as the diner came into the view.

"Would I really take you somewhere, today of all days, where the only thing you can eat is sketchy fruit and fatty pancakes? _Puh-leas!_" Reaching across the centre console, Mandy gave Sara's arm a gentle pat then retracted again before Sara could swat at her.

It was a few blocks later when Mandy pulled off the main road and found a parking spot in a mini mall. "Vegan delicacies at your fingertips," the print tech grinned and opened her door, causing the car to let out a _bing_.

"I'm not supposed to eat anything for at least four hours before my biopsy," Sara worried her lower lip between her teeth.

"Then we better get a move on. It is exactly six hours till lift off," Mandy exclaimed as she struggled out from behind the wheel.

Sara reached for her own door handle and reluctantly got out of the vehicle, struggling also, but for far less joyful reasons than her friend. Although it had been just over a week since her surgery, and she was feeling much better, her incision was still quite tender whenever she over extended herself. Getting in and out of Mandy's vehicle, as low as it was, was definitely pushing her comfort level.

By the time she had grabbed her purse and closed the car door Mandy was waiting patiently, holding the restaurant door open. Letting out a breath of air she slipped inside.

Sara hadn't even made it into the dining area of the restaurant before she was scooped up into warm gentle but firm arms. Her throat let out an involuntary squeal of surprise and she looked up quickly to see who had pounced on her. She was greeted by large dark chocolate eyes that almost matched her own and a huge toothy grin. It took her a second to recognize her friend and former co worker: Greg.

Pulling back she blinked in shock. "Greg… your-"

The former lab rat turned CSI's cheeks flamed red as he ran his fingers through what had once been slightly out of control, yet stylish spikes of hair, but was now a shortly cropped buzz cut. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Big change. It wasn't voluntary," the young man explained.

"Greggo here managed to get himself head lice while processing a homeless victim's jacket," Nick chimed from where he had been standing in her periphery. "Hi sugar," he greeted her warmly as he stepped forward and pulled her into a hug of his own.

"Oh thank god. I thought you were going to pull a _My Sister's Keeper_ on me or something," Sara joked good naturedly. "Because as sweet and as typically cliché that would be for you to do that, I would probably need to judge you a little bit. Especially since we don't even know if I'm going to need chemo."

The room grew tense as Sara realized she was the only one chuckling. Feeling her face flush red she gripped Nick's shoulder to steady herself. _They haven't had time_, she reminded herself. Although she was able to speak more candidly with Grissom about what might be coming next she realized suddenly that this was her first time seeing everyone since her diagnoses. While she and Gil had had time to adjust to their new reality, her friends had not. "I'm sorry," she whispered uncomfortably. "But… this is okay," she plastered on what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

At the sound of someone clearing their throat, Sara turned around to find a very laid back Warrick slouching in a chair at one of tables nearby.

"Hi," she smiled, feeling pleasantly surprised to see him. Warrick's calm nature had a way of setting her at ease. She remembered telling him once that if he was any more laid back he would be on the floor.

"Hey yourself. How are doing cookie?" Getting up for his seat the tall man took a few smooth unhurried steps to stand in front of her. Opening his arms for her to step into them his green eyes checked her over.

If he was in any way surprised by her appearance his facial expression or the silky words he spoke directly into her ear when she stepped into his arms didn't give him away. Their hug did not last as long as the one she had shared with Greg, but when she pulled away she felt truly warmed.

"Are we going to eat something soon?" Mandy asked already taking a seat at the table closest to the window.

"Cause you're positively wastin' away," Nick drawled cheekily, shuffling over to the table then taking a seat.

Mandy's reply was to stick her tongue out at him.

"I want to sit beside Sara!" Greg jumped in, claiming a seat beside Nick, leaving the outside one available.

Warrick's hand closed around her elbow as he guided her towards the table. "Anytime you're ready to bail just say the word," he whispered as he slid her chair in closer to the table.

By the end of the meal Sara's ribs and stomach hurt from laughing so hard. She had even managed to eat most of her meal before pawning it off on the guys. Looking around the table she took in the faces of her former team, all listening politely to Nick's recount of his shooting, which, Greg had complained, changed periodically, shifting Nick slowly but surely into more and more of a hero role.

At her second sweep around the table her eyes met Mandy's and they shared a quick smile. Sara bit her lip, feeling a lump forming in her throat. '_Thank you_' she mouthed, blinking back the tears that were clouding her vision.

Mandy nodded quickly, her own eyes looking a little bit watery, before turning back to tune into Nick's tale.

XXXXX

"You know," Henry observed without looking up from the model train that he was currently painting. "I never realized how creepy it is that I build miniatures. Since last year and all," he made a funny face at his wife who was stretched out on the couch across the room from him.

"Just don't start killing people, dear," she quipped, turning onto her side, her hand moving to rest on her stomach, feeling the baby squirm as he tried to settle. Letting out a moan, she moved a tiny knee out of the way so it wasn't jabbing her. "You aren't getting any paint on my table, are you?" She asked, eyeing the mass of tools that Henry had spread of across the entire surface of the formal dining table.

"I won't… blood actually kind of freaks me out. I can handle at little bit, but anything more than a paper cut and I get woozy."

"And yet, you're a toxicologist and work with blood and bodily fluids every day," Mandy drawled slowly.

"Well, I guess its okay when it's contained. But all messy… the possibilities of advanced HIV or disease all over the place, I could gag just thinking about splatter," he shuddered dramatically.

Mandy's eyebrows drew together as she wondered where this was going. "Hmm…" she vocalized noncommittally.

"… which is why," Henry began, purposefully not looking at her. "You know, for the birth, maybe I should sit out… as in away… in the waiting room." Swallowing heavily he raised his eyes, clearly prepared for her to freak out on him.

Instead, she dropped his gaze to look at the carpet muttering a whispered. "Oh."

"I would be there for the whole thing… I swear. Well, the whole non bloody part of it… and you know, not even a century ago that was the protocol for the fathers to wait outside…" he babbled nervously.

"Okay," Mandy replied in the same quiet tone that she had used previously.

"… I just figured," Henry continued, trying to smooth things over. "What's better? An unconscious husband or an absent one?" Putting the paintbrush he had been using down he flattened his hands on the surface of the table. "I'm really sorry… I should have brought this up sooner but I didn't want you to think I was a wimp…" His hands drifted inward as he began to wring them.

Mandy closed her eyes. "It's okay…"

"No it's not… you're upset. Never mind. I take it back. I'll be there."

Shaking her head Mandy sighed. "I'd rather not have to worry about you while I'm giving birth. But you better be right outside that damn door," she warned.

"We can make other arrangements? Right?"

"Hopefully Sara will be well by then," she mused, running her fingers around the belly button.

Swallowing Henry sighed. "Maybe it would be a good idea to make other plans. In case."

Mandy's eyes snapped open. "She is going to be fine!"

"I know that, but… Don't you think that she might not want to be asked about that right now? She already has enough going on and like you said before, she isn't responding well to the baby and everything. Do either other you need the conflict?"

"She's just- going through a tough time. This isn't like her Henry. To be mean and snappy. It's just a result of her illness. I can't just write her off. I need to keep trying."

"Mandy…" he began. At the expression on her face he stopped. "Okay." He agreed, getting to his feet and making his way over to her. "Come on," he encouraged, holding his hand out to her. "Help me paint the engine."

After helping her to her feet he led her over to the table and handed to a small brush with a red handle.

"Are you sure it's safe for me to be around while pregnant?"

"Yep. It will even be safe for him to suck on once he's born," he picked up an unpainted block of wood. Handing it to her she found the wood to be soft enough that it had some give but hard enough that it wouldn't break apart or splinter.

Lowering herself into a chair she dipped her brush into the paint. "You're going to be a good dad Henry… Little Jamie is going to love you."

Offering her a beaming grin, Henry sat down beside her and got back to work.

XXXXX

The house was silent except for the occasional sound of metal scraping against ceramic as Sara stirred the now cold bowl of soup that Grissom had given to her an hour before. She had managed to eat a few spoonfuls before feeling sick and exhausted.

Although she knew that she should eat more she couldn't bring herself to due to the amount of pain she had been in since Grissom had picked her up from the hospital earlier that day. The biopsy had gone according to plan, but what Sara hadn't anticipated was the strong reaction that she would have to the anesthesia. It wasn't long after she had woken up that the chills and vomiting had begun. Both side effects had eased shortly after arriving home but throwing up violently for close to two hours had left her body aching and her stomach cramping.

Pushing the bowl away she dropped her head back against the back of the couch and squeezed her eyes shut. Grissom, who had been sitting silently beside her lifted the bowl and placed in on the coffee table.

"I need another blanket," she croaked, shivering violently, which caused her stomach to knot further and the muscles in her chest and shoulders to ache.

It didn't take Grissom long to return with a thick wool blanket from the office. They had taken to storing them all over the house considering that Sara became cold quite frequently. Careful not to move or bump her he tucked the blanket around her frame.

"Honey," he spoke soothingly. "Should we go back to the hospital?"

Shaking her head, Sara squeezed her eyes tighter. "Can I have some tea please?"

"Of course," he whispered and pressed a kiss to her forehead. He glanced at her nervously again before picking up the unfinished soup and taking it into the kitchen.

Sara listened to him in the kitchen, her eyes still closed.

"Is it hot?" She asked him, opening her eyes when she heard the floorboards squeak and the sound of him placing the mug on the end table beside her.

"It's just how you like it, sweetheart," Gil assured her. Reaching forward he pushed her hair back from her forehead. He found her hair damp from a cold sweat.

Nodding Sara bit back a groan. "Will you help me sit up?"

Grissom returned her nod and eased his hand around her shoulders. Moving her slowly he eased her into a more upright position.

"I need another pillow," she gasped, then bit her lip to keep from moaning as the colour that had been in her cheeks drained away.

Reaching quickly for the cushions Grissom found himself holding his breath. Glancing at the phone he debated whether or not he should call emergency services. Deciding to hold off he brushed her cheek with his fingers. "Where, honey?"

"I don't know," she moaned, hot tears welling up in her eyes. She blinked and felt them roll down her cheeks.

Swearing to himself under his breath, Gil lifted her legs and placed the first cushion under her thighs to relieve the strain on her abdomen. The second was slid under her side to hold her in place while he carefully maneuvered himself until he was sitting behind her. Gently, he guided her back to rest against his chest and began rubbing the muscles in her neck and shoulders. "I'm here, Sara."

"I'm so tired," she sniffed, relaxing a little, leaning on him fully.

"Go to sleep," Grissom whispered, pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

It didn't take long for her breathing to even out as exhaustion pulled her into a deep sleep.


	30. Chapter 30

December 04, 2012

* * *

The room was cast deeply in shadow, the only light coming from the lamp across the street. Sara and Grissom lay tangled in up one another on the bed, Sara's head resting on her husband's shoulder. She watched his adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard, his eyes locked on the ceiling above them. Looking back down, Sara watched his hand that was wrapped around her own, his fingers stroking hers absentmindedly.

"You heard what he said," she comforted him gently, her voice hoarse and loud in the silence of the room. Even the animals stayed quiet, curled up on the end of the bed, as if sensing that now was not a good time to get up to their usual mischief. "There is a good chance that it will only take one round of chemo… I probably won't even lose my hair with that type of treatment…"

"Hmm," he hummed in response, still not looking at her. He blinked heavily and she thought that he might cry, but his face remained stoic.

Sara laid her head back down and closed her eyes. She listened to the sound of his breathing and waited for sleep to come.

When she woke up again the room was bright with sunshine and she was alone. Glancing over at the clock she found that it was almost noon which meant that Grissom was probably long gone.

On her way downstairs she took a quick detour to the bathroom. Once she felt more awake and fresher with combed hair and brushed teeth she trudged downstairs and into the kitchen, collecting clothes and pulling them on as she walked. By the time she began making something to eat her pj bottoms and tank top were accompanied by an oversized sweater, thick wool socks, and the scarf that Mandy had knitted for her while she was in surgery.

Just as she was taking a seat at the kitchen table the phone began to ring on the cradle on the kitchen counter. Sighing she got back to her feet and picked up the phone. "Hello, Sara speaking."

She was met with silence on the other end. Raising an eyebrow she checked the caller I.D. "Catherine?" she asked, wondering if the blonde had misdialed as they hadn't spoken since Nick had been shot.

"I'm here," the new nightshift supervisor spoke up then fell short. "It's me. I was just calling to see how you are doing." At her second attempt her standard confidence and determination was back into her voice.

Perplexed, Sara sat back down in her seat. "I'm… Catherine why are you calling?" She asked, her eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

Catherine sighed into the phone. "The guys told me that you had breakfast with them last week. It got me thinking that we haven't had an opportunity to talk about everything."

"It's hard to talk about things with someone who is being a hard headed bi-"

Catherine cut her off. "I wasn't being a bitch." Taking a deep breath Catherine relented, "Okay, I was. And I'm sorry. Look, if you are available I would like to see you. Maybe we can get a cup of coffee or something."

Sighing, Sara bit her lip, pondering the issue.

"Why don't you think about it and get back to me."

"No," Sara whispered. "It's fine. When?"

"How about right now?" Catherine suggested. "I'm sort of sitting down the block."

"Oh, yeah sure," Sara agreed, glancing out the window. Nervously, she pushed her hair behind her ears. "Just come on in when you get here."

After they disconnected Sara looked down at her breakfast. Her nerves set off a flutter of butterflies in her stomach. Getting up she went into the laundry room and changed into a comfortable pair of jeans and a v-neck shirt. She ran her fingers through her hair and pinched her cheeks to make herself more presentable, then slipped on her shoes. She was just pulling her coat on when she heard Catherine knock at the front door. Pulling it open she stood face to face with the blonde woman.

"I was thinking we could take a walk," Sara suggested, using her foot to block a nosey Hank who had come to see who was visiting.

Surprise registered on Catherine's face making Sara feel uncomfortable. She wondered briefly if her appearance was that shocking. Reaching up she rubbed her cheek again to pink them up.

"Yeah, sure… do you feel up to it?" Catherine asked, stepping back to make room for Sara to join her on the porch.

Sara nodded. "Just need some water. Give me a second." It was only a few more minutes before the two women were walking slowly down the street, both maintaining a physical and emotional distance. Sara didn't feel ready to let down her walls yet, she couldn't be so vulnerable again.

"How's work?" Sara finally broke the silence, looking over at the other woman.

"Well," Catherine arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Ecklie finally approved a new CSI. We've been working a lot of overtime."

Wringing the bottle in her hands Sara licked her lips then spoke. "I know. I'm sorry."

Tentatively, Catherine reached over to touch her arm. "Don't you dare be sorry Sara," she commanded firmly.

Sara offered her a shrug in response.

"Sara," the blonde stopped walking, forcing Sara to turn and look at her. "This pains me to say, but I think you made the right decision. And, who knows, once all of this is over and you're back to your usual self, maybe you can come back. You'll always be welcome on my team, if you'd have me," the current grave supervisor added the last part sheepishly. "And if not, then you're going to get an amazing new job and you'll be great at that too."

"I shouldn't have quit like that," Sara asserted, shaking her head gently. "I shouldn't have left you guys to deal with everything like that. It wasn't fair.

"I think that's a shared responsibility. Sara are you okay?" Catherine suddenly asked, reached out to take hold of Sara's arm.

Swallowing, Sara nodded then blinked trying to clear her vision. Putting her hand to her forehead, she nodded again. "Let's sit here for a bit," she suggested, lowering herself to the curb. Catherine was seated beside her by the time she finished sipping her water. Wrapping her arms around her knees she looked over at Catherine who was looking particularly concerned.

"How's Lindsay?" Sara asked, trying to draw the blonde's attention away from her dizzy spell so that she wouldn't ask her about it.

"Growing up so fast," Catherine answered, willing to play along. It was then that Sara remembered one of the biggest reasons why she appreciated her ex co-worker so much. Although Catherine could be nosey as hell she was also pretty good at knowing when to respect boundaries.

"But well," Sara assured her, remembering the last time she had seen Catherine's daughter. Lindsay was a bright kid with a lot of her mother's spirit and strength. "Do you get to see her? With the lab the way it is."

"Not as much as I would more, but way more than she'd like," Catherine joked but Sara could see the regret on the older woman's face. "She is into drama right now; convinced she is going to be an actress. But, she has a real talent for physics."

"Smart like her mom then," Sara agreed.

"Well, she's had a lot of good role models in her life."

Smiling Sara leaned forward to rest her forehead on her knees, trying to ease the pain in her abdomen. "We should head back," she whispered softly. "I should have some breakfast… have you eaten?"

"I had a donut in the staff room on my way out," Catherine got easily to her feet and began brushing dirt off her perfectly fitted jeans.

Sara could feel her watching her casually as she determinedly got to her feet without leaving an opportunity to Catherine to ask her if she needed help. She considered that perhaps it wouldn't be so bad having Catherine around. She was watchful but kept her distance respecting Sara's independence without being unavailable should she need help. Together the women made their way back to Sara's home.

XXXX

Grissom could feel her watching him before he even looked up. Upon arriving home from work, he and his wife had spent most of the evening resting and cuddling. He had prepared a nice meal for them, which Sara had managed to eat and keep down. She seemed to be getting so much better; it was hard to imagine that in a few short days she would be undergoing chemotherapy.

"Honey, what is it?" He asked when she glanced up at him again. Closing his book and putting it on top of the couch he wrapped his hand around her foot that was resting in his lap.

Sheepishly, she looked up at him, her mouth fighting a smile. "Since you asked," she began, scrunching her nose a little as she turned towards him, her back resting on the sofa arm. "I wanted to tell you that Catherine stopped by today."

"And…" he ventured, cocking his head very slightly.

"And, it was… great. I guess," she shrugged. "She was great. And I was thinking…"

"This can't be good," he sighed, suspicious of where this was going.

Sara's eyebrows knitted impatiently. "As I was saying," she stated pointedly, and then her face lit up again to show she was only teasing. "I was thinking that you should give her a call."

"And why would I do that," he found himself asking plainly.

"Because she has been a good friend to you for a long time, and it would be sad to see that end because of one isolated incident where some harsh words were said," Sara explained, snuggling further under her blanket.

"It wasn't an isolated incident," Grissom stated. "There were several incidents-"

Sara groaned in frustration. "That were all related to the same issue. Gil, I know that you just want to protect me and that you're trying to show that you are on my side, and I appreciate that, but that's not what I want," she shook her head for emphasis, brown curls swinging forward to rest against her cheek.

Grissom found his fingers itching to reach forward and touch her. "Okay, honey, he agreed. I suppose you're right. It's easy to forget, I suppose."

This time Sara wore a confused expression and she quickly ran her fingers through her hair to push it back off her face. "What do you mean?"

"When things don't end on good terms, and then we don't see people for a long time, it's easy to only remember those things that you didn't like or that were inconvenient or unpleasing," he answered thoughtfully. Sara could feel him thinking from the other side of the couch. "It's when we have to see those people, not just in our memories. See both their good and less desirable traits. It is easier to be forgiving when you are forced to see people as people.

"And people say you aren't a people person…" she mused, poking him in the stomach with her toe.

"I'm not- I'm a philosopher," he told her, his voice still calm and serious.

Offering him a smile Sara nodded in understanding.

XXXX

Grumbling, Sara tried to turn away from the annoying sensation that was drawing her out of a deep sleep. "Fuck off, Gil," she snapped swatting at his hand.

"That's not very nice," he scolded her gently, his voice laced with amusement. "I knew you didn't like being woken up but this is more than I expected."

Scrunching her nose she flopped onto her other side and curled up, successfully blocking her husband and the light out by pulling the covers over her head.

"Sara," he called, rubbing her back soothingly. "You need to get up, honey. It's almost time to go." Grissom's voice remained patient and soothing as he eased her back into the world of consciousness.

Muttering something unintelligible, Sara pushed the covers down, scowling up at him.

"Hi," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "How are you feeling?"

Turning her face away, Sara stretched and yawned widely, her face scrunching up further. Glancing over at the clock she groaned at the glowing digits that were informing her that it was barely past 6:00 a.m.

"Let's just stay here," she sighed, moving closer to him and snuggling up against his chest. Closing her eyes again she pressed a kiss to his polo shirt clad chest. He smelled freshly showered and his curls were damp to prove it when she reached up to touch them.

"You'll be late for your appointment," Gil reminded her, catching her hand in his. Drawing her fingers to her mouth he pressed a kiss to her palm.

Frowning, Sara grumbled. "Don't remind me."

"I'm sorry, honey. Maybe it would help if you would let me go with you," he suggested.

Smiling a little Sara looked up at him. "Not a chance. Go to school. Mandy will be with me."

"That's what I'm worried about," he explained softly, his blue eyes locked on her brown ones, his face and tone deadly serious. "I don't want to you getting upset."

"I already told her that I would need a ride. And _if _there are any problems, it's only committed for this one appointment. I'll make different arrangements next time if it doesn't work out."

Lowering his gaze, Grissom nodded.

"What are you thinking, baby?" Sara asked him reaching up to touch his cheek and draw his sightline back to her. Tilting her head she looked up at him, encouraging him to talk.

"Sometimes it's hard to believe this is happening. I keep saying it to myself, but it doesn't seem to sink it in that you're going for chemotherapy today," at the end of his statement he finally looked up to meet her eyes. "I keep thinking about how I used to think that cancer would be the perfect way to die. It would give me time to say goodbye to the people I love, do the things I wanted to do. But, there wouldn't be enough time. There never is."

Feeling hot tears filling her eyes Sara swallowed hard. "Gilbert Grissom, I am absolutely not going anywhere today. Okay? I am going to go to my appointment, and, if I am feeling up to it, I am going to stop by and have lunch with you at school. And we are going to talk about what colour we want to paint the den, and what questions you are going to cover on the mid term." Sniffling softly she brushed a tear off her cheek and leaned in to kiss him. "And," she added jokingly, "when I do die, eventually, say in, 60 years, you are not allowed to use my corpse for your final exam. God knows you'll still be working then…"

He didn't crack a smile. "If you die, I'm dead too."

"Griss," she whispered. "Come on, let's get up. I am in serious need of a full fat blueberry mango smoothie," she declared, climbing out of bed. "You can make it while I'm showering?"

Nodding her husband got up too.

By the time she finished her shower and came back into the bedroom Gil was downstairs, the blender roaring. She smiled gratefully when she found that he had laid out her most comfortable yoga pants and tank top. "Love you too," she whispered.

XXXX

By the time Sara's treatment was half over she was sorely regretting having had that blueberry mango smoothie for breakfast. Looking up from her crossword to the bags hanging off the i.v. pole above her she sighed inwardly. "I think this is the first time I've gone to the hospital to be poisoned," she mused, tossing the crossword to the side and clicking her pen closed. Glancing over at Mandy she caught a look of uncertainty on the other woman's face, as though she wasn't sure whether to laugh or not. Sara offered her a reassuring smile.

Mandy visibly relaxed and breathed out in relief. "Are you doing okay?"

"Yeah," Sara assured her, looking around the room at the posters on the wall, most of them being motivational in some way.

"Oh," Mandy suddenly gasped.

Jumping, Sara's eyes quickly flicked over to find the other woman holding her belly, her brow furrowed.

"What? What was that?" Sara asked nervously.

"Just," Mandy breathed out. "A weird feeling… It was nothing. Don't worry about it."

"What weird feeling?"

Rubbing her belly Mandy frowned. "Nothing… felt sharp. Not a kick though," shaking her head she waved her hand. "Don't worry about it."

"Maybe we should get a nurse," Sara insisted, getting to her feet, being mindful of her iv.

Mandy go to her feet and placed her hand on Sara's shoulders to guide her back into her seat. "It's fine, Sara. Sit back down, sweetie."

Sara shook her head. "You should go… do… something."

"How about I tell you if it happens again," Mandy suggested, picking up Sara's blanket that had tumbled to the floor. Folding it in half she draped it over Sara's lap again. "It's probably just growing pains."

Nodding, Sara slid further into her seat, feeling woozy from getting up too fast. Glancing up at the i.v. bags again she felt nausea roll over her. Taking a deep breath in, then pushing it out, she wondered why it was coming on so soon. She hadn't expected to start feeling sick until the second or third treatment. _Maybe it's stress_, she told herself, trying to relax and think about something else.

"So what are you going to do when you're done with this?" Mandy asked, drawing her attention back to the room.

"What do you mean?" Sara asked, shifting uncomfortably. Looking around she wondered what kinds of options there were available if someone needed to puke. She spotted a sink across the room. _Doesn't seem too far,_ she told herself.

"When you're done with chemo," Mandy expanded. "What are you going to do."

"I guess that depends on whether it works or not," Sara mused, licking her lips. Her mouth tasted like metal. "Go for another round if I'm not cured, live- die…" _It's hot in here,_ she thought pushing the blanket off and loosening her scarf. Didn't anyone else notice?

"Haven't we told you not to say that?" Mandy scolded softly, leaning forward.

"Why not?" Sara asked, looking around, not sure what she needed, but she needed something to take her mind off the sudden waves off sickness that were washing over her. "It's a probable outcome," she added, her mind no longer interested in keeping up with the conversation.

"Well, it's not going to happen," Mandy assured her.

Sara dropped her head forward to rest on her hand then lifted it again. Pushing her hair back off her face she wondered why she hadn't tied it up. Reaching up she lifted it up to find the nape of her neck burning and damp with sweat.

Squinting she tried to focus on Mandy who was saying something about knitting. "Maybe later," she heard her own voice mumble, though she wasn't sure what she was responding to. "I need a dish," she whispered, rocking forward. "Now," she commanded, her body heaving. The taste of pennies rushed into her mouth and she gagged again, this time into a blue bowl that had been thrust under her chin. Sara's body tensed again as she heaved and hot acid rushed up from her stomach and into the dish.

When she felt that she was done Sara flopped back in her seat. Within second a cool cloth was being wiped over her cheeks and forehead. Opening her eyes she found a heavy set nurse dressed in purple and green scrubs standing over her. Blinking back tears she nodded to the nurse's inquiry about how she was doing. Looking over the nurse's shoulder she found Mandy standing a few feet back looking a little green.

Once the nurse had checked her vitals and given her some water to rinse her mouth and a fresh dish she rushed away, promising to return to check on her in a little bit. Rinsing and squeezing out the cloth Sara draped it over her hand before resting her cheek against it.

She watched out of the corner of her eye as Mandy returned to her seat.

"Sorry about that," Sara apologized. "Just a little bit of nausea."

"You don't have to apologize," Mandy assured her, pulling her seat in closer.

"If it bothers you, you don't have to stay. I'll be fine by myself," Sara offered, using the cloth to wipe perspiration off her forehead.

"I'm not going anywhere," Mandy promised, picking her blanket off the floor again. "Do you want this?"

Nodding, Sara curled up sideways in her seat and pushed the back to recline it a little. She glanced up at the bag, _almost over_.

XXXXX

Sara was already asleep by the time Grissom arrived home from work. Being careful not to wake her up he crawled into the bed behind her sleeping form and wrapped his arms around her. He sighed when he was met with the strong smell of vomit. Peering over the edge of the bed he found a bowl that had been used as a puke bucket. Sighing, he rubbed her arm and pressed a kiss to the spot just above her ear.

When he hadn't heard from her by lunch time he had called the house to find a slightly frazzled sounding Mandy who had informed him that Sara was unable to talk because she was busy occupying the floor space between the toilet and the wall in the upstairs bathroom. Mandy had assured him that there was no need to rush home; they would manage until school let out. Guilt had worn away at him all day while he thought about her at home, sick, and without him.

Now, shaking his head, he wished that there was an easy solution to all of this. Getting out of bed he made his way around to her side and cringed when his foot quickly realized that she had missed the bowl at some point. He used the bed to balance himself as he removed his sopping sock and tossed it in the general direction of the laundry hamper.

"Sorry about that," Sara spoke up, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

Grissom took at seat on the bed beside her and stroked her cheek. "That's alright, honey. How are you feeling?"

"Like I ate an entire birthday cake… without the good part before the sick," she groaned turning her face into the pillow. "When they said it was bad I didn't they could possibly mean this bad."

Frowning Gil shifted to that he could rub her back comfortingly. He was concerned to find that her pajamas were soaked through with sweat. A quick check confirmed that it was the same case for the mattress.

Getting up he picked up the puke bucket.

"Don't take that anywhere," Sara warned him.

"I'm just going to rinse it out," Gil informed her. "I'll only be a couple of minutes."

"Coupla-minutes too long I'll bet," she muttered into the pillow.

True to his word Grissom returned with the bowl cleaned and sterilized. He rested it on the bedside table while he wiped up the floor then tossed the cloth into the laundry basket too. Next he helped her into a sitting position, despite her protests, and lifted her so he could sit her on the chair in the corner of the room.

The bed and her sleeping clothes were changed in no time and then he tucked her back in with a quick kiss to the forehead.

"Thank you," she whispered, looking up at him, her brown eyes watery and red.

Nodding he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Get some rest," he encouraged her, pressing another kiss to her cheek. "I'll be downstairs if you need me."

"I always will, Gilbert," she whispered, already falling back to sleep.


	31. Chapter 31

December 05, 2012

**Don't forget to look for me on facebook "PrintDust Fanfiction". **

* * *

The next couple of weeks before Sara's next appointment were filled mostly with quiet comfort. They would often wake to find the bed sheets drenched with sweat. Together they would get up and change the sheets before crawling back into bed to tangle up in each other's limbs. Sara slept through most nights, though she would sometimes wake up shivering from a cold that only she cold feel. Her husband would, if he hadn't already, pull her against his chest, pull the blankets up over them, and wrap his arms around her, holding her firmly. Somehow, this thing that was threatening to tear them apart had brought them so much closer together.

Sara spent a lot more time crouched over the toilet than she would like. Often, she would be hit by waves of nausea that we so intense that she wouldn't be able to leave the bathroom for hours at a time. Sometimes she was alone, while Grissom worked, and so Mandy- or more and more Catherine these days- would take his place supporting her by bringing her water and pillows to rest her head on.

When Grissom was there on weekends and evenings or when he could find a way to miss work he would tie her hair up and wrap his arms around her until it passed. On days that were particularly bad he would hold her while she sobbed from the pain in her stomach and the burning in her esophagus.

Thankfully today was a good day. Unfortunately, her next treatment would be tomorrow, but she and Grissom had come to a collective agreement that they wouldn't focus on that and so the couple went about their usual routine. Grissom was currently in the kitchen making something that smelled pretty delicious to Sara from where she laying on the couch, Jenny sitting on her abdomen swatting at the string that Sara was teasing her with.

Sara heard the oven door open then close, and then the creak of the floorboards as he came into the living room. Putting her hand on the kitten to hold her in place she craned her neck around to look at her husband.

"Hey," she greeted him, grinning when he ambled over to her and leaned down to press a kiss to her mouth.

"How are you feeling?" Gil whispered, pulling back to look at her.

Sara offered him a lopsided smile. "I'm a little tired but overall, okay."

"I know," he assured her lovingly before lifting her legs and sitting down then dropping her legs back onto his lap. Running his fingers over her legs he looked down to find the skin dried out and peeling. Furrowing his brow he looked up at her. "Honey…"

"I know," she sighed then started to pull her legs away self consciously. She was stopped by his hand closing around her ankle and then he tugged to bring them back. "I've been trying to wear pajama pants-"

"Why would you do that?" He asked, looking up at her.

"Because it's disgusting?" Sara ventured, biting her lip.

Lifting her leg Grissom pressed a kiss to her ankle. "There is nothing that is disgusting about you. Let me get some lotion."

"Tried that," she whispered. "The perfume gave me a rash. It's fine, really. Probably from dehydration, or something. I'll google it."

Nodding, her husband continued to rub her legs lovingly.

"So, Hank has a vet appointment tomorrow. I'll be taking him. Just wanted to let you know in case you call…"

"Do you feel up for that, Sara?"

Nodding enthusiastically Sara sat up a little and crammed a pillow behind her back. "I'm actually sort of excited about. It will be nice to get out for a bit. I emailed Greg to ask him if he is interested in coming. Haven't heard back, yet," she informed him, picking up the kitten and tossing her gently onto the floor by the couch. Leaning back against her pillow she murmured a soft 'ouch'.

"What is it? Are you okay?" Gil asked, putting his hand out to catch her arm.

Sara slid her arm out of his grasp with an apologetic smile. "Yeah, I just," looking down she slid her shirt up to expose her abdomen. She raised her eyebrows when she found her skin mottled with several bruises, most of them no larger than fingerprints. "What the…"

Realization dawned on both of their faces and they looked at the kitten who had made her way across the room to tease the dog.

"You shouldn't let her climb all over you like that," Grissom told her, reaching over to brush his fingers over the skin on her abdomen.

"We were just playing," Sara defended softly, a little bit shaken. "And it doesn't really hurt that much."

Gil didn't respond as his eyes drifted over her stomach then downwards towards the button on her jeans.

"What's on your mind, Dr. Grissom?" She asked him, her voice dropping to a low husky drawl.

Breaking eye contact with the crotch seam on pants her husband finally glanced up to meet her eyes. "You. Always you, my dear, Sara," getting onto his knees he parted her legs and slid between them. "You're so beautiful, Sara," he whispered and leaned in to kiss her, his tongue parting her lips.

Sara moaned and draped her arms over his shoulders, pulling him in closer. She felt his hand move to undo her jeans as he pressed kisses over his jaw. "Gil," she moaned, feeling her body respond to his after so many weeks.

"Oh," Gil whispered against her ear.

"What, what is it?" Pulling back to look at him her brow furrowed.

Grissom slid his hand out of her pants. "Sara if you don't want to…"

"What?" She asked, feeling dumbfounded. "Of course I want to."

Gil's cheeks flushed a little bit and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "The Doctor said that the chemotherapy might cause dryness… I…"

"Oh," Sara mirrored her husband's original tone. Swallowing hard she turned her face away to look at the ground. Feeling humiliation wash over her she felt tears prick her eyes. Swiping at them she let out an involuntary sniffle and she wrapped her arms around herself.

"Oh, honey," Grissom's voice soothed her as he pulled her into a firm hug. "It's okay. We'll talk to your doctor and we can see about lubricants… we should probably also talk about some other things. Your immune system is low… infection, birth control…

Swallowing again Sara nodded. "We could still… I could take care of you," she offered half heartedly, really not feeling in the mood for anything anymore. _You never are_, she thought to herself, feeling her jaw clench.

Her husband pressed a kiss to her throat then her cheek. "I'm alright," pulling back he got to his feet. "I could use a really cold glass of water though. Can I get you anything?"

Turning onto her side and curling up Sara nodded. "Yogurt… please."

"Be back in a second," Gil whispered, stepping around the coffee table and going into the kitchen. With the safety of two walls between them he let out a frustrated huff and ran his hands through his hair, puffing his cheeks. Looking up at the ceiling he tried counting to ten, but before he could even get halfway through his frustration peaked and he found himself reaching for the coffee pot and throwing it across the room. Luckily, when it smashed it hit the backsplash tiles over the counter and most of the glass shards rained down into the stainless steel sink.

"Gil?" Sara called softly. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just… dropped the damn coffee pot," he answered her.

No one said anything for a few seconds and Grissom looked up at the clock thinking how damn cliché it was that he could hear it ticking through the awkward silence.

"Are there any grapes?" Sara finally said.

"Red or green?"

"Red, I guess," her voice sounded nervous.

Grissom mentally kicked himself for upsetting her. "Peeled too?" He teased, feeling his chest tighten.

"… are you mad?"

_Yes_, he thought. _I'm fucking pissed about this whole damn situation, _he thought, but instead of voice it he took a deep breath. "No honey. I was kidding. I'll be right there. How about some ginger tea?"

"That would be really nice," her reply was barely audible.

XXXX

When Greg arrived the next morning to pick Sara up she was already sitting on the front steps brushing Hank's coat. Looking up she offered him a warm smile and got to her feet when she saw him approaching from across the street. Stepping over the dog she made her way down the steps and met him halfway on the path, ready for the bear hug that she knew he would pull her into. She was surprised, however, when instead of jerking her off her feet and squeezing her he simply slid his arms around her frame and gave her back a quick rub before pulling back.

Disappointment flooded over her and she was sure that it showed on her face because Greg's smile faded.

"What's wrong?" He asked. "I didn't hurt you did I?"

"No…" she shook her head slowly, "I guess I was just hoping you would…" she muttered, turning back to get the dog.

"Nah, uh. You don't get to make a statement like that then walk away." He caught her arm and pulled her back so that she was facing him again. "So spill it, before this gets awkward."

"I guess I was expecting you of all people to treat me normally…" she ventured, crossing her arms, suddenly finding the pavement very interesting. She shrugged her shoulders and brought her gaze up to meet his. "I was hoping for one of those standard Greggo bear hugs. Something like that."

"I see," he said thoughtfully. "Well, I would have… except Grissom sent me this text about bruising and I didn't want to-"

Impatiently, Sara cut him off. "For God's sake Greg, if you don't hug me right now I'm really going to lose it."

"I had a dream once where you said something along those lines, except you weren't talking about hugging," he quipped, suddenly reaching around her and jerking her against him and squeezing her warmly. A wet kiss was pressed to her ear and as soon as he released her she reached up to wipe it away, her nose scrunched.

"Thanks," she whispered, a smile warming her face.

"Yeah, yeah," he waves his hand to brush her off. "Who's getting the mutt?"

"I'll get him. Go open the car."

XXXX

"So how is work?" Sara asked later as they were pulling into the plaza where the vet's clinic was located.

"Lame," Greg answered her dully as he found a parking spot. "I think we caught all the good criminals… everything's been so mundane."

"I would think that would be a good thing," she retorted, opening the car door and slipping out. Hank was eager to join her as he slipped through the gap between the two front seats and hopped out the passenger side door. Catching his collar, Sara fumbled around trying to put his leash on. With the dog secured she and Greg began to cross the parking lot side by side.

Suddenly, Hank spotted another dog across the parking lot and jerked hard on the leash, nearly causing Sara to do a face plant on the cement. Luckily, she was able to maintain her balance and hold onto the dog at the same. However, Hank was still eager to drag her across the parking lot. Greg reached out quickly to take the leash from her and had Hank reigned back in within seconds.

"Thanks," Sara whispered, rubbing her shoulder that was aching pretty badly after being pulled on. "_Great, another bruise," _she thought darkly.

They didn't have to wait long before they were quickly led into one of the small examination rooms. Sara stood back as the Vet encouraged Hank to jump onto the examination table and as soon as he was settled on his back haunches she stepped forward to give him a quick scratch behind the ears. Glancing over Sara read the name on the man's lab coat. "Where is Dr. Norman?" She asked casually.

"On paternity leave. They should have informed you of that when you called to book an appointment," the younger man answered smoothly. "I hope you don't mind me filling his shoes for today."

"No, that's not a problem," Sara glanced at the wall to read the certificates that were framed and hung there. Locating the young Dr. Olsen's name she read over his credentials then let out a satisfied "_hmm… _Dr. Olsen, then. I'm Sara and this is Hank."

"Sara, good to meet you. And you can call me Jake if you would like. How has Hank been?"

"Good actually… we got a new kitten recently so that's been interesting for him. He has put on a bit of weight though. Probably because he hasn't been getting much exercise. We weren't sure if we should change his diet," Sara said as she stroked Hank's back.

"How often are you feeding him?" Jake asked, opening the boxer's mouth to take a look inside.

"Twice a day. Gil, that's my husband, is really firm about sticking to the instructions on the bag. Otherwise he get's gassy."

"Grissom or Hank?" Greg jumped in teasingly from where he was sitting across the room.

Turning around to smirk at her friend, she then cleared her throat to clarify. "Hank." Giving her attention back to the doctor, Sara felt her mood lighten. It felt good to be out again and doing something normal.

"Well, that's appropriate for Hank. I would recommend keeping him away from anything other than kibble and remember that big dogs need plenty of exercise. He needs a good long walk at least once a day. Twice if he can get it," Jake told her informatively, pressing his stethoscope against the dog's belly.

"I used to run with him," Sara mused, frowning a little. She really did miss the time that she and Hank would spend in the park. Sometimes they would run for hours after a particularly bad shift or when Grissom was working overtime or out of town. The exercise had done them both good, especially with Grissom's proclivity to treating her to fattening lattes and muffins. Pursing her lips Sara looked down at her current frame and wrapped her arms around herself self-consciously.

Her face started to burn when she noticed the doctor had finally finished his examination and was currently conducting one on her with his eyes.

"He usually gets three short walks now or just let out into the backyard…" trailing off Sara averted her eyes, hoping the young vet would do the same.

"Is there anyone else who can take him?" Jake asked, finally directing his attention to filling in Hank's chart.

"I could do that, Sara." Greg got to his feet and placed his hands on her shoulders protectively as though sensing her discomfort.

She shook her head distractedly and ducked out from under his hands. "I don't know, maybe. Thanks." Busying herself with putting Hank's leash back on Sara kept her chin down. Out of the corner of her eye she caught Greg looking at her curiously.

"Alright," Dr. Olsen retracted his pen with a click and snapped the file shut. "Other than that he looks great. Talk to Amanda in the reception area, set up another appointment for 10% off on your next visit and let her know that I said Hank is to get a free bag of treats for being such a great guy."

Thanking the vet Sara and Greg followed through with his instructions and made their way back out to the car. The bad barely pulled out of the lot before Sara felt Greg watching her. "Yes?" she asked, turning her upper body towards him to find him offering her a cheeky grin.

"I think that I could really use the exercise," he patted his flat stomach playfully. "And that you should let me pick Hank up after work everyday to go for a run."

Biting back a grin of her own Sara let out a sigh. "Yeah yeah… see you at ten. But for the record, you're in perfect health Greg Sanders. So I know what you're doing."

"I never could pull a fast one on Sara Sidle!" Reaching over, Greg punched her gently on the arm.

Feeling herself relax into her seat, Sara slid down into it. Biting her lower lip she turned to look out the window to hide the smile that she couldn't hold back.

XXXX

A small meal, and a long nap later found her waiting on the front steps again, this time for Mandy, who was supposed to have been there almost half an hour earlier to pick her up and take her for her next chemo treatment. Looking down at her phone Sara sighed deeply at the time and sent Mandy another text. She still hadn't received a reply for the previous four she had sent her friend. Sara's brow furrowed in concern and she looked down the street for any sign of Mandy's car. When she didn't see her Sara decided that if she waited any longer she would be late for her appointment.

It only took ten minutes for the yellow taxi to pull up to the curb in front of her house. The ride was short and tense while Sara played with the zipper on her purse nervously. Although this wasn't her first time going for chemotherapy, this would be her first time having the treatment alone. For a moment she was very tempted to call her husband and ask him to go with her.

"_Don't be wimp, Sara,"_ she scolded herself. She already asked so much from Gil. The least she could do was not burden him with sitting around in a hospital too. He enjoyed his work and he deserved to have some time away from all of her current issues where he could do what he loved doing.

"You're here, ma'am," the driver informed her. Sara was quick to glance at the red digits informing her of the cost and paid him. "You want me to wait around?" He asked, looking at her in the rear-view mirror.

Sara shook her head softly. "No. I could be while. Thanks though." Using the door, Sara pulled herself out of the vehicle and checked the seat to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything. Shutting the door she pulled her jacket tightly around her and slipped through the large automatic sliding doors.

Because Sara was an outpatient at the hospital it didn't take long to check in and get settled in one of the large chairs. Before she could start her treatment, however, the nurse had to draw some blood in order to check her platelet levels. When Sara asked why the nurse was happy to explain that they would check the blood immediately to make sure that her red blood cell count was normal, otherwise she would have to return for treatment at a later date.

The nurse, whose name Sara had gleaned from her i.d. on her lanyard spoke calmly to Sara while she set up a tray with some vials and needles next to the bed. Snapping on gloves, Heidi turned Sara's arm over and began prodding for a vein. When she found one she looked up at her patient and gave her an encouraging smile. " You'll just feel a pinch."

Nodding her head Sara looked to the other side of the room. At her previous appointment she had been alone in the room. This time, however, there was another patient occupying the last chair by the wall. The man looked fairly young and had ear buds plugged into his ears while he received his treatment. Sara made a mental note to bring her iPod to her next appointment.

Glancing back down Sara winced as she felt the needle move in her arm. Leaning her head back she squeezed her eyes shut. "Can you stop?" She whispered to the nurse.

"Almost done, Sara. You're doing great," the nurse encouraged, removing one vial from the needle with the small pop before quickly replacing it with another.

Sara's arm jerked involuntarily, and she arched her back, trying to take a deep breath. The room had suddenly become much stuffier and she felt her face flush uncomfortably. The room fuzzed around her and she suddenly felt like she was looking at everything through a glass of water. "I really need you to stop now. I don't feel so good."

"Alright, sweetie. I'm all done." Snapping her gloves off the nurse gave Sara's shoulder a squeeze as she got to her feet. "I'll grab you some apple juice and a cookie while you wait for us to run this."

A couple of minutes later Sara found herself sitting with an oatmeal cookie and a small Dixie cup half filled with apple juice. She sipped it appreciatively and glanced around the room. Looking towards the other wall she found all of the seats vacated. Frowning, Sara realized that it had been kind of nice having another patient in the room. It was a nice reminder that she wasn't alone in all of this.


	32. Chapter 32

December 05, 2012

The next time the nurse returned she had two bags of chemo. Holding them up the nurse beamed. "All systems go. Your blood work looked great."

"I can't decide if that's a good thing," Sara forced a smile. She tilted her face upwards to watch Heidi connect the bags to the IV pole that was attached to her seat. Without being asked Sara offered her arm to the nurse who hooked her up quickly then opened the valve. The process was made much easier by the permanent intravenous catheter that had been inserted into her arm at her first chemo treatment.

Heidi said nothing as she busied herself with stocking Sara's station. Sara was grateful to see the stack of blue dishes close by - as well as a basin of water and a cloth.

"If you need anything I'll be around. Or just hit your call button." The scrub clad woman pulled the cord forward so that it was draped over the back of the chair and within easy reach. Sara nodded. "Thanks."

Once she was alone Sara opened her bag and pulled out a copy of her husband's book that she had swiped from his office that morning. Cracking the spine, she lifted it up to breathe in the new book smell. A smile stretched across her face as she looked at Gil's picture that was printed on the jacket sleeve. She traced a finger over the outline of his cheek and ran her teeth over her low lip. He really was a very handsome man.

Snapping the book shut she reached in her bag again and pulled out her phone. It was almost 1 o'clock, which meant that he would be in the middle of his first class of the afternoon. Opening the calendar on her phone she checked over his schedule. She was a little bit disappointed to see that there wasn't a free block of time scheduled for this afternoon. Putting her phone back down she glanced around the room again. The hospital had done a pretty decent job of making it look comfy and cozy, she thought, her eyes tracing over the hardwood floors and moss green walls. Looking back down at her phone she sighed and found herself picking it up.

On auto pilot she dialed Grissom's cell number and listened to it ring. She had intended to leave him a voice mail so she was a little surprised to hear a click as he answered it. "Sara? Is everything okay?"

Smiling into the device pressed to her ear she cleared her throat. "Yeah. I just wanted to say hi. I was going to leave a voice mail but…" Her husband breathed a sigh of relief that send a little puff of air whooshing into her ear.

"Oh. Okay. Did you make it to your appointment?"

"I'm here now," Sara glanced up at the bag that seemed as full as it did when the nurse first hooked her up. "I guess I just wanted to hear your voice."

"Honey, I'm in class," he informed her gently, the regret thick in his voice.

Looking down at her lap Sara nodded. "I know. I know that. I guess I just wanted some company for a little bit."

"Is Mandy not there?" He asked, sounding concerned.

"No," she shook her head slowly. "She didn't show up. I tried texting her but I haven't heard back."

"Oh, Honey," her husband sounded torn. "I can try to find someone to…," he began to offer.

"You won't do anything. I'm fine actually. I have a book here and I am going to read it and then get a cab home. I'm okay."

Grissom sighed over the line again. "Are you sure?"

"Positive. See you tonight." Sara flipping the top of her phone closed and tossed it onto the table with the dishes and water basin. Careful not to pull on her IV she sat up a little and pulled her legs up to tuck them under herself, and then rested her elbow on the arm of the chair. Slowly her head came to rest on her palm as she opened her book again and started flipping through the pages. She felt a little bit like a three-year-old, looking at the pictures without taking in any of the written information.

She wasn't sure how long she had been looking through the book but she was about half the way through when she heard the door open, then close. Looking up she blinked slowly, surprised to find Jim Brass standing in the doorway. Furrowing her brow in confusion she observed the man who looked completely out of place in his polished shoes and his crisp blue suit. "Hi," she croaked, moistening her lips.

"Hi there, Cookie. How are you doing?" Sara nodded and said, "Okay, but what are you doing here, Jim?" She asked softly, glancing at the chair close to hers then back at him, silently inviting him to take a seat.

"I haven't seen you for a while and I've missed you." He shrugged his thick bulldog shoulders and made his way over to her. He pushed the seat closer to her before sitting down. Once he was settled, one thick hand reached out to take the delicate one that was sprawled out across the cover of her husband's book. His fingers hooked around hers the tiniest bit so that he was almost holding her hand.

"Grissom called you," she accused, raising her eyes which had drifted to their hands, back up to meet his. She was startled to see how striking their colour was. "I always thought you had brown eyes," she commented in a voice that was low even to her ears.

Confused as where the conversation had headed, he tilted his head thoughtfully. "You okay, kiddo?"

Dropping her head again she nodded, breathing out. "Yeah, I guess I'm just tired." His fingers twitched and tightened their hold on her hand.

"Sorry that Gil pulled you away from work. He shouldn't have done that," Sara apologized, turning her palm over to slide her fingers through his.

"You're right, he shouldn't have," Brass grumbled.

Sara felt hurt wash over her. That wasn't the answer she was hoping for, or even expecting, but when she opened her mouth to reply Jim cut her off.

"And next time I see him I'm going to give him one right between the eyes for not getting his own ass down here," he informed her firmly scooting the chair closer. "The nerve of that guy. I've know him a very long time. I'd even say I've got some love in the old ticker for him but I could really just deck him sometimes."

Sara smiled a little. "Well, he did just start a new job," she defended her husband quietly. Brass merely grunted in response. "Besides," she sighed. "Mandy was supposed to pick me up."

"About that," the old detective began. "I tracked Henry down. Turns out Mandy was having some complications. They went to the hospital this morning- early contractions."

Sara felt guilt rush over her. "I-I-I didn't know," she frowned.

"No one wanted to worry you. I'm sure they will give you a call when they get the 'all clear," he assured her, using his free hand to tilt her chin up. "Don't you worry about anything other than getting through this. Alright?"

Nodding in agreement Sara went back to her original position with her chin resting on her hand. Closing her eyes she tried to relax. She hadn't realized how much she had relaxed until her head slipped from her palm with a sudden jolt. She didn't have time to prop herself back up again before she felt warm hands guiding her into a prone position. Drowsiness washed over her and her eyes slid closed. "Thanks," she mumbled.

"No problem, peanut," Jim's reassuring voice drifted over her. Sara felt herself smile at the absence of his usual gruffness. She drifted off to the feeling of his hands tucking a hospital blanket around her.

XXXXX

Sara woke to the feeling of cold fingers brushing over her cheek. She opened her eyes and blinked slowly. She registered the feeling of nausea and a headache before she could figure out who had woken her. She let out a miserable groan, wishing that whoever it was had just left her alone. Now that she was awake she was starting to feel the effects of the chemo. Blinking, Sara rubbed her eyes and peered upwards.

"Hey," Mandy whispered from where she was leaning over Sara's chair. "I just wanted to stop in to see how you're doing."

Clearing her throat Sara braced her hands on the arm of the chair and pushed herself upwards. "Hi," she greeted the Print Tech. "What are you doing here? I thought… Jim said," she corrected, "that you were admitted to the hospital."

"Jim called and said he had told you. Henry is waiting outside. We were on our way home but I wanted to check in on you and apologize for leaving you hanging this afternoon." Mandy lowered herself slowly into the seat close by that Jim had vacated at some point during her nap.

Sara glanced up at the IV bag, trying to gauge how long she had been asleep. She found the bags mostly empty. "Yeah," she shook her head to clear it. "Don't be silly. Are you okay?"

Mandy nodded, her eyes misting a little bit behind the thick black frames of her glasses. "Just some spotting and contractions. But… everything seems okay now. I'm being put on partial bed rest. So…"

"You probably won't be able to come around so much anymore," Sara finished for her. "That's good. You're officially off 'Sara Duty," she added with a smile.

"But it's my favourite job," Mandy whispered, a tear sliding down her cheek. "Sara," she chuckled nervously, wiping it away. "Hormones."

"I know. But… your baby needs you to take it easy and stop worrying about me so much."

"Honestly, I would worry more if I couldn't see you," the pregnant woman sniffed. "I just want to be there for you."

"You are… always. Mandy, I know I haven't been a very good friend lately," Sara quickly held up a finger to stop the other woman from cutting her off. "But I'm a risk that you don't need to be taking."

"I feel like I'm letting you down," confessed Mandy, brushing her bangs back from her forehead.

Sara shook her head. "The guys are around now… Catherine too. And it's not so bad here. The nurses are great and I'll be fine, honestly." Reaching out, she gave Mandy's knee a gentle shake. "And I'm not banning you," she laughed. "You can still visit… Doctor's orders permitting," she clarified. "Or, I could find my way over to your place. You'll have to show me where Jamie will be sleeping." Swallowing hard Sara felt her own tears welling up, along with bile.

"That would be really nice, Sara," Mandy whispered. "Thank you."

The two women looked toward the door at the distinct sound of a man clearing his voice. Henry had poked his head in, his face pinched apologetically. "Mandy, we really should get you home." He offered Sara a nervous look. "Hi, Sara," he smiled weakly.

"Hi," she smiled back at him him. "Okay, go. I will see you when I see you," Sara pointed to the door commandingly.

Getting to her feet Mandy sniffled again. "See you then. Take care Sara," leaning in she gave Sara a quick squeeze then straightened up and made her way over to her husband .

With the couple gone Sara looked at the empty seat deciding that she really wanted only one particular person to fill it. Opening the book she propped it up against the back so that her husband's face was looking up at her. Smiling, she scooted back down so she was curled up and closed her eyes to wait for the session to be over.

XXXXX

By the time Sara arrived home she was generally exhausted and more than a little bit winded. The cab ride home was very uncomfortable and she was pretty sure she had freaked the driver out. Thankfully it was behind her now and hopefully she would be able to find a way to get a ride for any subsequent appointments.

She slipped her key into the front door and stepped inside to find the house in darkness. Grissom clearly had not yet arrived home from work. Sara dropped her bag in the front hall and kicked off her shoes before venturing further inside. Stopping by the entrance to the living room she flicked on the lights and took a few seconds to adjust the temperature. Her coat was quickly abandoned over the back of the arm chair but her scarf stayed on, at least until the house warmed up.

Her next stop was in the kitchen where she looked through the fridge for something to eat. At the sight of food though her stomach turned and she quickly shut the door and made her way over to the sink. In the couple of seconds it had taken her to cross the room her body had done a 180 on her leaving her breathing deeply as she tried to overcome the nausea that was making her feel tingly and weak. Leaning over the sink she squeezed her eyes shut and sucked in air through her nose. Maybe if she didn't see the vomit it wouldn't be so bad. She was wrong.

The bile rose quickly into her mouth and she leaned further over the sink to spit into it. Gripping the edge of the counter she heaved until her stomach felt empty and even then her body continued to rebel. Fumbling for the tap, she turned it on and washed her hands and face before rinsing her mouth out. The water tasted like it had come straight from the salty ocean. Gagging again, her eyes flew open in surprise as she spat it down the drain.

"Ugh," she moaned, leaning forward to smell the water streaming from the tap. It smelled fresh to her but she could still taste the salt in her mouth. Spitting again she rinsed the sink out then flicked the tap off.

Sara picked up the dishtowel that had been flung over the stove handle and scowled. The material felt strange and rough in her fingers.

It was at that moment that Gil appeared the doorway. Sara hadn't even heard him come in. "Sara, honey, are you okay? Were you sick?" Crossing the room he closed his hands around her upper arms for which Sara was very grateful. Her knees were trembling beneath her and she wasn't sure how much longer they would support her weight. She also wasn't sure if that was another effect from the chemo or just fear. Grissom's shoulder's hunched as he stooped down to look at her directly in the eyes. "Sara?"

"Does this feel weird to you?" She asked him, holding out the towel. Gil released one of her arms and took the towel, his face curious. "What do you mean? It feels fine."

"It's not… like a Brillo pad? Or something?"

"Sara, Honey…" at her look, he shook his head negatively. "It feels like cotton."

He tossed the towel onto the counter behind her and reached up to cup her cheek. "You don't feel warm, Sara." Slowly, Grissom guided her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her, securing her to him. "Are you feeling ill?"

Sara's brow stayed pinched as she snuggled closer, her cheek pressed to him firmly. A shiver ran through her, and this time, she knew that it was fear.

XXXX

"Shit," Sara hissed at the sound of glass shattering on the tile floor at her feet. Looking around at the remains of the fourth glass she had broken in two days she felt frustration and weariness rush through her. She looked down at her hands and fisted them to test the strength in them. Letting her eyes flutter closed, she tried to relax as she came to terms with the fact that her sudden bout of clumsiness had nothing to do with weakness and everything to do with the side effects of chemo.

The doctor had, when she had had her chemotherapy consultation, explained that numbness or different sensations in her extremities would be a possibility. "Just didn't realize it would wreak so much havoc on my dinnerware," she muttered aloud to herself. Sighing, she stepped over the mess and opened the fridge. All she wanted was a glass of water to wash the taste of blood out of her mouth. That was one of Sara's least favourite side effects: mouth ulcers and blood blisters.

Sara rolled her eyes at what she found on the top of the refrigerator. Grissom had purchased some 'Sippy' cups complete with handles for a better grip. Each cup had a Post-It on it describing its contents. Next to the collection her husband had left her a note in his standard loopy writing. "_Sara, thought these might help. Love you." _Scrunching her face, Sara looked down at the plastic red and orange cup she currently held in her hand. It looked like something a toddler might use. Furrowing her brow she made a note to remind Grissom that despite her current state, she was in fact, an adult and that perhaps more standard water bottles with snap caps would be more appropriate.

In the meantime she was feeling fairly desperate for a drink and so she closed the door and made her way into the living room.

Flopping down onto the couch she let out a groan. Her body felt achy and tired and she really just wanted to sleep for three weeks. The only problem there would be that she would sleep through her next chemo treatment. Hell, she wouldn't mind missing that either.

Turning her head slowly she let it flop to her other shoulder as she looked at the television. There didn't seem to be anything particularly interesting on. Scowling, she pulled her legs up onto the couch and laid down in a fetal position, her arms draped over her knees. Looking at the ridiculous cup that she had left on the table she rolled her eyes and picked it up reluctantly agreeing that the handles were pretty handy.

When her husband arrived home, hours later, it was to find his wife in that very position. One eyebrow rose steadily on his face as he looked her over, curled up on the couch with a Sippy cup resting on the couch beside her. Smiling softly, he took the few steps over to her side and picked up the cup. Depositing it on the table he sat down on the sofa beside her and carefully brushed her hair back from her face.

"Hi beautiful," he whispered to her sleeping form. His blue eyes searched her face as he watched her nose crinkle and her mouth open slightly in protest. A short syllable snaked out of her throat as she shifted on the couch so that she was on her back. Then, very slowly, her eyes opened revealing deep brown orbs that seemed almost black in the dim room.

It took her a few minutes to orient herself before she finally pushed herself into a sitting position. "Griss," her voice was thick with sleep. "What time is it?"

"Almost 6:00p.m. I had a staff meeting, remember?" Reaching up he smoothed a bunch of her curls that had become disheveled in her slumber. Sara shook her head slowly, clearly still not fully awake. "What was it about?"

He swallowed while he thought about what he wanted to tell her. "A grade 11 and 12 field trip to California. Some of the teachers will be going to chaperone."

"When do you leave?" Sara asked, getting to her knees and crawling over to him, ignoring the pain that had settled deeply into her hips and shoulders.

"I'm not going anywhere, Sara. I informed them that I have family obligations and that I won't be able to be away from home for three days," he told her, a little miffed that she would even think that he would leave her. He had spent months trying to prove to her that he was here permanently and that he would stay by her side and support her though anything that could possibly be thrown at them. But he kept his poker face firmly intact. It saddened him deeply that she was still exhibiting signs that she may not trust him completely. He thought that they had managed to repair the damage that his leaving had done. Now, he wasn't found himself facing feelings of insecurity again.

His hand shot out to rest against his wife's hip to steady her as she carefully turned around to sit down on his lap. Sliding her arms around his back she rested her cheek on his shoulder and closed her eyes. "It could be a lot of fun," she whispered, snuggling her face into the crook of his neck.

Gil felt his poker face slip a little as it morphed into a hybrid of confusion and shock at the realization that her words were not motivated by lack of trust but rather by her wanting him to go away. "You want me to go." He clarified slowly.

"Could be good opportunity to get to know the students and your colleagues. And it's a free trip to California, you could see some of your family or," she shrugged a little, "just enjoy yourself for a little bit. Get away from all of this."

"This," he told her, keeping his voice steady, though the sadness in his chest was quickly replaced by anger. "_This_ is my wife and my family and if you think for a second that I am going anywhere…"

"Okay, okay," she soothed, feeling the tension in his shoulders and arms. "I'm sorry," Sara feathered a kiss on his throat. "I didn't mean anything by it, Baby. I just think that-"

Unable to listen to her anymore Grissom carefully wrapped his hands around her forearms and lifted her easily depositing her onto the couch beside him. He ignored her protests and stalked out of the room. Once in the kitchen and took several deep breaths as he paced the tiled floor. Looking over at the brand new coffee pot his fingers itched to pick it up. Instead he shoved his hands into his pockets and leaned against the fridge. As gratifying as it felt, for some reason, to throw coffee pots he knew now wasn't the time.

Closing his eyes he let his head fall back to thump against the fridge door. _"I am,"_ he tried to think of a word to put to the sentence that was circling his brain. If he could just fill in the blank with a word, then he would have something tangible to work with. "_furious," _came to mind in a rush. Yes, that was it. He was absolutely, fucking furious that she would ever suggest that he would leave her like this. Focusing in on the word he thought about it's meaning, it's etymology, and as he thought the pressure in his chest began to fade. Letting out another deep breath he opened his eyes.

At some point Sara had come into the room and had taken a seat at the kitchen table, her back to him, her arms carefully folded on the surface before him. From her posture he could tell that she wasn't crying, but she was stiff and still as though she was trying very hard not to cry.

Feeling his heart melt he crossed the room and knelt down beside her. She continued to stare straight ahead. From this angle he could see the tears that she was currently keeping at bay, though one threatened to spill over at any second. Reaching forward he slid his fingers through her hair and pushed it behind her ear. At the gesture her face flinched and a tear rolled down her cheek so slowly he thought that it may never reach its destination.

When it finally reached her chin it curved inwards and continued its path down her throat. Throughout its entire journey the person from whence it came made no movement or sound.

Releasing her hair from his fingers, Gil gently brushed his fingers over her cheek and his heart felt like it had stopped when she leaned her face into his hand. "Come here," he whispered, despite the lump that had formed in his throat. Guiding her against him she slid off the chair to join him on the floor. "I didn't hurt you back there, did I?"

She shook her head in response, staying buried into his chest. "Let's make dinner and then we'll talk about it, alright?"

This time she nodded, her arms sliding around his back to pull him closer. Her hands began to glide over the surface of his back then under his shoulder blades, down his spine, and then back up again, soothingly. At this point, he realized, he wasn't just comforting her.


	33. Chapter 33

December 06, 2012

**This is a REALLY REALLY long chapter so I think I will only post once today. I do have the next one ready though, so let me know if you want it this evening.**

* * *

A week later Sara watched Grissom as he moved between the bedroom and master bathroom collecting the items he would need while away on the school trip. She offered him a warm smile as she tossed his cell-phone cord into the suitcase. "Your phone will need to be charged if I'm to call you everyday."

"Twice a day," he reminded her, picking up the cord and winding it around the plug adapter in his usual meticulous fashion. Turning around he opened his sock drawer.

Sara craned her neck to peer around him. "You already packed socks, Gilbert."

"I know. I wanted to give you something," he told her, digging through the drawer.

"How romantic," she whispered, scrunching her nose. "Old socks. How ever will I repay you." Flopping backwards on the bed she peered up at him as he approached her.

Suddenly, he froze, his eyes sweeping over the beautiful sight before him. His wife's body, all long clean lines, splayed out across the maroon bedspread that set her pale skin off in contrast. Her eyes were sparkling and chocolaty framed by dark lashes-while her hair fanned out over the sheets.

"Well? What did you get me?" She extended one leg until her toe poked him in the stomach.

Dumbly, he held up the bottle of goat's milk lotion he had purchased for her. "Fragrance free," he explained wrapping his fingers around her foot and pushing it forward to allow him room to kneel on the bed. "It's not much but I thought it might help."

Nodding, Sara propped herself up on her elbows causing her tank top to slide down and reveal a bra that matched her eyes except for the soft pink lace accenting the top of the cup.

Tearing his eyes away he opened the lotion and rubbed it between his hands to warm it up. Then he lifted her leg and began applying it carefully from the tip of her toes then over every curve on her foot and upwards to the bottom of her shorts.

Once he was done with both legs he capped the lotion and tossed it towards the bottom of then bed. He moved up her body, using his arms, and planted them on either side of her torso in order to support his entire weight. At eye level with her now he leaned in to press a slow and deep kiss to her lips which parted willingly to allow his tongue access.

"You're so beautiful, Sara," he whispered, using one arm and his knees to support himself, freeing his other arm. Carefully he traced the shape of her cheekbone and down her jawline to her throat. His fingers followed the curve of her neck ignoring the black and blue marks that mottled her skin- including the distinct hand prints on her shoulders that she had yet to explain- over the bump of her collarbone towards the valley between her breasts. Stopping short he fingered the pink lace thoughtfully then cast his eyes upwards to meet hers.

He was pleased to find her cheeks flushed and her pupils large and dark. Her lip quivered and her body shuddered in response to the longing so obviously shining through his eyes.

"_I want you_," she told him, though her voice did not accompany her mouth's movements. Her chest swelled as she took a deep breath and he nodded. Reaching over her head he pulled out a bottle of the lubricant that her doctor had recommended and a box of condoms.

Her mouth opened as she ran her tongue over her lips, moistening them and leaving them wet and shining. A grunt escaped him as he leaned down to capture them with his own.

XXXXX

When Sara woke the next morning the house was quiet. Looking around the room she realized that his bags were gone and the door was closed, most likely to keep their pets from disturbing her. Rolling over she groaned in discomfort. Everything hurt like hell. Lying there, however, a small smile graced her lips. It had been well worth it. Craning her neck to look at her husband's bedside table she found that he had put everything away before leaving to meet the school group at the airport.

Her body protested as she turned over and crawled towards the edge of the bed, cursing for the first time that they had a king size and that the distance was so long. The walk to the bathroom was slow going but when she finally arrived and flicked on the light, she was startled by her own appearance in the mirror. After so many weeks of having an almost ghostly appearance, today her cheeks were glowing and pinked. A small smile crept across her face. "Well, anyone would blush after what Gilbert Grissom did to you last night," she spoke aloud, chuckling to herself.

Turning around she pulled aside the shower curtain and turned on the water. A hot shower would do wonders for her aches and pains. Sighing happily she checked the temperature and stepped inside.

A little while later Sara was curled up on the couch in a pair of soft flannel pajamas that she had owned for years. The material was soft and familiar against her legs that were currently soaking in some more of the lotion that Gil had purchased for her. She felt a blush creep over her cheeks when she opened the bottle. It felt strange to be so giddy about sex, and it wasn't as much about what they had done but rather about how last night had made her feel. The way that Grissom's eyes and hands had moved over her had made her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. He had taken her away from everything and given to her what truly mattered: love without conditions, judgments or reservations.

She would definitely miss him over the next couple of days. But it would be a great opportunity for him to get away from everything and have a chance to have some fun. Sara grinned at the thought of him soaking in the sun at the ocean, his hideous straw hat shading his face, his shoulders and chest bare and sweaty with sun tan lotion.

She was also looking forward to the few days his trip would afford her to be alone and regain some of her former independence. She had no doubt that Gil had arranged for their friends to stop by to visit and check in on her. But other than that she was planning on simply spending her time in solitude.

XXXXX

The next day, sitting on the bathroom floor with her head cradled in her hands, Sara very much regretted sending her husband away. She couldn't remember all of the details about how she had managed to find herself on the floor but she was pretty sure that after blacking out she had managed to smack her head on either the edge of the counter or the toilet. Wincing, she carefully felt the area that was throbbing incessantly and hissed as her fingers came into contact with what would eventually be a spectacular bruise if it wasn't already. Pulling her fingers back she inspected them for blood. Though her eyes were swimming a little bit she was able to determine that the wound was dry. _"Blunt force trauma,"_ she decided looking at the toilet which had become her primary suspect. Using the culprit to hold her weight she carefully got to her feet. Her head pounded miserably but it was manageable.

Grabbing her robe from the back of the door she pulled it around herself and tied the satin ribbon in place, concealing her nudity.

Sara turned around slowly and leaned in to inspect her forehead. Already the area over her left eyebrow was beginning to darken and swell. "Bastard," she muttered, her reflection displaying her anxiety. "Well, you're never going to be left alone for the rest of your life," she whispered to herself. Suddenly her ears perked as she heard the downstairs door open then close. At the same time her phone vibrated on the bathroom counter. Picking it up she peered at the screen to find that she had received several texts from Catherine. Selecting the last one she opened it to find a final warning. "_Last call. I'm in your living room. I'm going to come upstairs to check on you in a minute so let me know if you're okay."_

Sighing, she wondered if she had been unconscious long.

Placing the phone back down she crossed the bedroom and cracked open the door. "I was just in the shower," she called down the hall. "I'll be down in a minute."

"Okay," Catherine answered her. "I brought some lunch. I hope you're up for eating, 'cause it smells delicious."

"I'll be right there…" Closing the door, Sara took a look around her room. Her head hurt like hell and the last thing she needed right now was company. On top of everything her arm and ribs were starting to ache too. "Shit," she groaned and wrapped her sore arm around her ribs. Holding them tightly she walked over to her dresser and pulled out a pair of yoga pants and a long sleeved shirt. Getting dressed slowly she bit into her lip in an attempt to manage the intensifying pain in her ribs as she put her bra on. Glancing in the mirror over the dresser she found the center and left side of her rib cage was a darkened blue and green colour. Taking a shallow breath, she pulled the shirt down to cover the area.

When she finally made it downstairs she was feeling pretty miserable. She found Catherine in the kitchen serving Miso soup into bright green plastic bowls.

"Nice bowls," Catherine commented. "This," she held up a bowl, "will help _you_ feel better and _me_ with wrinkles. Archie swears by it." The blonde looked up and her warm smile faded instantly. "Christ! Sara, what have you done to yourself?"

Catherine quickly put down the ladle she had been using and crossed the kitchen to take Sara's face in her hands.

Sara turned her face away trying to free herself but her stubborn streak was no match for Catherine's maternal instincts.

The older woman made a tut-tutting sound to scold her gently as she moved Sara's hair back to reveal her forehead. "Let's get some ice on this, sweetie," Catherine said worriedly resting her hand on the brunette's back and guiding her over to the table. Once she was sure Sara was seated at the table comfortably she quickly retrieved a gel ice pack from the freezer and wrapped it in a towel.

The pressure of the ice pack on her forehead made Sara wince uncomfortably. "Ouch," she mumbled, reaching up to take the cloth from her former co-worker. Sara hissed as pain seared through her arm and across the ribcage.

"So what's with the plastic… everything?" Catherine asked with her usual air of slight amusement. "Did you guys have a party or something?"

"Peripheral neuropathy," Sara explained, cradling her arm to her chest with her good one. "It causes numbness in my hands and feet and general muscle weakness. It's, uh, a side effect of the chemotherapy. Gil- we," she corrected, "had to switch to plastic since I kept dropping everything. It isn't fancy but it saves us from cleaning up glass everyday."

"And Gil left you _alone_? Grrrr… men," Catherine griped, pulling the ice pack back to take a look at Sara's head.

"Why does everyone do that?" Sara complained, leaning back in her seat to take the pressure off her ribs.

Catherine raised a questioning eyebrow. "Do what?"

"Blame Grissom. I told him to go. I wanted him to go. I want him to be at work. Why should he miss out and give up everything for me? I'm the one who got sick," Sara explained firmly, looking up at Catherine. "He's really doing an amazing job, Catherine. And he doesn't get enough credit for it, from anyone, me included."

Catherine's mouth moved as if to say something but closed again quickly. After a few moments she nodded. "Noted."

"Thank you," Sara answered, finally closing her eyes to rest them for a bit.

"I'm going to take you to the hospital," the blonde stated, getting to her feet. "And don't argue with me. You could have a concussion… God knows what you've done to your ribs…"

"I don't-," Sara began but was silenced by the look Catherine shot at her. Sulkily she nodded and looked down at the floor and then got to her feet with Catherine's help. Miserably, she wondered what her husband would have to say.

XXXX

By the time Sara waited in the emergency room for several hours, then waited for tests and scans, then waited to be treated for two broken ribs, it was well into the evening when she arrived home. Catherine had been very supportive as she helped Sara change into a pair of pajamas and get into bed. The blonde had then practically force fed her a bowl of the soup that she had brought over, which Sara had to admit was pretty good.

When Catherine finally left to go home and get changed for shift Sara was grateful to be left alone so that she could get some much needed sleep.

She would need all the energy she could get in order to deal with her husband when he arrived home to find his wife injured. No doubt he would blame himself for leaving her home alone.

Sara was in the process of forming a plan for how she would approach the issue with him which she fell asleep.

The next time she was aware of anything was in the very early morning. The sky was just beginning to pink outside and Sara could see what would be a beautiful sunrise from her bedroom window. Though her eyelids were still heavy with sleep she fought back her exhaustion so that she could watch the sky transform from night to day.

Her husband was so still and quiet beside her that she didn't even notice his presence until he slid one arm over her abdomen and moved to line his body up with hers.

Despite being shocked by his sudden touch, Sara didn't startle or feel any fear. Turning her head she found herself nose to nose with Gil, making it easy to lean in and press a kiss to his mouth. He tasted like mint and smelled fresh from the shower and he kissed her back tenderly.

When he pulled back his eyes bore into hers as he inspected her. "Catherine called me. I'm sorry honey." Rubbing a thumb pad over her cheek his eyes moved upwards to examine her forehead. "Well… it compliments your eyes at least," he whispered, his voice smooth and light in her ears.

Sara snorted and pulled him closer, pecking his cheek before turning back to look out the window. "Thank you for coming home."

XXX

"So much for bringing this to you in bed," Gil remarked as she entered the kitchen later that day to find him plating breakfast.

Resting her hand on her stomach, Sara made her way over to him and peered over his shoulders. He had prepared waffles with fresh fruit and scrambled eggs. Smiling, she rested her chin on his shoulder. "Thanks," she whispered in his ear. Truth be told, she didn't much feel up for eating but she didn't want to disappoint him. It was obvious that he had gone to a great deal of effort to surprise her.

Craning his neck around, Grissom pressed a kiss to the corner of her nose. "Since you're up you may as well eat it down here. Take a seat."

Doing as she was directed Sara pecked a kiss onto his shoulder before pulling back and slowly making her way across the kitchen. Maneuvering around the island she stopped to inspect his plane ticket. "You spent $400.00 on a flight from LA to Las Vegas?"

He shrugged without turning around. "They weren't willing to cut me a deal and I needed to get home."

Smiling a little she dropped the ticked back onto the counter and took the last couple of steps over to the table. She picked the seat on the other side so that she would be able to see him without twisting her body. "You know, I would have been okay if you'd stayed," she ventured, trying to assuage the guilt she felt about being sick enough to get him to come home early.

"Don't go there, Sara," he warned, his voice indicating that he wasn't interested in discussing the matter.

"Consider it dropped," Sara quirked her lips. "Did you have fun at least, for as long as you were there?"

"I missed you," Gil finally looked over at her. "But," he nodded truthfully, "it was a good experience none-the-less. At least I know I'm not cut out for being around teenagers for any length of time."

"What about our teenagers?" Sara asked, nodding her thanks as he placed a plate in front of her. When his back was turned she inspected the strawberries and the texture of the waffles. Yep, they were going to hurt like hell to eat. She ran her tongue over one of the ulcers in her mouth and cringed at the pain. She wondered if Grissom had forgotten about them.

Her husband took a seat across from her with his own plate. "I guess I'll have time to work my way up to that. They don't come out of the womb that way, I'm sure. Besides, our teenagers will shower… every day."

Sara snorted. "I'll bet you did as a teenager."

"I had to. My mother had a very strong sense of smell. I don't know if it had anything to do with her being Deaf and thus a sensory compensation, but I couldn't get away without even washing behind my ears around her…" Gil's eyes sparkled at the memory.

"You must miss her," Sara observed, sliding her foot between his legs under the table.

He nodded thoughtfully. "I do. Very much. She was a wonderful mother and a very good friend to me."

Giving him an understanding smile Sara turned her attention to her breakfast. She speared a piece of egg with her fork and carefully placed it on her tongue. Chewing slowly she ignored the stinging in her mouth.

After a couple of bites her mouth hurt too much continue and so she placed her fork down on the corner of her plate.

"Is it okay?" Gil asked, looked across the table to her.

Keeping her voice light Sara joked. "Like they say, if the nausea doesn't starve you to death the ulcers will."

Her husband's brow twitched. "Who says that?"

"It was a joke, baby," Sara sighed and pushed her plate away. "I'm sorry. I'm sure it's delicious and I would love to eat it all but…" trailing off she shook her head and dropped her gaze down to her lap.

"It's alright, honey," getting to his feet Grissom picked up the plate and took it over to the sink. "But we should take advantage of it if you're feeling well enough to eat and keep something down. How about some cottage cheese?"

"Not as delicious as waffles but I could go for it," Sara agreed.

It only took a couple of seconds Grissom to have a bowl sitting in front of her. He sat back down in his seat looking a little bit unsure. "Do you mind if I…" With one hand he motioned to his plate.

"Oh, of course. One of us might as well enjoy it," Sara encouraged him. "Besides, it might kill me to see all that food go to waste." Picking up her own spoon she swallowed a mouthful of cottage cheese without chewing.

XXXXX

The next day found Sara and Grissom driving to the hospital. This time, however, it had nothing to do with Sara's health. Rather, they had received a call from Henry that morning informing them that Mandy had been taken to the hospital the night before to be treated for pre-eclampsia. The somewhat distraught sounding father-to-be had also let them know that his wife had been admitted to the hospital indefinitely.

It took a bit of pestering for Sara to convince Grissom to let her go to visit her friend. Although he'd agreed, he was still anxious about Sara being in the hospital with her immune system so compromised. Not to mention that her body was also recovering from serious fall and she needed all the rest that she could get in order to heal. Unfortunately, she had given him one of her standard Sara smiles that melted his resolve immediately. Even his concern was no match for the pull that she had over his heart. And so, nodding wordlessly he had agreed that they could go for a brief visit.

When they arrived at the hospital Grissom led his wife very quickly through the emergency room exit as though speed could protect her from the bacteria and germs. Once they located Mandy's room they rode the elevator up to the correct floor. When the doors open they paused simultaneously at the explosion of pink. Sara's eyes absorbed the pink tiles to the pink walls and furniture. "So this is where people…"

Placing his hand on her back Gil guided her out of the elevator before the doors could close on them. "You sure you want to do this?"

"Its fine, Gil," she slid her fingers through his and slipped closer into his side. "It's… actually kind of hideous. I can see that they were going for warmth but… I actually prefer the outpatient chemo room…"

Grissom made a strangled sound in his chest as he carefully pulled to the side to avoid a nurse who was pushing a clear plastic bin on wheels. The couple peered inside to find a seriously pissed off infant inside.

"I guess it's hungry," Gil commented after a minute, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Come on, the sooner we get out of here the better."

Elbowing him lightly in the stomach she offered him a smile and pressed a kiss of her own to his chin. Together the couple made their way further down the hall, each counting room numbers until they arrived at the correct one.

"Want to go grab a coffee or something?" Sara asked her husband, sliding her hands around his back and snuggling against his chest.

"I should stay." One hand drifted to rest against the small of her back while the other guided her head closer to rest against his shoulder. He pressed a kiss to her head as she gave it a shake.

"I'll be okay. Just give me a few minutes." Sara took a step back and offered him one last smile before ducking inside the room. She tapped on one pink wall as she made her way past the bathroom towards the back of the private room. "Hello?"

Mandy, who had been reading a magazine, looked up. "Hey," the pregnant woman greeted her brightly. "What are you doing here?"

"Came to visit," Sara told her plainly. "Henry told us that you were admitted so I wanted to stop by to see how you're doing. Or if you need anything."

The patient gave a small shrug and nodded to an empty chair beside her bed. "Take a seat. How are you feeling? Nasty bruise," Mandy winced on Sara's behalf.

"Got a matching pair of broken ribs too," Sara moved stiffly across the room and lowered herself into the available seat. "So? How are you doing? Is the baby okay?" Sara asked, leaning back in the seat. Maybe Grissom was right, this trip was aggravating her injuries further. Folding her hands in her lap she forced a smile, determined to keep her discomfort to herself.

"Yeah, he's fine. I'm on full bed rest, and the chances are I will be until he's born. But I guess I have to do what a mother has to do," Mandy answered thoughtfully, looking down at her belly and giving it a gentle rub. "Still kind of sucks though."

Sara nodded, offering a sympathetic look. "Is Henry going to take time off?"

"If he can," Mandy said with a sigh. "He's having trouble getting Ecklie to authorize it."

"I'm sure if he talks to Catherine…" Sara reasoned. "I mean, she's a complete romantic at heart."

"He already has. She said yes, of course," she shrugged and pulled off her glasses. "But since he is a tech he needs Ecklie's approval. And… well, he's not so much into romantic notions."

Sara nodded in agreement.

"How are you feeling? Really. How are your ribs? Your head?" The Print Tech sat up more and leaned into her pillow. Sara simply looked past her to check out the monitors beside the bed. "Sara," Mandy warned. "Don't ignore me."

"You know," Sara whispered thoughtfully. "I should get you some chocolate or something."

"I can't have anything. And even if I could, I probably wouldn't be able to keep it down," Mandy told her in a breath then looked at her sternly. "How. Are. You?"

"Still… make sure you're eating and drinking. It makes the nausea worse if you don't," Sara paused and shifted uncomfortably as the tension in the room increased. "They should give you crackers. Unsalted, of course…"

"Will you please just answer my question," Mandy cut in.

Sara could see the frustration on her friends face and she pursed her lips. So much for keeping her issues to herself. "I'm fine Mandy. Just worry about yourself," she mumbled, tilting her chin up.

"Well," Mandy huffed and crossed her arms. "I can't. If I know something is wrong with my best friend."

"Well," Sara copied her tone. "You need to. Clearly," her eyes darted around the hospital room to make her point.

The pair sat in silence for a couple of minutes, each not knowing what to say.

"Here," Sara spoke up as she opened her purse. Digging through, she closed her hand around a paper tube and pulled it out. "Lemon candies; they're sugar free so they should be okay. They're great for nausea." Carefully she aimed and tossed them onto the bed next to Mandy who picked them up to inspect the package.

"Thanks," Mandy whispered, sliding down in her bed as she placed the roll on the counter.

"You're welcome. Get some sleep." Sara got to her feet and shuffled over to the bed. Picking up the blanket she pulled it up over Mandy's shoulders and gave her hand a quick squeeze.

"Thanks for coming Sara," Mandy whispered sleepily, her eyes drifting closed.

Smiling softly, Sara nodded. "Of course I came. What else would I be doing?"

When she was sure that Mandy had fallen asleep she picked up her bag and made her way around the bed and out into the hallway. She found Grissom leaning against the wall beside the door.

"I feel like I should stay," Sara told him, sliding her hands into her pockets. "In case she needs anything."

"Sara," Gil sighed, shaking his head. "You need to go home and rest."

"Just until Henry gets here. Then we can leave, okay?"

"Any idea when he will be arriving?"

Sara pursed her lips, sensing his frustration with her. "No, but I'm sure it wont be too long. Besides, she's asleep… or she was," she corrected when the light clicked on in the hospital room. Sara turned to look into the room. She was barely able to see Mandy for the bathroom wall but it was clear that she was no longer sleeping.

"Why don't you get her some ice? I'll just visit for a bit," she assured him.

Nodding reluctantly, her husband moved around her and headed towards the nurses station that was enclosed by a pink counter. Sara watched him interacting with the nurse for a couple of seconds before ducking back into the hospital room where she found Mandy propped up against her pillows again.

"You're still here," Mandy observed, popping one of the candies Sara had given her into her mouth.

Sara gave her an amused look. "Because you couldn't hear us right outside your door," she stated, sarcastically.

"Okay, maybe I could. But you really shouldn't still be here. Grissom is right, you should go home."

"Is the nausea bad?" Sara asked, changing the subject. She really didn't feel up to justifying herself anymore. If she wanted to stay at the hospital that's what she was going to do. _Being sick doesn't give the right for people to dictate to you_,she thought stubbornly, taking a seat next to the bed.

"It's making it hard to sleep, that's for sure," Mandy rolled her eyes and pushed herself into her pillows further. "But I am tired," she commented, propping her hands up on her swollen belly.

"I'm sure if you would just close your eyes you would be able to sleep. Just give it a try," Sara took a couple of steps closer to the bed. Although she was feeling bone tired herself, she also felt terrible for Mandy. Especially considering that it was probably all her fault that her friend was in this state. If she hadn't been so needy and hard on the other woman... Sara's thoughts were interrupted by her husband entering the room.

"Ice chips," he announced gruffly.

Sara flinched a little. He really was not happy them being here. _We wont stay too much longer, _Sara promised herself, snaking one arm around her ribs to provide some support. She hooked her foot around the chair and pulled it closer to the bed, then slowly sat down.

While the trio waited for Henry to arrive they made casual conversation about the lab and Christmas plans. Sara was a little bit shocked when it was pointed out to her that Christmas was only a few weeks away. The year had gone by so quickly, and, while she reflected on that, the conversation lulled. Mandy took the opportunity to turn over and get comfortable. It didn't take her much time at all to fall asleep. Sara hadn't even noticed until she heard Gil's shoes _squeak_ as he kneeled down in front of her.

"Honey," he whispered, taking her cool hands between his own. When she blinked rapidly to clear her tired brain his brow crinkled. Reaching up, he turned her face to look at him. "Are you okay?"

Sara shook her head slowly, dropping her eyes to look at his chin.

"What is it?" His thumb slowly traced her cheek.

"Nothing," she answered, though her face conveyed that that wasn't the whole truth. "I'm just worried about Mandy and the baby… Do you think they'll be okay?"

"They'll both be fine. They are fine…" He lifted her hand to press a kiss to her knuckles. Her hand was freezing in his and he looked down to find that they had a bluish tint to them. "What's going on with you?"

"I just feel a little bit off. Just tired I guess," she admitted slowly, looking at their hands.

"We'll stay for a little bit longer," he offered softly. And then his tone and body became more firm. "And then we are going home, and you're going to get some rest."

It wasn't a question, and Sara knew it. "We'll just wait for Henry to get here. And then we'll go. I don't want her to be alone. Sitting around in the hospital without a friend or a loved one really sucks."

His brow twitched and his eyes cleared a little bit as his brain worked to figure out if she had intended her words to have a double meaning. He pushed the thought aside for the moment while he turned his attention back to his wife. Looking her over concern bubbled in his chest; she looked so pale and tired. "You know she wants you to take care of yourself," he insisted.

"I know that, but I want to be here for her."

"And she wants you to get better," he tried again, rubbing her hand to bring some warmth into it. As frustrating as she could be sometimes he loved the passion and determination that ran through her. She was so compassionate and loving, always going as far as she could go to support those who needed her. This time he wondered if she was going to go too far though. In her eyes he could see the guilt flickering there and he had an idea of where it was coming from. Somehow, she had gotten it in her head that Mandy's condition was her responsibility. Suddenly a new emotion flashed through her brown orbs and he was temped to take a step back.

"Well, that's what I wanted for her. I told her to stop worrying about me and she wouldn't be in this position if she had listened to me," Sara lashed out, forming a death grip on his hand and she pursed her lips and her body went rigid. Reaching out in panic he rested his hand against her side to support her through the pain she was clearly experiencing.

Looking around for someone to help his eyes met a dark pair from the other side of the room. Mandy had woken up at some point and was sitting up in bed, her brow pinched.

"She needs to go home," he told her, the message coming mostly in the form of mouthing. He didn't want to startle Sara.

Mandy nodded in understanding, though Gil could see the hurt written on her face that Sara somehow thought that her condition was her own fault.

"Mandy, I didn't mean that," Sara whispered, in a very shaky voice.

"You _must_ go home," Mandy whispered, her face forcefully changing to hide the hurt that she was feeling.

"What I should have said," Sara said slowly and thoughtfully. "Is that I should have been more caring and thought more about what you needed. I shouldn't have put so much pressure on you. Making you drive me everywhere, taking care of me…" She listed, still gripping Grissom's hand.

"You need to go home now," this time the pregnant woman spoke up, her voice stern.

"But I want to stay," Sara told her half-heartedly.

"I don't want you to stay. I want you to leave." The print tech said slowly. Though it pained her to be so harsh with Sara, she knew that she needed to be because it was what was best for her. She couldn't look at her friend as she slowly stood, with her husband's help, fresh tears shining in her eyes.

Gil's arm wrapped supportively around Sara's waist as he helped her to the door. As they passed the bed his eyes met Mandy's briefly and he offered her a nod. He had to look away when the other woman's tears slid down her cheeks over the grief she was causing her friend. Even if it was for the best.


	34. Chapter 34

December 06, 2012

**As requested here is another chapter for today. Enjoy! **

* * *

On the way home from the hospital, Grissom did his best to comfort Sara, while at the same time focusing on keeping the car on the road. At each red light they were stopped at he would turn to face her and whisper words of comfort or press kisses to the delicate hand he held in his own. Although she did her best to hide her tears by looking out the window or limiting her sniffling, he could tell that she was hurt deeply by what had happened with Mandy. He wondered if he had made the right decision in encouraging Mandy to send Sara away.

"Honey, you couldn't have stayed there any longer. Your immune system is too low and the chance of you catching something is too high in the hospital. Not to mention how exhausted you are." His hand released hers and drifted over to rub her thigh soothingly and she threaded her fingers through his. "You'll feel better once you get some sleep."

Simply nodding, she looked down at her lap. "God, my mouth hurts," she whispered. Using her free hand she opened the mirror that was fastened to the roof and flicked open the cover. Leaning forward, she used her fingers to pull her lip down. "Great… I knew I could taste blood," she sighed, releasing his hand so that she could further inspect the ulcers on her gums and cheeks.

"Sara, honey, don't touch that. Your hands will be filthy from touching things in the hospital," reaching over, he guided her hands back down to her mouth. "We'll get you some Tylenol and rinse your mouth when we get home, alright?"

Sighing, Sara silently agreed. Looking at herself in the mirror she scrunched her nose at the dark circles under her eyes before snapping the mirror closed.

The trip from the car to their bedroom was a long and difficult one for Sara. By the time she had made it halfway at the stairs leading to the second floor her breathing was coming in short painful gasps. "I need to sit," she wheezed, sliding down Grissom's body to take a seat on the stair.

"You'll be more comfortable upstairs," Gil told her soothingly. Stooping down, he slid one arm under her knees and the other around her back. Lifting her easily he adjusted his center of gravity, and then continued their ascent.

"You're going to regret that tomorrow," Sara informed him, tucking her head under his throat to avoid having it smacked against the wall or doorway.

Her husband merely grunted in response as he sat her on the edge of the bed. Leaning around her he picked up her discarded pajamas from her pillow and got to work unbuttoning her blouse. "If you can change, I'll go grab your mouth rinse and the Tylenol."

Sara nodded and took over the task of removing her shirt. She watched him disappear down the hall then heard him bound down the stairs. She winced as she rolled her shoulders back to push her blouse off.

By the time he got back she had already settled into her side of the bed leaving her clothes half on the bed and half on the floor. She thanked him for the cup when he handed it to her and scrunched her nose. The taste of the antibacterial mouth rinse was pretty awful but she knew it was important in order to avoid infections.

Her husband deposited an empty bowl onto her lap before going around to the other side of the bed to pick up after her.

XXXXX

Sara and Grissom had only been gone for a few minutes when Henry came into his wife's hospital room. He looked surprised to see her standing by the window, especially since she wasn't supposed to be out of bed.

"Hey, what are you doing?" He asked, going over to her and taking her by the elbow. "Back into bed. Now," he ordered softly.

"You're back," she mumbled, her eyes red and puffy. She had clearly been crying not so long ago.

"And you're getting _back_ into bed," pointing in that direction he ushered her forward and helped her climb under the blankets. "How are you feeling?" he asked, pressing a kiss to her forehead, then adjusting her pillows.

"Lame," she mumbled, peering up at him through her bangs.

He puffed his cheeks a little and breathed out. "And I am assuming that has something to do with Sara and Grissom who I just passed in the hall."

She offered him a one shoulder shrug then moved to get up. "I should call her or something."

"No way," putting a hand on his shoulder he pushed her back into her pillows. "You are on one-hundred percent bed-rest. And that means that you rest one-hundred percent in this bed and you do not get up."

"I need to talk to her," Mandy argued, tilting her chin indignantly.

"No, you need to keep your feet up and your… ass, in this bed," to make his point he lifted the bedrail, successfully trapping her in place.

"But…"

"Yes. Your butt, in this bed," he told her, dropping into the seat beside the bed.

Neither of them said anything for a few minutes and Henry dropped his head back against the chair, hoping to get some shut eye. He was currently going on almost two days without any sleep. He was beyond tired and just wanted to rest for a few minutes.

Mandy finally spoke up. "Can you pass me my phone at least?"

"No," Henry looked at the time. "They're probably driving. Besides, she looked like she could use some time."

"So she's upset. That's why I want to talk to her and explain…"

"Frankly, Mandy," he sighed, closing his eyes again. "I am more worried about you right now. You're in the hospital, what don't you get about that?" He could feel his patience wearing thin and he was perfectly aware that that was not a good thing. But if she could just keep quiet for a few minutes while he rested his eyes then he would be up for dealing with whatever she needed.

Mandy clearly wasn't getting the message. "I'm fine. See? I'm lying down, my feet are up. I promise that I am fine."

"What are they feeding you around here?" He asked, coming to the realization that he wouldn't be getting any sleep just yet. Opening his eyes, he sat up and prepared to give her the last of his attention and energy.

She pouted a little bit and it registered in his tired brain how cute her lower lip was when she did that. "Hospital brand cardboard," she whined a little.

"Yum… well, I'm sure it's good for you…" he slouched in his seat. "I talked to your doctor," he began. "And she said I can take you home. We will have to have a home aid come by once a day and you'll be on a strict diet and full bed-rest still. But I can take you home."

Her face lit up and he gave into temptation and got to his feet. Crossing over to her he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I love your guts you know. You drive me crazy, some-" he changed his mind and corrected, "most of the time. But I love you. You know that right?"

Nodding her head he felt her glasses connect with his chin. Careful not to poke her in the eye, he lifted them off her face and pressed a kiss to her nose.

"We sort of had a fight," Mandy told him, pulling back to look at him. At his questioning look, she continued. "It started out about me not taking care of myself and then her not taking care of herself, and… whatever. It was stupid and just… everything over the last few months came to head I guess."

"Well," his eyes drifted upwards for a second while he thought about it. "Maybe you guys should… take… care of yourselves then…" He told her, his voice belaying how obvious he felt the answer was.

"Yeah, I got that," Mandy huffed, rolling her eyes. "But I'm not going to die. She could."

Henry huffed in annoyance. "Mandy, maybe it would be a good idea if you stepped back from all of this. I'm worried about the strain on you and the baby."

"And I'm worried about my best friend," her voice rose an octave to match her temper.

"And that's more important to you than my entire family?" Growling he pushed against the bed rail and crossed the room to the window, keeping his back to her. "This is bullshit, Mandy," his voice rose too. "This whole time you have put everything before yourself and maybe that would be okay if it wasn't putting our baby's life in danger."

The only sound in the room was their breathing as they each tried to rein their tempers in. Finally, Henry swallowed and turned around. "I got the time off work so I can take you home."

"Kay," she mumbled, turning over to that her back was to him.

"Your doctor will be by… eventually today," walking back over to her bedside he shoved his hands in his pockets. "We'll talk about the conditions of your release…"

"I'm sorry, for everything," she mumbled, her voice thick and teary.

Feeling his shoulders sag he softened. "Me too… And I'm sorry that your friend is sick but punishing yourself and our baby isn't going to make it any better." Moving the rail back down he perched on the edge of the bed and rubbed her back.

XXXX

Sara spent the next couple of weeks at home resting. She hadn't been feeling up to going out much and Grissom worried that she was becoming depressed. His concerns lessened greatly, however, when the guys or Catherine would come by to watch a movie or have dinner. Greg and Nick were especially good for her and it made him happy to hear her laugh.

The day before her next and second last chemo appointment, which had been scheduled for Christmas Eve, he surprised her with a Christmas tree. He had slipped out of the house while she was being entertained by the nightshift team and spent a couple of hours searching for the perfect tree. It had been easy to spot when he finally came across it and he knew that Sara would love it too.

He was right. When he had arrived home her face lit up brighter than time square. With Warrick's help he set up in the stand and placed it in the window for her to decorate. The memory had warmed her thoroughly and she had talked about it almost constantly throughout her chemo session.

He had listened patiently as she recounted Greg's antics and their kitten's discovery of tinsel.

The session had gone by very quickly and with minimal nausea. Grissom knew that that likely wouldn't last but it had been good to be there with her and make the process as painless as possible.

Sara hadn't heard much from Mandy other than a Christmas card that they had received in the mail, signed from Mandy, Henry, and Baby Jamie, who was due on Boxing day. Sara had scrawled her own Christmas card from her and Gil and asked him to mail it to her.

When he offered to take her over to visit to deliver the card in person she had declined saying that Mandy probably wasn't interested in seeing her, considering that the tech hadn't returned any of her calls or emails.

Although Sara seemed saddened by this, Grissom worked hard to keep her busy with preparations for Christmas. They did most of their gift shopping online from home. Occasionally Gil convinced her to go to the mall with him for short trips, or to the grocery store to prepare for Christmas dinner. Neither of them discussed the fact that she would likely, having just had a treatment, not be up for a "Tofurkey" or much else at all.

It was only a couple of weeks until Christmas when Grissom woke up and wondered if maybe he had pushed her too hard. As he leaned in for his morning kiss he found her curled up in bed, her arms wrapped around her stomach, shivering hard from a cold that he couldn't feel. Reaching over he touched the base of her neck and felt panic set in at the heat that he found there.


	35. Chapter 35

December 07, 2012

* * *

"Sara," Gil whispered, rubbing her back soothingly as he tried to wake her. "Sara…"

Slowly her eyes drifted open and she peered up at him, her brow crinkled in confusion. Her brown eyes stayed glazed over as she met his clear blue ones and she cleared her throat, wondering why he was waking her up. She was feeling awful and really just wanted to go back to sleep.

"How are you feeling?" Her husband asked. His arm wrapped around her stomach and he rubbed her side in a soothing motion.

"Tired. I couldn't sleep last night. My chest and stomach are killing me. I couldn't stop coughing," Sara explained, pulling the blankets up and turning over to snuggle into him. Gil pulled her tightly to him and he pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. "I didn't hear you. Why didn't you wake me?"

She shrugged her shoulders but didn't offer any kind of an explanation. Suddenly, she turned her face away and lifted her hand to cough into her hand. Her chest crackled and she pressed her free hand against it, wincing. When she was finished she turned her face back into his chest and buried it in his shirt.

"I'm going to take your temperature," he told her as he released his hold on her. He hushed her when she began to protest and tucked the blanket tightly around her before going into the bathroom and getting the first aid kit out. She moaned uncomfortably as he tried to put it in her mouth. "I have ulcers under my tongue," she complained around the thermometer but didn't spit it out. Turning her face away from him she looked out the window miserably, a chill settling into her bones. She couldn't stop it when her body began to shiver in an attempt to warm itself up. The trembling of her lips made it harder for her to hold the thermometer in place so she was very grateful when Gil removed it to check for the results.

"I'm going to call an ambulance," Grissom informed her picking up her cell phone from her bedside table.

"That bad, huh?" She asked, turning onto her side and curling up. Sara coughed again and wrapped her arms around her stomach miserably.

As Gil listened to the phone ring, he felt concerned that she hadn't even tried to convince him not to make her go to the hospital. Sitting down on the edge of the bed he rubbed her side and relayed their information to the dispatch clerk on the other end of the phone. When he hung up the phone his heart broke at the sound of Sara's breathing coming in small gasps. Fear tore at him, but he pushed it back and continued to comfort his wife. "I know you don't feel well, honey," he whispered.

XXXXX

The paramedics hadn't allowed Grissom to ride in the back of the ambulance with her. And unfortunately, this time he wasn't a member of the LVPD and therefore didn't have any pull. He stayed with her while they strapped her onto the stretcher and then loaded her into the ambulance. Once they pulled away from the curb he went back into the house and packed an overnight bag for her.

By the time he arrived at the hospital Sara had already been taken for a chest x-ray. He waited for her in the room the nurses showed him to in the oncology ward. Taking a seat in one of the standard hospital chairs he pulled out his cell phone and debated texting Catherine to let the guys know. After about a minute of consideration he slipped the phone back into his pocket, deciding it would be better to wait until he had some information to give them. He also didn't want everyone showing up en masse. Although he knew their intentions were good he didn't want Sara to be overwhelmed.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed before he heard soft chatter and the squeaking of wheels as the hospital patient transport team came into the room pushing a bed. Getting to his feet quickly, Gil moved closer to see how Sara was doing. For the most part she looked okay, pale and tired, but not as terrible as she had that morning. He waited until the hospital had finished hooking her up and dispersed before taking her hand in his.

"Hi, honey," He whispered, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. "How are you feeling?"

"Well," she mumbled sleepily. "Whatever that is, it's is **_good_**." She glanced at the IV bags that were currently dripping into the drip-line to which she was hooked. Her face pinched a little and she quickly flung her arm over her mouth to cover it as a cough erupted from her chest. "Did they tell you anything?" She asked once the cough had subsided.

"No, no one has been by to give me any information," Gil explained picking up a bottle of hand sanitizer. He was reluctant to use it on her dry skin but he decided it was better than lingering germs.

She closed her eyes tiredly. "Have to wait for results but it's looking like pneumonia… and possibly a bladder infection." She coughed a little but this time made no effort to cover her mouth as her body began to slip into slumber.

Lowering his chin Grissom thought about the times over the last couple of weeks where he forced her to go out for shopping or entertainment. He had thought it would be good for her. Now he was wondering if he was wrong.

XXXXX

After a very long nap on Sara's part and a visit from her doctor, which she'd slept through, Grissom and Sara occupied themselves in a comfortable silence. While she was resting Gil had made a trip to the hospital gift store and paid an extortionate amount of money for a Sudoku book for Sara and a crossword book for him. Now, they both sat absorbed in their own puzzles since neither felt up for watching TV and they were both fresh out of ideas for conversation. Looking away from the clue he was working on Grissom glanced up at his wife to make sure that she was doing alright.

She looked miserable, but focused on figuring out where to add the next number. He raised an eyebrow amusedly to find that she had already completed close to one quarter of the book. He made a mental note to buy more for her the next time he went home to shower and change.

Her tongue darted out of her mouth and she dragged it over her lips. Gil watched her frown a little. "Can I get you anything?" He asked, closing his book and placing it on the table next to her bed in case she was interested in playing with words rather than numbers.

"Some of that?" Sara nodded across the room to where a small counter was set up complete with a sink and a cupboard full of supplies. A small clear bottle with red writing was sitting on the counter.

Gil remembered one of the transport personnel picking it up off the foot of Sara's bed and placing it there when they had brought her back from testing earlier. Picking up the bottle Grissom read the label curiously. "I think I used this stuff once before. In an experiment," he informed her while handing her the bottle of Saliva Substitute.

"Do I want to know?" She asked, uncapping the bottle and squirting some of the clear fluid into her mouth. She shuddered a little bit as she placed the bottle on the bedside table, within reach.

"Probably not, considering you just put it in your mouth." He took a seat on the bed. "And you already have an aversion to saliva."

"Get up here with me," she ordered, moving over to make room for him on the bed. Gil was carefully about how he moved into position beside her, he didn't want to cause her any discomfort or take up too much room. Once he had settled against the pillows Sara turned over so she could snuggle into his chest, her arm with the IV line was placed over his stomach as his arm wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her into a hug.

"Okay." Sara nodded towards the crossword book. "What's the next clue?"

XXXX

When Sara woke up the next morning she found a note from her husband explaining that he had gone home to take a shower and get something to eat. After reading it she propped it up against her saliva bottle and hoped that he would take the opportunity to rest for a bit too since he hadn't gotten much sleep the night before.

Looking over at the table at her bedside she found a covered tray that she assumed contained her breakfast. Although she wasn't necessarily feeling very hungry she knew that she needed to eat in order to keep her strength up. Her stomach hurt like hell, though, and she sort of needed to use the bathroom. However, she wasn't sure about getting up on her own with her IV pole and the various monitors that she had been hooked up to shortly after arriving at the hospital. Not to mention that she had a feeling that using the bathroom wasn't going to be very comfortable, considering the minor bladder infection.

Careful not to knock anything off it she moved the table over her lap and adjusted the height so that it rested against her abdomen. She was just opening the lid when she heard a soft knock on her hospital room door.

"Hello?" She asked, wondering who it could be. She knew that her husband wouldn't bother knocking, nor would the Nurses. Certainly, the team would just be getting home and going to sleep after shift. "Come in…" she craned her neck to peer around the wall to see who her visitor was.

"Hi," a feminine voice greeted her just as Mandy came around the corner. "Are you up for a visitor?"

"Uh, sure. Come in," placing the lid for her tray to the side, Sara inspected her newly arrived friend. It was obvious how much the baby had grown, and the baby seemed to be sitting lower in her pelvic girdle. Sara didn't know much about pregnancy but she assumed that meant that he would probably be born soon.

"Thanks," Mandy offered her a gentle smile as she lowered herself into the seat next to Sara's bed. Picking up a grape, Sara watched her, wondering why she was there.

"How's everything going? Haven't heard from you recently," Sara whispered her voice absent of any accusation or judgment. She fully understood that Mandy had her own things going on.

"Same," Mandy looked down. "I figured you wouldn't want to talk to me."

"What are you talking about?" Sara raised an eyebrow. "I called a few times and left you messages," she stated, genuine confusion on her face. She looked down at her tray. "Here, try one of these. Let me know if it's my chemo-taste buds or if this fruit is actually tasteless." She eyeballed a shot then tossed a grape to Mandy who fumbled it but caught it before it rolled off her belly.

The Print Tech popped the grape in her mouth then scrunched her face. "Definitely not you," she assured Sara. "That's weird. I didn't get any…" realization crept onto her face. "Stacy… that bitch…" she scowled.

"Stacy?" Sara asked.

"My at home care aid," she rolled her eyes. "She, Henry, and my O.B. have been conspiring against me to give me a," she raised her fingers make air quotes, "stress free environment. Load of crap if you ask me…"

"I don't think trying to do something caring can be referred to as a conspiracy, or a load of crap," Sara suggested thoughtfully. It felt really good to be having a nice, normal conversation with her friend. Her thoughts were interrupted by a coughing fit that sent her chest into searing spasms. The codeine cough syrup was helping a great deal with suppressing her cough and for that she was very grateful.

"You okay?" Mandy asked, offering her a cup of water. Sara nodded, trying to catch her breath. Accepting the cup she nodded again in thanks then took a sip. She was about to ask Mandy how everything was going when there was another knock at her door. Both women looked over to find Henry in the doorframe, looking very relieved to have found his wife.

"Stacy said you snuck out while she was shampooing the couch," he said, looking at Mandy, who shrugged.

"I wanted to see Sara."

"How long ago was that?" He asked, playing with the keys in his coat pocket.

Mandy looked between her husband and Sara. "An hour ago. Maybe two…"

He offered Sara an apologetic smile then turned back to his wife. "Come on. Let's go home."

Sara looked down, trying to give them their privacy. She wasn't a fan of Henry ordering Mandy around but it was between them.

"Grissom isn't back yet," Mandy sighed. This situation was starting to feel familiar and it was starting to make her feel uneasy.

"Let's talk in the hall," Henry suggested, glancing at Sara nervously. "Hope you feel better soon, Sara. And Merry Christmas," turning around he ducked out of the room and went out in the hall to wait for his wife to join him.

Mandy grunted as he struggled to her feet then offered Sara an apologetic shrug before going out into the hall where she found Henry playing with his car keys in his hands.

"I'm pretty disappointed, Mandy…" He started.

"Would you cut it out?" She snapped, crossing her arms indignantly over her bump. "You're kind of being a jerk, you know. I know that you haven't been telling me about my calls and to me, that's just disrespectful."

"And so you decided to disregard the doctor's orders and sneak out of the house, putting both your health and our baby in danger. You know what, Mandy? I'll see you at home. Do whatever you want. I'm tired of trying to "save the day." he vented and turned on his heel. He walked away towards the elevators.

Sighing, Mandy bustled back into Sara's room. She gave her friend a quick hug and then headed in the direction that her husband had gone. She found him waiting in the car outside of the main door. She tapped on the window and waited for him to unlock the doors. Sliding into the car she stared straight ahead and waited for him to start driving.

The car ride home was very uncomfortable because he didn't say a single word to her. "Are you going to say _anything_?" She asked, draping one hand over her belly.

"Nope," he told her crisply. "Since you don't listen to me anyway. So why bother?"

"Henry," she sighed, looking over at him. "I'm an adult; I can make my own decisions."

"Just not very good ones…" he ground out, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the steering wheel. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Right, because you're trying to provide a _"stress free" _environment," she rolled her eyes sarcastically. Henry didn't say anything for the rest of the drive home. After parking the car he got out and went inside, slamming the door on the way out of the car.

By the time she got inside she could hear him smashing pots and cupboards around in the kitchen. She cringed at a particularly loud crash and the baby startled inside her. "Sorry about that Jamie," she whispered to the baby. Going into the kitchen she took a deep breath.

"Henry, I'm sorry…"

"Are you?" He growled. "Because I hear that a lot from you and yet you still continue to ignore the doctor's orders and what's best for you and our son."

Mandy frowned. "I'm sorry," she whispered sincerely. "But we've been over this enough times."

"I know," he sighed, gently putting down a pot then turning around to face her. He was about to say something further when the oven timer went off. "One sec," turning around again he opened the oven. "Take a seat while I get breakfast."

Once they were both served Henry took a seat across from her and sipped his coffee. "I'm not hungry," she whispered pushing her plate away.

Henry slid it back towards her. "You need to eat." When she looked up at him her eyes were so sad and he felt guilty for being upset with her. "Look, it's fine that you went to see Sara, okay? I'm not going to tell you what not to do anymore. Maybe we should say that… next time, leave me a note so I'm not worrying, and… just… I'll trust you not to overdo it." He held his hand out, "Deal?"

Taking his, Mandy shook on their agreement. "You know," she told him looking down at her plate and picking up her fork. "It's not my life goal to piss you off…"

"I know… sometimes," he told her. "Mandy… you're on bed rest because you have what is potentially a life threatening illness and you act like it's nothing. Like I'm punishing you by making you take it easy but I am just trying to protect you because that is my job and it is all I can do. And if something happens to either one of you it is going to be on me because I didn't do on my job."

Nodding understandingly she squeezed his hand. "We'll make this work, okay?"

"Yeah," he nodded, his anger depleted and the knot in his stomach melted.


	36. Chapter 36

December 07, 2012

* * *

When Sara woke up earlier that afternoon it was to an uncomfortable sticky feeling in her throat and mouth. Blinking in confusion she reached up to touch her face and was surprised to find, when she pulled her fingers back to inspect them, that they were slick with blood.

"Oh crap, Sara," a male voice with a distinct Texan drawl spoke up.

Using her arms she pulled herself into a sitting position and groaned. Nick stood quickly and helped her to sit up. Once he saw to it that she was propped up he picked up grabbed a handful of tissue from a box next to the bed and squeezed her nose, tilting it forward.

"So Grissom sent out a broadcast, huh?" She asked him. Sara wrapped her fingers around the sheets feeling light headed. She felt her head drift further forward to rest on his hand.

"You're okay," Nick soothed her, wrapping his arm around her to hold her up. He held her closely and pulled the tissue back to check her nose. Tilting her head back he was relieved to see that she had stopped bleeding. "There you go. See? Looks better already," he tossed the tissue to the side and looked her over. Other than the blood smeared across her face and gown she looked okay.

"Let's get you cleaned up, alright?"

Laying her back against her pillows he collected a wet cloth from the sink area of the room and then sat on the bed. Dabbing her face carefully he cleaned her off.

"Are you going home for Christmas?" Sara asked, turning her face away to cough into her hand.

"If you're here… I'm here," he told her, tossing the bloodied cloth across the room and into the sink.

"Well, that's really sweet of you… but you should go home. It's been what? Two years since you spent a Christmas with your family?" She pointed out, looking up at him.

"I'm stayin' and there's nothing you can do about it," Nick grinned, taking a seat beside her on the bed. "Mama can just FedEx me one of those pies of hers."

"I don't want to be here, Nick," Sara whispered, finally saying out loud what she had wanted to tell someone since she had been admitted the night before. Laying back further into her pillows she felt her chest tighten and she took a painful breath. She felt a sharp pain streak through her lungs and she coughed again.

"They're gonna make you all better, darlin'," Nick passed her a tissue to wipe her mouth. "Besides, it could be worse. You've got one hell of a view," he offered her a toothy grin that didn't quite reach his eyes.

Sara didn't smile back; instead she kept her eye on the blanket draped over her lap. "It's just that," her nails picked at a loose thread thoughtfully. "This might be the last moments of my life and… I don't want to spend them in here. Sick like this," she put words to the thoughts that had been whirring around in her head over the last day.

"Sar," Nick sighed, wrapping his hands around one of hers, "You're gonna live to be a crazy old lady." He told her, his voice determined as he rubbed her cold fingers in his palms. "Besides, I still have to teach you how to horseback ride," Nick reminded her.

"Let's go now," She suggested, another cough wracking her thin frame.

"We can't, Sara," he squeezed her hand. "But it will be something we can both look forward to. But you need to get better first."

"That's just it, no one gets it. I'm not getting better. Everyday I get a little bit worse and…" Sara was cut off by another coughing fit. She sat up a little bit and wrapped her arm around her ribs as her body trembled. Suddenly, she gagged and reached blindly to her bedside for a dish, knocking everything off in the process. Nick quickly picked it up and placed it under her chin, just in time for her to throw up her breakfast. When she was finished she laid back against her pillows and felt hot tears leak out from behind her closed eyelids. "Can you throw that out please?" She asked Nick; the smell was making her nausea worse.

Nick's chair scraped against the linoleum as he got up. The dish made a thudding sound as it landed in the empty bin. The bed sank as Nick sat down beside her. Her eyelids fluttered when she felt his fingers swipe across her cheeks to wipe away her tears.

"Aw, Sara," he soothed her. "Don't cry."

XXXXX

Sara spent most of the next two days sleeping. She was feeling discouraged as her pneumonia worsened and it became harder to breathe as the hours past. Grissom spent most of the time at her side or curled up in bed with her and it made her feel safe and warm. She hadn't heard from Mandy at all and when she asked her husband about it he shook his head and told her that he was hoping that she would have visited more often. Sara told him about the events from a couple of days prior and Grissom offered her a guilty look and reluctantly explained that he had asked Mandy to discourage her from staying that night in the maternity ward. Sara had felt betrayed at his revelation and angry that he hadn't said anything sooner, and she hadn't kept her feelings a secret either.

But like always, he apologized and she forgave him. Not because she was weak or easily manipulated, she didn't like to think. But rather because she didn't know what would happen and she didn't want to waste any time for fighting and she didn't want to waste any more time feeling guilty.

They needed to enjoy each other and love one another now, more than ever.

It was a couple of weeks before Christmas when Sara heard the door to her room swing closed and the distinct sound of someone juggling a number of things.

"Griss?" She asked, knowing her voice sounded weak and breathless, she hated that. A cough made her sputter and she winced at the pain in her chest.

"It's me, honey," he appeared around the corner. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," she whispered, trying to catch her breath.

He placed several bags with wrapped packages next to the wall then sauntered over to her, holding a canvas bag, his mouth twisted into small smile.

Slowly Sara placed the bowl of jello she had been inspecting down on the table and raised her eyebrows. "What are you hiding?" She asked, glancing down at the bag which he had placed on her lap.

Leaning down Grissom pressed a kiss to one of the dimples that had appeared in her cheeks when she grinned. "Open it. I promise you'll like it."

Curiously, Sara unzipped the bag and peered inside. When she couldn't see anything she bit her lip and unzipped the rest of the bag. "Griss, what the-" she jumped back and gasped. The sudden intake of air launched her into another coughing fit and she began to curl up to ease the pain in her stomach and chest.

The bag began to teeter off the bed and Grissom steadied it quickly then rubbed her back as they waited for her to stop. "You alright?" He asked, handing her a glass of water, to which she shook her head.

"Sorry about that," she croaked. "Surprised me is all."

Grissom nodded and patted her back again before lifting an orange kitten out of the bag onto the bed.

"Jenny," Sara smiled. "Hi," weakly, she lifted her arms and reached for the kitten.

Instead of passing her over, Grissom placed the kitten on Sara's lap and held her in place until Sara could wrap her hands around her.

"Thank you," Sara whispered, petting the kitten. She focused her attention on Jenny for a little bit before looking up at Grissom. "Do you think you could do me a favour?" She asked.

"What do you need?"

"The nurse said she would come back," Sara explained.

"What do you need, honey?"

Sara nodded to her bowl of Jello. "No spoon."

"I'll be right back," he pressed a kiss to the spot above her ear again and headed out into the hallway. When he returned, spoon in hand, he found Sara stroking and talking to Jenny lovingly. He stood in the doorway for a few minutes and watched her interact with the kitten who was growing bigger everyday. One of the things that he loved most about his wife was how caring and gentle she was with those less vulnerable.

He cleared his throat to let her know he was there and she stopped chattering to the kitten right away and offered him a sheepish smile when he handed her the spoon. "Thanks," she mumbled and moved over to make space for him on the bed.

Once he was settled beside her he gathered her into his arms easily. She seemed to be smaller every time he held her and that scared him deeply. It felt like she was fading away before him and he wasn't sure if she would ever come back. The light in her eyes had dimmed since being admitted to the hospital and he didn't know how to bring it back.

He thought that asking Mandy to visit Sara would in some way lighten her spirit but it had only served to upset her when Henry showed up, less than pleased to find that his wife had disregarded her doctor's orders.

Gil had thought hard about Sara's comment about being alone in the hospital and though it had caused him a tremendous amount of guilt, he hadn't mentioned anything to her. Instead he decided that he would change his behaviour and make sure that he was present as often as possible. This was difficult with the last days of the semester at school approaching but he had managed to rearrange the curriculum so that his students were engaging in more self directed learning. They seemed to be doing fine with the labs and in fact, he found that they were more engaged in class because of the activities. The only challenge had been trying to find someone to supervise them, but after hearing about his situation many of his colleagues were generous and offered him their preparation blocks.

Now, burying his face in Sara's curls, he wondered sadly why he hadn't worked harder to make alternative arrangements sooner so that he could have been there for Sara all along.

"I love you, Sara. More than anything else in this whole world," he whispered as he watched Jenny curl up between Sara's ankles.

Her head jerked up so that her face was just inches from his. She offered him a sweet smile then leaned up to give him a kiss that tasted sweet with jello.

XXXXX

"So," Henry ventured, looking over at Mandy. The couple were currently sprawled out in bed amongst freshly laundered baby clothes and blankets. James had received enough clothes from family and friends over the last month to last him for the rest of his life, if he never grew beyond six-months-old. "I was thinking," he continued, inspecting a tiny sock. "That after breakfast we could take a trip over to the hospital so you can visit with Sara for a bit."

Mandy looked up from the tiny sleeper that she was trying to figure out how to snap together.

When she didn't say anything, he wondered if he had pissed her off. "Yes… no?" He asked, unsure.

"Come here," she whispered, giving up on the tiny outfit and tossing it to the side.

Giving her a confused look he crawled across the bed and kneeled beside her. "Hm?" He asked, wondering what she was going to do.

Suddenly she reached forward, startling him, and grabbed the front of his shirt. Tugging him forward she kissed him.

He smiled, "So that's a yes then."

"You know," she whispered, releasing him and smoothing his shirt, "you really are the best husband I could ever ask for."

"I know," he smirked and ducked a tiny hat. Rolling off the bed he got to his feet. "I'll get dressed."

"Oh! Wear that sweater I knitted for you," she suggested, untucking her leg from under her and getting to her feet.

"Okay," he agreed, hesitating before opening his drawer and lifting it out. He eyed the knitted pattern that looked like tiny trees all over it. Hiding his horror at the thought of wearing it in public, he pulled it over his head. When he finally resurfaced through the neck hole he found her face burning red.

"I guess it doesn't look too bad," she observed shyly.

Swallowing his pride he plastered on a grin. "It's perfect. Thank you," crossing the room, he pressed a kiss to her cheek and gave her belly a quick rub before heading for the door. "I'll get started on breakfast, see you down there."

It took a couple of hours for them to get there things together and arrive at the hospital. Mandy was moving much slower these days and Henry adored watching and helping her. He felt pride swell in his chest whenever he could offer her assistance and he loved seeing her heavy with their baby. Jamie would be the perfect Christmas gift for both of them.

When they arrived on Sara's floor the couple reached a fork and headed in different directions. "Uh, Henry…" Mandy called him, turning around to find they had separated. "Sara's room is this way."

He shook his head. "Greg texted me this morning. She was moved to another room yesterday morning. She's in the ICU," he explained, taking a few steps towards her and sliding his hand around her elbow. "This way."

"What's wrong?" She asked him, concern flooding over her face and into her eyes. "Hen?"

"I'm sure she's fine. She was just having a hard time breathing so they put her in some room with a special filter, or something," gently, he tugged on her arm to encourage her to go with him. "Come on."

Together, the couple followed the directions that Greg had sent to Henry. When they arrived in the specified unit they both signed in and washed their hands. Because Mandy would be the only one entering the room, she was required to wear a mask. Henry waited for her in the waiting room and she continued through a hall that smelled heavily of disinfectant. The rooms on both sides of her featured large windows in the hall which meant very little privacy for the patients occupying them. Sara's room was one of the last ones and Mandy had to sanitize her hands again before being show inside.

The room definitely smelled different from the rest of the hospital.

The room was smaller than Sara's original hospital room and much more sparsely furnished. The window outside had a table pressed against it and there were several bouquets of flowers and stuffed animals of various kinds displayed on it. Mandy also spotted the scarf she had knitted for Sara draped over a gift bag that was stuffed with boxes of chocolate.

"Hey," she greeted the patient kindly once she was in the room. Crossing over to the bed she stood beside it and checked Sara over.

Her friend had paled to the point that she was almost the same colour as her stark white sheets and she had a full oxygen mask over her face.

"Hi," Sara greeted her. Upon seeing her visitor she pressed the button on her bed to move it into an upright position. Sara's chest sounded like coffee percolating and she had developed a wheeze that whistled through her lungs every time she took a shallow breath. "Look at you," she whispered, nodding to Mandy's belly. "You get bigger every time I see you."

"If you were anyone else I'd sock you," Mandy huffed playfully. "Yeah, we're both ready for him to get out of there."

Sara smiled and nodded. "Not too much longer." She looked over when the door opened again and Mandy turned around to see a young male nurse in pink scrubs carrying a lunch tray. "Thanks, George," she murmured, eyeing the tray skeptically. "I'm hoping that isn't the fish again…"

"Your lucky day," the nurse laughed. "Veggie dogs and macaroni and cheese; and if you're very lucky they will be completely dried out and overcooked again."

Sara snorted and coughed, fogging up her mask which George was in the process of removing. "Leno tonight?" She asked as he replaced the mask with an oxygen line that he adjusted under her nose and around her ears.

"Of course," the young nurse confirmed, checking Sara's vitals. "Just make sure you have the monopoly board set up for when I get here this time. I'm not waiting around again."

"No fair," Sara mock pouted for a second before her face twisted into a devilish grin. "Let's play poker."

"Naw," George picked up her chart and clicked his pen before beginning to write. "I need my pay cheque to pay my bills this week."

"How about clue?" Mandy piped in, offering Sara a wink.

"Can't hold the pieces," Sara shrugged. "Snakes and ladders?"

"Yeah, she's a total klutz," George teased. "She'll knock the board over."

Sara laughed. "That's why we don't play Jenga."

"See you in a bit, Sara," George told her, clipping her chart back to the bottom of her bed. "Nice meeting you," he told Mandy before ducking out of the room.

"He's nice," Mandy commented, taking a seat next to Sara's bed.

Sara nodded as she weakly lifted the lid off of her lunch tray and set it to the side. She scrunched her nose at the sight of her lunch but picked up her fork anyway. "Good thing I can't really taste anything," she reasoned, stabbing a piece of pasta.

"They gave you a chemo treatment?" Mandy asked curiously.

Sara shook her head. "No, can't do that until my fever breaks and my blood cell count balances," she explained. "But they gave me this fantastic gel stuff to put on my ulcers. Makes my whole mouth numb."

"That's good."

Sighing, Sara took a couple more bites then pushed her meal away. It wasn't that she wasn't hungry, but more sore and tired. She liked it when Grissom was there to help her eat. It made her feel weak and embarrassed but at least she was getting something into her system.

"I saw your display," Mandy looked over her shoulder briefly to indicate the table in the hall.

Sara swallowed heavily, her chest shuddering. "Grissom did it."

"He's a good guy."

"Yeah," Sara agreed, draping her arm over her stomach. "He loves me." Closing her eyes she rested them for a few moments. "Life's really beautiful, Mandy… I think that…. We sort of forget that in our field. Which is strange, you know? Because… we see it cut short so often, and you would think that would be a wakeup call…"

Mandy made a sound in her throat to acknowledge Sara's words, though she had none of her own.

"Don't waste it," Sara continued. "Not a single second of it. On anger, or hatred… Everything is just fine, it's right. All the time. Sometimes we just…" she stopped to catch her breath. "Sometimes we just can't see it. But, if we could just remember that no matter what, someone is out there, waiting to love us. And they're waiting for us to love them."

Sara cleared her throat and opened her eyes to look up at Mandy. "I spent most of my life not knowing that. But I found it."

"You'll have to tell Jamie that, when he's older," Mandy whispered, picking up the glass off Sara's tray and offering her a drink.

Sara accepted it gratefully. "I really wanted a baby, with Gil. So that we could show them that. I wanted to bring someone into this world that would never have to wonder how much they are loved." Sara looked down at her hands, wondering why she was sharing this with Mandy. But she couldn't seem to stop herself. "Gil and I talked about it. Starting a family. That was before I got sick."

"Sara Grissom," Mandy stated firmly. "It will happen for you. You have to believe that."

"I thought I was pregnant," Sara continued. "I never said it aloud, but, I was dizzy, nauseous, I missed a couple of periods." She shrugged. "I was wrong."

"You can have that experience still. You will," Mandy insisted, squeezing Sara's hand.

Sara shrugged again. "The doctor's said that after the surgeries and the chemo my chances of being able to conceive will be minimal. I'm not going to get my hopes up."

"Since when are you the type who gives up without trying?" Mandy shook her head. "Sara you're going to win this fight and in 15 years you're going to be fighting with an indignant teenager."

Offering a weak smile, Sara shrugged. She was about to respond but was cut off by the sound of knuckles rapping on the window. Both women looked over to find Greg waving. "He can't come in," Sara explained to Mandy. "He has a cold… apparently he could be deadly to me." They watched as the ex lab tech turned CSI pulled out his phone and pressed a button before placing the small device to his ear.

Sara's phone began to vibrate on the table and she picked it up. "I don't think we are supposed to use these in here."

"I'll be quick. Just wanted to drop of one of mom's care packages complete with slippers and another blanket." He held up the bag. "I'll give them to the nurses for sterilizing so they don't kill you."

Sara nodded in appreciation. "That would be nice. Thanks Greg. And pass along my appreciation to your mom."

"No problem," he offered her a grin, complete with perfectly straight and whitened teeth. "I'll be back tonight to stare at you some more like a cat to a fish in a bowl."

"Are you saying you want to eat me, Greg?" She teased, holding back a cough. "What would my husband think."

The young man's face turned an impressive shade of red before he mumbled a goodbye and shuffled out of sight.

"Well, you're just surrounded by good guys," Mandy smiled, turning back to face Sara.


	37. Chapter 37

December 08, 2012

I want to thank those of you who have been reviewing so so so much. I am going to be getting to the point where I am going to have to start writing new content for this story so your encouragement is invaluable.

Thanks.

* * *

By Christmas Eve Sara's condition had significantly improved and everyone felt as though they could breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy the Christmas season. The time that she had spent in the hepa filter room had given her the opportunity to get the upper hand on the pneumonia and build up her strength enough to be moved to another room and resume her chemo treatment. Her doctors had decided to move her treatment day up to Christmas Eve so that they could take advantage of her stabilized health.

With school over Grissom had been able to visit her more often and he spent more time at the hospital with her than he did anywhere else. Because of the support of their friends they hadn't had to worry about the house or animals. There was always someone willing to take care of things.

Now, with Sara having completed her treatment a couple of hours prior, they sat wrapped up in one another on the bed while Sara traced the diamonds on Grissom's argyle sweater. He had dressed up a little bit to celebrate Sara's final round of chemo as much as he had for the holidays. Not to mention the news that he had received from Henry via text that he hadn't shared with Sara yet.

Looking down he smiled at his wife who had begun humming silent night, very softly, slowly she began to add the occasional word to her rendition of the song. Reaching across him she picked up a Christmas cookie from the tin that Catherine and Lindsay had dropped off that morning. The particular cookie in her hand was formed into the shape of a tree, complete with tiny green and red sprinkles.

Grissom had a vague memory of Lindsay, at around aged 4, bringing cookies exactly like that to the lab one year. Catherine had told him exasperatedly that the little girl had insisted that Uncle Grissom would be sad at work if they didn't bring him any cookies. He smiled at the memory and wondered if it was a Christmas tradition for the pair to partake in baking the sweet treats. He felt happy at the image of mother and daughter sharing such a happy moment together, and wondered how many times over the years he had ruined it by scheduling Catherine to work. Because, what could possibly be more important than the lab. Looking down at his wife, he finally got it, and made a mental note to apologize to Catherine.

"What are you thinking about up there?" Sara asked, shifting a little then snuggling closer to him.

"Christmas cookies," he answered, picking up one from the tin and running a finger over the smooth edge of a Christmas ornament.

"11:58p.m.," Sara spoke up, looking at the clock on the wall. "Almost Christmas."

Nodding a little bit, he removed the cookie from her hand and placed it back in the tin. Snuggling her closer, he gently took her by the chin and guided her face up for a kiss. When they finally pulled away it was officially Christmas Day. "Merry Christmas, Mrs. Grissom," He whispered, his mouth a mere hairs width away from touching hers.

"Merry Christmas, Grissom," she leaned in to kiss him again. Offering him a small smile she nodded across the room. "Your present is in the cupboard. I picked it out of a catalogue. Catherine picked it up and wrapped it. She did a really nice job." Slowly, she moved off him to let him get up and retrieve her gift. When he returned, he had two wrapped gifts in hand.

Once he was settled on the bed again she looked at him expectantly. "You first," she told him.

"Okay," carefully he inspected the wrapping paper before picking a spot and sliding his thumb under it. Carefully he peeled the paper back meticulously, being sure not to tear it. Sara made an impatient noise and so he sped up a little by not taking the time to fold the paper neatly once it was removed, as he normally would have done. He inspected the black box which was roughly the size of his hand, but much thinner. Raising his eyebrows, he lifted the lid off to reveal an intricately carved pocket watch. Inspecting it further he turned the box into the overhead light and found that the engraving was a butterfly, raised and spread wide to reveal a delicate, perfectly symmetrical pattern.

Sara shifted uncomfortably and began to stutter. "I know it's not much… there was limited choice," she explained, her voice shy and unsure. "It was a small catalogue… I will get you a real gift when I get out of here. I-"

He cut her off by pressing a kiss to her mouth. "It's perfect. It's like having you in my pocket," he whispered. "Thank you."

His wife relaxed into his side a little bit.

"Now you," he offered her gift.

Accepting the gift she tore the paper back. "What is it?" She asked, inspecting the black hardcover book. Turning it over in her hands she inspected the spine that had clearly at some point had text printed in gold on it but it was now faded away. Carefully she cracked the cover and peered inside. The first page was blotted with age and the paper felt fragile in her fingers. "The Whale," she read aloud, "By Herman Melville… 1851…Griss is this…"

"First Edition," he nodded, pushing her hair back from her forehead. "I saw it and… I thought of you."

Sara offered her a smile before turning her attention back to her gift. Very carefully she turned the pages as memories from her childhood rushed back to her. She had loved the tale of Moby Dick as a child. She couldn't even count how many times she had taken it out of the library and hidden away with it in her closet or in the backyard behind the shed. Sara paused on one page and began to read, "_…Because truly to enjoy bodily warmth, some small part of you must be cold, for there is no quality in this world…"_

"… _that is not what it is, merely by contrast. Nothing exists in itself." _Grissom finished, his eyes looking directly into hers.

"Thank you Grissom," She whispered, a yawn escaping her. Dropping her head back down she buried it in his chest.

Carefully Grissom placed the wrapping paper and gifts on the table beside the bed. If she fell asleep now, maybe she would sleep through the effects of the chemo. Pulling the blanket up over her shoulders he pressed a kiss to the crown of her head and turned out the light. "Merry Christmas, honey."

XXXXX

Sara slept deeply and late into the next day, skipping breakfast and her doctor's morning rounds. Grissom spent the time watching her sleep and enjoying being close to her. He could feel that things would get better from here. They simply had to. He hadn't associated himself with any kind of religion for many years, but today he believed in miracles, no matter where they were coming from.

He looked over at the time when he heard someone coming into the room. It was too early for lunch and though he didn't doubt that the team would stop in, he didn't think it would be until this evening while they were on their way to Catherine's for her annual Christmas party.

He was a little bit surprised to find Mandy being pushed into the room in a wheelchair by Henry, the newest addition to their family cradled in her arms. He knew that Mandy had gone into labour the night before but he wasn't expecting them to visit so soon.

"Congratulations," Grissom smiled, holding Sara closer.

Both parents' tired faces lit up with proud grins. "Thanks," Mandy answered when Henry parked her wheelchair beside the bed. "Merry Christmas. How is she?"

"Good, tired, I think. She slept through the night and all morning," Grissom informed the couple. "She had her last chemo treatment yesterday so she's probably in for a rough day. But," he nodded to the baby. "He'll help…" Looking back down at his wife he was torn about whether he should wake or not. Eventually he decided that she would be happy to meet James, and so he rubbed her cheek gently. "Sara, honey, you have some visitors," he informed her.

Scrunching up her nose Sara groaned and turned her face into Grissom's chest. "I had a dream that I was getting a treatment… on the EiffelTower…"

Grissom smiled. "Would you like to go to Paris? We could do that."

"Yeah," she breathed, snuggling closer to him for warmth. "But not for chemo." Sara stretched out a little then entwined their feet under the blankets. Her body began to relax into the more comfortable position and she began to drift back to sleep.

"Sara, Mandy wants you to meet someone," Gil told her, rubbing her back to wake her up a little.

"Hmm?" she asked, opening her eyes, but clearly still exhausted.

Gil wondered if he had made the right decision in waking her because she seemed so weak. He decided that they would need to keep the visit short so that she would be able to get back to sleep and build some strength. The doctor had arranged for her to have a biopsy the next day to check for remaining cancer cells. Motioning to Mandy, he encouraged her to come closer to the bed.

The other woman passed the baby to her husband while she got to her feet, then accepted him back into her arms and approached the side of the bed. For the first time, Grissom got to peer at the infant, wrapped in a blue blanket. Gil didn't have much experience with newborns, and when he had in the past it had mostly been under tragic circumstances: a suspicious case of SIDS, postpartum depression, or a kidnapping case. He hadn't realized how strange newborns looked until this moment.

"Jamie?" Sara asked, her voice cracking.

Reaching over to the bedside, Grissom picked up the gelpack that the nurses and taken to leaving for them, and pressed it against the small of his wife's back. He knew that the cooling sensation would help with any nausea she was feeling.

"It's him," Mandy responded, turning the baby in her arms so that Sara could see.

Sara craned her neck a little then dropped it back onto her husbands shoulder, feeling a little bit woozy.

"Here," Mandy said quietly as she leaned over the bed.

Grissom was surprised when she laid the baby on his chest at eyelevel with Sara. It felt unnatural to have an infant laying on him and he wasn't sure what to do, but, when James shifted his tiny leg, Gil's arm quickly moved to hold him in place. He swallowed, watching as Sara gently reached up and touched the baby's hand. A small smile crept across her face. "Hi Jamie. Merry Christmas, and… birthday?"

Henry piped in. "December 25th, 4:32a.m." The tech looked over at his wife proudly, as though the couple were sharing a secret that was theirs alone.

"His middle name should be Christopher then," Sara whispered, shifting against Gil.

Grissom wondered if she was in pain, but didn't say anything. She didn't want to ruin the moment. Instead, he adjusted his hand to rest it on the baby's back more comfortably and securely.

Mandy glanced at Henry then back to Sara. "You think so? He doesn't have a middle name yet." She looked back over at her husband, asking him silently.

"James Christopher Andrews," Henry said aloud thoughtfully. "He's a triple first namer… I like it," he nodded.

Nodding sleepily Sara shifted again and Grissom noted the beads of sweat that were breaking out on her temples and upper lip. He released James slowly as his mother lifted him back up, looking a little bit nervous herself. "Thanks Mandy. I'm sure that meant a lot to her."

Mandy nodded in response.

"Maybe you can visit again later?" Sara asked, her arm siding across Grissom's stomach and wrapping around him.

"I'd really like that Sara." Crossing the room, Mandy passed the baby over to her husband then sat back down.

Once the family had gone, Grissom turned his full attention back to Sara. "How are you feeling, honey?"

"My throat hurts. Can I get some water?" She asked, turning over so her back was pressed against him. "It's too hot."

Gil quickly climbed off the bed to relieve her of his body heat and pulled the blanket off her, leaving the sheet to keep her covered. Picking up the water bottle he helped her drink and set it to the side again. Once she seemed a bit more comfortable he tucked her in again and sat down beside her bed, using one hand to stroke her forehead.

"So what did you think of that baby?" Sara asked him, blinking sleepily.

"Uh, he's small… and, looks like them," Grissom told her awkwardly, not really sure what one could say about a baby. They didn't do much of anything.

"He's pretty cute," Sara whispered, playing with the hem on his sleeve. "Don't you think?"

Gil nodded faithfully before leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. Her eyes fluttered closed and she lay there unmoving for a few minutes. He thought she had fallen asleep, until she opened her eyes again looking much better than she had just moments before.

"So… I am assuming Catherine invited you over for Christmas dinner," she finally said, tilting her head to look at him.

"I told her thanks, but I want to spend Christmas with my wife," Gil explained, pressing a kiss to the freckles on her nose.

"You did…" Sara agreed, having already spoken to Catherine about it. "But… I want you to have a real meal, Gil. A real Christmas."

"Sara… I don't have to have good to have a real Christmas. A real Christmas means spending time with the person you love."

She smiled a little bit. "Thank you. And that is very sweet. But you should still go," she encouraged.

Gil should his head, "I don't want you to be alone."

"I don't mind, it's just one night," Sara continued. "Besides, I do expect you to come back after dinner."

Sighing, Gil rubbed his eyes and nodded. "Okay, but dinner. And that's it… anything you want me to bring back?"

Sara considered his question for a moment before nodding. "Red wine and chocolate mousse." Her smile broadened. "If Greg hasn't consumed both by the time you get there."

By the time Grissom left that evening, Sara was sleeping soundly and had been doing so for a few hours. He was sure to set up her bedside table with everything she might need while he was away. On his way out he kissed her gently and turned off her overhead light, so the nurses would know not to disturb her.

Sara woke to a perfect view of the night sky. She remembered back to her childhood, the way the sky would look at night, so deep that it appeared 3D, and packed full of stars. Now, in the city, there were only a few scattered across its expanse, the rest hidden by light pollution.

Slowly, she moved her bed into an inclined position and looked around her room, still feeling a little bit disoriented from having slept the entire day away. Gil had carefully arranged her bedside table with all of her essentials, including several puke dishes. Luckily, she wasn't feeling so bad right now and might not need them. On the other side of the bed she found another table with several gifts piled on it. Squinting, she tried to remember if that had been there earlier when she had been woken up to meet Mandy's new baby. She couldn't remember seeing it, and so, she deduced that she had probably had some visitors throughout the day. She felt a little bit disappointed that she hadn't had a chance to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.

She thought about what they might be doing now. Most likely everyone in the lab who had the night off and who didn't have family had found their way over to Catherine's house.

She always did a beautiful job decorating and finding the right music and food to set the perfect ambiance. No doubt she would be the center of the party, dressed to the nines and, glancing at the time, flushed from wine, and, if Jim had his way, something harder.

Jim had probably already goaded everyone into a competition of some kind. Maybe cards or a drinking game. The gruff old detective had a way of bringing fun to any party after a few shots of whiskey.

Sara wondered what she would be doing if she was there. Probably winning at whatever game Brass had proposed while making eyes with Grissom, who would be sitting across the room keeping to himself while surrounded by a crowd of their friends. She could see his face now, silently glancing towards the door, telling her he wanted to take her home.

She looked around the room now and felt lonely in the silence and muted pastel colours.

Shrugging, Sara looked over at the gifts piled up on the table. Leaning forward, she pulled it towards her and picked up the closest package. She looked at the tag and found that it was from Catherine and Lindsay. Opening it up, Sara found several bottles of unscented creams and body gels. Enclosed in the card Catherine had included a gift certificate for a trip to the spa. Sara shook her head; it was a very thoughtful gift, but too much. She felt uncomfortable accepting it and decided to think about what she should do later. Maybe offer to take Catherine with her or something.

By the time Sara was finished opening she was stunned at how much her friends had spoiled her. Greg had given her an ipod, already loaded with her favourite music and some suggestions, as he stated in his card. And Warrick had purchased a two night stay package at the Venetian, probably after talking to Catherine. From Jim she received an antique picture frame that would be beautiful in the livingroom and several of the books that she had placed on her Amazon wish list. She was surprised that he even knew how to use the website, never mind that he had thought to look.

She hoped that the gifts that Gil had picked up for their friends were as thoughtful and generous.

Getting out of bed she carefully made her way around to the other side of the room, using the table to support herself. She opened up the cupboard and placed her gifts inside the bag that was hanging on one of the hooks so that Gil would be able to take them home easily.

She was just climbing back into bed after a quick bathroom break when she felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up. Turning around, she found Nick standing in her doorway, watching her.

"Merry Christmas," she announced, offering him a smile.

"Merry Christmas, sugar," he grinned, coming into her room and helping her back into bed before drawing the covers up over her. Once she was settled he pecked her on the cheek and took a seat on the side of the bed beside her.

"You're not at Catherine's," Sara looked him over. "Working, then… that sucks."

"Not really," Nick told her, lifting a small box out of his pocket. "It means I get to see you." Picking up her hand, he turned it over and placed the wrapped gift in her hand.

"Slow night?" she asked, turning the box over in her hands, inspecting it curiously.

"Very, maybe people are finally in the Christmas spirit," Nick shrugged, nodding to a plastic bag on the ex-gift table. "Ma's pie. Apple, I do believe, just for you." Reaching over, he lifted a container out and opened it to show her an individual pie that was about the size of her palm. "She said I didn't need to be gettin' my grubby hands all over your portion while I was cuttin' you a piece. So there it is." Sealing the container again, he placed it on the table, still within reach.

"Thank you," Sara whispered, still holding the wrapped gift. "How much shit did you catch for not making it home?"

Nick shook his head negatively. "None at all. She understood my reasons and, well, there's always next year."

"Still, I'm surprised… I didn't think she had forgiven me for that eggplant casserole… your father either," she chuckled a little, and Nick joined in.

"Well, Mom believes a man needs his meat, and daddy believes that too, but… she didn't hesitate to ask you the recipe, did she?" He leaned in, raising his eyebrows.

"Over my dead body," Sara snorted. "But… maybe she won't have to wait so long after all…"

"Sara…" Nick warned.

Turning her face away, Sara looked out the window.

"What have I told you about thinking like that…" he asked her softly, rubbing her knee. "You're not allowed to go anywhere. You're the heart of our team."

"I'm not part of the team anymore," Sara stated obviously, shrugging.

"Of course you are. Just because you don't work at the lab anymore doesn't mean that you don't still mean a heck of a lot of us. Our team wasn't ever just a group of folks who work together. We're friends and we're there for each other." Nick took the gift from her hand and placed it to the side and took her chin, guiding her up to look at him. "That's our team, and you're the heart."

"You're just saying that," Sara mumbled, sliding down in her bed.

"No way, I mean every damn word," reaching out he caught a tear that had fallen down her cheek.

Pursing her lips, Sara cleared her throat and changed the subject. "I met Mandy's baby."

"Really?"

"You haven't?" Sara asked, surprised that he hadn't stopped off on the maternity floor first. When he shook his head she added. "You should go upstairs then."

"I will in a bit," Nick assured her, taking her hand in his. "After you open up that gift there."

Sara looked down at the small box in her hands and nodded. "What's it like outside?" She asked, slowly tearing off the paper.

"Warm," Nick smiled. "Typical Vegas…"

Sara nodded and opened the small jewelry box. Inside she found a silver bracelet with a small tag on it. With her brows knitted curiously, she lifted it and read the take. "SPCA?" she asked, looked up at him.

"Yeah… well, I didn't know what to give you. And then I realized that you probably didn't get around to making your yearly donation to the SPCA so…" he shrugged nervously. "I took care of it. They gave you that as a thank you gift."

Sara's face lit up and she leaned forward and gave him a hug. "Thank you. I love it."

Nick's arms found their way around her back too and he pecked her on the cheek again. "Merry Christmas, Sara."

Pulling back, he took the box from her hand and removed the bracelet. Carefully he clasped it around her wrist and sat back to admire it. He was distracted when his phone began to ring in his pocket. Quickly, Nick fished it out and read the text. "I gotta run, Sar. Merry Christmas, though." Getting to his feet, he gave her another hug. "Eat that pie up, alright?"

Sara nodded and waved. "Merry Christmas, have a safe night. And thank you."

She watched as he ducked out of the room.


	38. Chapter 38

December 09, 2012

**I do have a new Posting Policy in place that I encourage you all to look at. This story is exempt until I start posting new content. I just wanted to make sure that you are all aware. I will let you know when it goes into effect. **

* * *

When Mandy came into her room not much later, Sara's back was to the door.

Sara could hear the baby cooing and she glanced in the window to see Mandy's reflection and quickly wiped the tears off her cheeks. "Hey," she greeted, not quite ready to turn around yet.

"Hey," Mandy greeted, moving a little bit closer to the bed.

"What do you want?" Sara asked softly. Though her words seemed harsh, they lacked any malice or ill intention. She was just simply tired out and not really in the mood for any visitors at the moment. It wasn't anything against Mandy in particular.

"What's wrong, Sara?" Mandy asked. Sara watched her shift the baby over her shoulder in the window reflection, then reach out to rub Sara's back.

Sara inched away slowly, not in the mood. She just wanted Gil to hurry up and get back. She was still happy that he had gone for dinner and to have some time with his friends, but she was ready to curl up in bed with him and sleep. To Mandy, she muttered, "Nothing."

"… do you want to see James?" Mandy asked softly.

Shaking her head, Sara turned her face into her pillow. She heard Mandy take a seat in the chair beside her bed.

"Do you want me to take him away?"

"No," Sara whispered into her pillow. Glancing up at her friend she found her wearing a very confused expression.

"When are you being discharged?" Sara asked, sitting up a little bit.

"Tomorrow morning…"

"Henry here?"

Mandy nodded. "Yeah, he hasn't left my side since I went into labour. Went through the whole with me. He was great…"

Sara nodded. "Oh, Merry Christmas."

"You too…" Mandy still looked a little bit confused but seemed to have relaxed a little bit.

"I got you gift… well, Gil did. They're in the cupboard. Gil already wrapped them before I got to see them, but… if he's as smart as I think he is I'm sure you'll be able to tell the difference between yours and James'."

"I have yours at home. I'll drop by with it in a couple of day," Mandy offered, tilting her head and inspecting Sara. She looked down when James started fussing, his mouth latching onto her shoulder. "Oh… he's probably hungry, do you mind if I feed him here?"

Sara shook her head, watching them out of the corner of her eye.

Mandy opened James' blanket and draped it over her shoulder modestly and moved the baby into position. After a few moments she looked up at Sara. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Sara shook her head. She couldn't explain it even if she wanted to. Laying back into her pillows she closed to eyes, the sound of James eating filling the room.

"I'm going to go," Mandy whispered, getting up from her seat. Without saying anything she scribbled on the pad next to Sara's bed. "That's my room and phone number. Please call me if you need anything."

Sara nodded, looking out the window, for the first time in weeks, realizing how much she missed fresh air and being outside. "Don't forget your gifts," she whispered, offering her friend a small smile.

XXXX

Gil arrived at the hospital to find his wife's hospital room empty. When he asked the nurses where he could find her they shook their heads baffled. Apparently, as he had been informed, there had recently been a shift change and no one had noticed Sara slip out. Nervously, he texted her phone, and waited for her to reply. He wondered if she was upset about how long he had taken at the party. Truthfully, he had wanted to leave much earlier, but everyone had insisted that he stay until after dessert, which kept getting postponed because everyone was still stuffed from dinner.

Eventually, Gil had become fed up with waiting and had slipped out without anyone noticing. He had arrived back at the hospital by 8p.m.

After waiting for a few minutes in her room he started to get worried and decided to search for his wife.

He found her outside sitting on a bench, dressed in her robe and slippers. As he approached her, he removed his coat and draped it around her before taking a seat beside her.

"Did you know people get married here?" She asked, looking straight ahead at an archway.

Grissom could easily see how the area could be arranged for a wedding ceremony.

"Who the hell would get married at the hospital?" She asked, finally looking over at him, as though she was truly expecting an answer.

Grissom considered her question then shrugged. "Hospitals do have some of the most beautiful grounds," he considered aloud.

"What comes next?" Sara's voice was dull and flat. "Head over to the cemetery for your reception? Group photos in the morgue?" She moistened her upper lip thoughtfully. "Or is that the other way around? The morgue has more table space for a buffet, I guess." She let out a low chuckle and dropped her eyes to look at her slipper clad feet.

Grissom hoped that she at least had socks on. "I guess not everyone associates hospitals with being a bad thing…" he shrugged. "What's going on, Sara. Talk to me."

She shrugged her thin shoulders. "I guess I feel like someone who would have my reception in a morgue. Like… I some kind of a freak who doesn't belong anywhere…" she took a deep breath of fresh air. "I don't have place anymore, except in some doctor's beginning and end of shift rounds."

"You belong in this world, Sara." Gil watched her profile. "As a wife, a friend, a mom one day. You're an amazing person."

A laugh lodged itself in her throat. "And which of the those doesn't belong."

"Sara, we're going to have a family one day… If I had known Mandy visiting this morning with James would have upset you so much I wouldn't have…. I'm sorry." He caught Sara's hand to stop her from walking away when she suddenly got to her feet. "Sit down, please," he requested, threading his fingers through hers.

"I was on a mission," Sara told him, looking down into his eyes.

"To…?"

"I read in the hospital bulletin that some UNLV applied biology students are experimenting with roses that can thrive in low temperatures. They planted some in the gardens here… I was going to check them out," she explained, releasing his hands to slide her arms through his jacket. "I saw a picture. They look the same as regular roses, in the summer, just… with better lighting."

"Okay," Gil agreed. "We'll go find them. After," he paused. "You say what you need to say."

Sighing, Sara looked at the bench beside him.

"Sara," getting to his feet, Gil tilted her face up to meet her eyes, "you never give up. It's not in your nature. That's one of the things I love best about you. How… you just keep going, no matter what. And we made vows to each other, in sickness and in health, and I know that I haven't done the best job of that but we'll work this out. Okay?"

Sara sighed and stepped into his arms. Resting her chin on his shoulder she looked at the archway again. "Yeah, Gil," she whispered, turning her head to lay her cheek against him. "We didn't use those vows. We wrote our own… remember?"

"It's implied," he stated, determination in his voice.

"So was the rest of it… 'til death do us part…'".

Gil nodded. "Yeah, in about, 30 to 40 years," he told her, running his fingers up and down the length of his back. "Why do you think you're going to die?"

"I don't."

Grissom pulled back, surprised by her answer. "Then why do you keep saying it?" He watched as she wrapped her arms around herself and shrugged.

"If I joked about dying before I got sick no one would have batted an eye. And if they did, it was because they were joining in. And now, everyone wants to walk on glass around me and ignore the fact that I am going to die one day. Maybe not…" she tilted her head from side to side in consideration, "probably not from this, but one day, I will. I can't stand people treating me different, Grissom. I spent most of my life being treated differently, like some tragedy. And I keep hoping that if I keep saying it," she paused for a breath. "Maybe one of these times people aren't me around going to get uptight and start stammering something about kids and the future and thinking positively."

He opened his mouth to reply but she cut him off.

"I'm not the one who is different, Gil. Everyone else is…"

"Why didn't you say anything?" Grissom asked, reaching out and resting his hand on her bicep.

Sara shook her head. "I don't know," she lifted a shoulder. "I guess I just didn't know what exactly was wrong until right now."

Speechless, her husband nodded his head.

Silence fell over the couple for several minutes and Sara looked at Gil with a perplexed look. "What are you thinking?" she asked.

He looked reluctant for a moment, but when she raised his eyebrows he swallowed and began to speak, "Sara," he sighed. "I've been meaning to apologize to you. I just can't seem to figure out how to say it."

"Well," Sara's mouth twisted into a small smile. "You are a master with the words of others…"

"Just not my own," he admitted.

"Just say it, before you make me nervous," Sara urged him.

"I want to apologize to you for the last several months. I…haven't been there for you as much as I should have been. Longer than that…"

"Griss…" Sara started to cut him off.

"Let me finish," he pressed a finger to her lip gently, shushing her. "I shouldn't have gone to Africa, I definitely should have talked to you about it even if I was thinking about it. I should have been there for every appointment and every treatment session."

"It's okay," Sara assured her, giving him a hug. "I forgive you."

"I want to change, Sara. Because it… I don't know what I would do if I lost you."

Sara nodded, kissing him softly. "We'll work together… and for the record, I'm not going anywhere."

"So…" she nodded behind him. "Can we go check out those roses then?"

"Let's go," taking her hand, he looked down at her feet again, but didn't express his concerns about her current attire. Together, they followed the path, neither of them knowing where they were going, but trusting that eventually they would find what they were looking for.

Suddenly, Sara paused at his side. Looking around, he realized that they had indeed come across the part of the garden they were looking for. He head Sara chuckle beside him.

"They do look the same," she whispered, here eyes sweeping over the path, to the sections that were arranged around it. She let go of his hand and stepped into the centre of the garden that was arranged into a cul-de-sac shape. Around the circle were several bricked planters that were staggered in height. Each of the planters had been labeled, according to the type of rose, as well as care instructions. "But they're amazing." She turned around to face him, and he admired the way the lights danced in her eyes.

Without saying anything, he waited for her to continue. "I mean, you would think that there isn't anything different about them, just from looking at them. But, if you knew what they are, and what they've been through, you would know that just to bloom they have had to try so much harder than typical roses." She shrugged, her cheeks blushing a little bit at having been caught rambling.

Walking towards her, he slipped his hand into hers. "I wonder if they smell the same."

Leaning into one of the closes bushes, Sara breathed in the scent of one of the roses. "Hmm," she said thoughtfully, sliding her arms around his neck and clasping them. "Know what they smell like?"

"What's that?" He asked skeptically, watching a dimple appear in her cheek as she grinned mischievously.

"Lame hospital weddings," she snorted at her own joke.

His heart leapt in his chest at the sound of her laughter and he pulled her closer, wanting to hold onto that moment forever.

In the afternoon, on December 26th, Sara was very happy to receive the news from her doctor that she would be able to go home, as long as she promised to take it easy and rest until her biopsy, which was scheduled for early in the New Year. Sara hadn't seen anyone else and she assumed that was probably because most of her friends were recovering from hangovers or sleeping after having worked all night.

Mandy, Henry, and James had stopped in briefly on their way home in the morning and Sara promised that they would get together as soon as possible. Most likely that would not be until James was old enough to go on outings and after Sara's biopsy. Sara had tried to apologize to Mandy for the day before, but her friend wouldn't hear of it, assuring Sara that it was already forgotten. Sara had even opted to hold James and wish him luck on his first car ride and few days at home.

Thinking about the memory, Sara smiled. She had thought that holding the baby would bring her nothing but sadness but as she felt the weight of him in her arms and pressed a kiss to his tiny warm forehead, she only felt awe and joy. He really was a beautiful baby, complete with Henry's big dark eyes and adorable ears. She found herself as she handed him back to his mother, looking forward to the next time she would get to see him.

By the time Gil helped her shower, dress, pack her things, and get into the car she was already feeling worn out and a little bit nauseated. They took their time driving home so that she wouldn't get motion sickness and when they arrived Sara felt odd. It had been so many weeks since she had been home that everything smelled strange and different to her.

Hank had greeted her excitedly at the door by jumping up on her and attempting to lick her face. Even Grissom had struggled to restrain the overzealous boxer. Now, curled up on the couch with Jenny on her lap and Hank curled up at her feet she watched her husband nervously pace about the room tidying things up and moving them around. "Gil," she whispered, reaching a hand out to him.

He set down the books he was currently re-shelving and made his way over to her to take her hand. "Come sit down with me," she smiled. "You're making me tired with all that fussing."

Giving his head a single nod, he slid into the couch behind her and helped her to settle comfortably between his knees, her upper body resting against his chest.

"What's got you so nervous?" She asked, twisted her neck so that she could look up at him.

Her husband shrugged and tightened his hold on her. "I just want this to be perfect."

"And what would make it perfect?" She questioned him with genuine curiosity. "For you?" Gil considered the question before answering. "Having you with me."

"Done then," Sara whispered, resting her head with her ear pressed against his chest. "Let's just enjoy the next few days. Everything else can wait."

Sara and Grissom spent the next several days enjoying one another and being home together. After the pneumonia he was reluctant to go out with her, but she insisted on it, claiming that she wanted to spend more time outside. And so they went on short walks in the park with Hank, or to the desert to record insect activity. Grissom would often go overboard with wrapping her up in blankets and blasting the heat in the car. Sara just rolled her eyes and reminded him they did live in Las Vegas, but didn't complain because it made him feel better,

On New Years Eve they attended a small get together at Nick's house. The evening had been quiet and low key which was nice for Sara who didn't have a great deal of energy. In fact, she hadn't even made it to midnight before falling asleep on the couch, curled up into her husband's side. She was woken at midnight by Gil, who gave her a New Year's kiss.

That night, Grissom had brought her home and they made love on the living room floor beneath the Christmas tree that Sara hadn't had much opportunity to enjoy until that moment. With the silver lights dancing on her pale skin she'd looked up at her husband moving over her and she'd known that no matter what came next, regardless of the biopsy results, she would live to do this again.


	39. Chapter 39

December 10, 2012

* * *

Grissom's hand was gripping hers tightly when she came to after her procedure. Looking over at him, she blinked to clear her eyes, which seemed foggy, making her feel strange and dizzy. Her mouth felt dry and her throat felt raw. It hurt to swallow. "Water?" She whispered, reaching for the control that would incline her bed.

Gil beat her to it and she heard the mechanics whirr as her head and upper body were raised until she found herself in a sitting position.

"There you go, honey." He picked up the cup from beside her bed and placed the bendable straw in her mouth. "Take it slowly," he cautioned, laying his hand over hers.

His eyes were bright and clear blue when she looked into them. "How long until we get results."

"I don't know. I haven't seen your doctor yet," Gil explained, tilting his chin, his eyes looking her over her. "Did I tell you how beautiful you are today?"

She grinned at him. "No," she looked down at her lap. "But thank you."

"Knock, Knock," a voice filtered around the curtain. "May I come in?"

"Yeah," Sara gave Grissom a puzzled look. "What is Mandy doing here?"

"Your walls are made from cloth, I can hear you, you know," Mandy announced, pulling the curtain back to reveal herself and the baby carrier in her arm. "Nick told me you were having your biopsy today and I figured I would keep you company, but it looks like you have it covered."

Sara smiled warmly at her. "Thank you for coming. I'm glad that you're here… and James too." She looked down at the carrier in her friend's hand. The baby inside had been wrapped in a blue knitted blanket and had a matching hat pulled over his tiny head. "He looks so much bigger already," Sara noted, putting her hands out to take the baby.

The new mother set the carrier on the floor then unbuckled and lifted James out. Carefully, she passed him over to Sara who laid him down on her thighs. Pulling her knees up so that she legs were bent a little bit a small choked laugh got lodged in her throat when he let out a wide yawn. Sara took one of the infant's hands and grinned at Gil when tiny fingers wrapped around hers. The corners of her husband's eyes crinkled as he watched her.

Mandy disappeared around the curtain again and then reappeared with a chair from one of the other rooms. "You can feed him if you want," she offered, leaning over to dig through the bag by her side.

"I thought you were breastfeeding him?" Sara looked up curiously and accepted the bottle Mandy held out to her. The print tech gave her a sheepish look. "I guess it wasn't for me. I just couldn't get comfortable with it, and…"

"You don't need to justify yourself to me," Sara assured her, turning her attention back to the baby. "I don't really know how…" She inspected the bottle before pulling the cap off.

Mandy's reached forward and wordlessly showed her how to position the bottle to a particular angle then support the baby's head with her other hand. "This angle is best, so he doesn't swallow too much air," the new mom explained, in a silly little baby voice.

Sara's head jerked up in surprise at the sound of Mandy's voice. Quickly, she concealed her amusement and turned her attention back to the baby.

Mandy continued on, having missed her friend's reaction to her behaviour.

By the time the baby finished eating and had been burped by his mother, after Sara insisted she did not wish to do it, James was back on Sara's lap. She divided her attention between the adult conversation and playing with the baby.

Everyone stopped moving and -Sara was pretty sure- breathing, when the curtain pulled back to reveal Sara's oncologist. For the first time since she met him the man was not wearing his white medical coat or his usual serious expression.

"Good news," she breathed, reading his body language.

"Good news, indeed!" The doctor smiled a grin from ear to ear and held out a manila folder. "Take a look at these."

Sara shook her head while smiling broadly. "What am I looking at here, Doc? I have no clue," she chuckled.

"Healthy blood work and some of the healthiest cells I've ever seen. Congratulations Sara, you're in remission." Reaching across her head he took Gil's hand and shook it enthusiastically. "You can breathe now, Sara," he laughed, shaking her hand too.

"Thank you, Doctor. Thank you so very, very much." Gil's voice broke as he said it. Grissom got to his feet and Sara would swear later that she had seen his eyes fill with unshed tears.

"I'll have some more information for you at your next appointment, which we'll schedule for six months from now. But right now, go home and celebrate. But remember to keep taking it easy Sara. You've still got a ways to go to recover from the treatment." He gave her a pat on the shoulder before excusing himself and leaving.

Sara felt an excited buzz run over her and she passed the baby over to his mother. As soon as her hands were free her husband's arms wrapped around her and he pulled her to him firmly. Soft kisses were pressed into her hair and she buried her face into his shoulder.

"Gently," she reminded him. "I'm still recovering from my biopsy," she whispered, keeping her face planted in his shoulder.

XXXX

A few of weeks later they woke to the sounds of Hank pawing at their bedroom door. Turning over, Sara huffed and buried her face into Gil's shoulder, groaning miserably at being unexpectedly woken.

"No fair," she mumbled, pressing a kiss over his heart. "You go. You're the one wearing pajamas."

Opening his eyes he brushed his fingers down her spine then wrapped around her stomach. "Mmm, I've already had to get up to let Hank out in the backyard this morning."

"That isn't a very good excuse," she sighed, snuggling even closer.

She grinned sheepishly when her stomach grumbled. "Guess I'm hungry," she explained, looking up at him, her cheeks tinged red with embarrassment. Her eyes fluttered closed when Gil's fingers moved to trace the constellation of freckles on her nose.

"What should we have for breakfast?" He closed his fingers around her shoulders carefully. Pressing her gently, he pushed her onto her back revealing her full nude form to him. Leaning over her he pressed a slow deep kiss to her mouth as his fingers drifted over the swell of her breasts, then downward over her stomach, then continued even further on their descent. The skin of her collar bone tasted sweet and creamy as he flicked his tongue over the freckles there.

"Better close those blinds before we have to explain to Jim why we shouldn't be charged with indecent exposure," she whispered, parting her legs and sliding one foot up his calf, then wrapping around his thighs just under his bottom.

"I'll risk it," he mumbled, his voice gravelly; his hands moving over her shapely hip.

"Off," Sara demanded with a groan pulling at the waist band of his pajamas. Together, they decided that breakfast, and everything else, could wait.

XXXX

The mall was bustling, which would be unusual for the time of year anywhere else, but not in Vegas. While most retailers across the country experienced a lull in the end of April but the malls in Las Vegas stayed busy 24/7 due to the high number of tourists who flocked to the city all year round.

For the third time since sitting down in the food court with Mandy Sara was hit in the back of the head by the hoard of people trying to squeeze around her without being mindful of their bags. Shooting the most recent passerby a dirty look she looked down at her salad. "Now I remember why I hate malls," she announced, looking over at her friend whose mouth was stuffed with fries.

Embarrassed, Mandy covered her mouth with her hand and finished chewing, then swallowed. "Well then, thank you for coming with me," she mumbled, looking down at James, who was sleeping in his carrier on the floor next to the table. "We were completely out of diapers and sleepers. He poops though everything. It's disgusting."

"Yeah, it is," Sara agreed, looking down at her salad, suddenly her stomach flipped and she pushed it away.

Mandy looked down at her tray curiously. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Sara sighed, leaning back in her seat, only to be rewarded by a bag smacking her in the head. "Damn," she muttered, leaning forward again and propping herself up on her elbow. "This sucks."

"Let's get out of here, then," Mandy offered, starting to get up. Putting her hand out, Sara stopped her. "No, it's okay. Finish eating." Looking down at the infant, Sara smiled. Leaning down, she picked up his pacifier and put it back into his mouth. "He's so cute."

"Thanks." Mandy laughed and finished the last of her fries. "Let's get out of here before one of us gets decapitated," she said, getting to her feet.

Sara watched her gather up the trays and weave her way through the crowd towards the garbage. While she waited for Mandy to return Sara picked up the carrier and the shopping bags.

"This was fun," the Print Tech said brightly when she got back to the table. "Especially after fussy fell asleep," she added, picking up the carrier and a few of the bags. Sara picked up the remaining bags and hooked them over her wrists. "Definitely. I'm sorry I haven't been up for much. It took a while to start feeling normal again after all of the treatments and everything."

"Yes, of course." Mandy waived her off airily, and together the women made their way to where they had parked their cars.


	40. Chapter 40

December 12, 2012

Liv'Simply: Thank you so much for reviewing. It does seem that things are looking up, doesn't it. :) This chapter might be a bit of a wrench though. I hope you like it anyway.

allylikes: Thanks for letting me know that you are enjoying the story. It's always so nice to hear, in any form of communication. Cheers.

Mystary: Isn't it just the loveliest word? Life can be some kind of roller coaster, no doubt GSR are ready to get off… or at least get on a kiddie ride for a little while. Thank you for always taking the time to send me such lovely comments. You're the best.

RosePetal7: So I am assuming that is a good thing. Lol. Thank you. :)

ForensAtPSU: OMG I know! And now that it's Christmas time, I am certainly feeling Sara's pain. I appreciate hearing from you. Thank you.

Guest: You're welcome… sometimes even I get bitten by the cheery bug… though usually the angst bunnies show up no too long after. Bare with me though. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart.

* * *

"So?" Sara looked up when her husband came into the living room, his briefcase and dripping umbrella still in hand. "How did it go?" She asked, saving the email she had been writing to her draft file.

Sighing, Gil set his briefcase on the table and tossed his umbrella onto the kitchen floor while he looked her over. She looked a little pale and was wrapped up in a fleece blanket. Considering it was almost the end of May, in Nevada, he found himself feeling a tinge of concern. "You first," he offered, moving over to where she was curled up on the couch. Slipping his arms around her shoulders he pulled her to his chest and then pressed a kiss to her forehead. She did feel a little bit warm. Swallowing, he rested his knuckles against the skin behind her ear.

His wife shrugged and pushed his hand back. "It was just a blood test, Gil. They'll call if there is anything to report. But I'm fine."

"You're warm," he told her, pulling the blanket up over her shoulders and closing it around her. "Feeling okay?"

"It's only been raining for two days," Sara grumbled. "I was bound to get a cold," she smiled up at him.

"You aren't sneezing, or coughing," Gil replied, softly. "You would be, if you had a cold. You don't seem stuffed up either. Any stomach pain or nausea?"

"Some nausea," Sara admitted, sliding down on the couch. "I'm not worried, Griss. You'll be the first to know if there is anything to be concerned about," she assured him, reaching up to unzip his jacket. "You're drenched."

Gil nodded, looking down at her fingers that were holding onto the bottom of his jacket. "It's a summer rain. It's still warm."

"How did it go?" She asked, tugging on his zipper, referring to the preparation biology exam he had given to his students that day. Sighing, he took a seat on the coffee table beside her.

"You're going to get the whole living room wet," Sara scolded him softly. "What was the average?" Getting to his feet, Grissom removed his jacket and crossed the room. Opening the cupboard door, he pulled out a hanger. "Seventy… Improving."

"Ouch," Sara told him sympathetically. "They suck," she added, balancing her laptop on top of the couch. Getting to her feet, she kept the blanket still wrapped around herself.

"At least some of them got high Bs… or low As."

"Maybe I'm being too hard on them," he sighed, looking down as he wrapped the tether around his soaked umbrella before snapping it into place. Walking over to him, Sara discarded the blanket on the living room floor. Sliding her arms around his shoulders she pressed a kiss to his mouth.

"There is nothing wrong with expecting excellence from those who are capable of achieving it," she whispered, playing with the curls at the nape of his neck. "You know that. You always expected the best from your criminalists."

"I knew there was a reason I liked you," he mumbled, kissing her again.

Sara's nose wrinkled. "Just don't be too hard on the students who are genuinely trying, but who aren't seeing results," she reminded him. "Not succeeding but putting in your best effort is always more admirable than not trying at all and being the best."

Grissom tossed his umbrella onto the counter and guided her to his chest. Sliding his arms around her he rubbed her back lovingly. Her head drifted downward until her cheek was resting on his shoulder.

"You have a fever, honey," he told her again, feeling the heat radiating from the small of her back and forehead which had come to rest on the column of her neck. "You sure you're feeling okay?"

"Yeah, just tired," Sara answered him honestly. "Really, I think it's just a cold."

Sighing, Gil nodded, kissing her forehead again. "Okay, we'll keep an eye on it. Why don't you head to bed? I'll order something in," he offered.

XXXX

"Gil, could you turn that down?" Sara asked from where she was sprawled out on her stomach on the carpet in the living room, her laptop open before her. "It's giving me a headache," she explained, looking over at the baseball game that her husband was currently engrossed in. Without answering her, Gil kept his eyes trained on the game as he reached for the remote on the table. Snatching it with his fingers he lowered the volume and then leaned back in his seat.

Turning back to her laptop, Sara continued looking over the document that Greg had sent her the day before when she had called him complaining about having nothing to do. As a solution, he had offered to let her read over the first few chapters of his book before he sent it off to his editor. She was actually enjoying it, but the pounding in her head wasn't making it any easier to read off the screen.

"Gil," she growled. "If you don't turn that down, I'm turning it off," she snapped, shutting the laptop and rubbing her temples.

Scowling, he looked over at her. "Sara, I can barely hear it as it is." Lifting the remote again, he muted the volume on the TV.

"Maybe you're going deaf," his wife suggested then immediately and deeply regretted the statement as soon as it came out of her mouth. She knew that his hearing was a sore spot for him. Not because he was concerned about losing it again, but because it had been a cause for much of his isolation as a child. He had disclosed to her once, after they had been seeing each other for the good part of two years that as a child of a Deaf adult, or a CODA as he had called it, he had always felt excluded from part of both worlds. As a hearing person, he didn't belong in the community that his mother had brought him up in. And as a hearing person who had internalized many Deaf culture norms, he didn't belong in the hearing world either.

Moving into a kneeling position, Sara looked over at him. Instead of saying anything, Grissom shut off the TV and got to his feet. Stepping around her he stalked out of the room towards his office. Once inside he shut the door, forcibly.

Sighing regretfully, Sara pushed herself to her feet, intent on following him. Instead, she felt a lightheadedness rush over her, followed by the strange sensation of falling. Crashing to her knees, she reached out and gripped the side of the table then leaned forward as her stomach lurched and hot acid rushed up her esophagus and splattered across the table. Clutching, her abdomen with one hand Sara heaved again, bringing up the last of her dinner.

She must have made some kind of a sound to draw her husband's attention because within seconds of the office door opening he was at her side, his cool hands feeling heavenly against the burning skin on her back and neck. He was saying something to her, but she wasn't able to make it out so she turned her fuzzy eyes towards him, unsure of why the black dancing spots in her vision were following her. When she finally found his face, she felt concerned at the look he was giving her. She had seen it before, in the helicopter when she was being transported to the hospital after he came to her in the desert.

He was definitely saying something because his lips were moving as he reached for his phone. Suddenly, clarity and sound rushed back to her at a frightening speed. Looking down she found her shirt and jeans splattered in red vomit, and her heart was thudding in her ears.

"Honey, it's okay," Grissom was telling her, his arm wrapped around her waist as he supported her. "I'm going to call an ambulance."

She shook her head. "I'm okay," Sara whispered, taking the phone from his hand. "Just… got a little bit lightheaded there… I think I might have a migraine," she explained, pressing her fingers to her temples again.

"Sweetheart, you threw up blood. We-," Sara cut him off.

"Red velvet cake. I went to the Red Velvet Café with Lindsay and Catherine today." Sighing, she picked up some of the fabric of her shirt between her thumb and forefinger. "Ugh, that's disgusting." Using the table and Grissom's arm for support, she slowly got to her feet. "I really need a shower."

"Honey, I think that we should think about calling your doctor," Gil encouraged, helping her to pull her shirt over her head without getting any vomit in her hair or on her face. They had both become well versed in that particular practice while she was undergoing chemotherapy. The thought alone sparked a feeling of dread in Grissom that seemed to settle high in his gut.

"Probably just too much cake, Gil," Sara brushed him off. "I feel better already… except for the headache. I think I'm going to take a shower and go to bed."

Stepping back from him, she slid her pants down too and stepped out of them. "Would you mind cleaning this up?"

"Of course not," her husband said, reaching out to touch her cheek. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Sara smiled sheepishly. "Yes… I had to do something to get you to forgive me for that stupid, insensitive, comment…" She looked down, feeling guilty.

"Apology accepted." Grissom told her as he ran his thumb over her cheek.

Twisting her mouth, Sara raised her eyes to meet his. "In all seriousness, we'll go crazy if we think that I'm out of remission every time I get a sniffle or a stomach ache."

Gil nodded in agreement. "You're right. I'll try not to worry as much."

XXXX

In spite of his promise, Gil did worry though. He couldn't help himself, especially when he had to be away from her all day while he was at work. Most days, much like his students, he would wonder bitterly why the school year had to last until the final day of June. He wanted it to end so that he could switch to part time hours while he taught summer school, freeing up more time to be with his wife and keep an eye on her.

But, she did seem to be doing much better, though she still became fatigued easily. The doctor had assured them that that was not uncommon after having the extended and aggressive treatments that Sara had undergone. And so Gil waited. He waited for school to end, for Sara to get back to feeling like her usual self, for her to hit her first year of remission where it would be unlikely that her cancer would recur. In fact, as he checked in with his students who were for the most part taking advantage of their free study period he prayed for that last scenario.

At the same time, Mandy crept down the darkened hallway towards Sara's bedroom. Pulling James closer to her, she supported his back and shifted him to her other hip. Now, at the beginning of June, he was almost 6 months old and becoming quite chubby. As she opened the door to the bedroom, one of his pudgy little hands found its way into her mouth. Carefully, she set him down on the floor and helped him to balance on all fours before sliding the door closed so he wouldn't use his new found mobility against her and escape.

She watching him rock back and forth for a couple seconds as he tried to build up momentum to get moving. He squealed happily, drool dripping down his chin to land on one of his hands. Mandy stepped over him as she peered through the darkness at the shape lying on the bed. Making her away around the bed, she opened the blinds a little bit so that she could see, but not enough to bother Sara's eyes when she woke up.

She jumped in surprise as the alarm clock went off, blaring a simulated grandfather clock chime throughout the room. Putting her hand over her heart, she tilted her head when Sara didn't even stir. Quickly, she picked up the alarm and silenced it then placed it back on the bedside table.

"Sara," she called, finding her friend's shoulder in the mound of blankets and giving it a gentle shake.

"Hmm?" Sara muttered something then turned her face into the pillow. It took a minute until she finally lifted her head and looked up at Mandy, blinking heavily to clear her vision. "Mandy, what are you doing here? What time is it?"

"I think you slept through your alarm… several times. It's almost 10," Mandy answered, glancing over at James to make sure he wasn't getting into anything. She located him on the other side of the room, sitting up, both hands stuck inside one of Grissom's shoes.

Sara sat up slowly leaning against the headboard. "Damn," she mumbled, rubbing her eyes in an attempt to wake herself up. "Third time this week… I'm getting lazy."

"You're still recovering. Give yourself time," Mandy said as she crossed the room and scooped up her son. "You still up for going out today, though?"

"Yeah, of course." Slipping out of bed, Sara pulled herself to her feet and opened the blinds. "Give me a few minutes to get ready. Help yourselves to anything in the fridge."

She watched as mother and son disappeared down the hall and heard them descend the staircase. Sighing deeply, she dropped onto the side of the bed, her face planted into her hands. "Come on, Sara," she muttered, giving herself a little pep talk. "You'll feel better after you get some fresh air."

XXXX

Sara didn't feel better. As she walked towards the main building to the Zoo, her headache was back full force. Reaching in her bag, she lifted out a bottle of Tylenol and popped open the child safety seal. Portioning out two into her palm she swallowed them dry then returned the bottle to her bag.

"Headache?" Mandy asked, looking her over from behind her vintage rose-colored sunglasses. Sara nodded.

"For the last four days," Sara sighed, placing her bag on the top of the stroller that Mandy was pushing.

"Maybe you're dehydrated?" She looked around for a vending or soda machine.

"My last results came back negative," Sara told her flatly. "If that's what you're thinking."

Mandy nodded, leaning against the handle on the stroller, rocking it forward a couple of inches. "I know."

Sara cleared her throat and looked around. "Which attraction are we going to first?" She asked, changing the subject. "Which would Jamie like the most," reaching into her back pocket; she pulled out the map that they had received upon entry to the Zoo. "Let me guess, monkeys?"

"How'd you guess?" Mandy grinned, heading in the appropriate direction.

"The nursery… most of his clothes and blankets… all monkey themed…" Sara shrugged, keeping her thoughts to herself, even though she couldn't understand why Mandy and Henry seemed to be forcing their preferences on James. It just seemed odd to her. She knew that if she had had children she would want them to develop their own identities. Pausing in thought, Sara wondered where that thought had come from. The doctor had already told Sara her that she had level one infertility. Her chances of conceiving were limited at best. She knew that, she just wished her heart would figure it out.

When they reached the monkey center, Sara pressed her hand over her mouth to cover up the smell. Turning her face away, she took a deep breath and held it. "I'm going to wait over there," she told Mandy, nodding towards a bench on the other side of the walkway.

"Yeah, sure," Mandy gave her a strange look. "We'll only be a few minutes."

Sara looked both ways before crossing the path and then took a seat, wrapping her arms around her middle. Her stomach was starting to ache again and her head was pounding. She considered taking another pill then realized that she had forgotten her bag on the back of the stroller. By the time she Mandy got back, she was fighting intense waves of nausea.

"Where to next?" Mandy asked brightly, pushing her sunglasses off her face to push her hair back.

"Let's check out the bugs," Sara smiled, getting to her feet. "May I push him?" Sara took over the stroller when Mandy stepped to the side. Sara used the stroller to provide herself with some extra support. She held back a little bit as Mandy pulled the door to the exhibit open then went inside. They were only in there for a few moments when Sara started to feel overheated. "The terrariums are supposed to be kept warm and humid, not the people area," she complained, wiping a bead of sweat off her brow.

Reaching into her bag, Mandy pulled a water bottle out of it. "Here, drink this."

Accepting it, Sara nodded her thanks and took a long drink.

"Better?" Mandy asked, worrying her lower lip.

"Yeah," Sara whispered. "Let's check out the butterflies," she said, putting the bottle on top of the stroller. She stopped in front of one of the closest terrariums and admired the colorful insects as they fanned their wings. A hissing sound resounded above her and she looked up to see one of the vents open and begin to blow air into the room. Using the zoo map, she began fanning herself to cool her burning skin. She turned around slowly, searching the room for somewhere to sit down.

"Mandy?" She whispered, reaching out for something to hold onto as the room swayed dangerously around her. Everything felt so strange, as though she were looking through everything through the wrong prescription lenses. "Mandy…" She tried again, spotting her friend a little ways in front of her. Reaching out to grab the other woman's arm, she was surprised to find her hand pass straight through her flesh. "Oh, weird…" she mumbled as all the lights went out.

"Shit," Mandy swore, reaching forward and trying to catch her friend before her limp body crashed to the floor. Laying Sara's head down carefully, she felt for her pulse. Finding it, she breathed a sigh of relief and turned to one of the people who had gathered around. "Please call 911, for an ambulance."


	41. Chapter 41

December 13, 2012

ForensAtPSU: Hey! I suspect that you are correct in your predictions. :) Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. Glad that you are diggin' the story.

RosePetal7: I hope that one day wasn't too long to wait. Lol. I meant to update sooner, but life/work, bleh. Whatever. Here it is. Always good to hear from you. Thanks for all of your support.

Redrum: Because I have consolodated what used to be short chapters into long ones you don't have to wait long to find out. Thank you for reading and reviewing. :)

Liv'Simply: Honestly the privilege is all mine in having such awesome readers who leave me such lovely comments. Writing babies can be challenging, glad that he actually has a personality that is coming through. Thank you for taking the time to leave me some encouragement. Cheers.

* * *

Sara looked around the stark white room and groaned. Lifting her head slightly she looked at the IV that had been inserted into the back of her hand when the paramedics had arrived at the zoo. She had a fuzzy recollection of a man leaning over her, telling that she had fainted and that she was dehydrated and that they would be taking her to the hospital.

She turned her head at the sound of a baby cooing and was met with the sight of Mandy trying to entertain a fussy James with a pair of keys.

"Hi," Sara whispered. "Did anyone call Griss?"

"He's on his way," Mandy assured her, placing James in his stroller. "How are you feeling? You gave us quite a scare back there."

Sara nodded, pushing herself into a sitting position. "This feels better," she commented, looking down at the IV in her hand.

"Sara," the door cracked open to reveal a familiar face. It opened further and her doctor entered, holding a metal chart. "They paged me when they brought you in." Slowly, the man in the white medical coat took a seat at the foot of her bed, looking down at the chart, he let out a slow breath, then looked up at Sara, his shoulders slouched a little.

"Based on your face…Bad news…" Sara whispered, gripping her blanket and bracing herself…

"Sara, I guess that depends on how you look at it," the Doctor answered her. He changed to a more clinical persona as he masked his concerned look and sat up straighter in his seat.

Sara looked at him, her mind racing. How could she be out of remission? She had a cold, that's all. She was just coming down with something.

"I have the results of your bloodwork here," the doctor began, flipping open the chart as though he wanted to double check the data over again.

"Cancer?" Sara asked, leaning back into her pillows, hot tears beginning to well in her eyes. Her heart began to pound painfully in her chest as she fought back a sob. She didn't want to do this again. Things were finally getting better.

"No, Sara," the doctor answered compassionately, reaching forward to take her wrist in his fingers. He adjusted his hold so that his index and middle digits were pressed over her pulse point. "Take a breath before you have a panic attack. Sara, like your last appointment, there is no sign of any cancer cells or abnormal growths." He assured her while placing her chart on the bed. "You're simply… pregnant."

Sara's brow furrowed in confusion. "What did you say?" She asked, pushing herself so that she was sitting up against the starched white hospital pillows. "There must be some kind of mistake… you told me that that wouldn't be possible."

Her doctor nodded in acknowledgement. "Sometimes these things surprise even we professionals. I'd like to do an ultrasound today."

Sara felt as though she didn't know how to work her voice box anymore. She felt as though she was being strangled by tears that wouldn't fall and she pressed her fingers to her throat to ease the pressure there. "Pregnant," she choked out. "But that's… **_good _**news," she stammered, finally managing to speak around the lump in her throat. "You were acting so…" She shook her head in bewilderment, unable to find a word through the cloud of shock that seemed to be paralyzing her brain.

"I have some concerns," the doctor stated, offering her an apologetic smile. "About your general health and your ability to support a fetus right now while you are still recovering from chemotherapy. Your immune system is the biggest concern."

Sara nodded, looking down at her hands that had unconsciously come to rest protectively against her abdomen. "Pregnant," she whispered, still in shock over the news. She looked over to Mandy who was currently saying something to her doctor.

"…This is good news. Let her have a bit of unbridled joy, for now. You can talk about the risks later," Mandy pleaded with the doctor, her hand resting on Sara's shin.

"It's my job to talk about the risks involved," the doctor told her, turning his attention back to Sara. "If your body supports the pregnancy…"

"I could lose the baby?" Sara gasped, forcing herself to pay attention to what the doctor was telling her. This newest information, however, jarred her again. She couldn't explain it, but she already felt a connection to the baby inside her and she didn't want to lose him or her.

"There is a possibility that your body might terminate the pregnancy. Sara," he sighed. "It is not my intention to upset you. I just want to make sure that you know what you are looking at here."

Nodding slowly, Sara looked back down at her stomach.

"Let's do that ultrasound, okay?" The doctor got to his feet and placed the chart next to her feet. "Is your husband on his way?"

Sara nodded. "Yes, Mandy called him." Her hand drifted up to rest against her forehead to ease the dizziness that had come over her suddenly. "I just didn't believe this was possible."

"Lay back," the doctor instructed, resting his hands on her shoulders and guiding her back down. "Lightheadedness is often a symptom of early pregnancy. As are fevers, nausea, headaches and fatigue. Based on your chart, you've been experiencing all of those, huh?" He smiled at her comfortingly and checked her pulse again. "Try to relax while I set up."

Sara nodded and closed her eyes to take a few minutes to herself so she could process everything that was going on. If she could just get her thoughts to slow down that would make things so much easier. Slowly, she started working her way through the multiplication table, starting with seven. As her mind became occupied her body began to relax and the room around her began to fade. She could do this. She would get through this. She needed to, because she and Gil had made a family together.

"Alright. This is my colleague, Dr. Knodell, she's our resident O.B. and she's fantastic at what she does." The doctor's voice brought her back to the present. When she opened her eyes she was greeted by a female doctor who looked to be about her age.

"Hello, Sara. Dr. Mackenzie and I just discussed your case. Mind if I take a look?" Sara nodded, looking over at the ultrasound machine by the side of her hospital bed, all the while wishing that Grissom would hurry up and arrive.

The lady doctor smiled warmly at Sara and moved closer to the bed. She folded the blanket down and Sara's paper gown up. She then picked up a tall white plastic bottle. "This is going to be cold," the doctor ruefully said to Sara as she squirted some jelly on her stomach, below her navel. The machine was silent when she turned it on, and Sara glanced nervously at Mandy's seat, only to find it empty. She hadn't even heard her friend leave.

Sara was startled when she felt a cold pressure on her abdomen. Looking down, she looked at the ultrasound wand pressing against the skin on her stomach. Her eyes flicked upward to look at the screen on the machine. She peered at the image, not sure what she was seeing.

Dr. Knodell turned slightly and pointed to the screen. "See that? That's the baby," she told Sara, indicating a small flashing point in the black and grey image that was apparently her uterus. "That's the heart beat."

"And everything looks okay?" Sara asked, sitting up a little to get a closer look. The doctor nodded. "I'm measuring you at about five weeks, Sara."

"Five weeks? That's… over a month," she gaped. How could she have had a baby inside her for over a month and not known anything about it? The idea seemed absurd to her.

"Everything look's great," The doctor assured her, removing the wand and handing it to Dr. Mackenzie who removed the plastic bag that had been placed over it. Gently, she used a paper towel to partially clean away the gel on Sara's stomach then left the rest for Sara to deal with.

Sara nodded, feeling her throat begin to tighten again as her eyes became wet. She was going to have a baby and it looked healthy. Swiping a tear off her cheek, she nodded her thanks when the doctor handed her a print out from the ultrasound machine. She looked it over as another tear slipped down her cheek unchecked.

"Follow up with your regular O.B. as soon as possible, but for now, I'll set you up with an information package. And many congratulations, by the way," said both doctors while grinning broadly. Sara nodded and watched the two doctors disappear. As they made their way further down the hall, their voices faded, but Sara was able to catch Dr. Knodell's comment to her colleague about letting people be happy and keeping his concerns to himself until there was a good reason for them.

She couldn't tear her eyes off the image of her baby as she wiped away the rest of the jelly on her stomach. When the door opened, she quickly tucked the picture under her blanket, deciding instantly that she didn't want Gil to find out that he was going to be a father this way. Although she often felt reluctant about making a big production out of special occasions or orchestrating romantic ones she did want this to be special. They were going to have a family and that was bigger than her insecurities.

"Sara!" Her husband breathed out her name when he entered the room and spotted her on the bed. "Mandy called me. She said that you fainted. Are you all right? Have you seen a doctor?"

She nodded and used to indicate the spot beside her on the bed where she intended for him to sit down. "Everything is fine. I just spent a little too much time in the sun today and got dehydrated. I'm okay," she reiterated, reaching for his hand.

Grissom took a seat next to her and took her hand in his. Sara could feel the intense concern radiating off him and she felt guilty enough to consider telling him what was really going on. She forced the feelings back. She didn't want to ruin the surprise. "Have you seen Mandy?" She asked instead, trying to act normal despite the excitement coursing through her limbs.

Gil nodded. "She was in the hall when I got here. She told me what the doctor said."

"What?" Sara gasped, feeling angry that Mandy would ruin her news.

"About the dehydration," he told her and squeezed her hand. Relaxing, Sara breathed a sigh of relief and nodded.

Later, once they were back in their own home and their own bed, Sara turned over to face her husband who she could feel watching her in the dark. The bed shifted as he moved closer and slid his hand over her hip then around her back to pull her closer.

"How was school today?" She asked him, settling into his side, her head resting on his shoulder. She never tired of cuddling with him. She wondered if she would get big enough in a few months that they wouldn't be able to lie like this anymore.

His fingers drifted over the small of her back, drawing invisible swirls and letters. "Good, I gave a pop quiz. Which made me hugely unpopular, but they are improving." He sighed into the darkness around him, his breath fluttering the shorter hairs on her head. "Sometimes I wonder how the education system could have failed them so badly."

"What do you mean," Sara asked, snuggling closer to him.

"It's as if they haven't received enough encouragement or… learned to enjoy giving their best. I worry about them. They seem to be so behind where I was at their age," he said thoughtfully.

"Well, in their defense, I'm pretty sure you qualified as a genius," Sara mumbled against his chest.

Her husband shook his head again. "It's more than that. It's bigger than just a decline in the quality of our education system. I think it starts at home. It's a lack of social responsibility," he explained, kissing the top of her head. "But, we're making strides. It's just a shame that it's almost the end of the year. I feel like I've accomplished very little."

"You have no idea what you've accomplished," Sara mumbled, sneaking her hand around to rest on her still flat stomach.

Gil hummed softly, accepting her words without question and pulling her closer. "How was the zoo?" He asked her, changing the direction of the conversation.

"It was alright… we didn't see much. James went to see the monkeys, which Mandy said he really liked." Sara shrugged and then paused, her brain forming an idea. Her husband was at one time an investigator. It just might be fun to leave him some evidence to draw his own conclusions about her pregnancy.

"Like father like son," Gil commented, his fingers drifting upwards to play with her hair.

"So does that mean that any child of ours will be into bugs?" She asked, biting her lip to keep from laughing. Her husband shrugged. "I guess, if you follow that logic. That, or books," Gil pondered. "Or that stuff you call music and all things four legged and furry."

Laughing softly, Sara turned her face and buried it into his shoulder again, intent on going to sleep. Considering that Gil was once one of the top criminalists in the country, it probably wouldn't take too long for him to figure the situation out.


	42. Chapter 42

December 15, 2012

ForensAtPSU: Thanks for reviewing. :) You were completely right. I hope you enjoy this chapter too.

RosePetal7: Glad you liked the last chapter. I know! Sometimes it's just impossible to fit writing into ones schedule, but I figure, it's all in good fun, so if it doesn't get done no harm. :)

Liv'Simply: lol I guess I am not very good at building suspense. Hope it's good anyway. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment.

Mystary: You are absolutely NOT wrong. Hope it's a good read! Cheers.

Redrum: No doubt there will be a change in the tides... couldn't be cruel to them forever. Though there will always be different challenges along the way, otherwise it would be a pretty boring story. The answer to your question is below. :) I appreciate your comments. Thanks!

Guest: Thanks, hon. I hope you enjoy this one too.

* * *

Gil didn't figure it out, and four weeks later, Sara was wondering if he ever would. Sitting on the couch across from Mandy she adjusted James on her lap so that they were both in a more comfortable position. The seven month old began to whimper, not happy about having his back to the room. "Okay, okay," Sara soothed, careful to peel his hands back to release her hair first. She turned him around and helped him to stand on her lap. Looking over at Mandy she recounted one of her many attempts to drop a hint for her husband.

_Sara leaned against the couch, her long legs stretched out in front of her. Taking another sip from her milk shake, she considered the scrabble board before her and glanced down at her tiles again. A smile stretched across her face at the opportunity the thin wooden blocks presented to her. Picking them up, she slid the board closer to make it easier to reach. Smiling to herself, her added 'e' 'd' 'u' 'p' to the end of Grissom's 'knock'. Looking up at him, she flashed him a grin. _

"_Challenge," he announced, handing her the abridged rule sheet. "No phrases allowed, dear."_

_Rolling her eyes, Sara took back the 'up' and slumped against the couch. _

Sara rolled her eyes again. "And then I played nursery, and you know what he did?" she asked Mandy incredulously. "He played 'Quartzy'! And beat me by 185 points."

Offering her a sympathetic look, Mandy took the baby and got to her feet. "Maybe you just need to tell him, Sara… give him a pair of booties or something. He couldn't miss that one." Crossing the room, she kneeled down on the carpet and opened a changing sheet. She spread it out on the floor and laid James on his back.

"You know what else I tried?" Sara complained, getting to her feet. Walking around the table, she stepped over Jamie who closed a little hand around her foot. "Omph," she muttered, reaching out to catch herself on the wall. Careful not to hurt him she shook her foot loose and continued into the kitchen to get a ginger cookie in hopes of settling her stomach. The early months of her pregnancy had been brutal for morning sickness and dizzy spells. Sara had been careful to rest as much as possible because she didn't want to put the baby at risk.

"What did you try?" Mandy asked, removing James' diaper.

Sara opened the cupboard and lifted out a vintage red tin that was from Grissom's mother's kitchen. Opening it, she lifted a cookie out and held it between her teeth and started to close it again. Changing her mind, she reached in and took a second one. "I baked a blue and pink birthday cake… granted it was a mess and barely looked like a cake at all, but it was definitely blue and pink," Sara huffed. "And it had a… well it sort of had a pram on it… Okay, maybe that wasn't the clearest hint," she finally admitted.

"I still think you should think about picking up a tiny pair of shoes or something. Put them on his pillow… or next to his coffee in the morning," Mandy suggested again, turning James back onto his stomach. Using her knee, she pushed herself to her feet and made her way into the kitchen. She paused in the doorway, raising an eyebrow.

"What?" Sara asked defensively, her mouth stuffed full of cookie.

"Nothing," Mandy shrugged, wrapping the diaper in a plastic bag.

"I'm not buying shoes," Sara stated firmly. "He's smart enough to get it..."

XXXX

_My husband's an idiot, _She thought to herself three weeks later. Sara was getting desperate and was about ready to throw in the towel. Entering the house, she made her way into her husband's office where she found him reclining on the couch, his nose in a book. Leaning against the doorway, she watching his eyes skim the pages, it took him a few moments before he finally looked up. "Hi honey," he greeted her, marking his page.

"Hi… I brought dinner," Sara tilted her chin. He looked adorable with his glasses pushed halfway down his nose. "Meet you in the kitchen." Pushing off the doorframe, she headed towards the kitchen where she dished out their supper.

"What's all this?" Gil asked when he came into the room a few minutes later. Heading towards the table he curiously inspected the bags she had brought home. Looking inside one, he pulled out a tiny green and white infant sleeper. "You got something for James," he observed, inspecting the outfit. "That's nice."

"James is eight months old, Gilbert," Sara sighed. "That won't fit him. It's for a newborn."

"Oh," he gave her a confused look. "Did someone have a baby?" He asked, tucking the outfit back inside the bag.

"No," Sara shook her head, looking up from the Greek salad she was splitting between them.

"Is someone… having a baby?" Grissom asked, lifting the bags off the table and depositing them next to the door.

"Expecting, yes," Sara gave him an expectant look, putting her hands on her hips. "About three months."

"Anyone I know?" He asked, giving her a strange look, feeling unsure about what she was trying to tell him. He could see from the expression on her face that she was expecting him to get something from all of this, but for the life of him he couldn't remember her mentioning that any of their friends were expecting a baby. Unless Mandy was pregnant again, or someone else at the lab…

Sara watched as his mouth parted to ask her for more information, then her hopes were dashed when his cell phone began to ring. Sara cast an annoyed look at the offending object on the table.

Misunderstanding her expression, Gil picked up the phone apologetically. "I have to take this, honey. I'll keep it quick." He accepted the call and ducked out of the kitchen.

"Damn," Sara growled. "I'm just going to have to tell him," she sighed, feeling disappointed that her plan hadn't worked. She was running out of time though because she could already see a thickening in her waist. Looking down, she ran her fingers over her belly where their baby was making itself known to the outside world quicker than she had planned. Her doctor had assured her that this wasn't unusual considering how thin Sara was.

When her husband came back in, she was already seated at the table, devouring her dinner. Although she was still experiencing bouts of morning sickness, her appetite had definitely increased and sometimes she couldn't help herself when it came to anything with a sweet-savory combination. She found herself particularly drawn to celery with peanut butter and raisins, or mango ice cream with salted coconut, her mouth watered at the thought of it.

"Sorry about that, dear," Gil apologized again as he took a seat beside her at the table. "This looks great, thank you," he leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"No problem," she whispered, keeping her eyes trained on the catalogue she had been looking at while she waited for him. Picking it up she moved it to rest on the table between them and she pointed to a pine wood nursery set that was being featured. "What do you think of this?" Sara asked, tapping the crib in particular.

"It's round," Gil commented, his eyebrows knitting. "Seems a little odd to me," he decided, looking back to his plate. "Impractical, even."

"But it's nice, right?" Sara tried again, pushing the page closer to him.

Her husband shrugged, spearing a tomato. "Who would buy it- let alone put a baby in it."

Sara scowled. "Why not?" she asked defensively.

"It would outgrow it so quickly… Sara why are we talking about this?" He asked suspiciously.

"If I wanted to buy it, would you say no?" She asked him, finishing off her dinner. Getting to her feet, she headed over to the counter. Dropping her plate in the sink, she rubbed her stomach, still feeling dissatisfied but she wasn't sure what she wanted. She opened the freezer and pulled out the almost empty container of ice-cream and then grabbed a spoon from the dishwasher. "Mmm," she moaned, taking a spoonful straight from the container, then another before she had even swallowed.

"Sara," Gil had turned around in her seat and was looking at her curiously. "Maybe you should…." Getting to his feet, he picked up his plate.

"Maybe I should what?" She asked, around another spoonful of ice-cream.

"Take a breath, honey," he told her, putting his plate into the sink. "You're going to make yourself sick at that pace."

Slowly, Sara placed the spoon back in the container. "Are you calling me a glutton?" She asked, placing the container on the edge of the counter.

"No, of course not," he told her sincerely. "But your stomach still seems to be a bit touchy after the chemo and I don't want you to get sick."

"It's not the chemo, Gilbert," she huffed. "I'm pregnant, and you're oblivious." Turning around, she tried to stomp out of the room but was stopped by his fingers snagging the back of her shirt. "You'll stretch it," she sighed, looking over her shoulder at him.

"I'll buy you another one."

Shoulders slumping, Sara turned around to face him, one hand resting protectively over her belly, her engagement ring sparkling in the overhead light.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, looking down at her hand, his mouth slightly agape.

Sara's eyes fixed themselves on the middle of his chest and she couldn't bring herself to look up, "I've been trying, for like a month…"

"A month? You're four-weeks pregnant and you didn't think to say anything?" He scoffed disbelievingly.

Sara gulped, "Actually I'm eleven weeks pregnant," at his look she rushed on. "But like I said, I have been trying to tell you. I just wanted it to be a surprise. I wanted it to be special."

"Well, this certainly is a surprise," he agreed, running his fingers through his hair, catching his pinky on his glasses and knocking them askew.

Laughing softly, Sara reached up and adjusted them. "Are you okay?" She asked, tilting her face, her nose barely brushing his.

"Sara, I can't believe this," he whispered, carefully sliding his arms around her back and pulling her to him. "This is… unbelievable," he said again, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Sara nodded, a small sob becoming lodged in her throat. Her chest swelled with happiness at the awed look on his face. "Gilbert," her voice was low and strained.

"I'm an idiot," he groaned, his fingers sliding around the column of her neck to brush over her collarbone. He walked them downward, between her breasts, and then down to rest on her stomach. "How?" he asked, his tongue darting out to moisten his lips.

"Wow, you really are an idiot," Sara teased, resting her thinner and smaller hands on top of his.

"No," he shook his head a little from side to side. "I thought we couldn't," he clarified.

Sara looked up into his eyes, hoping that he had passed them down to their baby. She lifted her shoulders a tiny bit. "I guess I was wondering the same thing," she kissed his cheek lightly. "I guess the universe decided that it was time to cut us a break."

"And you're okay?" He kissed her back, but on the mouth. "Is the baby okay?"

She grinned widely so that he ended up kissing her top incisors. "We're fine," she assured him. "Really feeling the first trimester most days, but healthy."

"Do you know what we're having? When is your next appointment?" he fired off his questions, this thumb rubbing the skin under her navel.

Sara shook her head. "It's too early to tell and next week. Will you be able to come?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," he pulled his hands out from under hers and he slid them around her waist. Pulling her into a kiss, he buried his face in her hair. "God, Sara, a baby."


	43. Chapter 43

December 23, 2012

Guest: This story is a bit of a roller-coaster, but there will be positive moments to come. Promise. Thanks for reviewing. :)

Mystary: haha, I know. It seems like Grissom is better at picking out evidence at a crime scene than at home. Maybe he is just rusty. Lol. Glad you enjoyed the chapter. Merci.

Liv'Simply: Hi, sweetie. Thank you for the encouragement and kind words. I'm so glad to hear that you are enjoying the story.

RosePetal7: Aren't they? Whoops, I feel bad for that little bit of sexism. :) It is very true that Gil is pretty darn oblivious when it comes to his wife. Makes him fun to write though. Thank you so much for always taking the time to comment and let me know that you are enjoying the story. You're the best.

ForensAtPSU: Glad to hear it! Thanks for letting me know! Hope to hear from you again. Cheers.

* * *

"I feel like I'm reenacting _Rosemary's Baby_," Sara frowned, looking at the tray of food that her husband had placed on her lap. Resting her hand on her swollen abdomen, she turned her face away from the smell of the food.

"It's broccoli and cheese," Gil stated, crouching down beside the couch and resting his hand on top of hers. "Just like you requested." Reaching up, he took her chin in his fingers and turned her pale face towards him. The pallor of her skin and the dark bruise-like smudges under her eyes were indeed quite similar to those of Mia Farrows' in the film. "Well," he leaned forward a kissed her forehead. "At least you aren't sneaking raw, bloody meat."

"Gil," Sara groaned, pushing him backwards and shoving the tray at him, successfully splashing more than half the bowl of soup onto his chest and hands. Getting to her feet she ran towards the bathroom, her hand clamped over her mouth. The door slammed, letting him know that she had made it there.

Sighing, Gil got to his feet and placed the tray on the table then headed in the direction said had gone. He tapped on the bathroom door lightly before opening it and squeezing in. Inside, he found his crouched over the toilet, her stomach expelling its own bile. "Oh, honey," he soothed, bending over beside her and rubbing her back. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

Straightening up, Sara wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and shot him a death glare.

Gently, he took her arm and led her back towards the living room. "I want to book an appointment with your doctor," Gil told her firmly, helping her to lay back down. Once she was settled, he pulled her blanket back up over her legs.

"Which one," she asked sarcastically, closing her eyes and taking a breath.

"Both of them, I don't care. We can't let this go on," Grissom reached behind him and felt blindly until his fingers closed around the glass of water that he had brought for Sara to accompany her meal. "Drink this, honey," lifting her head, he guided the glass to her mouth and helped her take a sip.

"Thanks," Sara whispered, leaning back into the couch. "Get up here with me," she ordered softly, lifting her head to give him room to sit down. First Grissom removed his soiled shirt and then climbed onto the couch. Once he was in position, she rested her cheek against his chest, using him as a pillow. In the three weeks since her appointment, her morning sickness had gone from bad to worse. Sara joked that if she hadn't told him about the pregnancy then Thumper would still be working hard to keep his or her presence a secret.

"I don't want to call her," she confessed, running her fingers over her belly that was big enough for Gil to cup the little swell in his palm. Turning onto her back she looked up at him.

"Why not?" Gil asked, looking at her. He traced the shape of her eyebrow with his index finger carefully.

Sara blinked, her lashes brushing his wrist. "I don't want her to tell me I have to have an amnio." Looking down she rubbed her bump affectionately.

Reaching over in attempt to rest his hand next to hers, he accidentally bumped her breast and instantly cringed.

Sara was on her feet in a second, her hands hovering over her breasts. Her eyes were wide and filled with fresh tears and she growled at him.

"Sara, I…"

Growling again, Sara turned on the spot and stormed out of the room and up the stairs to their bedroom.

Downstairs on the couch, her husband flinched and groaned. Sliding down, he pressed his fingers into his eyeballs and breathed. At sixteen weeks pregnant, his wife had become the first roller coaster that he wasn't sure he would be able to conquer. The spectrum of emotion that she was able to exhibit in one minute flat was enough to give him whiplash. Getting to his feet, he made his way upstairs, careful to keep his face regretful, in case he happened to run into her in the hallway. It wasn't that he didn't feel badly about causing her discomfort, but rather that he had learned that words weren't enough. He had to look apologetic too or he would never be forgiven.

When he reached the door, he opened it slowly, in case she had decided to sit with her back against it again like the last time when he had earned himself a tongue lashing for hitting her in the head. Peering around the door, he found the space empty, and so he opened it further and stepped into the room. He spotted Sara on the bed, her back to the door, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed. Puffing out his cheeks, he looked upwards, this wasn't his wife. Sara Grissom did not sob. He could deal with angry Sara, or grumpy just-woken-up Sara, or even tearful Sara, but sobbing? What could he do with that?

Crawling across the bed, he reached out to touch her shoulder.

"Don't," she hissed, scrubbing her eyes.

Retracting his hand, he used it to prop his head up. "I'm sorry if I hurt you," he offered.

Sara nodded, staring straight ahead; her sobs had dissolved into small hiccups.

"Can I touch you?" Gil asked, carefully moving closer to her.

Sara nodded again, sniffling into her hand. "Okay," she agreed.

He started by resting his hands on hip, and then moved it around to cup her belly. His thumb moved back and forward over the small swell in what he hoped was a comforting motion. "I know that your breasts are tender, I should have been more careful," he told her, his lips pressed to her ear. "And that was an insensitive comment about the… film. I should have been more thoughtful about what I was saying," he continued, moving his head down, to kiss the spot behind her ear. He pulled back when Sara turned her tear-streaked face to look at him over her shoulder. Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss one salty cheek. "And I know you're nervous about seeing the doctor. But I will be there every second of the way if she says that she wants to do an amnio."

Turning away again, her head bobbed.

"You know what I think we need?" Gil asked, playing with one of her curls. When she didn't respond, he continued. "I think we need some fun. What do you think about looking online for some nursery sets?"

"Really?" she finally spoke up, her voice hoarse with tears.

"If you would like to," Grissom assured her. "Thumper will need somewhere to sleep when he or she is born."

"Okay," Sara agreed, turning over and sitting up against the headboard, offering a smile that wasn't very convincing when accompanied by a sniffle.

He pressed a kiss to her cheek. "I'll get my laptop. Would you like to try eating something again?"

Sara nodded. "I'm kind of thinking I could use some pizza," she sniffed, her eyes dry again.

Reaching over her, Grissom snagged a piece of tissue paper between his index and middle fingers. He handed it to her and kissed her cheek again. "You're never going to stop it running now," he teased. According to his research, it wasn't uncommon for a woman to experience an overzealous production of mucus in the second trimester. Sara had not escaped this symptom, or the intensified sense of smell that accompanied it, which was likely why her morning sickness was still affecting her so badly.

"Yeah, well," Sara sniffed and blew her nose.

"Very ladylike," Gil teased, climbing over her to go get his Mac.

Sara's eyes narrowed. "Don't push your luck Gilbert Grissom," she warned seriously until her face broke into a smile. "Now hurry up, there are some round cribs that I would like to look at. And I want a bruschetta pizza. With asiago cheese… and raisins."

"Raisins?"

"Don't question," she pointed to the door. "Just do."

XXXX

"Gil," Sara complained, huffing and sitting down on one of the ugliest couches she had ever seen. Looking it over, she inspected the arm and frowned at the crayon on it. "I said we need to pick a room for the nursery, not a whole new house." Leaning back, she draped one hand over her eighteen week belly.

"I want to be closer to the hospital," Grissom turned around to face her. "And we need a bigger place, in a nicer neighborhood. Besides, we're just looking," shrugging, he slid his hands into his pockets and leaned against the wall behind him. "You don't like it."

"It's not that I don't like it. It's that I'm not really up for moving right now. It's a lot of work and I don't have the energy. And you're in summer school all day so I'm probably going to get left doing everything," she explained, looking up at him. He looked positively disappointed and she offered him a guilty smile. Sighing, she pushed herself to her feet then made her way across the room to him.

Unfortunately for her, Sara had a hard time saying no to him when he looked that way. "Okay, let's look around," she agreed, pursing her lips.

Offering her a small smile, he took her hand in his and pulled her in for a kiss. "How bad can it be?" he asked, stroking her cheek. "The couch says _I love you, Mom_ on it," he nodded towards the crayon markings that Sara had been inspecting.

"Hm?" She asked, turning around, her hand resting against his side. "Is that what that says?" Walking across the room, she tilted her head to look at the crayon at a new angle.

Coming up behind her, he slid his arms around her waist and laid his hands on her belly. His chin came to rest on her shoulder and he looked at the writing. "I can't wait until our baby can write that."

Sara rolled her eyes, smiling. "Just not on my couch."

XXXX

That house, despite the lovely sentiment on the furniture, did not work out- Nor did the next one or the next. But when Sara stepped foot into a three bedroom bungalow with a large bay window in the breakfast nook and a stone fireplace with built in bookcases constructed right into the 1950s plaster, she knew that this was the house where she wanted to raise her family. "It looks like the kind of house I imagined you would have grown up in," she commented, standing in the far corner of the living room, she tried to imagine their furniture filling the now empty space.

"You should see the basement," her husband told her, her eyes bright with excitement. "It's huge; we could set up a lab down there."

"Good," Sara smirked. "Then you can keep all of your experiments out of my bathroom and kitchen." Her eyes swept across the bookshelves and imagined their things decorating them, their book collections organized alphabetically, or if Grissom got his way, chronologically, which never made any sense to her. "Gil?" She asked, successfully getting him to turn around to face her.

"Yeah, Sara."

"I want to live here."


	44. Chapter 44

December 28, 2012

Liv'Simply: Thanks, hon. Merry belated Christmas to you! And if I don't get another chapter in before then, Happy New Year. :)

allylikes: I think Catherine does too! I don't think I ever got that far when originally writing this story, so that decision hasn't been made yet. :) I guess we will both have to wait and see.

RosePetal7: I know! I'm sorry. I was on vacation and my internet was super spotty at the hotel. It kept closing down on me and kicking me off. Home now though, so I will try to get a couple of chapters out for you over the next few days. Thank you, as always, for all of your support. I'm so spoiled to have you.

ForensAtPSU: Merry belated Christmas to you too, and Happy 2013 (in a few days). So glad that you enjoyed the chapter… Grissom does appear to be learning, doesn't he. :

Mystary: He might be. I think he really does have the best of intentions. But we all know what they say about those. Thanks for sending me your thoughts.

janeybird: Boy have I done that a time or two. :) Though I am not sure if anyone has ever done that with one of my stories before. Thank you, it's very flattering. So glad you are around for the ride. Thank you for letting me know that you are reading and enjoying the story. Cheers.

* * *

"Well, look at you, Mrs. Grissom," Nick exclaimed as soon as she pulled the door open to reveal the entire nightshift team, who were currently crowded around on her porch. Shift had ended not too long before and they all looked like it had been a rough one. Sara was tempted to ask how work was but she was worried that they would tell her something that would have her running for the bathroom.

"Give me some sugar, sugar," Nick's arms closed around her and he pulled her into a warm hug. "How are you feeling?" he asked as he was pulled to the side.

"Move over, Texas," Warrick ordered in his usual cool voice. "Let me take a look at this genius in the making." He gave her a quick squeeze and his green eyes drifted over her baby bump. "You look great, Sara," he complimented her, pressing a chaste kiss to her cheek.

Self consciously Sara pressed a hand to her twenty-week belly and stepped to the side to let them inside. She hadn't seen much of the team since she found out she was pregnant, mostly because she didn't have the energy to go out much. And she definitely wasn't up for going anywhere near the greasy twenty-four hour joints where they shared most of their meals.

"Come in, then," she encouraged, motioning them in to the living room that was currently a maze of stacked boxes. "I don't have as much done as I wanted to," she received a kiss on the cheek from Greg as he passed her with bags of take out food.

"That's why we're here," Catherine was the last to come in, pushing her sunglasses up onto her hair, revealing her flawless eye makeup. "Let me see," she stopped in front of Sara, her eyes focused in on the other woman's swollen belly. "Oh, Sara," she breathed, "May I?"

Sara nodded, shifting uncomfortably. She wasn't a big fan of people touching her but it seemed to come with the pregnancy territory.

"Is she moving?" Catherine crooned. "Sara, how precious."

"We don't know what we're having, yet," Sara chimed in, taking a step back to regain some personal space.

"You are definitely having a girl. Without a doubt," the blonde gave her belly another quick pat. "You look pale, is Gil taking care of you? Are you getting enough iron?"

"I don't need anyone to take care of me," Sara stuck her chin out indignantly. "But yes, he is taking care of me… very, very, very, well," she emphasized, putting her hand to her pale cheek as she watched Catherine weave her way around the boxes easily despite her three-inch pumps. Looking down at her own feet and her memory foam slippers, she felt like a frump. Sighing, she followed the blonde toward the kitchen with none of the grace Catherine possessed as she used the boxes to maintain her balance. For the first time since starting to show, she felt like a total whale.

"Where's the boss man?" Greg asked, digging into one of the largest pancakes Sara had ever seen. It looked pretty tasty, smothered in chocolate and strawberries. The bacon strips on the side were a turn-off, however.

Sara took a seat at the kitchen table and propped her head up on her hand. "At school until noon, then he needs to pick up some more boxes. We have a lot more crap than I was anticipating."

Nick nodded. "That's not surprising considering how much stuff Grissom used to keep in his office… We won't take too long to fill our gullets, and then we'll get to work packin' up that crap."

"I really appreciate you guys coming by," Sara told them all appreciatively, her long fingers, playing with her wedding rings. "And take your time… you don't happen to have any mango ice-cream in there, do you?" She asked hopefully, peering at the brown bag on the table.

The boys looked at each other guiltily. "Sorry, Sara, we didn't know that you wanted any," Nick spoke up, his forehead wrinkled apologetically. "I could go out and grab some for you if you want," he offered, picking up his car keys from the counter beside him.

"No, its okay," she quickly declined, looking down at the table. The room around her became quiet and tense and she stared the newspaper that Grissom had left there earlier that morning. Resting her finger on it, she traced the shape of the letters he had inserted into the crossword.

"Sara? Are you crying?" Greg asked nervously, his breakfast pushed to the side.

"No," she sniffed, wiping her eyes with the heel of her had. She kept her chin down to keep her face hidden from them.

"I'm sorry we didn't bring ice cream… if we had known we would have, Sara… I swear," Nick approached her cautiously and rested his hand on her shoulder. He crouched down beside her to that he could see her face. "Now, now," he soothed. "You don't have to cry," she answered him with a barely constrained sob.

"Clearly you haven't been around pregnant woman too often," Catherine finally stepped in. "Alright, Nick, store, ice-cream, and make it fast. Greg, you can work with Warrick, Sara will tell you what needs to be disassembled or moved. We'll work down here," the blonde clapped her hands to get everyone moving.

Nick got to his feet in a matter of seconds and excused himself, giving Catherine a grateful look as he headed out of the room.

"Uh, Sara?" Greg spoke up, getting up too.

"The office furniture," Sara finally looked up at them, her eyes puffy but she had managed to stop crying. "Please," she added, offering them a sheepish look.

The two remaining men picked up their meals and headed to the office with them in hand. As he passed, Warrick offered her a quick pat on the shoulder.

"Sorry about that," Sara sighed, dropping her head in her hands, feeling humiliation begin to set in.

"Please," Catherine scoffed. "One time, when I was pregnant with Lindsay, I had a full on sobbing fit because Eddy bought the wrong shampoo. It happens, and it's normal, so just don't worry about it."

Nodding, Sara wiped away the last of the moisture from her eyes. "Thanks, but I feel bad for interrupting everyone's breakfast."

"You look tired," the night shift supervisor commented, leaning against the counter, a cup of coffee in hand. "Are you sleeping?"

Although Catherine's tone was casual, Sara could see the sincerity in her face. "Yeah, just can't get enough of it. I have an appointment on Friday with my Oncologist to have some blood work done... things are just getting complicated with all the doctors in the mix now and Grissom in summer school, he's having some kind of a... vocational identity crisis that he won't talk to me about. And now the move..."

"What were you guys thinking? Moving right now?" The older woman asked, her body language cuing Sara to the fact that the question was meant rhetorically. With her back to Sara, she placed her empty mug in the sink. "Alright," she looked around the room. "Let's pack up anything in here that you guys won't need over the next couple of days. And then we can do some cleaning. Where are you guys storing boxes?"

"In the living room," Sara looked over at the mess.

"Well, that's no good. We'll have the boys move them into the garage."

Sara watched as the blonde began opening cupboards and drawers. She realized that Catherine must be in heaven, having a good reason to snoop through everything. Getting up, she crossed the room and picked up an empty box from the pile leaning against the back door, then placed it on the island.

After years of working together, the two women fell into an easy and comfortable pattern. They moved around each other easily and made team decisions without saying anything. They kept their conversations light, mostly about Lindsay and the lab. When Nick came back, Sara laughed at the size of the ice cream tub he brought. His ears tinged red when he explained that he had called his sister to ask what kind he should get and she had recommended the largest size he could find. The tub sitting on the floor was big enough for a toddler to hide in.

Thanking him, Sara pressed a kiss to his cheek and dug through boxes, looking for bowls and cutlery. Once she had recovered the essentials, they all stopped for a snack break. Sara was in ecstasy as she stretched out on the couch between Nick and Greg, her legs propped up on the former's lap, spooning mango ice cream into her mouth as Nick rubbed her foot absent-mindedly.

When Grissom came home, he found his former employees working hard in various parts of the house. He checked in with Nick and Greg first, who were organizing boxes into the garage. When he entered the kitchen, he was surprised to find Catherine working solo. "Where's Sara?" He asked, stepping further into the room, his eyes scanning the boxes and empty cupboards.

"Hello to you too," Catherine's head surfaced over the edge of the island. "She went upstairs to use the bathroom… actually," she looked perplexed, "I guess that would have been about forty-five minutes ago," she looked at the clock. "Maybe I should go check on her."

"I'll go," Grissom headed back towards the door.

"Grissom, you've got ten minutes and then you better get back down here to help us out," Catherine warned, ducking back down again to wipe down the empty cupboard under the island.

He headed upstairs without responding to the blonde. The upper floor was quiet and Grissom followed the lights into the bedroom. He smiled at the sight of his wife, fully clothed and stretched across the entire expanse of their king sized bed, her arms draped over her eyes to block out the light. Crawling onto the bed beside her, he carefully lifted her shirt and rolled it up to expose her swollen belly. Careful not to wake her, he pressed a kiss to her soft skin and wondered if she could feel the baby moving. According to her doctor, it would be a few weeks before Thumper would be strong and big enough to be felt from the outside, but he knew that Sara had been feeling light flutters for weeks now.

"Gil," Sara sighed, her a voice a deep throaty mumble as she turned away from him. "Leave me alone."

"Alright, honey," crawling off the bed, he pulled the covers up and draped them over her. "Get some rest; call me if you need anything."

"Shut up, Griss," she sighed again, pulling the covers over her head.


	45. Chapter 45

December 29, 2012

* * *

"Tell me what's going on," Sara prompted her husband, taking a seat on one of the boxes beside where he was currently trying to hook up the television. "You've been off all day."

The couple had been moved over to their new home for a few days but had barely made any impact on the unpacking process. Sara griped about how annoying it was that they had to spend most of their free time and energy cleaning the townhouse and preparing it for sale. Though Grissom gently reminded her that the better condition it was in the more it would sell for, she was having a hard time seeing the point. She was really feeling the urge to get their own home settled so that they would be prepared for when the baby came. Although she was perfectly aware that they still had plenty of time, she was starting to feel anxious about getting everything done- or maybe, as Grissom had suggested, her nerves had more to do with her checkup with her Oncologist than anything.

She, however, wasn't the only one who was buzzing with nervous energy. Gil had been driving her insane. It wasn't anything in particular that he was doing and she couldn't even quite put her finger on it, he was just acting like… Dr. Gil Grissom, Las Vegas Crime Lab Nightshift Supervisor. He was snippy and a little bit cold and seemed to be pulling away from her.

"Sara," he sighed. "I'm busy, right now."

Sara frowned and folded her hands on her lap, waiting for him to say something. A few minutes passed and he didn't respond. "Grissom," she huffed, reaching forward with her foot and poking him in the thigh. "Talk to me."

"Stop," his fingers closed around her foot and pushed it away.

She wiggled her toes in his hand and offered him a warm smile. "Is it something I did?" her eyes dropped to look at her hands as Gil put her foot back onto the floor. She watched him as he read over the instruction manual, his glasses resting halfway down his nose.

"Fine," she huffed, pushing herself to her feet. "Be that way." Stepping around him she headed upstairs to their bedroom, not bothering to mask her disappointment or frustration. Upstairs, she sat on the edge of the bed and closed her eyes for a few moments before flopping onto her back.

Sara wasn't sure how much time had passed before the creaky floorboard at the top of the floor let her know that her husband was coming. She didn't even look up when the door opened, pretending to be ignorant of his presence.

"You're on my side of the bed," he finally spoke after about thirty seconds of standing silently in the doorway.

Sara propped herself up on her elbows, peering at him over the quickly expanding bump of her stomach. "Excuse me?" She asked, arching one thin eyebrow, her voice or eyes conveying no amusement.

His face remained stoic as his eyes bore into hers.

"I see," Sara pushed herself into a sitting position then got to her feet, a task that was becoming challenging to do with measure of the grace she had once possessed. "You're being a downright jackass, you know."

Brushing passed him; she exited the room, slamming the door loudly behind her.

XXXX

Gil cringed at the sound of the slamming door, the sound serving to push his growing headache into migraine territory. Operating almost automatically, he moved around the room, stripping off his clothing and glasses. With the world now blurry, he crossed the room and reached to close the blinds, then cursed under his breath when he realized that they hadn't gotten around to hanging any window dressings yet. He spotted his abandoned t-shirt on the floor and picked it up; starting to feel the telltale beginnings of nausea that often accompanied his more severe migraines. As he scooped up the grey shirt and sat on the foot of the bed, he wondered what they had been thinking. Sara was right, a new house was the last thing they needed right now, especially with his job in jeopardy.

Grissom stretched the material in his hands and then wrapped the ends around his head. Forcing himself to relax the muscles in his face, he knotted the shirt and pulled it as tightly as possible, successfully blocking out any light while at the same time apply pressure to his throbbing temples.

Blindly, he got to his feet and felt his way around the bed, coming to a stop when his knee brushed against the drawer handle on his bedside table. Still unable to see, he slide the drawer open and lifted out his migraine pills and took two. After he swallowed them dry, the bottle was tossed to the other side of the bed which he climbed onto her laid down, adjusting his neck and shoulders in an attempt to relieve the tight, aching muscles.

It didn't take long for him to start drifting away into a painless sleep.

When he finally woke up and removed the t-shirt from his eyes, the room was cast in natural darkness. Getting out of bed, he glanced at the clock to find that he had been sleeping for well over three hours. The sound of pots clanging alerted him that Sara was in the kitchen so he pulled the stretched shirt over his head and his jeans back on then made his way downstairs. He could smell dinner cooking and he wrinkled his nose the tiniest bit, whatever it was, it was well on its way to being overdone.

He found his wife standing next to the table, reading a book that looked to have teddy bears on it. One hand supported the spine of the volume while the other rubbed lazy circles over her belly.

"What are you reading?" He asked softly, keeping his voice low so she wouldn't startle at his sudden appearance.

"Nothing," she quickly snapped the book shut and slipped it into one of many bags that were sitting on the table. Turning her back to him, she headed over to the sink and turned on the water.

"Did you go shopping?" He asked, joining her on the other side of the room. Leaning his back against the counter, he watched her face as she scrubbed a pot in the sink.

"Mmhm."

"More stuff to try to find a place for," he said lightly, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

His wife didn't seem to acknowledge in any way that he had touched her. "I guess," she turned the water on and rinsed the soap off the pot in her hand.

"Want me to get that out of the oven?" Gil asked, sure that whatever was in there was charcoal for sure. He didn't want to suggest that he knew better, however, considering that he was clearly already in the dog house.

Sara glanced at the timer and picked up the dishtowel that they had taken to hanging on the cupboard door. Quickly, she dried her hands and stepped around him then opened the cupboard door. "Damn," she muttered under her breath as she used the cloth to lift out a tray of some pretty dark looking tofu chicken breasts.

Gil watched as she sniffed the pan, loudly and he could hear the light whistle of a restricted nasal passage. Sara likely hadn't been able to smell the food burning right next to her due to one of her most persistent pregnancy symptoms, a stuffy nose. He watched as she tried in vain to scrape the charred layer off the food with a spatula before letting out a frustrated huff. Quickly she slid the cooking tool under one of the breasts and scraped it away from the pan before depositing it on a plate from the drying rack and shoving the plate in his direction.

"Dinner is served," she told him tersely and stalked out of the room.

He found her standing in the bedroom, peering at herself in the mirror that could usually be found attached to the wall above the dresser, but was now currently resting against the wall, waiting to be hung. Apparently she had paused in the middle of her bedtime routine to inspect herself as she was without a top and her pajama pants were barely pulled up over her hips. She had fussed and complained through the entire trip to the mall that they only made maternity sleepwear in ridiculous patterns and colours; but Grissom found her absolutely adorable, fuzzy kittens and all. Especially when she pouted the way she was now as she inspected herself in the mirror. The skin around her naval and on her bump had remained flawless, but she had become very concerned with the pinkish indented streaks that had appeared almost overnight on her hips and waist. Her dark eyes and fingers explored the marks uncertainly; her teeth worrying her lower lip.

He hovered in the doorway, watching her as she explored her changing body with a mixture of curiosity, pride, and probably a small amount of contempt.

"Sara," he called her name as he pushed off the doorframe as made his way over to her. Her eyes met his in the mirror and he was startled to find them a little watery. "Honey," he soothed, pressing his front to her back and wrapping his arms around her to pull her close. In what had become a habit, his hands drifted downwards to splay themselves over the smooth skin that covered their baby. He pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder, "You look beautiful."

She shrugged lightly and pushed his hands back before pulling her pants up over her bump. Scooping up her shirt, she moved around him and pulled it over her head while she made her way over to her side of the bed. "Migraine?" She asked, picking up his discarded pill bottle.

"Yeah," he admitted.

"It's on my side of the bed," she said flatly, tossing the bottle a little too hard and missing his side of the bed completely. She didn't look remorseful when the orange bottle tumbled to the floor. Instead, she pulled the covers back and got into bed, positioning herself with her back to him.

Gil ignored the pills as he stripped, flicked off the light, then got into bed behind her. Moving towards her, he stretched his body out across her back, but didn't dare touch her. "Don't be upset," he tried, lifting his head to look at her profile over her rigid shoulder.

"You're the only one who is allowed to be a pissy asshole then?" She threw back at him, sliding away from him and closer to the edge of the bed. She stuck her elbow out to keep him from getting too close, and then let out an aggravated growl when his fingers closed around the point and pushed it back forward. "Stop it, I mean it."

"I'm sorry, Sara. You're right, I was out of line. Forgive me," his request was punctuated by a warm kiss that he pressed to her shoulder. "I love you."

She responded with a small nod.

"And I deserve your anger," his hand slid around her waist to tangle with hers over her belly. "I don't deserve you though."

"Griss, I just, can't stand it when you shut me out. Especially now, after everything that we went through last year, and I guess I am pretty disappointed," she told him, her fingers playing with his, "I thought things were different now, I thought we were."

"We are, Sara," he assured her, pulling her closer to him. "I've been so… I made a mistake."

"Tell me what's going on," demanded, though her tone remained soft.

"You haven't eaten."

"Why are you avoiding-"

Gil shook his head, "I'm not, honey. I was just thinking that maybe we could have some dinner and talk about it," he rubbed his hand over her belly. "I know you're hungry," he told her softly. "I can hear your stomach rumbling."

"It's because you're making me think about it," Sara pushed his hands back and got out of the bed. "But, I guess I could eat something."

"We could order some pizza," Gil suggested, getting up and joining her at the door. Reaching behind the door he picked up her robe and helped her into it, and then took a moment to admire the way the soft pink satin warmed her cheeks. "God, Sara, you're so beautiful," he whispered, reaching out to trace her mouth with his fingertips.

Sara couldn't stop the wry smile that crept across her face. "You're just trying to butter me up."

"Is it working?" He asked, reaching out to brush a loose behind her ears.

"It will if you keep going in that direction," she rolled here eyes playfully, and wrapped her fingers around his. Sara gave his fingers a gentle tug and led him downstairs.


	46. Chapter 46

December 31, 2012

was spratlurid quimby: Got this chapter up ASAP to answer your question. :) Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for the review!

Liv'Simply: Me too. I haven't actually written that chapter yet at all, so I am going to have to find a way to make it... interesting. All is revealed below. :) Happy New Year to you too!

RosePetal7: Thanks, hon. Glad you're enjoying it. :D

* * *

"Thanks," Sara beamed up at her husband as she accepted the steaming mug of peppermint tea he had prepared for her. Careful not to spill any of the scalding water on herself, she placed it on the box beside the couch that they had been using as an end table and retrieved the pizza box that Grissom had placed on the coffee table. Excitedly, she peered inside, her eyes widening. Settling the box on her lap, she lifted out a piece of pizza what was steaming and oozing with a ridiculous amount of cheese and black olives. "Mmm," she moaned, sinking her teeth into the slice.

"I hope it meets your expectations," he told her, sitting down beside her on the couch. Reaching over, he took the box and got some pizza for himself. He looked over at Sara, pleased to see the warm smile on her face; she seemed to get that look a lot lately when she was satisfying a craving. He watched her swallow, and then her tongue darted out to lick away the crumbs that had collected on her lower lip.

"It exceeds them, actually," Sara looked over at him, her eyes flicked over him. "So? Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"I… I want to. But I don't want to cause you any stress," he admitted, setting his dinner to the side.

"And you acting like a cold jerk and hiding things isn't stressing me out?" She asked, reaching to get some more pizza. Once she had retrieved a piece, she twisted so that her legs were propped up on the middle cushion between them.

Nodding in agreement, Gil reached over and rubbed her bare toes. "I am under review at work. Apparently, some of my pupils complained about my teaching and evaluation style."

Sara nodded to show that she was listening to him. "What does the review entail?"

"I have to put together all of my lesson plans and create a stat portfolio to show that my expectations were not unreasonable or impossible to achieve." Grissom admired the red polish on her toenails.

"And if you can't?"

Gil shook his head uncertainly. "I'm worried I'll be terminated."

"What about your summer school position?" Sara reached behind her to pick up her mug.

"It's over in a few weeks anyway. I can't see them replacing me at this point."

"And what else is bothering you?" She watched as uncertain blue eyes settled on her swollen middle. Following his sightline, she placed her hand on her bump, ignoring the greasy streaks her fingers left on her shirt.

Gil shifted so that he was propped up on her fingers alongside her legs. Grissom's free hand came to rest beside her's and he leaned forward to press a kiss to her belly. "What if I fail our baby," he wondered, resting his ear where his lips had been.

Sara slid down on the couch more to relieve the pressure that his added weight put on her lower back. Lovingly, she ran her fingers over the stubble on his cheek and chin. "This is all new. For both of us. What do we know about kids and babies?"

"You're not helping," Gil cut her off, looking up at her without moving from his position.

"If you would let me finish," Sara huffed, tugging on his ear lightly as punishment. "What I meant was that we're scientists. What do we do when we don't know something?" she asked him.

"I don't want to use Thumper as an experiment, Sara. I want to do right by him or her," his fingers slid under her shirt and he pulled it up to expose her tummy.

Sara smirked. "I was talking about research. We'll buy books, we'll interview people, we'll find out what we need to know. And as for your students and job," she shrugged. "Put together your portfolio and do the best that you can. Do you honestly believe that you were too hard on them?"

"Maybe," Grissom sighed. "The thing is, most of them, almost all of them, rose to the challenge," he looked up at her over the swell of her belly.

"It's been a hard road," Sara told him knowingly. "And you've definitely had a lot to contend with, but, I honestly believe that things will be okay. Gil, this is the least of the challenges that we have been through together," she lowered her chin, sending her loose curls into a forward motion, creating a veil around her face. "We can get through this too. Just, please don't shut me out, because I need you right now."

He nodded against her, his stubble tickling her exposed flesh and turned his ear to rest against her stomach again.

Hours later, after Sara had long fallen asleep, one hand draped over her eyes while the others fingers remained twisted in his hair, Grissom felt a light flutter against his cheek. Careful not to jostle his wife who needed her rest, he lifted his cheek and replaced it with his hand. "Is that you in there?" His voice sounded odd in the room that was mostly silent other than Sara's deep even breaths. Patiently, he waited to feel the fluttering again, forcing himself to be as still as possible so he wouldn't miss it. After a few moments he gave up and rested his cheek against Sara's belly again. "That's okay. When you're stronger we can try again."

XXXX

Over the next few weeks two things happened exponentially: Sara continued to grow larger while her husband continued to shrink away into himself. However, despite his increasingly withdrawn behaviour he had all but dropped the attitude that had frustrated his wife so much. Sara's anger had given way to a constant nagging concern as she, from the periphery, watched him struggle with his career. For the first time in his life, Grissom wasn't naturally good at something and she could feel the inner tension it was causing for him.

"You know…" she ventured softly on evening as they sprawled out across the couch, her head resting on his lap, her swollen feet propped up on a pillow that Gil had placed on the other end of the couch for her.

"Hmm," he acknowledged her without looking away from the _I Love Lucy _rerun they were watching. Moving his hand, he traced the light flutters that were Thumper's way of making his or her presence known to the outside world.

"Maybe… what you're feeling now, about everything that is going on at work, is similar to how some of your students were feeling over the semester," her eyes stayed carefully trained on the television while the fingers of her left hand threaded through his atop her twenty-four-week pregnant belly. She felt him stiffen a little bit and so she tightened her grip on his fingers reassuringly. "I know that you feel inadequate right now and maybe it will help you to build empathy for those students who are struggling to meet your expectations."

Grissom made a sound in his chest to let her know that he was listening but was not up for talking about it.

Sighing, Sara watched as Lucy and Ethel tried to shove chocolates in their mouths as quickly as possible. "I'm getting hungry," she mumbled, turning her face to rest her forehead against his knee.

"Want something?" Her husband asked, releasing her hand to play with her curls. "I could get you some yogurt…"

Shaking her head Sara felt their lazy afternoon catching up with her as sleepiness began to tug at her. "I guess I could use a nap," her mouth suddenly erupted into a yawn and she pointed her toes to stretch her legs and back.

"You haven't done anything today," Gil mused, tucking her hair behind her back.

Sara rolled her eyes. "No, I'm just growing a human inside me twenty-four-hours a day," she commented sarcastically.

Showing his wisdom, her husband agreed. "Of course, dear. I apologize," his voice was soft and Sara could hear a distinct lilt to his voice, evidence that he was humouring her.

Lifting her head, Sara looked at him accusingly. "Are you patronizing me?" She asked, feeling her temper begin to rise. Sometimes she felt like a thirteen-year-old again. completely hopeless to control her own emotions.

"Of course not, dear," he offered her a teasing smile and reached forward to stroke her cheek.

As soon as she saw the sparkle in his blue eyes Sara felt her anger deplete, it felt like she hadn't seen him light up in forever. "Just for that you're making dinner," she mock huffed, moving back into her former position. "Ouch," she mumbled under her breath, one hand snaking under her bump, her brow pinched lightly.

"You okay?" One large hand came to rest gently on the small of her back and he leaned down to peer at her expression.

She nodded softly, rubbing her stomach soothingly. "Just a cramp," she assured him, relaxing against his thigh which had become rigid. Smiling, she patted just above his knee.

"Relax, Gilbert," she pressed a kiss to where her hand had been and settled into a comfortable position. "Everything is going to be fine," the promise slipped easily from her lips.


	47. Chapter 47

January 01, 2013

Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to do individual replies. It's that time of year. Please accept this chapter as my appreciation.

* * *

A set of dark brown eyes and another blue pair were watching her nervously and it was starting to make her skin crawl. "You guys," Sara huffed from her position on the couch, "I think I'm better now. I am sorry I bother- Catherine, what are you doing?" she grumbled and the blonde woman began to slide Sara's black tank top up over her swollen belly.

Using her elbows, Sara pushed herself up in order to make her escape. Why did people think they suddenly had the right to touch her all the time?

"I am checking to see if you are having contractions," Catherine explained, using one perfectly manicured hand to push Sara back down against the arm of the couch.

The pregnant woman rolled her eyes. "I didn't realize you were a doctor," she huffed again, looking over at Mandy who was standing a few feet away from the couch, her arms crossed and her face masked in concern. "I am fine, I haven't had a cramp for…" her eyes sought out the clock on the DVD player, "…over an hour," she finished, wincing as Catherine's icy hands were spread out across her belly.

"Sara, if you don't let us do this we are calling Gil and taking you to the hospital," Catherine warned, checking the time. "How long have you been feeling cramps?" She asked, smiling as the baby fluttered against her palms.

"Off and on for a couple of days. And like I said, there was some spotting this morning…" Sara shifted uncomfortably.

"Is it happening again?" Mandy asked anxiously, catching her lower lip in her teeth.

Sara shook her head. "No, Catherine's hands are cold," finally having had enough of being treated like public domain, she wrapped her fingers around the other woman's and pushed her hands back. "I'm okay. I promise. I shouldn't have called you…"

"But you did," the print tech stated firmly.

"She's probably right," Catherine spoke up. At the other two women's confused faces she shook her head, the movement pushing her strawberry blonde bangs out of her eyes. "Sara is," she clarified, lifting Sara's feet up onto a pillow and tossing a blanket over her lap. "She is thin as a rake, well other than," wistful blue eyes lingered on Sara's belly for a moment. "The cramping is probably just stretching."

"_She_ is right here," Sara piped up, adjusting the pillow behind her back. Feeling suddenly self conscious and exposed, she stretched her shirt over her bump and pulled the blanket up. "And thanks for the support," her mouth quirked thoughtfully. "I think."

"And the spotting?" Mandy asked, her arms dropping to her sides, a telltale sign that she was about to cave.

"Means that, _you,_" she emphasized, turning to look at Sara. "Need to take it easy. And you need to tell Grissom about this."

Sara sighed, draping her arm over her eyes to block out the light in the room. She wished, for a moment, that this tactic worked for every problem so easily. "I can't. He's stressed about work, especially with the new house and the baby… not that I am helping with considering my current employment status."

"Honesty is the foundation of a strong marriage," Mandy stated, heading towards the kitchen.

"How very smug of you," Sara drawled in response, turning onto her side so that her back was to the room. Slowly, she pulled her legs up to get into a more comfortable position. She almost jumped out of her skin when she suddenly felt something make contact with the curve of the small of her back. Turning around she found Catherine kneeling behind her, her mouth set into a determined line.

"What are you doing?" Sara asked, biting back a moan of pleasure when Catherine found a particularly tight knot in her back and began working it.

"I know it's not what you want, Sara, but I'm worried about you," the blonde spoke without taking her eyes off of the area that her hands were working on. "You've been through a lot this year and I am concerned that this will be too much for your body."

"My O.B. is monitoring me very closely. Everything is fine with the baby…" Sara assured her, feeling a mixture of emotions swell in her chest. Part of her wanted to tell Catherine to back off while another part felt tears well up in her eyes at the gentleness and caring in the other woman's voice. When Catherine didn't say anything more, Sara snuggled into the sofa arm and closed her eyes, feeling the tension in her back begin to ease.

She hadn't even realized that she had fallen asleep until she woke several hours later to find the room cast in the last fading rays of the sun before it slipped below the horizon. Getting to her feet, she followed the sound of someone working in the kitchen. When she entered the room she found her husband completely absorbed in preparing something that smelled absolutely fantastic as it bubbled away on the stove.

"Hey," she greeted him softly, her voice thick and sleepy still.

Looking up, Gil nodded apparently in satisfaction. "You look better," he noted before scraping the chopping knife on the edge of the wooden cutting board.

"Are you saying I looked like crap?" She asked, leaning across the island to pinch some of the freshly diced carrots between her index finger and thumb. Using her other hand as a makeshift net to catch any cubes that may drop she popped the veggies into her mouth.

"Of course not, dear," he assured her, reaching over to catch her hand in his before drawing it towards him and pressing a kiss to her knuckles. "You looked beautiful as always."

Sara hummed softly as she carefully made her way around the island to join him on the other side. He was quick to guide her towards his chest and his arms wrapped securely around her frame.

"How did everything go?" She asked softly, shifting to find a spot for her growing belly. She frowned at the thought that if she got any bigger she wouldn't be able to fit into his arms at all.

Instead of giving her an answer her husband pressed a quick kiss to her mouth, then pulled back for a second before leaning in to capture her lips in his own for a longer and deeper one.

When he finally pulled away they were both flushed a slightly dazed. Sara looked down to find that her fingers had wound themselves tightly in the fabric of his shirt. Sheepishly, she freed them and smoothed the material as best she could.

"Dinner will be a few more minutes," he told her suggestively, running his fingers down the length of her spine causing her body to shiver in response. "We could… take this upstairs," he suggested, leaning forward so that Sara could smell his peppermint toothpaste; he had brushed his teeth after arriving home. He had been planning this.

Sara squirmed against him in anticipation, feeling her body begin to give into his advances with none of her own volition. "Let's go," she breathed, taking his fingers and tugging him in the appropriate direction.

XXXX

Taking a seat on the edge of a shelf, Sara bit back a groan of frustration and pain. Her whole body was aching, especially her back, pelvis and legs and she and Mandy weren't even a quarter of the way through the list that her current shopping partner and Catherine had drafted earlier that week. The extensive list was appropriately titled baby essentials but Sara was beginning to wonder if a baby really _needed_ all of the stuff that was piling up in the shopping cart.

Nervously, she glanced down at the list and tried to mentally calculate how much all of this would cost. With Gil's job possibly in jeopardy they couldn't afford to be spending recklessly, especially on extravagant items that they really didn't need.

"Mandy, I'm getting pretty tired," she announced, looking over at her friend who was crouched down in front of a huge display of what seemed like thousands of different kinds of bottles. Carefully, she folded the list and tucked it into her pocket to do some further investigating and at the very least price comparisons.

The darker haired woman turned to look at her, obvious concern etched into her face. It suddenly occurred to her that she had been receiving that look a lot lately. Self consciously, she reached up to touch her cheek, wondering what was causing that reaction. Breaking eye contact with Mandy, she looked up at the convex mirror that was fixed to the wall as a security measure. She watched her perfectly kept brows knit together in the slightly distorted reflection that the mirror presented.

Sighing, she realized that she didn't exactly look the picture of a healthy glowing pregnant woman that most people were accustomed to… that Mandy had been.

Her eyes snapped away in surprise at the sudden gasp that came from direction of the bottle display. Her eyes darted toward her friend to find her glancing at her watch.

"No wonder you're tired!" The print tech exclaimed lightly, abandoning the package she was looking at and pushing herself to her feet easily. "We've been at this for almost three hours. You must be starving too. Let's get you home and I'll get you something to eat."

"I'm not _that_ tired," Sara objected, her voice lacking the determination she would have liked. _Not that anyone could tell_, she thought to herself, glancing at her reflection once again. No wonder people were treating her like she would break at any second.

"Hmm," Mandy agreed, making her way over to the cart where James was in the built in infant seat. "Then we'll have some lunch out… and then get you home so you can get some rest," she announced, tickling the baby's chin.

Nodding slowly, Sara pushed herself to her feet and looked in the mirror again. She wasn't that big yet but she felt like she weighed a ton. Thinking back, she tried to remember when Mandy had started to complain about being tired and sore… She couldn't remember precisely, as she hadn't been paying much close attention to her friend's condition at the time, but she was pretty sure Mandy had had plenty of energy at this point in her pregnancy. Looking down at the cart she wondered how she would get out of purchasing everything in it.

"You don't want to stand in the line, huh?" Mandy asked, misunderstanding the expression that Sara must have been conveying on her face. "Why don't we just leave it for today?"

Sara felt relief spread over her. She didn't want to try to explain that she and Gil might not be able to afford a big shopping trip right now. Personally, she wouldn't have cared about being honest about her financial situation with Mandy, after all she had grown up with the stigma of having a low socio-economic status, but, she understood that men were different. For Gil, having everyone know that he wasn't able to provide for his family would be a blow to his already bruised ego. Sighing, she looked up at Mandy who was lifting James out of the seat.

Picking up her purse, she pushed the cart out of the middle of the aisle and followed Mandy out.


	48. Chapter 48

January 02, 2013

"Hmm?" Sara asked, shifting her position to accommodate her husband who had suddenly decided to snuggle up against her in the middle of the night. "What's wrong?" she asked, opening her eyes to find the room still dark.

"Nothing," Gil's voice was muffled against her shoulder blade and he wrapped his arms around her middle to guide her fully against his body. "I just wanted to feel you," he explained.

Sara's brow crinkled at the sound of his voice, something was off about it but brain felt sluggish and sleepy. Finally it came to her. "You sound awake," she told him observantly, using her foot to guide his leg between her knees. The extra support instantly relieved the pressure in her back and hips. "Can't sleep?" She asked, hugging his arms so that his embrace was secured more firmly around her.

"I am just thinking," he admitted, rubbing his cheek against the smooth skin between her should blades.

"Stop," she shrugged lightly to discourage the sensation. "That tickles… tell me what?"

"The baby is moving," Gil moved even closer so that his chin rested on her shoulder, his cheek pressed against her ear.

"I noticed," carefully, Sara picked up his hands and moved them to tuck them with her own under her chin. "Tell me what you're thinking about."

"Maybe we should go away for a bit, back to the cabin. We could take some time away from everything…"

"What do you want time away from?" She encouraged, hoping he would open up a bit about his work situation and anything else that was bothering him. Turning her head, she pressed a kiss to his stubbly cheek.

Her husband sighed loudly into her ear. "Nothing. Not everything I do has an ulterior motive, Sara." Slowly, he retracted his hand from her grasp and lowered it to rest on her belly again.

"Okay," she agreed. "Let's just go to sleep. We'll… talk about work… a break and whatever else you want tomorrow." Closing her eyes she went back to sleep.

XXXXX

"You are not a failure," Sara insisted from the floor inside their closet.

"I feel like I am going back to the lab with my tail between my legs," her husband's voice was suddenly much closer.

Looking up, she found him leaning against the doorframe, towering over her. "Aha, I found them!" She announced triumphantly, holding up his old work boots. "I knew we didn't throw them out." Handing over the footwear she twisted her body to the side so she could remove her legs from underneath her. Finally, she settled comfortably in a cross-legged position, her face craned upwards so that she could see his.

"And so what, the teaching thing didn't work out. You are a great CSI and the undersheriff practically did a jig at the idea of having you back."

"On night shift," Gil complained, moving over to the bed and out of her line of sight. She heard the bed squeak as he took a seat.

"Indefinitely," she reminded him as she wrapped her fingers around the built in shelves and used them to pull herself forward. Giving herself a swift rock, she used the momentum to move to her knees again and crawled out into the room.

Hands busy pulling on his socks, Gil look over at her, his face creased in amusement. "What are you doing?" He asked, pausing for a moment to watch her crawl out of the closet, over to the spot by the dresser where she settled with her back to the piece of furniture.

"It's too much work to get up," Sara offered him a wide grin showing off the sweet little gap between her central incisors. "Griss, we know better than anyone that things change. We'll just roll with it and figure it out as we go. Besides, working at the lab means consistent hours all year, a team you are familiar and compatible with, full benefit packages," her hand moved to caress her thirty-week baby bump. "Not to mention that you love a good puzzle and there are no shortages of those at the lab."

"I also enjoyed teaching and enriching young minds, Sara. I can't believe the school board didn't take me back," sighing, the disappointed man tied his shoes and got to his feet. "Are you okay down there or should I help you up before I leave?" He asked, changing the subject.

"If you don't now, I may not make it," extending her hands towards him she waited until he was in reach then grasped his tightly. It didn't take much exertion on his part to have her on her feet and steadied before him. Sliding his arms around her back he guided her to him and pressed a kiss to her temple.

Gil's eyes were bright with honesty as he opened his mouth to speak. "I love you, Sara. It doesn't matter where I work as long as I have you to come home to. I apologize for making this transition harder on you than need be and I appreciate all of your support."

Sara's smile brought the dimples out in her cheeks and he leaned in eagerly to press a gentle kiss to the small dip. "I love you too, baby," pushing him back slightly she adjusted the collar on his polo shirt. "_And_," her voice tilted with enthusiasm, "since you aren't the boss anymore, no paperwork or politics."

"I knew there was a reason I wanted to go back to the lab," he chuckled, pressing a final kiss to the corner of her mouth. Pulling back he glanced at the clock next to the bed. "I should go. I don't want to be late for my first day back at the lab."

"I'll see you when you get back," Sara stroked his cheek gently, her eyes fixed carefully on his as she looked deeply into them for any traces of doubt or sadness. The emotions that had darkened his eyes for the past several months and the worry that had creased his features seemed to have dissipated for the moment. She knew that he was likely more embarrassed than anything that his teaching career hadn't worked out according to plan but he seemed more at ease now without the burdens of an uncertain future.

Crossing her arms she watched him duck out of the room, the dog following closely at his heels. A sigh that had been building in her chest escaped slowly, deflating her like a week-old party balloon. _The lab was dependable, the lab was safe, they were going to be okay_, she assured herself as she pulled her shoulders back and followed him downstairs.

XXXXX

By the time Grissom arrived home several hours later, he felt significantly more relaxed and in control of his life. Returning to the lab had been an easy transition so far and he was even enjoying the reduced responsibilities that came with not being the supervisor. He had spent the night knee deep in a marsh examining the insect activity surrounding a four-day-old corpse with Nick and Warrick. They had worked flawlessly as a team of three and he was pleased by how seamless his reintegration into the team had been. The only thing that was missing was Sara, he thought, as he slipped his key into the front door of their home. But she had more important things to take care of. He paused for a moment to think about her the night before: seated on the floor in their closet, her legs crossed and her belly resting in her lap. They only had ten more weeks to go before their lives would change and refocus once again.

The thought of their baby's arrival made his chest swell with pride. It didn't matter if the lab felt like it was missing something without her because she was busy making their whole lives complete.

The lights and the TV were still on when he kicked off his shoes and made is way through the front hall into the living room. It was just after eight o'clock in the morning, too early for her to be up… if she had gone to bed and slept through the night. He shook his head in amusement as he paused to lean against the living room doorframe to watch his beautiful wife; on her side, stretched out across the length of the couch, one hand tucked under her cheek, the other tracing bare the skin over the side of her belly.

His favourite moments lately consisted of catching her in times like these when she didn't think anyone was watching. He would often enter a room unexpectedly to find her with her shirt rolled up exploring her burgeoning belly, a tiny smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. Most of the time she would blush profusely and pull her shirt down in a flurry of motion while stammering up an apology or excuse or a hybrid of the two.

"You should be asleep," he scolded softly, stepping further into the room. His eyes drifted over the eclectic assortment of food wrappers and dishes surrounding her. Although he was happy to see her eating he was concerned that her stomach wouldn't be as supportive of what looked to be an all night food binge.

A smile lit up her face as she lifted her eyes to meet his. "I wanted to wait up to see how your evening went." Slowly and carefully she moved until she was leaning against the back of the couch, her legs stretched out in front of her.

"You painted your toes," he observed nodding in the direction of her lime green nails. "I think you might have… missed a few spots…" sauntering over to her he caught one foot in his hand and lifted it for closer inspection. Looking up he resisted the urge to drop her foot, take her into his arms and take her up to bed immediately. She looked adorable and he was hungry for her.

"Well," her lips made a small bow and her nose scrunched slightly to reveal tiny wrinkles along its bridge. "I can't really see my feet anymore, or reach them…"

"I'll paint them for you," he offered quickly, feeling the beating in his chest quicken. He looked down to see her wiggle her toes playfully.

"Oh you will, will you?" Retracting her foot from his hand she placed it back on the floor next to its match. "If that's what you're into, anything to spend a little quality time with you."

"Sara, dear," he pulled her easily to her feet. "I guarantee we will be spending a lot of time together… how do you feel about a trip to the cabin?"

His question was answered with a throaty laugh as she leaned in to wrap her arms around his shoulders. "The lab would let you go?"

"Catherine approved it while I was still negotiating my hiring. I think she recognizes, better than anyone, that we need some…" dipping his chin he pressed a kiss to the spot under her ear. "Quality time together."

"Hmm," she moaned softly in response, tilting her head back to expose the long smooth column of her throat to him. Suddenly, her endless dark eyes blinked open to peer at him from underneath dark lashes. "I think that she is right."


	49. Chapter 49

January 04, 2013

**This is the second last chapter before I start posting new content. This is just a heads up that when I post new content my Posting Policy will be going into effect so please check out my profile and read it. Thanks.**

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"Really? A road trip?" Mandy asked her voice pinched with skepticism. With a baby spoon, dripping with mashed peas and carrots still in hand, the print tech turned her upper body to face Sara who was seated across from her at the kitchen table. "And Grissom suggested it?"

"Yep," Sara looked up from the Parenting magazine that she was flipping through. "He thinks it will be nice for us to have some time away from everything- alone. Before the baby comes. He's," Sara scrunched her nose a little as she looked at James' chin, "glooping." The word came out just as she watched a slimy glob of baby food mixed heavily with saliva drip off the baby's chin and splatter onto the bib that was tied around his neck. "That's disgusting."

"You'll get used to it," Mandy turned her attention back to the baby and used the spoon to scrape off the excess food from around his mouth. "But seriously. Gilbert-we're-not-going-anywhere-that-isn't-within-a-five-mile-radius-of-a-fully-equipped-hospital-Grissom suggested a road trip across three states to stay in a remote cabin for however many days?"

Sara, unable to watch James rub saliva and food through his hair and up his nose any longer, shrugged and to her feet. "I am too far along to fly. And we still have ten weeks until the baby comes. And technically it's two states. We live in Nevada."

"You have to drive through practically the whole state to cross over into Oregon. Do we need to get a map out?"

Huffing, Sara pulled open the fridge door and inspected the Andrews' food supply. "You think it's a bad idea?" Leaning back, she peered around the door at her friend.

"I didn't say that," Mandy gave up trying to shovel food into her son's mouth and stood up. "I am just a little bit concerned that it's a long drive and you aren't exactly… one-hundred-percent just yet."

"You don't think that a week or two in paradise will help me to get back to feeling like my old self? Swimming in a cool crystal lake…"

"You're going to swim in a lake in September? In WashingtonState?" Mandy butted in as she tossed the spoon into the sink and screwed the cap back onto the jar of baby food.

Sara shrugged. "Okay, so I forgot about that. But," taking the jar from Mandy, she shoved it into a spot in the fridge door between the ketchup and a bottle of wine then went back to looking for something to snack on. "It's really beautiful there. We're far enough out of the city that the stars are bright and plentiful. Not to mention the trees, everything smells so fresh and clean. I think it's going to be great- oh, yogurt," she exclaimed, pulling out a single cup from the back of the fridge. Turning around she held it up for confirmation before shutting the fridge and reaching around Mandy to retrieve a spoon from the dishwasher.

"I think it will be great too," Mandy said, dampening a cloth under the kitchen tap to wash her son's face. "Just promise me you'll take care of yourself and travel safely."

XXXXX

The trip to the cabin took a couple of days longer than the couple's first visit because Sara required many stops for bathroom breaks and to stretch her legs. She was also surprised to find that motion sickness disagreed with her pregnancy and so she had taken to chewing on ginger root to try to combat the nausea. Grissom insisted that she rest and stay comfortable while he drove most of the trip. Which normally she would argue with, but it was nice to take it easy and watch the scenery. They had decided to leave Jenny behind this time, and though it was a hard decision for Sara, it seemed to be the most practical. They had dropped her off at Greg's house on their way out of town and Sara had been pleased to see that she settled in very quickly to her new environment.

When they finally arrived at the cabin, Sara left Grissom to start unpacking the car while she headed inside to open windows. As soon as she opened the front door she was pleased to find that everything seemed to be where they had left it the year before. She paused in the living room, thinking about how many things had changed since that time.

"We're going to bring you here every year," she informed the baby in her womb. She was rewarded with a swift kick and she quickly rested her hand on the spot. "We'll put a rope out there," she peered out the small kitchen window. "And when you're big enough you can swing out over the lake. I used to do that when I was a kid. You'll love it."

"Talking to yourself again, dear?"

Turning around quickly, she found her husband in the doorway his arms heavy with a cooler. "No," she shook her head. "Thumper can hear you know. I was just…" a small blush crept over her cheeks and she approached him quickly to help him with the cooler. "I just was explaining that we will bring him- or her, here one day. Right?"

"Of course we will," taking a step back he held the cooler out of her reach. "And anyone else who comes a long," using his chin he indicated for her to step to the side. "Quickly, this is getting heavy."

"Yeah, well," she huffed, moving out of his way. "That's kind of why I wanted to help you with it," Sara explained impatiently, following him into the kitchen.

"And that's kind of why I didn't want you to," he mirrored her same tone as he placed the cooler on the floor next to the fridge. Straightening up he turned around and caught her hand in his. It didn't take much to draw her forward into his arms where he cupped her face into both his hands. Using his thumbs he traced the shape of her cheek bones. "Leave the lifting to me," he pressed a kiss to her mouth. "You make us some lunch and then we'll organize things."

"You just want me barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen," she complained good-naturedly. "Isn't that a little bit chauvinistic?"

"No," pulling away he stepped over the cooler. "I didn't say anything about barefoot…"

He ducked to avoid the dish towel that soared across the room towards the back of his head as he headed back outside.

XXXX

As the days passed, Sara was reminded more and more how much she loved being away from the big city. She loved waking up to the sound of the lake lapping against the side of the dock and sitting bundled up on the porch with Grissom in the middle of the night, watching the globed sky above them. So thick and bright with stars that it seemed like you could wander into them and get lost forever.

The couple's days were just as peaceful. They would lie in bed talking or making love until Sara's bladder demanded that she relieve it, or until they were starving for breakfast. They cooked together and took their time wandering the paths that broke off from the main road, drawing them towards trickling waterfalls or trails canopied by old growth forest.

"It would be nice to come here in the spring," Sara mused one afternoon as she closed her eyes and tilted her head back, patterns of light that filtered through the trees playing on her face and in her hair. "We could watch the forest thaw and come to life. It would be beautiful, don't you think?" Opening her eyes she located her husband around twenty feet away, crouched down beside a small running stream.

"If we stay long enough now we'll see the leaves change colour, fall is a beautiful time of year here," standing up he made is way back over to her and reached up stroke her hair. "Leaves," he explained, picking dried flakes and untangling them from the strands.

Offering him a lopsided smile, Sara took his hand before he could drop it and tugged him back towards the direction that they came from. "I love being here. It's so nice being away from… the desert. It's nice to-"

"Sara?" Grissom called to her, moving to steady her suddenly swaying form against his body. Locking his arms around her, he supported her as her knees buckled and she began to sink to the floor. "Sara, speak- can you hear me?"

Nodding, Sara shook her head to clear it and used her husband's shoulder as a crutch as she pulled herself upright. "I'm okay, just got a little dizzy there." Still gripping him she blinked slowly to clear her vision. "I'm really okay, maybe just been out in the sun too long…" she insisted as he led her over to a rock and guided her down to take a seat. Leaning back she settled against a larger boulder behind her and hoped silently that there weren't any creepy crawlies on it.

"You should eat something," Gil was already digging through the pack to retrieve part of their lunch that she had prepared and packed that morning.

Sara offered him a small smile as she accepted the sandwich from him. "You worry too much."

Taking the parcel back off her he unwrapped it. "I hate it when you say that. My worrying isn't uncalled for when you are collapsing in my arms," he told her testily as he pressed unwrapped sandwich back into her hand. "Eat that and have some water," he ordered softly, his middle and index fingers pressing against the pulse point in her neck.

"Yes, sir," she rolled her eyes good humouredly. "And then we can head back to the cabin for a nap…" Smiling, she pushed his hand away from her throat and tangled their fingers on her lap.

"You sure you're feeling okay now?"

Wrinkling her nose at him, she nodded her head then took the opportunity to cram the rest of her sandwich into her mouth. "Le-" Breaking off she rolled her eyes and chewed, holding one finger up to pause him. "Let's head back," she finished after she had swallowed.


	50. Chapter 50

January 06, 2013

**Next chapter is brand new content. Again, please take a second to read my Posting Policy for those of you who are reading and not reviewing. If you're enjoying this story and want me to continue I really need to hear from you. Thanks so much.**

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"You know what we need?" Sara asked one night towards the end of their stay at the cabin. Looking up from the book in her lap she accepted the mug of hot chocolate that her husband was holding out to her.

"What do we need?" Gil asked, lifting the corner of the blanket that was draped over her shoulders. Easing onto the deck chair beside her he folded her book and placed it to the side. "You warm enough?"

"We need to be challenged as a couple…"

A low chuckle bubbled in his chest and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Haven't we had enough challenges as a couple over the years?"

Sliding her arms around his waist Sara sighed, "What I mean," she clarified, "is a… test of some kind. To show us how far we have come. I think it would be cool to see how we deal with things now compared to even just last year. Don't you?"

"Are we talking… appearing on a Japanese game show of some kind?" Reaching up he pushed her hair back, revealing the smooth skin on her forehead. She looked pale but better than she had in months. It seemed that the fresh air was doing her good. Tilting his chin down, he pressed a kiss to the spot just above her brow. She was warm from the heat of the gas lantern and his own body. "Because I don't think Thumper would appreciate all of the activity and noise level."

"I don't know what I meant," Sara shrugged. "Just thinking, that's all…" Her eyes lifted to peer up at him. Her chocolate orbs were dark and deep in the shadows that played across her face. "But you're probably right. I wouldn't complain if we never had anything dramatic happen to us ever again; especially now that we have a baby on the way."

"That I agree with," leaning down further he captured her mouth with his own.

XXXXX

A few days later the couple had packed up their things and locked up the cabin until they would have an opportunity to return later, probably with a baby in their arms. As she turned off the water and electricity Sara paused in the doorway to imagine a small crib in the space. She imagined that she would like to have it right next to her side of the bed, where she could easily reach over to feel her baby's soft downy hair or smooth cheek. Resting a hand on her bump she knew that her baby would have hair, probably curly, likely lots of it, if her genes had anything to say about it. But she wondered if it would be light and soft like Gil's, or dark like hers.

"Sara, ready to go?" Gil asked from behind her, his black duffle bag tossed over his shoulder.

"No," she sighed, turning to face him. "I wish we could stay…"

"We'll come back in time, after the baby is born and is old enough to travel," placing his hand on her back he guided her away from the door and locked it. "But I think for now it's best that we get back to Vegas."

"Are you still worried about the other day?" She asked, slipping her hand into his and leading him towards the car. "Because I barely passed out, it was just a little dizzy spell, but I'm fine now," she insisted, stepping back as he opened the car door for her.

Her husband's response was a mere grunt and he guided her into her seat and shut her door. He stopped to check over the cabin's exterior once more one his way around the car and then got in behind the wheel. "Let's end the trip on a happy note, hmm?" He asked, reaching for her hand.

"I am happy," Sara slipped her cool slim hand into his and threaded their fingers. Leaning across the center console she pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I can't wait to get home so we can see Jenny and finish getting ready for Thumper."

Pulling away from the cabin towards home, Grissom kept his eyes carefully on the road as he lifted her hand and pressed a kiss against her knuckles.

XXXX

"I think that I am ready to just crawl into bed and never get up again," Sara muttered as she slid out of the car then opened the back door. On the other side of the vehicle her husband mirrored her actions. "I just want a warm shower, clean pajamas and my pillow… maybe I'll even skip the pajamas." Picking up her bag she offered Gil a quick grin.

"We can just unpack the valuables tonight, and I'll get the rest in the morning myself, since you won't be getting out of bed again," he replied, lifting his bag over his shoulder. "You want anything to eat before you hibernate?"

Sara shook her head, feeling a little bit nauseated from the drive. She couldn't wait for the baby to be born so she could stop feeling queasy all the time. She missed her cast-iron stomach.

Taking Hank's collar she held onto him as he hopped out of the car. "Stay," she ordered, taking a quick look around the street to make sure there weren't any distractions that would be tough for the Boxer to resist, like another dog. "Okay, inside," she instructed and followed Grissom to the front door where he let them in.

"Home," Sara sighed happily, dropping her bag onto the floor next to the door where she stepped over it and headed into the living room to check everything over. "Well, the good news is that we haven't been broken into," she mused opening the curtains to expose the back door.

"And the bad news?" Gil asked from the kitchen.

Following the sound of his voice Sara found him unpacking the cooler. "No bad news," she smiled, pulling herself awkwardly onto one of the stools at the counter. "Crackers?" She requested, pointing to the Rubbermaid tote that they had been using for dry storage while at the cabin.

Leaving the fridge door open Grissom retrieved the box of saltines and opened it. Removing one sleeve he passed it to her before putting the box away. "Feeling okay?"

"A little nauseated," Sara grimaced, peeling the plastic seal and removing a cracker.

"Ah," he rubbed her arm sympathetically and offered her an encouraging smile before turning back to finish unpacking.

Sliding off the stool Sara headed around the counter. "It will get done faster if we both do it," she shrugged at his questioning look.

"Why don't you take that shower? I can take care of down here."

Sara contemplated his offer for a couple of seconds before accepting it with a nod. "That's probably a good idea. Maybe a shower will help with the nausea," she took the few steps that it was to his side and bent down to give herself access to his cheek. Leaning in she gave him an appreciative kiss that landed on the corner of his mouth. Straightening up she grabbed the sleeve of crackers and headed upstairs.

By the time Grissom was finished unloading the essentials from the car he was as ready for bed as Sara. Dutifully he checked to make sure the house was secure before turning out the lights and heading upstairs.

In the bedroom he found that Sara had tucked herself into her side of the bed and was sleeping soundly. Stepping over her bag that she had left partially unpacked next to the door he headed into the bathroom and went into the bathroom.

He was just rinsing his hair when he heard Sara calling his name from the bedroom.

"I'll be out in a minute, honey," he told her, sticking his head out of the shower. He listened for a moment and when she didn't say anything further he ducked back into the shower to finish washing off. He was just turning off the faucet when the door opened and he the blurry outline of his wife appeared on the other side of the glass.

"I thought you were sleeping," Gil queried.

His answer was the sound of splashing and gagging as Sara, whose form was now crouched over the toilet, emptied her stomach.

Concerned, Gil stepped out of the shower and wrapped his towel around his waist before approaching Sara from behind. Kneeling down behind her he pulled her hair back out of her face and looked on the counter for the clip that she usually used when she was showering but didn't want to wash her hair. It was a bit of a reach and he cringed when Sara's body tensed again as she heaved.

With her hair secured out of her face and off her neck he wrapped his arm around her middle to support her shaking body. "You're okay," he comforted her, rubbing her back soothingly.

"I don't feel well," Sara mumbled, leaning back into him. Turning her pale face upward to look at him she shook her head softly. "I feel weak… really weak," slowly, she let her entire body relax against him until she became slack and limp in his arms.

"Should we go to the hospital?" Gil asked, stricken by her clammy and almost translucent appearance.

Sara shook her head slowly, "I don't-" wincing, both of her hands moved to press against her belly. Her brow remained pinched as she closed her eyes tightly.

Still supporting her, Grissom moved out from under her and got awkwardly to his knees. "Okay, I'm going to make an executive decision here and say yes," he asserted.

Sara nodded, opening her eyes to look up at him, they were filled with the same fear that he himself was trying to hold back. "We should make sure the baby is okay," Sara was saying, her voice thick with emotion.

"We need to make sure both of you are okay," Gil clarified. "Can you get up?"

"Yeah, I just need to take it slow," Sara's cold hands slipped into his and she pulled herself up. Her body shook violently with the effort and she bit down on her lip.

Gil released one hand and then the other, securing her under her elbows and then around her waist, doing his best to bear the brunt of her weight. With her supported thusly, they made their way into the bedroom and then out to the car.

The ER was quiet when they stepped through the automatic doors, Sara's head resting on Grissom's shoulder, his arm wrapped around her waist. Slowly, he walked her over to the admitting desk. "My wife- she's pregnant… she's sick."

"How far along is she?" The clerk asked, looking up from the computer screen.

"Seven months- Thirty-two weeks," Gil stammered pulling Sara closer to his side. He took a quick glance around for somewhere for her to sit down. He could feel her body start to sag to the ground and he tightened his hold.

"Take a wheelchair," the clerk nodded back to the door where they had come in. "Take her upstairs to O.B., ladies after thirteen weeks get admitted directly upstairs."

Nodding Grissom looked across the room to the line of chairs, "Can I get a hand with that? I don't think she is up for the walk and she's getting heavy."

"Are you talking about my weight?" Sara croaked, tilting her head up to look at her husband, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Course," the woman behind the counter tapped something into the computer before rounding the desk exposing a pair of 'Carebear' scrubs under a solid navy scrub top.

"I'm okay," Sara smiled, drawing Grissom's attention away from the loud print. Letting her head roll forward until her forehead was resting on against his throat Sara pressed a kiss to his collar bone. Reaching forward she closed her fingers around his and squeezed reassuringly. "Probably just worn out from the drive trip."

"We shouldn't have even gone on the damn trip," Gil muttered more to himself but loudly enough that Sara heard and lifted her head.

A small frown crept over her features and she looked up at him, her brown eyes showing some frustration. "Don't you do that," she asserted, narrowing her eyes. "We had a good time."

"Here we go," the clerk approached them with a wheelchair. When she was just a couple feet away, she stopped and flicked the break on using her foot. "Let's sit you down, honey," moving to her other side, she gently took Sara's by the elbow and, with Grissom's help moved Sara back into the seat.

"Thanks," Sara mumbled, relief sweeping across her features.

"Good luck, sweetie," the clerk gave Sara gentle pat on the arm and then returned to her spot on the other side of the desk.

Grissom nodded his thanks and moved down the hall to the elevators where he pressed the call button and waited for the car to make its way down to the ground level.

XXXXX

"Sara, we're going to put you on a fetal monitor," the young doctor who had pulled her chart offered her a smile that showed off a perfectly straight, white smile, and a gorgeous set of dimples. "You're also a little bit dehydrated, so I'm going to put in an IV to get some fluids into you. Been vomiting?" He asked, checking her pupils with a small penlight.

"Yeah," Sara replied, her nose scrunching slightly. "They told me that the morning sickness would go away after the first trimester but…" she shrugged.

"Baby moving a lot today?"

"Everyday… and night," Sara looked over to Grissom who had found a wall by the window to lean against. Meeting his eyes, she extended her fingers a little. He read the cue easily and crossed over to her. "If I didn't know better I would think I was expecting David Beckham Jr."

Gil wrapped his hand around her fingers and gave her hand a squeeze. "Okay?" He mouthed, lifting her hand to kiss her fingers.

"Sara, can you sit up for me?" The Doctor asked, lifting up a belt. "This is the monitor, I'm going to secure it around your belly and it will help us to monitor the baby's heart rate."

With Grissom supporting her back, Sara moved to sit up but paused, her eyes screwed shut. "Sara?" Gil asked, looking up at the doctor.

"Just dizzy again," she breathed out slowly, lying back against her pillows.

"Can you page Dr. Knodell again?" Grissom asked, brushing a stray curl back from Sara's forehead. They had been waiting for Sara's regular OB to respond to their page since Sara had first been admitted. Grissom had insisted on it due to the delicate nature of Sara's health and her extensive medical history.

"Yes, excuse me," the Doctor stepped out of the room.

"You're okay," Gil learned in and kissed Sara's forehead. "You're going to be alright. Both of you."


	51. Chapter 51

January 08, 2013

When Dr. Knodell arrived Grissom and Sara had made themselves comfortable on the bed. Gil had moved into the space between Sara and the pillows and she had settled between his legs, her back pressed against chest. She had just begun to doze off when the OB entered the room, Sara's chart in hand.

"How are you guys doing in here?" Dr. Knodell asked, crossing over to the side of the bed where she checked the readouts on the machines that Sara was hooked up to. "How are you feeling, Sara?"

Forcing her heavy eyelids open, Sara looked up at the doctor. "Tired," she admitted.

"Any pain?" Dr Knodell asked, comparing the information on the chart in her hands with the readouts. When her patient shook her head negatively the doctor offered her a smile. "Okay, we're having a hard time regulating your blood pressure. We may have to treat you medicinally, which is very controversial, so I would rather avoid taking those measures."

"We'll do anything," Grissom spoke up kissing Sara's ear.

"We're going to put you on a low sodium diet. I'm going to put you on partial bed rest, Sara. I want you to take it easy; keep your feet up, which will help to increase oxygen to your baby," moving to the end of the bed the doctor lifted the blanket covering her patient's feet. "Any swelling?"

Sara shook her head again, and then paused thoughtfully. "I guess, but nothing too extreme. My fingers a little… my face," she lifted a hand to press her cheek.

"Well, it doesn't look like anything to worry about. I'm going to put you on pre-eclampsia watch. And I'm going to need to see you every week."

"I'm going to be released?" Sara asked.

"Not today. I want to observe you at least overnight, maybe through tomorrow too. I am still concerned about your general weakness," Dr. Knodell shook her head. At Sara's frown she chastised softly. "No point in getting upset. We all knew this was going to be a challenging pregnancy, Sara."

Sara nodded, lowering her eyes. "Sorry," she croaked.

"It's okay, honey," Grissom assured her, rubbing her arm soothingly.

"I'll give you guys some time. I'll be back to check on you in a bit," the female doctor excused herself and left the room, letting the door close behind her.

Sara sighed, laying her head back against her husband's chest. She looked up at him frowning slightly, nausea nagging at her and feeling anxious. Accepting his sympathetic look she closed her eyes and tried to relax her body enough that she would be able to sleep.

Grissom shifted behind her and slid his arm around her to caress her bump, though he was that he didn't touch the monitors strapped to her. "Try to sleep," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her ear.

XXXX

She was released the next morning with strict instructions to rest and keep her feet up. The doctor had given them pamphlets and booklets of information regarding her modified diet that would hopefully help to lower her blood pressure. During the car ride home she kept her hand pressed to the swell of her belly where the baby was still- probably sleeping after all of the excitement from the night before.

"Everything okay?" Gil asked, dividing his attention between her hand and the road.

Sara smiled softly and used the same hand to reach over and take his. They sat with their fingers entwined in the space between their seats, Grissom's eyes straight ahead while she watched the city pass through her window. Sara used her thumb to stroke her husband's, trying to offer him some comfort and assurance that she was feeling better. And she was. The stay overnight at the hospital had been just what she needed to get rehydrated and rested.

They pulled into their driveway and Sara was surprised to see Mandy's car parked on the opposite side of the street. As she was getting out of the passenger's side Mandy was making her way over to them. Wordlessly, she pulled Sara into a warm hug.

"I'm okay," Sara promised, pulling back from the embrace. She coupled the words with a smile and smoothed her hand over her bump. "We both are. My blood pressure was just a little bit high."

"That can be serious, Sara," Mandy looped their arms and walked Sara towards the front door of the house where Grissom had already gone inside. "Let's get you up to bed and I'll make you both some lunch."

"I'm not tired," Sara protested. "I slept all night at the hospital- comfortably even. I'll rest on the couch, and you don't have to stay, Mandy."

Her friend responded to her by slipping her shoes off in the front hall and guiding Sara the rest of the way over to the couch. Sara settled against the arm of the sofa and lifted her legs until they were curled up underneath her. She sighed when Mandy snagged the blanket from the back of the couch and covered her with it, tucking it in around her sides. "Thank you," she said softly, looking up to peer at her friend's face.

"Don't mention it," Mandy patted Sara's rounded belly. "We're going to get you both through this."

XXXX

Sara spent the next two weeks moving from her bed to the couch and then back again. She did her best to remain positive, despite her boredom, and she entertained herself with small projects, like learning to knit. Mandy had returned to work from an extended maternity leave, but she took the time most days to spend at least a couple of hours with Sara while Grissom ran errands. In this time she patiently showed Sara how to hold the knitting needles, wrap the wool, and follow a simple pattern.

Although she had been practicing, however, Sara still hadn't managed to complete a single project. Now, with her feet tucked in behind Mandy's back, she frowned at what was supposed to be a blanket, then raised her eyes to frown at her friend. "It's too tight again, and I've miss like a hundred stitches," she huffed, tossing the entire thing onto her lap. "It's hopeless. My baby is going to be freezing because its blankets are full of holes."

Mandy chuckled softly and traded James for Sara's abandoned work. Sara reached out to hold him in place, her hands closing around him under his arms. She pulled him closer and tucked him between herself and the back of the couch as she watched Mandy pick at the loops of thread.

"You just have too much tension," Mandy explained. "And no it won't," she offered Sara a cheeky grin. "Because its Aunty Mandy already has a stack of blankets at home for it."

Sara sighed and looked at the hopeless mess in her friend's hands. "I just thought it would be nice for it to have one from me."

Mandy tossed the hopeless blanket onto the table and gave Sara's leg a squeeze. "You have so much to offer this baby, Sara. In fact, I am jealous of them for having such a kick-," her eyes flicked to her son. "-butt mom," she finished, winking at Sara.

"Sure," Sara sighed again. "I'm going to get a drink," she announced, moving to pass James back to his mother.

Mandy held out a hand to stop her. "I got it," she said, getting up to her feet. "What would you like?" She asked, stepping around the coffee table.

"Some water, please. And… a yogurt," the corner of Sara's mouth lifted. "I'm hungry again."

The other woman was already on her way out of the room. "You bet," she called over her shoulder.

Sara sighed again and rubbed her belly lovingly. She hoped Mandy was right and that she would be the kind of mother that her baby would be proud of. The closer it got to her due date, the more stressed she became about the idea. It wasn't as though she'd had great role-models as far as parenting was concerned.

Anxiety started to build in her chest and tingle in her elbows and her heart picked up a bit. She glanced over at the table at the small bag of chocolate kisses that her husband had given her. Chocolate, she decided, was exactly what she needed to calm her nerves. She reached over to grab the bag and her heart froze as she felt James fall forward. The entire event seemed to happen in slow motion- her arms sprung forward to catch him but he slipped through her fingers. She watched in horror as he nose dived off the couch and fell to the floor face first.

She sat wide-eyed in shock until Mandy appeared in the doorway. Suddenly the room clicked and the world came rushing back to her at once. The baby's crying filled her ears and she reached for him. Mandy beat her to him though and she scooped him up to her chest. "Shhhh," she bounced him. "Oh, poor baby," she cooed, turning his face to inspect his nose.

"Mandy, I'm so sorry," Sara stuttered, shrinking back into her seat when the other woman looked at her. "I'm really sorry."

Mandy gave her a lopsided smile. "It's okay. He's fine," she assured Sara, turning back to the baby. "Accidents happen," she said in a sing-song voice to James, pacing the room with him as she continued to bounce and comfort him.

Sara felt guilt eat at her and her and tears build in her eyes. Reaching up, she swiped at them and looked down at her lap.

"Aw, Sara," Mandy went over to her friend and crouched down beside the couch. She scooped up Sara's hand and squeezed it. "It's just a little rug burn. He'll be fine," she promised.

Sara nodded, sniffling. "Sorry," she croaked, offering Mandy a watery smile. "Oh God," her voice broke. "I'm really going to be an awful mother."


	52. Chapter 52

January 12, 2013

* * *

Now that Grissom was working at the lab again the expectant couple felt more confident about moving ahead with planning the nursery and purchasing things from the long list of items that Mandy and Catherine had drafted for them. They did most of their shopping online, snuggled up in their large bed with a laptop and whatever snack Sara was craving. Grissom manned the computer for the most part because Sara's belly had grown so large that it was awkward for her to work with it on what was left of her lap. That didn't stop her from being in control them and Grissom had labeled her a backseat driver, an accusation that she shrugged off; she wanted everything to be perfect for when the baby came.

"I think we should revisit the idea of a round crib," she said again, resting her cheek on his shoulder as they flipped through nursery sets. Grissom had voiced his preference for something white, and Sara was agreeable to the idea, but she didn't like the clunky look to the furniture that he was presenting her with.

Gil shook his head. "It seems impractical… it would have to go in the middle of the room…"

"So?" Sara asked, lifting her head to look at him. "I think it would look nice… and how is it impractical? Kids sleep curled up anyway," she offered her rebuttal with determination in her voice. She'd had her heart set on a round crib since very early in her pregnancy and she couldn't understand why Grissom was being so stubborn about it.

"I thought we were going for a more classic look," he nudged her with his elbow. "I would have thought you would be all over this trend of refurbishing antique or vintage furniture. Living green," he raised one eyebrow.

Sara's nose scrunched a little and she laid her head back down on his shoulder again. "I don't know about that… it could be bad luck or something," she mumbled, running her hand over the curve of her belly.

Grissom chuckled softly, typing the appropriate words into the search bar. "I didn't know that you were the superstitious type," he teased dryly, opening up a large selection of sets that featured a round crib.

"I'm not…" Sara pointed to a white set with a netted canopy that reminded her of the time they had spent in Central America. She inspected the image closely, admiring the rich carved details on the legs of the crib. "I like that one," she said. "I just want everything to be perfect," she sighed.

"Our baby could sleep in a room with boxes stacked in the corner and it would still be perfect," he assured her, sliding his arm around her shoulders while pushing the laptop to the side, opened to the picture of the round crib. Sara shifted awkwardly until she was comfortable, settled with her cheek on his lap. Grissom threaded his fingers through her brown curls. "You've been," he considered his word choice. "Melancholy," he finished.

Sara shrugged slightly, staring ahead. "It's stupid."

"Don't do that," he untangled his fingers and rubbed the curve of her shoulder, down over her bicep and then back up again.

Sighing, Sara turned onto her back to stare at the ceiling. "I dropped James. And I can't knit," she huffed, her eyes flicking over to check in with him. "See? It's stupid."

Her husband's hand moved to caress her bump. "I haven't thrown a ball around in about a decade. And I don't know how to change a diaper," he admitted. "I know my inadequacies don't make you feel any better about your own, but we can learn together," he rubbed the spot where he could feel the lump of their baby's head, high on the right side of her belly. "I won't laugh at you if you won't laugh at me."

Sara's smile was barely a ghost on her lips and she looked down at his hand, her own coming up to join his. She threaded their fingers over their slowly waking baby, feeling its sluggish movements. "Will you promise me that if I'm not safe you will take the baby and leave? I need to know that you would be willing to do that."

"Sara," Gil sighed. "You're not going-," he released her hand and brushed his fingers over her cheek, offering her an empathetic look.

Sara shook her head. "Please just promise me."

Her husband sighed, continuing to stroke her cheek, his gaze holding hers. "I love you, Sara. We are going to have a very happy child… in an impractical round crib," the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled at her. She offered him a brilliant smile in return, though he could tell by her eyes that she was still thinking about her request. Her brown orbs had darkened and hardened as she looked up at him.

"It's a start," she murmured, turning onto her side facing away from him, closing her eyes. She breathed a heavy sigh and they slipped into an easy silence, Grissom rubbing her back.

Once the furniture had been ordered the rest of the nursery came together quickly. They painted the walls together in the light green colour that Sara had picked out; she thought the colour would go nicely for whatever sex the baby turned out to be. Secretly, she had begun hoping for a little girl, but she was afraid to admit any preference out loud. She knew she would love a little boy too, but there was something about the idea of seeing her husband cooing over a daughter that made her heart flutter when she imagined it.

As the weeks crept closer towards she became more nervous about the upcoming birth. She used her time to research what to expect, though she was very aware that her remission put her in a different category from typical expectant mothers. They'd discussed the option of a scheduled caesarian, but Sara was adamant that she wanted to have as natural a birth as possible. She could tell that the idea of not have a plan made Grissom nervous, but she had shrugged off his concerns, welcoming him to the rest of their lives; babies didn't come with a schedule. At thirty-five weeks she broached the idea of a home birth, marking an end to the peaceful routine that they had fallen into.

"Are you crazy?" Gil demanded, throwing his hands out in exasperation. "I Okayed the round crib, the weird Lamaze video and relaxation tapes- the natural labour..."

"You _okayed_? _Agreed_?" Sara rolled her eyes. "Last time I checked, I'm the one who is going to be giving birth here," she tossed the brochure she had been looking at onto the table closest to her.

"Sara, people plan home births for months! It isn't something you decide at the last minute… especially with your medical history. Absolutely not," he said decidedly, picking up the brochure that she had been looking at. He gave her a final look, but his stony features softened at the site of watery brown eyes. "Honey," he sighed, tossing the brochure onto the table and taking a seat next to it. "It is not my intention to be harsh."

"Could've fooled me," Sara frowned, turning her face to look over his shoulder, her eyes avoiding his. "I was just thinking that it would be nice to have the baby here, in the home that we have built for it. That's all," she shrugged, draping one arm over her belly while her other raised so that she could wipe a tear off her cheek. She wasn't really that upset about his outburst, she'd grown accustomed to his temper over the years and she took it with a grain of salt. If she'd had her say she would be snapping at him right back, but her hormones had other ideas as another tear leaked down her cheek.

Gil reached out to catch her hand and he pulled it into his lap where he played with her fingers. "Sara," he sighed again, lifting her hand to kiss her knuckles. He faltered at what to say next and he looked at her helplessly.

Sara offered her husband a watery smile. "I'm an emotional wreck," she laughed softly. "I keep wondering what we're thinking… what I was when I thought that… I wanted this." Grissom's brow furrowed in confusion and she rushed on. "I mean… I do want this. I am just over-talking and saying all the wrong things."

"Take a breath," he encouraged, taking on himself.

Sara copied him and swallowed hard. "I've never really had a family besides you, Hank, and Jenny. I invested everything into my education and career… I'm afraid that I don't know what a healthy family looks like. And That I won't be able to provide one for our baby."

Grissom nodded in understanding, not sure how to approach the situation. He wanted to tell her that everything would be fine, but he had absolutely no evidence to support that statement. "All we can do is our best," he tried.

Her smile was a simple upturn of one corner of her mouth. She nodded in agreement. "So no home birth…" she lifted her chin.

"No home birth," Grissom leaned in to press a kiss to her forehead. "We are going to the hospital, where there will be highly trained medical professionals. And I will be there the entire time. We are going to have a very healthy, probable beautiful baby, and then we will go from there."

One eyebrow rose high onto her forehead. "Probably beautiful?" She asked.

"Well, I don't want to jinx it," he smiled, kissing her again.

Sara laughed and rested her forehead against his. "Now who's being supersticious."


	53. Chapter 53

January 26, 2013

* * *

Sara looked down at her quinoa salad and felt her stomach flip. She'd been looking forward to her meal since she had ordered it, but as soon as the waiter had placed the dish on the table before her, she'd suddenly lost her appetite. Slowly, her hand slid around the curve of her belly to rub it in wide circles. She looked up at her companions as they chattered about their own meals. Nick had leaned across the table to snatch some of Catherine's bacon and she jabbed at his hand playfully with her fork.

"You okay, Sara?" Greg leaned in to ask her the question discreetly. "You look like you're about to blow chunks."

Sara wanted to thank him for the visual, but instead her offered him a small nod and sucked in a deep breath through her nose then blew it out through her mouth in an attempt to quell her growing nausea. "Excuse me," she muttered, using the edge of the table to push herself up from her seat. "Bathroom."

"Want me to go with?" Catherine asked, giving her a concerned look.

Sara shook her head and slipped through the maze of tables that were pushed closely together in the busy bistro-style restaurant where they were celebrating Nick's birthday. The different food smells assaulted her as she made her way to the back of the restaurant where the bathrooms were situated. She slipped inside the one of the left and bee-lined for the far stall. Thankfully she appeared to be the room's only occupant.

Once she was safely inside the stall she stood in front of the toilet, taking deep breaths, unsure of what to do. She really didn't want to loose her appetizer in the middle of one of the most happening new restaurants in Vegas, but her body seemed to have other ideas. When she was sure that the nausea wouldn't be passing on its own, she gripped the toilet-paper holder and lowered herself awkwardly to her knees. As soon as she leaned over the toilet she felt her stomach contents forcing their way upwards.

She wasn't sure how long she had been propped up over the toilet, clammy and retching before the door opened. Sara tried to compose herself and stop her stomach's spasms, but she continued to gag anyway.

"Sara," Catherine's voice called to her through the stall door as she tapped against it. "Let me in."

Sara flushed the toilet and half turned until she was settled against the far wall. She gave the door a push and looked up at her friend, a forced smile betrayed by her teary eyes. "Guess I'm not feeling so hot," she whispered, looked down.

The blonde offered her a sympathetic look and crouched down beside her. "You should have told us. We could have postponed."

Sara shook her head. "Yeah, we'll postpone _Nick's_ birthday because _I_ can't-," she was cut off by a sharp pain in her side. Wincing, she placed her hand over the spot and rubbed.

"What is it?" Catherine asked, reaching forward to rest her hand on Sara's shoulder. "Contractions?"

The brunette shook her head again. "I don't know. I don't think so. Just this pain I've had all day," she looked up at her friend again. "Maybe."

"Okay," Catherine threaded her arm through Sara's and slid it around her back. Using her knees she braced the pregnant woman and got to her feet, helping her up. "We," she grunted, taking the brunt of Sara's weight. "Are going to get you home, and we're going to call Grissom, and we're going to figure out whether you're in labour or not."

Sara pursed her lips, reaching forward to grip the toilet-paper again to pull herself up. When she almost to her feet she froze at the sound of something cracking as the screws stripped away and the holder tore from the wall under her weight. She let out a surprise yelp as she crashed back against the wall, colliding with the stone tiles before sliding down to land on her butt again, taking Catherine down with her.

The two women looked at each other in shock for a moment before their eyes flicked to the metal rod still gripped tightly in Sara's white-knuckled fist.

Catherine was the first to respond with a small chuckle. "You alright?" She asked, fixing her skirt that had ridden up to expose most of her thighs.

"Yeah," Sara breathed shakily. "I think my life just flashed before my eyes."

Catherine looked over and the holder again and gave a sheepish look. She pried it from Sara's fingers and looked around the stall before dropping it into the sanitary napkin disposal bin. "We'll just keep that to ourselves," she decided, getting to her feet. This time she secured the fallen woman underneath both her arms and lifted her. Once they were both on their feet she looked Sara over, her eyes settling on her large belly. Reaching out one well manicured hand she rested it on the upper curve of the bump and waited. The baby was kicking rapidly and she looked up at Sara. "Startled him… her," she noted before removing her hand again and taking Sara's arm.

"Well… I'm not nauseated anymore," Sara commented, heading over to the sink so that she could wash her hands and rinse her mouth.

XXXX

"Everything okay?" Nick asked when Sara and Catherine came back to the table, their faces flushed with laughter as they avoided looking the restaurant staff in the eyes.

Sara took her seat between Greg and Jim again. "Yep," she glanced around at their uneaten meals. "You guys didn't have to wait."

"We wanted to," Greg piped in, holding her napkin out to her. "After all, we're gentlemen," he looked around her to the man on her other side. "Well, some of us are." He cleared his throat, looking pointedly towards Jim's half-eaten plate.

Brass shrugged coolly, taking a sip from her water glass. "Man's gotta eat, right, Cookie?" He nudged her with his elbow.

Sara nodded, warmed by his crinkled smile and the sweet tone underneath his gruff voice. Her eyes swept around the table and noticed everyone looking at her. Rolling her eyes she motioned for them to eat. "I'm fine!" She exclaimed in good humour.

"So… that baby is staying put?" Greg glanced down nervously, a blush creeping up his throat.

Sara pursed her lips. "For now," she nodded.

"Damn," Nick swore from across the table, finally pulling everyone's attention off Sara. "Here I was hoping for someone to share my birthday with."

The group launched into a debate about when the baby would be born, which quickly turned into other topics and then fragmented into smaller conversations held between two or three people. Sara listened to Greg and Nick' banter about who had the highest solve rate. Nick argued that it would have to be home, considering that he had more years on Greg, while Greg countered that his lab work counted towards his tally.

She picked at her salad, scooping it up before turning her fork over to watch it fall back to her plate. Her phone buzzed from her purse that hung over the back of her chair and she fished it out. The main screen announced a text from her husband. Flipping it open her brow furrowed at the single sentence.

_You look tired._

She frowned in confusion. Grissom was on shift, which is why he hadn't been able to attend the celebration. Her eyes flicked up and she searched the restaurant. The buzzing of her phone pulled her attention down to her lap again.

_You must work on your observation skills, dear._ _Two o'clock._

Looking up again her eyes settled on the figure leaning against the wall next to the door, a phone flipped open in his palm. He offered her a small wave and motioned for her to join him. Sara looked around the table again at her friends and then back at her husband, offering him a sheepish look. Her phone buzzed again.

_Let's go home. I need a bath and you look like you need a massage. _

Decided, Sara cleared her throat. "I'm kind of tired…" She ventured, trailing off.

"Of course!" Nick looked at his watch and got to his feet. "You need a ride home?" He asked, walking around the table to her.

Sara flicked her eyes in her husband's direction, indicating for Nick to look over his shoulder. When the Texan did, Grissom's right hand swept upwards on his chest in a double movement and then changed shape, touching his chin and chest respectively.

Nick looked to Sara in confusion.

"Happy birthday," she filled him in, sliding her arms around his shoulders. "In ASL."

"Ah," Nick hugged her back then pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Tell him thanks. And Thank _you_ for coming. It is good to see you out-and-about again."

After bidding goodnight to the rest of the dinner guests Sara weaved her way over to her husband's side. He kissed her first and then slid her arm around her shoulders to guide her outside.

XXXX

"How did you manage to weasel your way off shift so early?" Sara asked her husband from her position in bed, her back and feet propped up with the pillows from the guest bedroom. She smoothed her hand over her belly and massaged away a small cramp.

The pipes squeaked a little as her husband turned on the shower in the attached bathroom. "I told Warrick that you weren't feeling well," he said simply, appearing in the doorway, stripped of all his clothing. Sara wanted to appreciate the view but she was a little distracted by the unfamiliar sensations that she was currently experiencing. Her body was definitely up to something.

"And how did you know I wasn't feeling well?" She asked, tilting her head. His intense blue gaze didn't stray from her face and she read his eyes. "The boys called you," she concluded, shaking her head. "They didn't need to do that."

Grissom's rebuttal was born and died in his eyes and he raised one brow before turning around and heading back inside the steamy bathroom.

Sara sighed. "I still want my massage!" She called out, flopping back further into the pillows. "Ouch," she mumbled, sliding her hand around to rub an ache in the small of her back.


	54. Chapter 54

February 03, 2013

* * *

It was still pre-dawn when Gil woke up several hours later to find Sara's side of the bed empty. He was surprised and a little bit concerned at the realization, considering that his spouse had certainly become a very healthy sleeper since she had become sick, and then pregnant. He couldn't remember the last time she went to bed after him and then got up before he did. Turning over, he looked to the bathroom door to find the ensuite unoccupied, so he tossed back the blanket and crawled out of bed, wincing as the stiff muscles in his back protested.

"Sara?" He called out softly, pulling on his shorts and a white t-shirt that still had some paint splatter on it from when he had touched up the trim in the baby's room. "Honey?" Grissom padded down the long hall, peering into the mostly boxed up rooms as he went. They had spent so much time on the nursery that they had left the other rooms neglected since moving in.

He finally found her curled up on the couch in the living room, the throw blanket draped over her. She'd turned on the small table lamp, its dim bulb casting a soft yellow glow over its immediate vicinity. "There you are," Grissom kept his voice low so he wouldn't startle her.

Sara hummed in response and looked over her shoulder at him, dropping the book she had been reading onto her lap. Hank stretched out across the remaining portion of the couch, his head dropped onto her feet as he snoozed. At the sound of his human-father's voice he opened his eyes and lifted his head.

"It's five in the morning," Gil sighed, rubbing his hand over the back of his head as he stifled a yawn.

The corner of his wife's mouth quirked and she glanced over at the clock. "I was just doing some reading," she explained, her voice husky and weary.

"At five o'clock in the morning?" One of Grissom's eyebrows rose disbelievingly. Giving a final glance towards the clock he crossed over to her a crouched down beside the couch, ignoring his protesting knees. "What's this?" He asked, reaching over to snag the edge of a thick card that she had been using as a bookmark. He turned it over in his hand to the glossy side and his blue eyes narrowed at the image.

"It's my mother," Sara supplied, tilting her chin down.

Grissom looked up at her in surprise. He hadn't been aware that Sara had any pictures of her family. She didn't offer any explanation for the sudden surfacing of the image and he suppressed the urge to ask for more information. "She was beautiful," he threaded his fingers through hers and turned back to look at the picture, or more specifically the small child who sat on the woman's lap. "Is that you?" Gil asked, inspecting the chocolate eyes and brown bouncing curls that had been secured to the side with a beret.

"Yeah," Sara took the picture back and slid it between the pages of her book.

Grissom pressed a kiss to his wife's knuckles. "You were beautiful," he told her warmly. "Are," he added after a brief pause.

"I think I'm in labour," Sara said plainly, her eyes flicking up to check in with him. When he didn't say anything she shrugged and laughed softly. Reaching up she patted his cheek affectionately. "Don't give me that look; you'll make me nervous."

Gil blinked at took a breath, trying to match the calm and collected vibes that she was giving off. "How, uh-," he shook his head, his mind going blank as the questions that he knew he should be asking scattered like butterflies.

"Fourteen minutes? Regular," she filled him in before leaning across the space between them to capture his mouth with her own. "We have time, I think. It isn't as bad as I thought." She pulled away to look him dead on, her mouth pulled back into a nervous smile.

"You should have woken me," he griped, though his words held no venom. "Do you need anything?"

Sara shook her head and leaned back against the couch, her hand wrapped around the swell of her belly where their baby was stirring, preparing for its entry into the world. "I'm just trying to wrap my head around the idea that we're having a baby today."

Gil nodded in agreement, his stiff posture slowly relaxing as he became accustomed to the news. Standing, he pointed his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the kitchen. "I'm going to put some coffee on."

"Let's try to get some sleep," Sara suggested instead, reaching out for help getting up. Her husband took her hands and pulled her to her feet, her belly stretching across the vacant space between them, filling it until they were pressed tummy to tummy.

Grissom's arms slid around her back to hold her to him. "I'm going to miss this," he commented, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips before guiding her towards the stairs, his hand resting on the small of her back. She placed her cheek against his shoulder, her forehead resting against his neck as they ascended the stairs one at a time.

XXXX

Sara was writhing in a prone position, her back arching high as she panted her way through another contraction. Within the last fifteen minutes her contractions had reduced from twelve minutes apart to five. Grissom had contacted the hospital and they had instructed them to sit tight until an ambulance arrived on scene.

"You planned this," Grissom accused her, running his hand through his hair as he fought the urge to panic. Panicking would do them no good, he reminded himself, copying Sara's deep and even breaths.

Sara shot him an incredulous look over the crest of her knees as he breathed through the latest contraction that seemed to have come before the last one even had a chance to ebb. "They're supposed to be waves!" She groaned, tossing her head back onto the pillows, reaching for his hand again. "This is a goddamn- ugh, tsunami," she panted, sitting up again as her the muscles in her back began to tighten, signaling yet another contraction.

"I have to push." She was already pulling herself upwards, curling around her belly. She shook his vice-like grip loose and wrapped her hands around her knees. "Check me."

"For god's sake, Sara. I'm a PHD, not an MD," Grissom said, already moving to peer between her legs. His eyes widened at the sight of a thatch of dark hair atop their baby's head. "It's coming," he moved closer, his hands automatically parting her legs further. "Uhh, push, I t-think," he stammered, wondering why he couldn't remember the Firs Aid training sessions that the lab provided- right, because he had never attended one. He'd always gotten paged or made an excuse not to attend. "Damnit," he muttered.

"What? What's wrong?" Sara looked up at him, tears sliding down her blotchy cheeks, mixed with sweat.

Gil reached out and placed his hand on top of hers where it rested on her knees. "Nothing- I am just trying to remember how to do this."

Sara seemed to relax for a split second before she tensed again and tilted her head down, pressing her chin to her chest. She remained silent as she breathed heavily through her nose.

Grissom returned his attention to the task at hand. He hesitated for a moment before reaching out to guide the baby's head out. When his fingers connected with his baby's scalp he felt a rush of adrenaline and he gasped when its little face appeared. "Sara, the heads out," he gushed.

Sara stopped pushing. "Check for the cord," she collapsed against her pillow. "Around its neck… if it's there you have to ease it over its head," she panted, squeezing her eyes closed.

Gil did as he was told. "There is no cord," he informed her, jumping a little when she launched herself upwards and pushed again. Grissom recovered from his surprise and placed his hands under the baby. He barely knew what was happened before his hands were full of a small squirming newborn. "Shit," he looked up at Sara in shock, their eyes met and he realized that she was as surprised as he was.

He turned his attention back to the baby and wiped its mouth off as it began to wail. The umbilical cord seemed to be pulsing and he looked to Sara, unsure of what he was supposed to do next. The knock at the door startled them both and he carefully laid the mewing infant on the mattress, still connected to _her_ mother.

With Sara's nod of approval he got up and jogged downstairs to let the EMTs in. On his back upstairs, the man and woman following him he glanced at the clock.

_11:11a.m. _

His wish had already come true._  
_


End file.
